Episode 65 - Building H.O.P.E. with Guest Cathleen Beachboard

Shownotes:

Get ready to unlock the secrets to a thriving life with renowned educator and bestselling author, Cathleen Beachboard! Join us as Cathleen unveils her groundbreaking Building H.O.P.E.© framework that's transforming schools nationwide! Discover how psychological hope, combined with gratitude, can be the ultimate catalyst for resilience, well-being, and achievement. Don't miss this important conversation filled with practical tools and strategies for parents, educators, and leaders to embrace hope and soar towards success!

About Our Guest:

Cathleen Beachboard is an award-winning educator, best-selling author, and leading innovative expert on raising psychological hope in schools. Her Building H.O.P.E.©

framework has improved resilience, well-being, and achievement in thousands of schools across the country. As a sought-after speaker on well-being and retention, she provides practical tools and strategies for parents, educators, and leaders to increase hope so every person can thrive.

All resources for Cathleen’s book are available for free on www.theschoolofhope.org and the hope test and hope culture audit for schools are available for free in Thrively www.thrively.com/hope

Website: www.theschoolofhope.org

Twitter: @cathleenbeachbd

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book is available ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ And now, Bold Gratitude: The Journal Designed for You and by You is available too!

Both Evolving with Gratitude & Bold Gratitude have generous bulk pricing for purchasing 10+ copies delivered to the same location.🙌

📚➡️ ⁠hbit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

📚➡️ ⁠bit.ly/bgbulkdiscount⁠

Just fill out the forms linked above and someone will get back to you ASAP! 

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello friends, I get to introduce you, if you don't already know her, to Cathleen Beachboard. Hello, Cathleen.

Cathleen Beachboard: Hi. I'm so excited to be here.

Lainie Rowell: I'm so excited you're here. And friends, I saw Cathleen was that last week. Oh my gosh. The weeks are running together, friends, this is a whirlwind of travel for us. We get to go all around, work with educators, which is absolutely lovely.

Cathleen, let me introduce you to those who may not have the pleasure of knowing you already.

Cathleen Beachboard is an award-winning educator, bestselling author, and leading innovative expert on raising psychological hope in schools. Her building Hope Framework, H O P E, she'll tell us about that has improved resilience, wellbeing, and achievement in thousands of schools across the country.

Just amazing. Cathleen, I'll stop there and ask you to jump in and just tell us a little bit more about yourself.

Cathleen Beachboard: So I'm a teacher, author, and a psychological researcher. Woo, three hats. I am the mom of seven wonderful children, five, who I adopted out of a case of extreme abuse and neglect.

And most importantly, everything that I do with Hope and with Gratitude, because hope and Gratitude are connected psychologically in the brain. That I've done everything that I've done for my own kids because, you know, honestly, we hear about trauma and everything else, but we don't realize that adverse childhood experience.

And all those negative psychological emotions and you know from your background in psychology that yes, they impact the brain, but these positive cognitions can fight back against it. And it is amazing and it is powerful and my children are living proof of what happens when people have hope and have gratitude.

Lainie Rowell: We are speaking the same language because I think one of the things, and I shared with you before, hit record. One I'm so excited as I'm, you know, diving deep again into the world of psychology is just the transformation that has happened over the last couple decades, and thanks largely to the work of Dr. Marty Seligman, who is the father of positive psychology, who really taught us. And there's a charming story about how actually his five-year-old inspired this, but taught us that we actually have far more control over the way that we handle things, like you said trauma than we may have been led to believe.

And so it's super empowering and creates a lot of hope and Gratitude, and I'm excited to talk about those things with you.

Cathleen Beachboard: Me too, because they're my favorite.

Lainie Rowell: Well, Cathleen, I want you to go ahead and start off by expanding on what you've already shared. You know, what does Gratitude mean to you?

And feel free along the way. Bring in that hope as much as you want.

Cathleen Beachboard: So ultimately Gratitude, when you look at what Hope Theory is, which was, you know Dr. Schneider was the founder of Hope Theory and he said Hope is a mix of three things, goals, pathways. That's your ability to form a path to your goal and agency, which is your motivation to reach that goal.

Goals, pathways, and agency combine together to form psychological hope. Now where Gratitude falls in is in a couple of areas. So Gratitude lets us realize our capacity to reach our goals as we're grateful as we reach those milestones. So it falls under the goals section, but where it falls the most is agency.

So we want willpower to reach our goals, but most people think of willpower as this thing, like a muscle. That's not what it is. It's more like the emergency break of a car. And you don't use your emergency break to drive, but we were like, Hey, just will yourself through it. That causes burnout.

One of the things that they have found, and you probably already know this, that helps prevent burnout and provides a psychological bubble safety net is being grateful. As we're grateful, we learn we control where we're going and when we control where we're going and we start to reflect and have Gratitude for ourselves, for what we've done and for the people around us, we start to see that we're in control and that leads to self-efficacy. It's powerful and it's life changing.

We talk about being grateful. One of the things that I do every day is you can plan, you can plan to be hopeful by being grateful. And so a lot of teachers are like, oh, I can't control this. Thing will happen. This thing will happen. You know what that involves pre-commit, which is some of the things that you can do to gain more willpower. So pre-commitment devices at the beginning of the day, I open three emails and I say grateful. By the end of the day, those emails already open. So before I close my computer, guess what I have to do? Fill them out. And so every day I am choosing to be hopeful by choosing to have Gratitude.

And so you have to interweave it into your day because it is an essential part of your hope, your agency, and it gives you that sense of control that, you know, we might not control everything that happens today, but we can plan to include those things to safeguard our mental wellbeing.

Lainie Rowell: Okay. I don't even know where to start.

I'm just so excited right now. One of the things I really quickly before we dive any deeper is, As I'm reading your book and listening to you talk, you've taken this, this word, this idea, this beautiful thing, hope, and you have made it so accessible to people because I do feel like one of the many things that hope and Gratitude have in common is that they can be words that are thrown around without real deep thought as to what this is and what this means in my life, and so.

I really appreciate when you're talking about this agency component and that we have so much in our control. And I'll be honest, I'm someone who loves control. So to me, to me, this is great news. You know, we have so much more control than it might feel like, right? And so I think that's amazing. And I definitely agree.

This is the stuff that's going to keep us from burning out a hundred percent.

Cathleen Beachboard: It is. Doing it with intention, that's like one of those key things is that, you know, we think of Gratitude after the fact usually, like even kids, oh my gosh, you're my favorite teacher. You've changed my life. When do they tell you that?

When they run into you in a store 20 years from now? But that level of appreciation and Gratitude is one of the things that fuels our willpower and our agency to keep going. That's why we have to interweave it as a psychological support for hope. And what's amazing is, so we talk about Gratitude, we talk about hope. Hope has been operationalized. Dr. Snyder, he quantified. Hope so, you can take the Adult Hope scale, the Children's Hope Scale. They're online for free. You could even do it after this. But if you're low in agency, one of the suggestions he gives all the time is you need to work on Gratitude.

If you're low in this area, this is something you have to do because if you don't, essentially you'll lack the willpower that you need to keep going in moments of distress.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. One of the things you said earlier that I wanna circle back to, 'cause I think it it can have a good deal to do with agency, is this idea of Gratitude for ourselves.

So Dr. Robert Emmons, the world's leading science of Gratitude expert, often talks about the myths around Gratitude, and one of them is, To be a grateful person, you have to be completely self-effacing, which is not at all true. So he's really good at pointing out these myths that people may not even be thinking very deeply about.

They're just kind of assuming or just in the back of their head. But I love how you talk about we can be grateful for ourselves and look at all the power we have to impact our lives and the lives of those around us. So that is definitely something that gets me really hopeful.

Cathleen Beachboard: Well, what's interesting is, so they've done studies on kids like, because hope is so well researched, like the, the testing it, increasing it, and that it is a learnable skill.

Gratitude, as you know, is a learnable skill. Anybody can learn it and has a big impact size. So with this learnable skill that we can easily teach to another person with hope, if you're low in hope, you don't believe you can do anything. So that's where that personal Gratitude comes in, because you don't celebrate your wins.

Kids who are low in hope and adults who are low in hope, when they do something awesome, they're like, oh, I got lucky. No, you need to celebrate your win. And in my classroom I have this thing called bragging rights. And the kids fill it out. So this is a Gratitude practice anytime they wanna be like, I finally understand figurative language, hooray.

They fill out the bragging rights card and they send it to their parents to celebrate Gratitude for the moment, for being successful in that moment. And that boosts their hope and overall agency and teaches them to own their success. Be grateful for you.

Lainie Rowell: Such a good point. I think this is our negativity bias a little bit too, is we often attribute good things that happen to us to luck, randomness. This very specific example of braggable rights. I love that. And one of the things that I love as I'm reading your book, I'm not finished, but I'm already in love with it is that you are very good at giving specific, actionable approaches to this.

I think sometimes these concepts, when we talk about things like hope and Gratitude, can feel somewhat intangible, and so the way that you operationalize it, the way that I try and make it accessible is to say, well, you could do this, this, or this. You don't have to. There's a ton of different ways you can do it, but trying to get out of this very narrow view of this is what Gratitude should look like, this is what hope should look like, and I really appreciate you emphasizing that these are learnable skills. I want people to understand that because I think sometimes when we are lacking the hope and the Gratitude, we just feel so out of control.

Cathleen Beachboard: What's completely amazing other than just like learnable skills. So you, you're a very grateful person. You know it.

She's like, I've learned it. But here's the thing. If I hung out with you every day and I'm like, You know, medium on the Gratitude, medium on the agency, just by hanging around you, I can pick up those practices. That's part of emotional contagion. So here's the thing with hope, you measure it. Okay? So someone goes on, takes the hope test, takes the children's hope test, you measure your all your students, or you measure your whole staff.

Find out who those people who are high in agency, those are your grateful people. Then sprinkle them like magic little sprinkles across your entire school and spread them out because we tend to hang out with people similar to ourselves. That's what psychology shows. So people who are similar in Gratitude, you probably have some really amazing grateful friends, but the thing is, Those people who aren't, don't have access to you because they're afraid they're not like you.

And so by finding out who those people are, by the test, then you take those High Hope students, you put 'em next to the Low hope students, and this is what research shows. Even with Gratitude, this is how the contagion works. You find out those, those people who are doing it, and just by sitting a kid next to another kid who's low in hope over six to eight weeks, that high Hope kid, you're not bringing 'em down.

They're gonna bring the other kid up.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. That social and emotional contagion is so important to me. I call it my Gratitude mentors 'cause I do feel like I have cultivated a grateful disposition, but I always can improve. Yes. And I didn't get here on my own. I got here by paying attention and going, okay, I see how that person is doing it. I see how this person is doing it, and noticing that even though the way they're doing it might not be exactly the way that I would do it, that inspires me to make it my own. And so that to me is really, really powerful. And so now I'm gonna be looking for hope mentors.

Cathleen Beachboard: Yes, and that's what I talk about in my book, HOPE Mentors.

So one of the things to operationalize hope on a school staff is find out who your hopeful teachers are and utilize them.

Find out who your hopeful students are and use them as mentors for new students, because we go through points where we feel hopeless. For example, a transition to a new school, a transition from elementary to middle, middle to high. That's where we see hope dip. Why? Because it's scary. There's anxiety there.

And when we're scared, you know, it's hard to go into the prefrontal cortex because of the amygdala response. And so by operationalizing this and using the strength of your Gratitude, of your hope that's in the building, you can change the building. Use your people. It's not professional developers who change a building.

It's utilizing the strength and expertise and the psychological power that you already have.

Lainie Rowell: Building H.O.P.E., H.O.P.E. Is an acronym. Could you tell us about that please?

Cathleen Beachboard: So the research ultimately with Hope I've taken thousands of research studies and they're all mentioned in my book through little footnotes.

But essentially what hope does in the brain is it first H it provides healing. So for adverse, Childhood experiences. One of the research studies that I actually have a picture of at the very beginning of the book is they found out that hope provides healing. So even the prefrontal cortex is able to activate during moments of distress.

So you do not go immediately into fight, flight, freeze, fawn and flop. All the F words. Not, not a bad one though. So it's, it's amazing that it provides healing for the brain, and that's what it shows as we raise hope, we're giving kids self-efficacy and agency to remember they control their lives because, Trauma makes us feel like we are hopeless.

That like everything's just gonna happen to us. But it reminds you no, you have a say in who you become. Your yesterday does not have to define your tomorrow, and it takes time for that because ultimately we can't change a child's home life, but we can change someone's hope in life and that's like groundbreaking.

So healing is the first one. Then O is overcoming because as we're grateful, as we reflect on these things, As we utilize hope, it allows us to realize that today we might not control today and we might face adversity, but healing with hope allows you to overcome situations. And what's really cool, you're gonna look this up afterwards 'cause it's amazing.

Dr. Schneider, the founder of Hope Theory, actually went on live TV on Good Morning America to do a live science experiment to show the power of hope to the world. So essentially, and it's amazing. He went into a small room and had the host of Good Morning America, the weatherman and the medical expert all go into a back room.

He came out with a small slip of paper. He measured their hope, just so you know. And then he proceeded to tell them they're gonna participate in the cold presser task. And I know you know this 'cause you're into psychology, but for the layman at home, it means you're gonna stick your hand in icy water till it hurts so bad you have to take it out.

So all three men stuck their hand in the icy water, and Dr. Snyder wasn't even watching and it made the host mad. He's like, what are you doing? You're the one who said this was about hope. And then after a few minutes, the weatherman, he couldn't stand it, pulled his hand out. Then you have the medical expert and the host of Good Morning America, going eye to eye.

And after a few minutes though, the medical expert's, like I'm done with this, pulls this hand out. And then they were about to go to commercial break. So the host was like, I'm gonna leave my hand in here till the end of the break. And he did. And then he pulled his hand out and he was mad and he was like, Dr. Schneider, what does hope have to do with Icy water and my winning? And he said, this is what it has to do. Before I gave you this task, I measured your hope level. You were the highest in agency, which is connected to your Gratitude and everything else. You were the highest in pathways. You were the highest in overall hope.

And guess what it accurately predicted you would come in first. He would come in second and he would come in third. That's why I didn't need to watch you because it allows us to access the deep reserve of our potential to keep going in moments of distress. Gratitude will not change your situation, but it'll change you and how you look at the situation.

And it's the same thing with hope. It allows us to keep going, we're gonna face horrible things, death, darkness, divorce, who knows? But being grateful in those moments and trials allows you to rise above the situation. Being hopeful in that moment allows you to keep going in that moment to realize there's still potential for tomorrow.

And then so we have healing, overcoming then after that planning. 'cause it allows you to plan for a good future. Kind of like planning Gratitude into your day. You realize you control your hope so you can plan.

And then E is energizing, And the biggest thing is what Gratitude does.

What hope does it energizes you. That's why I can be like, On a call with seven kids and a teacher and a researcher and I have all this energy, it's not because of coffee. It's naturally energizes us. Especially when you get like a thank you note from someone like gratefulness and the, the people at home.

Just text someone right now and say, Hey, I'm grateful for you because of blank. Someone who matters to you and see what happens. And then immediately, I promise you, you do this one thing, you are gonna feel amazing 'cause you will get a response. We respond to Gratitude.

Lainie Rowell: I love that. That's a great acronym. Okay, so we've got healing, overcoming planning, and energizing. I wanna talk about overcoming for a moment because as I've been spending a few years talking about Gratitude inevitably there are those who come, and I'm gonna try and be careful about how I phrase this.

So toxic positivity is not an official diagnosis. It is a pattern of behavior. And is it a real thing? I do believe it is a real thing. Do I believe it actually gets weaponized? I do. And I think what's important is the overcoming. It's not that bad things don't happen. It's not that I don't have what we might consider negative emotions.

Those things happen or are happening, but overcoming is something to be celebrated, in my opinion.. Not, not to be put down, not to be shunned. We all have to have permission to feel, we have to give others permission to feel. But that overcoming is a very, very big deal. And again, coming back to this agency, we have to have that feeling that we can overcome this.

Cathleen Beachboard: And here's the other thing that's really interesting. You don't have to be an optimist in order to be hopeful. They've done multiple studies. I could be a complete pessimist and still have Gratitude and hope. What? Yes. So someone who looks at the negative side of life can still be grateful, can still be hopeful.

And ultimately, sometimes they can be more hopeful because they plan out for the bad moments. They're like, oh, this could happen. I'm gonna. I'm gonna plan for this and this and this and this. And actually that gives them more agency. So here's the thing we're not talking about just optimism. Optimism is great to have 'cause that does lead to better wellbeing.

But Gratitude and hope you can be it. You can do it no matter where you are. No matter who you are. And we know these two things. When operationalized change someone's life, they lead to achievement. According to studies, they lead to success. They lead to lack of bullying in schools. They help teachers stay because teachers didn't get into it for the money and for the fame.

They got into it to have Gratitude given to them for what they're doing. And so it's hope and Gratitude that anyone can operationalize and change a culture, change a climate, and change a person. And here's the thing. They have to choose that. So we're not talking about toxic positivity or you have to be happy all the time.

No, my kids, they came from a, a horrible home life and they were not happy, but it ha woke them up, was the hope and Gratitude every day that, oh my gosh. Yes, this bad thing happened, but it does not define me. I define me. And that's what it does.

Lainie Rowell: You talked earlier about how neuroplasticity doesn't happen overnight, and I think that's something that we have to keep in mind.

Like let's listen to the research. These things work. This has been proven time and time again. This is not Cathleen and Lainie sitting here going. I think this is a great idea. We are pulling from the researchers, the experts who have spent decades studying these topics, but that doesn't mean it happens overnight.

It does happen, in my opinion, somewhat quickly, yes, but it might not be tomorrow, and so you gotta stick with it for a little while.

Cathleen Beachboard: Yes. And, and that's the whole thing, you know, utilizing hope and utilizing Gratitude. It's really simple. Guess what? Schools, this is a free practice. You could start tomorrow.

And, and if you just do it by like even measuring it for hope or even just looking at, okay, well how much am I showing Gratitude to my staff what it is it? And I'm remembering there are love languages. So that's, that also gets tied into this. Knowing someone's love language is super important. Why?

Because it allows you to show Gratitude in the way that makes them feel the most loved. And so it ties into Gratitude because we all show Gratitude in different ways. It'll tell you how you show Gratitude that makes that person feel really special. And so looking at hope, looking at Gratitude, looking at the way people feel loved when you connect those things, you can have a big impact pretty quick.

And with some people you can change a hope score within a matter of a day. A day. Yeah. Because it changes the dynamics of the way they're looking at it. As soon as a person recognizes the power of the thing and starts utilizing the thing more and more, it changes their life.

Lainie Rowell: I wanna ask you if you could give us maybe one strategy or tip for improving our hope.

Cathleen Beachboard: So one of the things that we do, even with our, our Gratitude and our hope overall is we tend to passively take in information in the world. Like, oh, I'm gonna go on social media. And then you're like, oh, I feel sad now. Here's the thing I wanna learn. I wanna teach people you can cultivate. You need to be proactive with your Gratitude, with your hope.

You need to create spaces, even if you don't wanna change your social media because you follow your mother-in-law and she's really toxic, you don't have to change that. Create a separate account where you just surround yourself with the people you admire, the people who you inspire, you who the people who feed your soul, create those spaces and then, When you're feeling bad, enter those spaces.

Or with Gratitude, take all the Gratitude that you're getting from others and surround yourself with it. Because in moments of distress, looking back on gratefulness from other people brings you back up in that adversity to realize you do matter. You do bring something special to this world. You do have an impact.

And despite what's going on in that moment, It grounds you. It's like a grounding technique. You can use gr Gratitude to ground yourself. And so those are two simple things. Create a space that will fill you up, whether it's a physical space, a digital space, and make yourself enter that to safe guard your hope, create a Gratitude space that you enter.

Why is that important? Because we're gonna have bad days. Plan for the bad days. We make fire drills for fires, tornado drills for tornadoes. Guess what? You're more likely to have a bad mental health day. So let's plan for that. Let's plan a space that will bring us up, create it, and then enter it.

Lainie Rowell: Yes.

And I wanna just piggyback on that and say, I think it's important that, like you're saying, create that safe space digitally and physically. And the algorithms, what you're putting eyes on, what you're spending time on, what you're liking, it's gonna feed you more of that. And the algorithms and the social services are actually getting even more sophisticated where you actually can, on a lot of 'em, you can say, show me less of this.

Yep. And then what you'll see over time is that it will learn what you want and once you start really gravitating towards the more positive, the things that nurture you versus the things that make you feel bad. You know, everyone has a different experience when they go on the socials.

We, we could try and just say it's bad, but actually I think it's very different based on how you cultivate that experience over time because that's what the algorithms are good at. They're good at feeding you what you want, so you have to be careful about what you tell it you want.

Cathleen Beachboard: Yes. You, you really do.

And you have to be purposeful. So that's another thing is we, we talk about scheduling things that matter to us. Well, you know what? If you're hearing hope matters to you and Gratitude, plan it into your day. We plan our most important things like meetings and everything else, but we don't plan family time.

We don't plan, Hey, I'm gonna do a dad joke in the morning. I love dad jokes. They start my day on a positive foot. I do it every day. Like today's was, I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me, I loved it. And I do that because it starts my day positively. And so here's the thing, schedule those things.

Even at work, if you're like, oh, I'm super stressed. Schedule a coffee break. Like I'm going to go even put it in there. No, i e p meetings go, this five minutes is me getting coffee. And tell your principal or whoever else is doing it because, It's important when you take care of you, like, kind of like we hear on airplanes.

Put your own oxygen mask on before you put on someone else's. If you wanna spread Gratitude, be grateful. You wanna spread hope, be hopeful. Do the things to take care of you, and it will spread to others just by you doing it.

Lainie Rowell: It is pro-social. They both are. And I think that's really important because we talked about earlier the social emotional contagion.

You know, the behaviors you exhibit, the emotions you express. These are things that other people catch. And so we wanna put out there what we hope to get back and what we hope will spread to others. I am so excited to finish reading your book. There's so much great content in there.

Cathleen Beachboard: So I'm an author with Corwin. I know you can order things quicker on Amazon, however, they do two to three day shipping with Corwin.

If you use the code author, all capital letters 40 at the end, you'll get 40% off and then it's like 12 or $13, which is actually reasonable right now. If you look on Amazon, everything goes up and down, but that, that is a stable thing. So just. Order away. And here's the other thing, I actually make no profits from my book.

So if you're a Title one school and you're underfunded, I built this into my contract. My goal is just to spread hope. I'm not out to, to make a million dollars or do anything like that. I want to spread this message 'cause it works. It worked for my own kids. It works in my classroom. That's why I stay in the classroom.

I know this works. So if you're an underfunded school, contact Corwin and literally just reach out and say, Hey, we're a title one school. I heard there's free books available from the author 'cause this is her contract. And you will get those books because I've let my goals to spread this message. Just like your goal is to spread Gratitude 'cause it works.

Lainie Rowell: It does. And just like teachers don't go into teaching to get rich, authors don't go into writing books to get rich. It's really about sharing this message that we're super passionate about. And speaking of the social emotional contagion, I'm picking it up just seeing you and listening to you talk about this topic that is so important to you. I'm so grateful that you are spreading this message, and I do really love the connection between Hope and Gratitude, and I appreciate you articulating that so well. Friends, you need to grab a copy of her book and learn more. Any last tips before we get to your shout out?

Cathleen Beachboard: Well, if you wanna take the Hope test, I have a partnership with Thrively, so you can go to thrively.com/hope. You can take the hope test for free. You can even give it to a whole class of students for free, because once again, I've partnered with them because I wanna operationalize this so anybody could do it.

You wanna find out who those high hope kids are, the grateful kids. Find out. Then once again, if you're not gonna do anything else. Just seat them, mix them up. Because if you break that dynamic, you are gonna bring up the strength of the whole classroom. The whole culture.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Speaking my language, my friend.

All right, let's get to that shout out.

Cathleen Beachboard: Well, mine is actually very simple. There are two amazing people.

One is my mother and she is my rock. She even moved in with me, seven children to help with the, the, the kids once we got them, and to help make it so I could focus on each kid individually, one-on-one. She has made my life amazing and I would not be who I am without her. And so my mom, and then the other one, I, I just have to give it up to my husband who took in all these kids, because I convinced him that five was like a small group because, you know, I was a teacher before we became parents.

I was like, that's easy. Like I have 32 kids, five is nothing. And so he was like, yeah, let's bring them home. So, you know, for that man who has been through everything with me and supports me as I spread this message around the country and with other schools, I love him because he's the rock. Why I go out and spread this.

Lainie Rowell: Hope they get a chance to hear those shout outs because those were very lovely. I wanna just say again about your book again. I'm reading it, but it had me from the beginning. I'm not gonna give anything away, but there was something that almost brought me to tears when I read the beginning.

You got to my heart really quickly because we do care so much about the kids and the adults, and how can we keep everyone not just safe, but healthy and thriving and flourishing. That's what we want.

Cathleen Beachboard: Yes. And, and Gratitude and Hope are two of the ways that research not. This is not just us saying this.

Once again, research shows this works and it works for anyone. It will not take away your anxiety, it will not take away depression if you're, you know, diagnosed. But what this will do is it's gonna help you feel better. As you are, it's, it's just gonna enhance your life. That's what all the research shows.

It will make things feel awesome, so you have to do it. It won't change your circumstances, but it'll give you the ability to overcome them so you can keep going and reach your goals and do amazing things even with whatever it is you have.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and the research shows our circumstances are actually somewhat small in the way of determining our happiness.

So again, we have a lot more control than we may have been led to believe, depending on how you were raised and all the variables that came into to how you see the world. But we have a lot of control and that's really to me, That brings a lot of hope with it, so I love it. Cathleen, please share all the ways that people can connect with your wonderfulness.

Cathleen Beachboard: So you can reach me on Twitter or X, whatever you wanna call it @CathleenBeachBD email, CathleenBeachboard@gmail.com. Those are the two that I mainly check because I'm also a teacher in the classroom. I might take me a couple days to get back to you, and then also through Thrively, because I work with them extensively to kind of operationalize this in about 110,000 schools across the country.

Lainie Rowell: So amazing. You are having such an impact and I am very excited that I got to meet you in person and then to have this time today to do a deeper dive. I cannot wait to finish your book. I encourage everyone to take a look . All right my friend, I'm gonna put all your contact information in the show notes and have a wonderful day and thank you all for listening.

Cathleen Beachboard: Thank you. It was awesome. Spread Gratitude, spread hope.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely.

Episode 64 - To-Go Plates of Joy with Guest Marlon Styles

Shownotes:

If you are ready to discover how to elevate the energy of the collective in the room, you have come to the right place! In this electric episode, Marlon Styles gifts us stories of provoking joy and energizing our learning communities. Plus, learn about how Grandma Watson can inspire each of us to dish out to-go plates of joy. This is a tasty episode you don’t want to miss!

About Our Guest:

Marlon Styles is a recognized inspirational speaker and educational leader. In 2017, he was named a Top 30 Digital Trailblazer by the Center for Digital Education. Under his leadership at Middletown City Schools, the district was awarded the ISTE Distinguished District Award in 2019. He testified before the United States Congress in 2020 to advocate for access and opportunity for all students. K-12 Dive recognized him as the Superintendent of the Year in 2020 for his advocacy and leadership to close equity gaps on a national stage.

Website: https://marlonstyles.com

Twitter: @Styles_MarlonJr

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is a bestselling author, award-winning educator, and TEDx speaker. She is dedicated to human flourishing focusing on community building, social emotional learning, and honoring what makes each of us unique and dynamic through learner-driven design. She earned her degree in psychology and went on to earn postgraduate degrees in education. As an international keynoter and a consultant, Lainie’s client list ranges from Fortune 100 companies like Apple and Google to school districts and independent schools. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book is available ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ And now, Bold Gratitude: The Journal Designed for You and by You is available too!

Both Evolving with Gratitude & Bold Gratitude have generous bulk pricing for purchasing 10+ copies delivered to the same location.🙌

📚➡️ ⁠hbit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

📚➡️ ⁠bit.ly/bgbulkdiscount⁠

Just fill out the forms linked above and someone will get back to you ASAP! 

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, my friends. Oh, it's a treat day. It's a treat day. I'm giving you a treat right now because I have Marlon Styles with me. Marlon, welcome.

Marlon Styles: So good to see you. So good to see you. Thanks for having me. Ready to have some fireside chat type fun. Let's go.

Lainie Rowell: Let's do this.

Okay. I'm going to properly introduce you, Marlon.

It will not be enough so I want you to jump in. Marlon Styles is a recognized inspirational speaker and educational leader. He has been named a Top 30 Digital Trailblazer by the Center for Digital Education. Under his leadership at Middletown City Schools, his district was awarded the ISTE Distinguished District Award. He has testified before the US Congress advocating for access and opportunity for all students.

K-12 Dive recognized him as Superintendent of the Year and he is just amazing. There's so much to know and so Marlon, that was just scratching the surface. Please tell us more, help make it better.

Marlon Styles: Yeah, I don't know if I can make it any better. I'm just a normal educator that just loves giving back to people. Marlon Styles been a superintendent, Middletown City Schools the last six years, currently in transition as a partner at Learner Center Collaborative, doing some amazing work as a team in a company with school districts across the country and also a brand new inspirational speaker just trying to discover message that gets educators excited about being in the field of education and serving kids. A lot of gratitude to celebrate today. I'm just thrilled to be here. Looking forward to having some fun with you.

Lainie Rowell: Let's have some fun, and let's start off with the, the question that I like to ask first, and then we're gonna dive deeper into your work and all the goodness you're putting out there.

So, knowing there's no right or wrong answer, Marlon, what does gratitude mean to you?

Marlon Styles: Fun question, right? Fun question. For me it's about people. You started out with awards, but the story behind the awards are the people. gratitude to me just means being able to just sit, I mean, locked arms, shoulder to shoulder, right alongside people and just serve others.

And I've been fortunate to, in my career, especially the last six years in Middletown, to be alongside some amazing educators just working to serve the community. gratitude to me means being able to go in the cafeteria on the first day of school when it's breakfast and it's kindergarten, lunch, and being able to help out kindergartners open up those syrup packets, knowing that it's gonna end up all over your clothes and your shoes.

gratitude to me means being able to show up for bus duty alongside outside some of the educators and just greet students as they get off the bus and arrive to school. gratitude to me just means being able to help a child, to help an educator, an adult, you know, discover the start of a dream they didn't see coming, that that's gratitude.

And those are the special moments that really filled my heart with joy. And I know there's a lot of educators right now in the field to get a chance to do that every single day. It's that feel good moment.

Lainie Rowell: Well, you're feeling my heart with joy and those listening too, and I wanna add those syrup packets are tough and I don't even think it's just kindergartners, right?

We're all struggling with them.

Marlon Styles: Have you ever tried at kindergarten lunch to open up a packet of syrup on breakfast lunch day and then turn right around with the same student and they say, Hey, can you help me open up my chocolate milk carton? That's difficult.

Lainie Rowell: I feel like I've been there and you know, I actually was a kindergarten teacher.

That was the very first grade that I taught. And back then you could have a four year old in kindergarten. Ooh. And that's just not even fair to give them those, those syrup packets because here I am, well, well, well into my forties and, and I find them stressful.

So understood they need secure packaging so that they don't come, come on all over the place. But I love how you gave those very, very specific examples, these moments in a day as an educator that are so special with kids and with adults. And that really resonated with me because I do think it's very easy to lead a distracted life and not notice these things.

But when you are being so intentional and focusing on those very important little moments that are actually really big moments, I think that makes all the difference.

Marlon Styles: Yeah. The cool part about it is always try to do an energy check. Like, where's your energy?

Not necessarily my mind, but where's my, where's my spirit at right now? I'm always try to think about those special moments in time, especially during the school year, where if you really put together this powerful moment and this experience for the people who you're trying to impact, if you take time to really think intentionally about creating that moment and the experience in that moment and the impact it'll have.

It's actually fun, right? Mm-hmm. Let's take convocation for example, right? Some of your listeners might hear this right around the start of the school year. But convocation is a cool moment. I mean, a fun moment, right? We tried to create a standard when I was a superintendent that can it be so fun and joyful, so electric, so energizing that after winter break, people are still talking about convocation.

A 60 minute moment, a 60 minute moment. But can the experience be that energizing for everyone in the audience and the staff that they're talking about how energizing it was around Christmas break. That's a cool moment, right? So you talk about intentional moments. I would encourage leaders, educators, anyone in the field, think about those moments as you stand in front of people, as you sit at the same table with them, and you're doing that unique, really powerful, powerful work together.

Don't forget those special moments to really can energize your spirit, energize the people around in the circle, and really elevate the excitement of the collective group. Those are the feel good pieces that I don't encourage you to think about.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. So I would love to hear. And you can take this whatever direction you want. It could be in your role as a superintendent, in the work you're doing currently, or both, what are some of the practices, the rituals if you will? How do you see gratitude fitting into your life, and you're talking about it in these moments, but I wonder if there's any other ways, other tips that you would have for listeners about how they can move to that grateful disposition.

That's what I hear you talking about is being super intentional to get to that grateful disposition. What do you do and what would you suggest others do?

Marlon Styles: Yes. What do you care about? Right. So for me one thing that's always been a practice, personal life, professional life, take the title, position off of it professionally.

I always try to focus on the give back moments, right? And I try to make commitments around paying it forward. Somebody did it for me. The only reason I'm on this podcast is cuz there's a laundry list of people who invested in me to get me to this point in my career. I hope I listened and learn from them and try to apply it, and the hard work is really paid off, but I try to make sure I make the commitment to live it every single time I can as I interact with people to be able to pay it forward.

The first thing that I would share is as you interact with different educators in your community just listen, right? Listen to what their aspirations are, something we practice at Learner Centered, but listen to those aspirations. And really make a commitment to helping someone reach and fulfill all those aspirations.

It's not necessarily about me telling you how to do it. It's not about me giving you advice on how to do it. It's just me making a commitment to pay it forward by investing in you. So number one, listen to those aspirations. Hold true to those, and really try to invest in other people. And your heart will be filled with gratitude.

Number two, what I'll share also is to celebrate, right? When you discover and experience really moments of gratitude, just pause, right? Collect the energy in the room. Engage the people who are present in that joyful moment. And, and recognize it. And celebrate it, and take your watch and put everything on pause.

Throw your phone on the floor and just celebrate that joyful moment. Oftentimes we get in the hustle and bustle of do, do, execute, rip this off, check this off the list, let's go do that. When we have those moments of gratitude, you know, to be able to sit and celebrate with someone who's a colleague, who's a partner, who's a friend who's a teammate it, it just can really electrify the environment.

And being able to do those consistently. That'd be the second thing I would share consistently. Celebrate all those joyful moments. It'll really electrify your heart, fill you with joy, but more importantly, it'll really elevate the energy of the collective in the room.

Lainie Rowell: You know, as you were talking, I was thinking about the listen to and invest in others and to celebrate with intention, collect that energy consistently. I feel like we live in a culture that kind of glorifies busyness, like, oh, I'm so busy, and you know, oh good. You're doing things. You're getting stuff done. And I think what I hear you talking about is slowing down in the best way possible to really honor people and to truly get to know them and to truly be there for them. And then also just, I love that idea of collecting the energy.

To me, I wanna savor that for a minute because I think that's something that's very easy to move past. Allyson Apsey and Jessica Gomez have a new book out called Lead with Collaboration, and one of the things they talk about is, when you're doing that starting, you know, you can call it an icebreaker, but there's sometimes better words for it.

Sometimes there's already energy in the room and then you're like, stop we ought to do an icebreaker is an example that Allyson gives and it's like, wait, you already had that energy going? Why are you putting a halt to that and moving onto something else that might actually diminish that.

And so I really love what you're saying. Nice little shout out to Allyson and Jessica. I really thought that that resonated with me because I do think we tend to, like I said, just kind of glorify the busyness and actually really there's something very special about the slowing down and honoring people.

Marlon Styles: Think about the busy, right, the busy versus enjoying the moment. If I'm busy, then my educator joy starts to diminish, potentially. If I'm busy, then I might get in this mindset where I've had enough. But if I slow down and I enjoy the moment, I recognize the moment we celebrate the moment, then something different might happen that something different might move you from I've had enough to really getting excited about answering the question. Have I done enough? It might get you excited about exploring the potential to take advantage of an opportunity to do something special. More importantly, it might create an opportunity for your educator joy to start to elevate itself.

So really considering the choice in the moment to really think about do I wanna acknowledge the busy or don't wanna enjoy the moment, really could put you in two different mindsets. As an educator, I know which one I prefer and not sure about you.

Lainie Rowell: I'm with you. And it's, it's really trying to savor.

Sometimes it's just small moments. It doesn't have to be like an extra hour or anything like that. Sometimes it's just two minutes, three minutes, five minutes. That makes a huge, huge difference. And lately I've been thinking a lot about this idea of time poor versus time rich. And maybe it's partly reflecting and thinking about heading into this next school year, is just this idea of when we have this mindset of time poor, and I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy, and we don't take those moments to slow down...

I think when you feel time famished, that's not great for your wellbeing. That's pretty bad for your wellbeing. So I think it's heading into the new school year with that mindset of how can I savor these little moments? I still have stuff to do, but that doesn't mean I can't take these moments too.

I love that. Collect the energy, listen to people. So good.

Marlon Styles: Think of your, think of your joy, think of your educator. Joy as an asset, right? If you know anything about value in assets and if you invest in your assets, they will appreciate. So that age old saying, what you appreciate, will appreciate.

Let's attach the word joy to that educator joy. If you appreciate your educator joy, your educator joy will appreciate meaning if you invest in it daily, you invest in it weekly. You invest in it moment by moment with the colleagues who feel your heart doing the same passion driven work that you are over time, your educator joy is gonna appreciate it itself. And you'll be looking up and there'll be somebody at the other end of the stick who discovered a dream they never saw coming. It could be a student, it could be a colleague, could be a family member, a friend. But somebody's on a discover a dream they didn't see coming. All because you're making investments in your asset, your educator joy. It's gonna fill your heart, it'll feel good.

Lainie Rowell: What I'm really appreciating, and again, I'm, I'm in this mindset of like, okay you and I are both about to hit the road and get to have these amazing experiences helping schools start off their year.

And I, I really think I hear you saying you want all of us to find that joy. And it's been a hard few years, but I think we're to the point now where we can really go, no, this is a good profession. This is, you know, not that it ever wasn't a good profession. I don't wanna come off like that, but just I think we're to the place now where I we've learned a lot. We've grown a lot, and now this is what we get to do.

Marlon Styles: Yeah, I mean, every day we get a choice and a chance. You're guaranteed it every single day. It might be your choice and chance that you're giving yourself or somebody else presenting it to you, but you get in a choice and a chance every day to be excited about filling the, the space you sit in with others and around others with joy.

You get a chance and a choice every day to, to take advantage of time, to create moments of, of, of joy. I'm talking, I don't know about you, but I'm a goosebump guy. A goosebump, joyful moment. Not sure if you've ever had any of those as an educator, but when you have those goosebump joyful moments, it just absolutely sets your world on fire and those around you that you're serving.

So as you walk into the start of the school year, it's a great time to not just refresh your educator joy, but to invest in that asset and treat it like if it was your favorite pop, your favorite ice cream, something you gotta have nonstop. But, but really appreciate that asset. You know, protect it, invest in it every day and celebrate it.

Right? Let the whole world know how it feels to be an education and serve others right now. And it's okay to say I'm having a good time doing it. It's okay to say it.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And social contagion is a big deal. And so what we put out there others feel that. And this is a time where we're really wanting to highlight those joys, those positives, because we want other people to join this profession.

We love what we get to do. Not every moment. Let's acknowledge that. That's fine. But there's so much good in what we do and I think we really need to make sure and be very loud about the good things because we want people coming into this profession. We want people to also appreciate it when they're already in it.

And I think it's really easy if, if we hear the constant challenges and negativities, and it's not to ignore them, but to overcome them and to also really point out, here are the wins. Here's the really great thing that I get to do today. Even if its opening a syrup packet for a kindergartener, that's a win!

So, Marlon, I feel like you're a storyteller, and I'll cut this out if you don't wanna use this, but I would love to hear, what is a moment in your career that you were just so grateful. Again, it could be maybe from classroom time, it could be from a superintendent role, or maybe even just something you're doing right now.

I'm putting you on the spot, so I'll edit it out if you're not up for this, but if you've got a story ready to go, I'd love to hear it.

Marlon Styles: A story?. Ooh, okay. One year...

Lainie Rowell: you got it already? That's fast.

Marlon Styles: Oh yeah.. It's a people story. So one year in Middletown, hopped online and I bought this flathead, I mean, a full body flathead of Justin Timberlake. I don't know if you like JT or not, but I get down with JT the drop of a dime. I won't sing right now. I'll go back to the story. We bought it and we had it shipped to the office in Middletown, right?

So I hopped on my social media account, took a picture with Justin Timberlake, as if the guy was there in person, and I put this teaser post out on social media, tagged everybody in the district talking about it. Convocation this year we're gonna catch the feeling that song came out and fell in love with it.

We teased convocation around a, a theme for the year about catching the feeling. And JT was the heartbeat of that whole, whole energy and that whole vibe. We took him around the district, we posed him at different locations, had him in a, a suit and tie. I know that's one of his songs. But we, we teased it for like 30 days leading up to convocation.

A special moment. I'm gonna shout out Creekview Elementary right now. Creekview Elementary, the entire staff, right before convocation, they put a video together as a staff around one of JT songs, catch the Feeling, and they had a staff-wide dance around that. So when we talk about moments, right, if you intentionally think about how you can create the vibe in your school community, for me it was a flathead of JT getting people excited about convocation coming back to school, that the moment that really filled my heart was watching a whole staff of adults, whether they could dance, sing or not, doesn't matter, but to come together.

And do something pretty daggone, special dancing around in the hallways, all around a song. When they walked into convocation that year, I'll tell you what, they lit the place on fire. I don't wanna tell you everything they did but, but the singing, the dancing, the stereo, the music that outfits, the crazy hair, the wild things they did that year, convocation, it just really made it such a, a gratifying moment.

Something I'll never forget that, that whole 30 day sprint right there leading up to convocation a lot of fun, lot of fun.

Lainie Rowell: First of all, my heart is bursting. Yes. JT fan over here. In fact, I think my whole house is full of JT fans. You mentioned earlier, if you can put on a convocation that they're talking about at winter break.

I bet they were talking about that at Winter Break

Marlon Styles: Blast. The kids came out and they performed a song live in person, and the staff didn't know they were coming out. We kept it a big secret. We had hype dancers and the crowd staged certain staff members. We swar 'em the secrecy and they kept a big, big secret.

But the tail end of that was this giant performance of about a thousand people in our arena, and the kids lit it on fire as one of the most magical moments in Middie Rising that I'd ever been a part of. And it just started with people. It wasn't me on the microphone, it wasn't the principal on the microphone.

It was Middie's of all walks of life, just lighting that environment up for that eight minute segment. People bobbing their head, clapping their hands, stomping their feet, dancing, singing place was standing up, rocking. It just was a magical moment.

Lainie Rowell: I feel it. I'm smiling ear to ear and I can envision it.

You told that story so beautifully. I can completely see it and feel the energy in the way that you're even describing it. I feel the energy and earlier when I was doing the intro I know people are not necessarily going to brag about themselves so I wanted to give your accolades on your behalf, but you immediately took it back to the people.

And when I say, oh, do you have a story to share? It's about the people. And I think that community that you cultivate, that, you're leading, that you're a part of that's just really, really special. It's contagious and that's having such an impact, not just the staff or the kids, but that that spreads out to families.

That is far reaching. What a great way. And so people will be listening to this... I'm so out of my recording schedule, but people will be listening to this in probably August, so they might not have had theirs yet. Just depends on, you know, we're on a very.

Nowadays we're on a very interesting, who's starting in July, who's starting in August. My kids start in September. But if you have not already had your convocation this year, I encourage you to think of a way to really light it up like that. You know, I spend some time with Instagram reels.

I like to make them, and I'll go look for inspiration. And there's, Coldplay does a concert. They give you these wristbands with lights on it. It is a vibe. The energy that they put out is amazing, but you don't even need those wristbands, right? Even if you just dim the houselights, pull out your cell phones, turn on your screen, turn on your flashlight on your camera, whatever, start waving those things around and then, like you said, Marlon, have the kids if you can, have the music that you can, get that energy going.

Marlon Styles: Every convocation. I started this before I even introduced myself to the staff as their new superintendent. My first year had 'em pull their phones out and we took a five minute window and we just called it Selfie Moments. Right. Could you imagine just the invitation to not have to talk business for a minute and just grab whoever's near you that you probably sat down next to on purpose, because you're just so excited to see your people when you come back.

And for five minutes we just took a bunch of selfies and we, we blew social media up. Community gotta see how excited we were to be back. Some of those pictures, people still hold on today, but some of the biggest smiles you've ever seen, all because of convocation. We took a few minutes. Turn the microphone off and just created selfie moments.

I mean, arms out like this, taking pictures, people hugging each other. Just again, it's about feel good, it's about joy. And if you can create joyful moments your joy's gonna appreciate.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, that's so cool. You can even do that at a staff meeting. Like just turn on some super fun music upbeat that's gonna get the energy in the room up.

All right, we've got three minutes for selfies. Let's go.

Marlon Styles: Go, let's go. And then you gotta go jump in the crowd and take some selfies too.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, that's so great. I love that. I am definitely going to borrow Selfie Moments, if that's okay with you.

Marlon Styles: Make it happen. Make it happen.

Lainie Rowell: That's a great one. All right, my friend. You already gave a lovely shout out to Creekview. Do you have any other shout outs you'd like to give?

Marlon Styles: Yeah. I'm gonna shout out my Grandma Watson, if that's cool.

Lainie Rowell: Please tell us about Grandma Watson.

Marlon Styles: Grandma Watson made two things. Well, several things. The best sweet potatoes you've ever had in your life, the best macaroni and cheese you've ever had in your life.

Best homemade ice cream. The best fried chicken made the best. Right? And I mean, I stack my grandma's fried chicken up against anybody, but I'll get back to the the question, but I wanna shout her out because I think there's a lesson we can take from Grandma Watson. It'll really get the education field really excited, right?

The idea of to-go plates and grandma's house every time you went over there, she was always dishing out to go plate. She always had something to eat and you always got it to go plate. Packed up to go to the point where people were showing up on the Tupperware cuz they knew it was coming. So I like to shout her out because she taught me to provide to go plates, right?

And I believe as educators we should be dishing out to go plates of joy as different experiences happen. As you capture the moment of somebody doing something super joyful to really invest in the community. Dish out a, a, a to-go plate of joy, right? As you're having a conversation for some with someone, make sure your conversations are provoking joy in that colleague and that person and that individual and that student. And give them a to-go plate. Be careful who you give to-go plates to make sure they appreciate the joy that you're really handing out to them. But my grandma made sure every time someone left her house, they had something in their hand they could be joyful about.

I really wanna shout her out because she's gonna inspire a lot of educators here as they start dishing out to go play to joy this upcoming school year.

Lainie Rowell: I think that is a beautiful shout out. I almost lost concentration when you said sweet potatoes, because those are my favorite. A hundred percent. I mean, yeah, like we're both drooling right now.

Marlon Styles: Right now

Lainie Rowell: To go plates of joy is profoundly beautiful and I think that I'm like just really processing it because that's so special. It's not just while we're together, it's, I wanna send you off with this, wow. That's a mic drop.

Grandma Watson man. I'm impressed. I love that.

Marlon Styles: Also. I mean, she was the real deal. I mean, if you not taking care of your business, I got in trouble, Ms. Thornton's class one year in fifth grade, I pulled a chair out from somebody. She called home.

My grandma found out I got in trouble at school. Best believe that next Saturday morning. I didn't get it to go plate.

Lainie Rowell: You gotta have consequences. Oh my goodness. Grandma Watson. I don't know you, but I love you. Well, that was beautiful, my friend and I, I gotta let you go, but I would love it if you could please share how do people connect with you?

What's the best way on the socials website, we want the full, we want the full to go plate. How do we get, get more of you after this.

Marlon Styles: Absolutely a, I would love to come out to your school community and just share some inspiring words as a guest speaker, as someone could just connect with their education community.

You can check me out on my website, www.marlonstyles.com. Hit me up with a message on all social medias, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Check me out. Hit me up any chance you can. If you just want to talk, if you're just an educator looking, just have some conversation. Get excited for start of school year.

Shoot me a message. Happy to connect with you and get you fired up. Welcome back in the start of school year here to serve man. Here to serve more importantly here to ignite unifier. That's my calling in life.

Lainie Rowell: Well, you certainly ignited me and our listeners and so I am thrilled to get this episode out into the world.

Cannot Wait. I will be sure to put all of your info in the show notes. Make it as easy as possible cause I know people are gonna wanna connect with you. A S A P, Marlon. Thank you for this time. Oh my goodness. I could talk to you forever.

Marlon Styles: Back at ya. I appreciate you having me. I had fun. I'm not sure about you, but you had a lot of fun.

Lainie Rowell: My, my honor. And I really do. Hope we get to chat again soon. And Friends, Marlon, you gotta, you have him out to your district. Have 'em out to your school. Connect. It's all in the show notes. So alright my friends, that does it for this episode and thank you all for listening.

Marlon Styles: Thank you guys. Enjoy the rest of your summer.

Episode 63 - SEEing to Lead with Guest Chris Jones

Shownotes:

Let's discuss the power of gratitude and its impact on leadership and education! In this episode, we dive into the concept of being teacher-centered in order to create a positive and supportive environment for students. Chris shares his journey of discovering the importance of supporting, engaging, and empowering teachers, and how it led him to write his book, "SEEing to Lead." With anecdotes and insights, we explore the significance of gratitude in daily life and its transformative effects. Tune in for an inspiring conversation that will leave you feeling grateful and motivated to make a positive difference in the world.

About Our Guest:

Dr. Chris Jones has been an educator in Massachusetts for 22 years. Chris is currently the Vice President of the Massachusetts State Administrators Association (MSAA). He is the author of SEEingtoLead, a book that provides strategies for how modern leaders can and must support, engage, and empower their teachers to elevate student success. He also hosts a podcast of the same name to amplify teachers’ voices in an effort to improve education as a whole. Most recently, Chris was named the 2022 Massachusetts School Counselors Association's (MASCA) Administrator of the Year.

Website: teamjonesedu.com

Newsletter: sendfox.com/DrCSJones

Twitter: @DrCSJones
linkedIn: @drcsjones

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book is available ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ And now, ⁠Bold Gratitude: The Journal Designed for You and by You⁠ is available too!

Both Evolving with Gratitude & Bold Gratitude have generous bulk pricing for purchasing 10+ copies delivered to the same location.🙌

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Just fill out the forms linked above and someone will get back to you ASAP! 

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Welcome, my friends. I am so excited to have Dr. Chris Jones on the pod. Welcome, Chris.

Chris Jones: Hi, how are you?

Lainie Rowell: I'm doing better now that I get to talk to you and I'm very excited. Happy Summer. We're recording this towards the end of June, and so I'm guessing you're on maybe a quiet campus.

Chris Jones: Yeah, it's, it's pretty quiet and I'm, I'm really happy to be talking to you because I love the stuff you put out and I'm really happy for it.

So I'm excited to have a, a conversation about gratitude with you, but this is a good time because the campus is quiet and we can always tend to focus a little more on what we need to when, when things slow down a little bit.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And I should mention that you are a high school principal, so slowing down is something that does not happen often for you.

So I think we had some good timing getting you on the pod.

Chris Jones: Yes. No, it doesn't happen often, so I, I take advantage of it every chance I get. I don't have to work as long a days and I get more done. Go figure.

Lainie Rowell: .Well, I do want to back up a little bit cuz I just get so excited to talk to you.

I'm like already in it, but I do wanna back up a little bit and give you a little more of a formal introduction, which listeners of the show know, I can't do even when I try. But I am gonna make an honest effort here. Because I am a fan of you and the work that you put out there, and I wanna make sure people know at least some of the, the credentials as we go in here.

So, as I mentioned, you are a high school principal. Dr. Chris Jones is also the president-elect of Massachusetts State Administrators Association, M S A A. And he is an amazing author. He is the author of SEEing to Lead and I hope he will talk about that because this is a very important book and I mean, he's also a podcast host.

Oh my goodness. The like Cardinal Sin, of podcast host is to not acknowledge the podcast status of someone else. So I want to make sure and say he is also an amazing podcast host. I have had the pleasure of being on his podcast. So, with that, Chris, is there anything else you wanna add? Because I, I barely scratched the surface on your credentials.

Chris Jones: No, I, you know what? I think you covered it. I appreciate you saying those kind words about the book. I, that was kind of a a long coming idea wise, but quick product that I put out through a process of a lot of caring, I think. So that's why it's good that we're talking about gratitude. And the podcast, it's funny, people ask me what came first, kinda like a chicken or the egg thing, because they're of the same name and the idea of the book and the beginning of the writing of the book came before the podcast.

But so yes, that's, that's the official answer that I'm, I'm gonna stick with

Lainie Rowell: You stick with that. I mean, yes, that does, that does come up sometimes. And we both have books and podcasts with the same name, and they, they feed each other. I, I find for me, right.

Chris Jones: Absolutely. So I don't wanna say we're twinning, but we might be twinning.

Lainie Rowell: I'll go with twining. I'm up for that. Well, I'm gonna ask you the quintessential first question. I don't even know if that's the right use of the word quintessential. I'm gonna ask you the typical first question and then I'm gonna ask you to dig deep in, and I don't think I even mentioned this, but let me, lemme make sure and point this out, that you were actually named as Administrator of the Year by Massachusetts School Counselors Association.

Yeah, I don't wanna leave that off, so congratulations on that.

Chris Jones: Thank you very much. That's funny. I forgot all about that, but yes I was named that, that was, that was quite the honor because when I received that award, it was my director of counseling that was saying all, you know, you get these awards and they say all these things about you.

And I think it was my mother, it was a virtual event and my mother had logged on to watch this virtual event. And I think my sister did too, and I got a text from my sister right afterwards and she said, so how much did you pay that lady?

Lainie Rowell: Generous introduction. Check is in the mail. Yeah. Nope, they did it because you're amazing and you're also humble because you didn't even think to throw it out there.

And as a podcast host, I should have said it first, but at least I recovered. I'm gonna give myself, points for recovery there. So yes, absolutely. So many accolades, so much great work. So let's go at that first question, what does gratitude mean to you? No right or wrong answers, and then we'll get into some of your work.

Chris Jones: Sure. Boy, no right or wrong answers. You really took the pressure off. That's what we should do in all schools. Gratitude to me is it goes beyond the glass is half full type of thing. I, I like to dig a little deeper into, it's not whether the glass is half full. It's not whether the glass is half empty.

It's the idea that I have a glass to put anything in to begin with. So it's a step back to look at the bigger picture. Driven by the question of what do I have rather than what do I want? And so what I mean by that is, you know, quite often we get caught up in, oh, if only I had this, or I wish I had that.

When we do that we skip the idea of what we actually do have as simple as. I wake up in the morning because I had a good night's sleep in a bed, in a warm bed. And I can go downstairs and pour myself a coffee.

And I think of how many people don't even get to start their day that way, and how many people don't get to start their day that way, whether it's because of an economic issue, whether it's because of a health issue you know, the idea that I can. I can lay my head down at night in comfort, get a good night's sleep, and get up in the morning to repeat and to take another run at it for another day, is what I see as gratitude.

Lainie Rowell: I love that idea of stepping back at the bigger picture and when you are describing what it means to you, you're talking in a way that I think is so essential where you're really thinking about very specific examples of things, not so general, like, I'm grateful for my health. You're thinking about very, very specific things and I think that if I, if I understood you correctly, you're getting down to like the very, very basics in very specific ways.

Chris Jones: 100%. And you know, that wasn't something I always did. That became an acquired thing because I did a gratitude exercise each night and each morning. So I would try to come up with three to five things I was grateful for every single morning. And at first, you know, like the first morning you're like, yeah, I'm grateful, like you said, for my health.

I'm grateful cuz it's a nice day out and you know, I'm grateful for whatever. And then the next morning you wake up and you kind of do the same thing. You dance around it, but then you start to run out of things because you don't wanna keep repeating 'em or else they have less meaning. And so what do you do on the day that you get up and you have a cold and it's, you know, it's four degrees out and there's knee deep snow on the ground that you gotta go outside and shovel, shovel before you go to work.

So you really have to get specific about those things. So it's that challenge each day that made me look more. I was gonna say specificity, but I don't even know if that's the right word. You were talking about quintessential before. But to look at more specific things. And when you do that, I think it really helps you embrace gratitude to a point where it almost becomes second nature in the bigger picture, daily operations of your life.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, I like the way Dr. Robert Emmons describes it. He goes, you can feel Gratitude. It's this feeling that you're having, but emotions are fleeting versus I am a grateful person. So there's, I feel grateful versus I am a grateful person. And so I think what I hear you saying is that through these practices and over time, you have moved into being, I am a grateful person.

Chris Jones: Yes. And I'm glad you made that distinction. I think that's an important distinction and it's, it's not something that you start to feel that way and you're there no more work. It's something that you need to continually remind yourself of. And if you truly are to become a grateful person, I think there's a lot of work on the backend that you have to identify specifically what you're grateful for, because.

It's almost like a boomerang. So you start off big, you get specific to make sure that you're actually becoming that grateful person, and once you become that grateful person, it's like a world opens up where it's very hard not to be grateful for just about everything. So it almost goes back out to that big picture once you get it tight again.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, . That's a great description. I wanna make sure we get a chance to spend a good amount of time talking about your book. And by the way, I know I said the title Seeing to Lead, but the S.E.E. Is all capitals.

Can you tell us why?

Chris Jones: Sure. It stands for Support, Engage, and Empower and that in, in and of itself, when you mention the idea of gratitude, a lot of that just has to do with gratitude of the people I serve as their leader. When I'm supporting somebody, I'm grateful that they're there and grateful that they're, they're looking to be supported and looking to improve when I'm engaging them.

Engagement comes from my outwardly showing of my gratitude for them, and then because it's about value added. And then the empowerment part. I'm grateful that they've taken a step forward into a role of leadership where now they're branching out on their own, and I'm grateful that they're doing that because then I don't need to look at minuscule things based on trust and the, the understanding that they're there.

Lainie Rowell: Beautiful. Tell us how did you come to write this book? Like what was the journey? How did you come to, to get this framework that you wanted to put out there and share with the world.

Chris Jones: Yeah. It's it, and it, it definitely, it's a framework because it's a, it's built like a flywheel. And the whole idea of the framework is to get that flywheel spinning as fast as possible on its own. So the idea is, and I'm gonna say something that I get so many crazy looks from people when I'm sitting around in a conference.

Lainie Rowell: You've got my attention. I cannot wait. Go

Chris Jones: Lay that one out, Chris. I'm a teacher-centered principal. I'm not a student-centered principal. I'm a teacher-centered principal, and people look at me and it's almost like, oh dear, you can't say that as a principal, you need to be student-centered. Well, I. I look at where my leverage point comes from, where I can get the most leverage, and what's that big domino I can push over.

Now, if I can engage teachers and empower them in their classrooms to where they like coming to work. They're not ruining their whole Sunday afternoon because it's one o'clock and they're thinking about work the next day, but Sunday evening, they're like, oh yeah, I work tomorrow.

If I get teachers who are passionate about what they're doing in front of students and they're supported and they're engaged in the process, there's no way the students don't benefit much more on a larger scale than I could ever do on my own. So the teachers are really the center of my focus. Obviously student achievement, student environment, things like that are important, but I gain in that by taking care of the teachers.

The process was, and I lay this out in the book as for the longest time I sat in school, I did not have a great school experience and I sat in school with a chip on my shoulder thinking there's gotta be a better way to do this. Which then eventually, after iteration, after iteration, after iteration, led to my personal mission.

My why, if you wanna call it that, if you wanna use that word, but it's to make a better educational experience for everyone involved by being purposeful, acting with integrity and building character. And so that's, that's why my weekly videos are about that. But the book really, I came to realize somewhere in my educational career, and I wish I could remember where that I was blaming the wrong people.

I was blaming the teachers for the bad experience until I realized that teachers were acting in the box, that they were kept in by strict rules and not being supported, rather having expectations. And not receiving any help or engagement with those expectations. They didn't have a voice or anything like that they were just told to do.

And so of course, they stayed within their box. They didn't branch out, which led to a very disengaged student by the name of Chris Jones. And so as I started to look at it, I first gave a presentation on this. I, I can't remember what year, but I gave a presentation on it. At N A S S P, their national conference when I was playing with this and putting it around and and talked about supporting, engaging and empowering staff.

And then as I was writing these things down and putting the presentation together, I noticed I had three chunks that I could use. And that's what the book ended up being. I, I worked through the support piece and to help people with that I put in the strategies I use, I put in reflection points in the book.

It's not just a read through in you're done book or read through and highlight. Obviously if you wanna highlight, great. But it gives you strategies that you can do. It gives you questions to answer, and then it gives you the strategies I use in the different areas. And I do the same for the Engage and the Empower piece.

I really noticed it because in those weekly videos, which is why I mentioned 'em earlier, I started talking about these things and I started talking about how to support people better, how to engage people better, and how to empower them better. And then it just, I put the pen to paper. And ended up getting a book deal and writing a book.

Lainie Rowell: I wanna clarify something because here's what I heard. I heard you say it's not that student-centered isn't something that you believe in...

Chris Jones: Correct.

Lainie Rowell: You believe in student-centered. But if I'm understanding you, you are saying, I know that my role as an administrator is to be teacher-centered.

Is that fair to say?

Chris Jones: That's accurate. That's a hundred percent accurate. See, the student-centered, that's the teachers. The teachers are student-centered. I expect every single one of my teachers to be student-centered. They are part of the larger culture and organization. Yes. But I almost view it as if you keep going up steps, the teachers are my students.

So I need to be teacher-centered.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I think this is something that anyone who's considering leaving the classroom needs to go in with full awareness that when you step out of being rostered kids, being their teacher, your direct impact is not likely going to be the student. It will most likely be the adults and their direct impact will be the students.

I think that's something that can be quite jarring at first when people move out of the classroom into whether it's a instructional coaching position administrative position, whatever it is, you need to understand that your direct impact, most likely. I don't wanna speak in absolutes cuz there are other positions out there that I may not know about, but most of the positions I see where people step out of the classroom, their direct impact has to do with adults.

Chris Jones: Correct. That's your direct impact. If you want to impact students, you have to impact the adults because you're talking adults that depending on what school you're in, have anywhere from 20 to 30 kids in their classroom. If you're in a high school, let's say average 25 kids in their classroom, five or six periods a day, So think of that number of students compared to how many I can meet with in the morning to see how school's going.

I can schedule meetings with, I can never meet anywhere near that many students. And so if I want to have the largest impact, I have to impact those that I can get to a position where they're leading on their own, where they're empowered, they're fully engaged in the vision of the school and making it really happen for the students.

Lainie Rowell: It's an equally important thing, but it's a shift because like you said, it doesn't mean that there's no direct impact on students. You're still doing things that impact the climate, the culture on the campus, all of those things. But it is, you now need to pay attention to those adults who ultimately are gonna have the most contact with those kids.

Chris Jones: Yeah, no, absolutely. I'm, I'm involved with the kids. All the, I look, you wanna talk about Gratitude? That's one of the things that I'm, I'm most grateful for is the ability to interact with students when I want to interact with students. Yeah. By going into classrooms. I, I'm in classrooms all the time. And I have a feedback system with that, that I, I cover in the book, but the better idea of that is to be able to interact with the students. Like I'm out at arrival every morning for bus duty and we've got the music blaring and I'm out there greeting all the students that get dropped off and get dropped off with the bus. The best part about that is I'm out there with my assistant superintendent.

My assistant superintendent comes out and we play music and talk and we were gonna do a presentation on it called B D P D, Bus Duty Professional Development cuz we solve the problems of the world while we're standing out there. But Interacting with the kids, having fun with the kids. And then on Wednesdays, I do welcome sign Wednesdays with my positive affirmation signs that we take pictures.

And so, you know, when I, when I walk around the school and people know me or, or they're saying hi to me without being prompted or anything like that in the hallways, or, Hey, Dr. Jones, you know, or call me over to their lunch tables when I'm in the cafeteria. That's, that's what it's about. That's, that's what I'm grateful for, is the ability to walk around and do that.

Lainie Rowell: I would describe what you are describing as a form of temptation bundling. Are you familiar with this idea?

Chris Jones: No.

Lainie Rowell: So the idea of temptation bundling is to take one thing that you need to do, but maybe are not super excited about, and you bundle it with something that you cannot wait to do. So what I heard was, Bus duty pd, BDPD.

Right? So you need to be out there for security's sake. And it's not that you don't want that, but it's just like, bus duty on its own is not going to get you out of bed. But the fact that you get to have, these conversations that are your professional learning with your assistant sup, like that's amazing.

That's temptation bundling to me. You've found a way to combine the two things, you know, one that needs to happen with one thing, you can't wait to happen.

Chris Jones: Yeah, no, that's excellent. I had never heard of that before. And it's funny because you say that about B D P D and it, as we get close to the year, people will drive by and parents will roll down their windows and bus drivers were, they're like, you're almost there.

Cuz we stand out there in rain, snow, like we're a mess half the year. And it's funny cuz I'll be coming into work and I'm blah another workday, you know? Okay. It's a job and I don't not like my job. I love my job as a principal, but one of those days, it's just a blah day man, I'll get to bus duty and saying hi to the kids and good morning to the kids and all that, and listen to the music and, and I'm in such a good mood to start the day.

Lainie Rowell: I think that's such a great strategy and for principals in general, you know, it's, it's hard. There's sometimes you have to go into the office and close the door and do the budget stuff, do the compliance stuff that is just a part of the job that you're not super psyched about, but, It has to happen.

And when you can combine these things where you're visible, you're out there supporting the kids, keeping them safe, and you're getting to interact with your peers, that's, that's a, that's a win-win. I will say that my children, the elementary school that my kids go to, that principal is out there every morning.

As a parent, it brings me so much peace and joy. I see her, she's here making sure everyone's safe. I know mentally, I know intellectually, I know that that's what a principal does is one of their millions of jobs. But just to have that visibility of her, like she's on campus, she's keeping them safe.

It means a lot. She's greeting them. It's like she's loving it. I'm loving it. The kids are loving it. And we have good weather here in Southern California, so that's, that's a bonus for her and for any of the principals who are in this area. But the fact that you're, you're doing it Rain, sleeter, snow, like the, the mail carriers. Thank you.

Chris Jones: Yeah, no, it is, it is funny. One of the funniest things that happened is I pulled up and my assistant suit was out there first. He had taken his shoes off and he had his pants rolled up around his knees. He looked like Huck Finn because it was raining so bad. He put his shoes off the side.

You know, when you talk about gratitude, it's, it's being grateful for every aspect of life. Not just the positives, but you know, what, what positives are within the negatives that are occurring.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And that negativity bias is, is hard to overcome. And I mean, even you and I were chatting before and I was like, I've been knocked down a few things today.

It's been a little bit of a rough day, some bad news after bad news. But at the end I can take a deep breath and go, you know what? There is a lot of really good going on so I can shift even when I get bogged down a little bit. It's for me, having a grateful disposition has helped me shift out of it a lot faster.

Chris Jones: You're right though it is difficult cuz that negativity creeps in. My, my wife and I'll talk about our two boys and we are just so blessed with our two boys. We're so pleased with the young men that they're turning into that, but hey, they're 16 and 14, so it's almost guaranteed they're gonna try to do stupid things from time to time.

And so they'll do something that has us scratching our head or that get us a little miffed to put it politely and we'll look at each other afterwards, after talking to the boys wherever they go. You know, in the big scheme of things really just let 'em have this one, because, you know, they can do their little consequence, but we are so lucky to have the boys that we have.

So it's, it's that big. It's, again, it's like I said at the beginning of that stepping back big picture.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. I have a chant I do now, now that I have a tween, and it's still developing a prefrontal cortex, still developing a prefrontal cortex, still developing a prefrontal cortex.

They're still going. There is still more work to be done and I am here for it. Ill support them. Ill not take things personally that have absolutely nothing to do with me. It's a reminder. I try and give myself.

Chris Jones: It's not their fault. It's not their fault.

Lainie Rowell: That's the more condensed version of the chant. Yes. Alright, my friend, I need to honor your time. I wanna make sure and give you an opportunity to give a shout out, and then I'm gonna ask you to share how people can get in touch with you. But let's first go ahead and who would you like to give a shout out to?

Chris Jones: First I'll do the professional one because this is usually a shout out that I give, but there is a fantastic man by the name of Danny Bauer from Better Leaders, Better Schools that I started with him and his masterminds before masterminds were the, were the, the key thing to do in 2017.

And I would, boy, looking at myself in 2017 and the leader I was worlds away from where I am now. I wouldn't be the leader or the person I am right now without his guidance and his mentorship. So that's, if you ever get a chance to look him up and do any work with him, just Yes, a hundred percent, yes.

Lainie Rowell: Full endorsement, Gratitude and endorsement.

Chris Jones: Yes. Gratitude and endorsement. He just a, just everything he's done for me and, and he really is a, a fantastic example of continuing to evolve and improve himself by working on himself. While he helps others and serves others. So the personal one, I, I have to give a shout out to my wife.

My wife is a seventh and eighth grade teacher. Something that I look at her and I say, you are a warrior. I'd never be able to do that. But she teaches English and she's too shy to say it, but she just received an award for teaching for her work with inclusion and making sure that all students have an equal opportunity to learn and are successful at doing it. And it's the first time that award was ever given to a middle school or high school teacher, cuz they're a junior senior. Really proud of her. Her name is Mary Ilo Jones.

Lainie Rowell: Thank you, Mary, for your work and for everything you're doing and happy that your husband is willing to brag for you because that is something worthy of bragging about.

Chris Jones: Oh, absolutely. She really is and I know, yes, I'm completely objective. She really is lights out in the classroom.

I mean, she gets up on desks and sings and all kinds of things. Teaches the kids songs to learn by always moving around the room just full of energy. I get tired watching her, but she just really does a fantastic job and, and the kids let her know it too. So it's excellent.

Lainie Rowell: Amazing. And I will admit, I was like, you, Chris, I was not what they would call a star student. I was maybe also there being like, when is this gonna be over? And sounds like I would've really enjoyed being in your wife's class.

My friend. I wanna make sure people know how to reach out to you. So where do you like to hang out on the line? On the line? Where do you like to hang out online?

Where, where's the best way for people to connect with?

Chris Jones: You know, probably probably Twitter. I play with Insta and all those others, but I'm, I'm, and I do Facebook, but Twitter's really easy to get ahold of me. It's @DrCSJones. And I'm pretty much @DrCSJones everywhere. If people want to reach out to me via email, it's drchrissj@gmail.com and if they want to go to my website, it's teamjonesedu.com.

Lainie Rowell: Amazing. I'm gonna put all of that linked in the show notes, so you've got to hear it. My friends who are listening, and if you look in the show notes where I put lots of gems you'll just be able to touch or click on it. So please be sure to connect with Dr. Jones. Be sure to listen to his podcast, grab a copy of his book.

He's putting really, really great things out there. He also shares great things on social media, so make sure to follow him there so you can catch all the goodness like I do. All right.

Chris Jones: Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to have me on your show. I could talk to you forever, so thank you for being the one bold enough to say, Hey, we've gotta wrap this up.

Lainie Rowell: It's only to honor your time because I could talk to you forever as well, but I know that even though you're on summer break and things are slightly slower that you've got a million things to do.

Friends, thank you for listening and don't forget to check out Dr. Jones all on the web, all over the places. He's got great stuff.

All right, my friends. Thank you for listening.

Bonus Episode - Behind the Scenes of Bold Gratitude with Guest Allyson Liu

Shownotes:

Get ready for an electrifying episode as I chat with the fabulous Allyson Liu. We discuss our game-changing creation: "Bold Gratitude: The Journal Designed for You and By You." Friends, this isn't your average journal. It's an interactive, vibrant, and downright fun experience that breaks free from the confines of traditional journaling. With "Bold Gratitude," you're in control—choose your own adventure and embark on a gratitude journey that's as unique as you are. It's time to get bold and embrace the joy of gratitude like never before!

About Our Guest:

Allyson Liu is a creative talent who discovered her passion for design early on. She has extensive experience in industries such as publishing and advertising. She also founded How Inviting, a line of custom stationery, which gained national attention when it was featured on NBC’s Today Show. Now, Allyson helps clients achieve their marketing goals through her company Allyson Liu, Marketing + Creative, where she brings a unique and inspired approach to branding.

Website: ⁠AllysonLiu.com⁠

Facebook: ⁠@allysonliucreative⁠

Instagram: ⁠@allysonliucreative⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠⁠⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello friends. We have a very special episode today. Today we have Allyson Liu. Hello Allyson.

Allyson Liu: Hello Lainie. How are you?

Lainie Rowell: I'm good. See, we're pretending like we're just now talking for the first time, even though we've been talking for like an hour so far. Friends, here's why this is a super special episode, and that is Allyson is a lifelong best friend and the partner in Bold Gratitude. Our journal that's coming out. I'm so excited. Actually by the time people are listening to this, the journal will be out.

Allyson Liu: That is really exciting.

Lainie Rowell: I cannot wait. Okay. Let me give a proper introduction to my bestie. I'm gonna get real professional here. Are you ready, Allyson?

Allyson Liu: Let's keep it real Fun- Lainie.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, okay. That's fine. So we're gonna talk about Fun Lainie too, in case the listeners are wondering what the heck that means.

Okay. Let me get legit first. Allyson Liu is a creative talent who discovered her passion for design early on. It's really hard for me to do this with a straight face, but you are a big deal. So I wanna make sure and convey that because you've got experience in publishing advertising.

You're the founder of How Inviting and you have been nationally recognized on NBC's Today Show for your design work. And I think that's a pretty big deal.

Allyson Liu: Well, thanks.

Lainie Rowell: So I'm just saying it how it is. What do you wanna add? What do you wanna tell people about you that I did not cover in that semi-professional intro?

Allyson Liu: Well, I, I guess I would say that one of my biggest passions is helping other female entrepreneurs launch their businesses. So I love to work with other women who, whether they be moms who are trying to, you know, redefine what career looks like in their family and find that work life balance. I love to help support them in those goals, whether it's naming their businesses or creating their logos, helping them with their packaging, website, just branding in general.

But that's really where I feel like I make the most rewarding personal impact in helping other women who are in similar situations that I am with young families get back into the workforce and be proud of what they do.

Lainie Rowell: Well, speaking of impact, you've had a tremendous impact on my life personally as a bestie, but also professionally, in fact. I did put this in the acknowledgements of Evolving Learner, but I wanna say it here.

We were sitting in a Pei Wei in Tustin, and I was explaining to you this idea I had about professional learning and how I learned from kids and peers and the world. And you, without even taking a beat, you're like, oh, well it sounds like you're an Evolving Learner. And I was like, yes, that's it. And that ended up being the title of the keynote that I did at BLC.

And then that became the title of the book that I wrote with Kristy Andre and Lauren Steinman. Yes. So yes. And so basically, you have had a huge impact on everything that I have put out into the world as far as books. And you've helped me with so many things along the way. So I'll, I'll start to get like all emotional if I, if I lean into it too much.

But I just wanna put that out there because it was so easy to say, I need to do this next project with Allyson and one of my favorite things, we just celebrated the one year of Evolving with Gratitude, which you designed the cover of.

Allyson Liu: That's right.

Lainie Rowell: And I don't know if you saw this, but yesterday on Facebook I said, Hey, here's the cover for Bold Gratitude.

You might recognize Allyson's name because she did the cover of Evolving with Gratitude, and someone wrote in the comments. I love everything she does.

Allyson Liu: Aw. It's like, I did not see that, but that makes me feel really good.

Lainie Rowell: I know. I was like, oh my gosh, that makes me so happy. And I know people who have actually reached out to me and said will she design my book cover?

And I know that people have already reached out to you to help with their branding educators and so yes, I love that.

Allyson Liu: Yeah. There's been a lot of great networking that has come through all of this. But I remember when we were talking about the cover of Evolving with Gratitude and you had this little seed that you, you, you planted saying, wouldn't it be great if we had a little spinoff, a little, a little baby come off of this book. So it's so exciting that we were able to to make this happen.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, let's take people through that. Let's talk a little bit about this, because people not knowing the backstory, which we're about to share, might be like, wow, Evolving with Gratitude came out June, 2022 and a year later.

We're having the Bold Gratitude Journal come out, like, how did that happen so quickly? But as you just pointed out, this has actually been in the works for a while. For me, I dared not say it out loud for a while except to you because I was like, I don't know are people gonna get excited about this?

And then as soon as I started letting it out of the bag, people were excited. So let's, let's talk a little bit about the origin story of this. Yes, we talked about it being like from the beginning with Evolving with Gratitude, but how did this actually come into to being from your perspective, and then I can share some of my perspective, but...

Allyson Liu: Well, I think when we really got serious about it was when we took over some property at Starbucks with a lot of research in other books and journals that are out there and where we really kind of zoned in on finding that missing element that we weren't really seeing in some of the journals that are out there currently. So when we honed in on what we felt like could be really impactful, which was to go after, you know a wider demographic. Particularly with tweens and above.

Yeah. And that was something that I think we, we saw was, was lacking.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And I, I just wanna say you know we say on the cover, so it's Bold Gratitude: The Journal Design for You and By You. And I feel like from the very beginning that this was gonna be universally designed, as interactive as possible, so we wanted to make it as accessible as possible, but we also, and you really brought this out in me wanted to make it creative and really to inspire creativity and to also have this like upbeat, casual, you call it Fun- Lainie which we, we were not seeing in some of the other journals.

Allyson Liu: Correct. And me being a creative writing my thoughts and feelings won't come as naturally as it will to somebody like you. And so when I see the journals that are relying all about writing instead of all the different other ways you can express what your feelings are, which, you know for me it's obviously with art and design, I felt like it was a really good direction to go where we are hitting more audiences because we make this journal, really interactive in a way that they can take on an assignment or skip over a chapter or go backwards. If I'm having a day where I do wanna write, there are many options for me to do that.

But if I have a day where I just wanna doodle or sketch or you know meditate or whatever, there are so many different paths you can take through this journal and for somebody like me that is way more appealing than a journal that is strictly for journaling in its traditional sense of writing.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and what I love is, I think we came up with a nice balance of, we've got fill in the blanks in there. Just give you a little bit of inspiration and you don't have to go full on writing essays or anything like that. You can just fill in the blanks and get to process through all those feelings, get that experience. We've got the activities that are really about creativity and bringing in kind of that artistic, which if that means stick figures to you, that's totally fine.

You don't have to be an artist for that. We've got some quotes. One of my favorite things that kind of came from you and I going back and forth on, well, how much space do we give for a journal prompt is, well, why would we dictate that at all? And one of my favorite things is that we have at the end of each section, there's three sections.

Gratitude for Happiness, Gratitude with your Peeps, and Gratitude with the World. At the end of each section, we've got the page of prompts that you can either cut out and glue on the pages that follow, that are wide open. Or you can rewrite them if, you know, cutting or tearing in your journal is, you know, non-starter for you.

Allyson Liu: Right.

Lainie Rowell: But that was, that was one of my favorite things that came from, and that was a hundred percent a reflection of this being a partnership where I would say something to you and you'd be like, well, I don't know about that. And vice versa. Right. And so definitely that was...

Allyson Liu: It was back and forth.

Lainie Rowell: It was. It was. And the practices are pulled from Evolving with Gratitude and things that I've done over the years. But you contributed practices too. Yeah. And then the design is a, you know, that is led by you. And then sometimes I'd be like, Ooh, can we do this? I mean, I have no design skills, but it was...

Allyson Liu: You had a lot of design ideas and then back to your point, if you're not artistic, we've got the coloring book page, we've got doodles that you could just fill in. So you don't have to have an artistic side either to really enjoy the different options that the journal has for you.

And then even the origami, you know, that's also kind of a neat craft that I think a lot of people are interested in learning how and then it serves you well throughout the journal because then you can use your bookmark.

Lainie Rowell: So the origami bookmark a hundred percent your idea. And I loved it. And I will say that that was one of the first suggestions that you made that made me go wider on what this journal could be.

And realizing we have a lot of opportunity to not only leverage what we give them on paper, but have them bring things outside in, right? So it's like go get a piece of paper. It can be patterned, it could be blank, it could be colored paper, whatever it is. And then we give the directions for the origami bookmark.

Which is so brilliant because we clearly state you don't have to go in order, you can hop around, right? And you could potentially create multiple of them and put them in different spaces for like, okay there's a day where I wanna do a fill in the blank.

I'll do this. If there's a day I want more open-ended, I'll do this. Right. There's a day I wanna be more creative and artistic, I'll do this, but. I just am so happy with how it turned out, and I really cannot wait for people to get it.

Allyson Liu: I really cannot wait for my children to get it.

Lainie Rowell: Awww.

Allyson Liu: You know, it's just nice to have something that is age appropriate that they can participate in too.

Even though they're younger than the tween, this is still something that with my assistance that they would be able to work through and to participate in, so, I see this being something that families can do together. I see it being something that adults would love to do just because it is so interactive and different than a typical journal.

But I also think it's a really great thing for families to do together.

Lainie Rowell: I'm glad you mentioned that because I'm excited for that too. And my kids have been testing, they're my focus group. So when people see some of the prompts that are in there, know that those made it past two rounds of a child and a tween And they had to rate them and if it got the veto it definitely wasn't making it.

Yeah. Most of them got the thumbs up from both.

Allyson Liu: Right. And that means that we're speaking to a broader audience. And if our kids understand and can do this journal, then it's really open to all ages, which is exciting and different.

Lainie Rowell: When we first started, and I still use this language "for anyone 10 to 110 and then some", because like you said, if it's a family doing it, you can go much younger.

Mm-hmm. And if you can live past 110, I think you should still do some gratitude journaling. So that too. Right?

Allyson Liu: Agreed. You definitely should be doing some gratitude journaling. You have a lot to be thankful for.

Lainie Rowell: You do. Exactly. Yes. Exactly. So let's continue down this memory lane, can you think about something throughout this process, maybe it was taking over a Starbucks, and by the way, friends, I own pretty much every gratitude journal that's on the market right now, I have an entire bookshelf that is just gratitude journals or anything, gratitude journal, adjacent, even planners, things that we just dumped out on that Starbucks.

I brought a suitcase. It was literally a suitcase full of journals.

Allyson Liu: Yep. It was a carry-on. You know, to be fair.

Lainie Rowell: Exactly. It did not require being checked.

Allyson Liu: No. It was perfect for overhead space.

Lainie Rowell: It would qualify for overhead space, but it was still an entire suitcase of journals. And some of those journals are thin.

And we had to put tables together at the Starbucks. Yep. And then we laid them all out so I'll tell you a little bit about what I loved about that part of the process. It was very organic, very messy, we just went through and one of my favorite things was, there were some journals, which are lovely, but I remember you opening up one of 'em and you're like, oh, that feels like a homework assignment.

Allyson Liu: Homework assignment. Yes.

Lainie Rowell: And I was like, oh, we don't want that. It was like, visually...

Allyson Liu: And that's the creative brain, you know, when, when you see something like that, that it just to me, personally felt very taxing. Overwhelming. I did not feel like I could make it through that, and it had a redundant feel to it, so that also kind of is how we went down the path of combining a lot of different activities.

Lainie Rowell: I've listened to people talk about some of their hesitations in journaling, and one of the things that I've heard multiple people say is they'll get a journal and then they feel like they have to do all the prompts in order.

Allyson Liu: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: And that feels very restricting because maybe that, that prompt isn't speaking to me today, but they don't necessarily feel like they have permission to hop around. We explicitly say, please hop around if you want to. You don't have to. And then also just some of the feedback I've heard, cuz I was asking a lot of people, do you journal, do you not?

Why or why not? Some people were saying they felt real guilt about not filling up space that was given or not doing enough items or things like that so I, I really am happy with where we landed on, I think it's a good amount of guidance without being overwhelming or too prescriptive.

Allyson Liu: Absolutely and I feel that the same way, you know which has kept me from doing as much journaling as I would like.

My journaling comes in more of a creative field, you know, vision boards and things like that appeal to me personally more. I find that I enjoy doing things like that, the scrap booking aspects versus the writing. Everybody's different and that's what's great about the journal is that we are offering a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Lainie Rowell: And there's a little bit of stuff at the beginning, if you want, get you in the mindset of like, okay, we're gonna do this.

We're gonna give ourselves a little permission slip, and then we have an intro which has a subheading of, unless you decide to skip it, but I think you'll like it if you give it a try. And then we've got some guided practices. But in these sections, at the end of each, there's a bunch of just somewhat blank pages. I say blank- ish pages cuz you gave them a nice little border that people could decorate if they wanted to. But it's really pretty free, wide open space. And we talked about do we put the dots there? Do we put lines and I'm happy that we just settled on it's free space.

Allyson Liu: Yeah, and you know, also one of the thoughts that had gone by our heads were during the places where we have the quotes. You know, that could be potentially a page where you can scrapbook around that quote on how that quote speaks to you.

So if you're inspired by Oprah's quote, then maybe you can either doodle or you can scrapbook and you can use that page to design how that quote inspires you.

Lainie Rowell: I tell people, I'm somewhat allergic to paper just because I don't like people handing me paper and it's something really important that I'm gonna lose.

But there is something really special about the tactile of a journal. And also I'm a nerd for post-it notes and I can get behind some good stickers and stamps and things like that and I went full out. One of my favorite memories of this process, we made a field trip to The Paper Source.

Allyson Liu: One of my favorite places.

Lainie Rowell: This is not an advertisement. Although Paper Source, if you're listening and you wanna send some, you know...

Allyson Liu: Do you want this wonderful journal?

Lainie Rowell: In your, in your establishment, in your stores.

Allyson Liu: Yeah. I think that would make a lot of sense.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. Or feel free to just send us a check for the shoutout. Well, either way, whatever you...

Allyson Liu: But we're not being sponsored by Paper Source.

Lainie Rowell: But we're not being sponsored. But that was one of my favorite field trips because I brought supplies home and my kids, it was really interesting to see how one would gravitate towards certain materials and another different materials and me as well.

And so even if you're not an artistic person I found, I think it was like $5 on Amazon. I bought some stencils because I just, I don't consider myself really artsy and so that's why I have you, Al. But the stencils helped me to like make it aesthetically pleasing, which was just kind of a nice calming activity just to sit there and use the stencils and color them in.

And that was just super fun for me too.

Allyson Liu: And a little washi tape goes a long way too.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my gosh. Washi tape is amazing. Mm-hmm. That's a really solid point. We hope that people just have so much fun. Treat it like a scrapbook, obviously it's a journal, but put things in it.

It's not just already what's there, which is, I feel a lot and I think you're gonna love it, but the idea of actually gluing or taping things in, I think is super fun too.

Allyson Liu: Agreed. And another thing that I love about the journal is the back cover because the owner of the journal is the author in our eyes, so I love that we let the author acknowledge themselves on the back cover, which I think is really special too.

Lainie Rowell: And full choice on that. You can just describe yourself in some words. You could tape or glue a selfie on there. You could...

Allyson Liu: do your self portrait.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely.

Allyson Liu: You could write adjectives about yourself.

Lainie Rowell: A hundred percent. That's one of my favorite things about the journal and I think we, we did a good job of reinforcing that with each other is that we kept saying it's their journal. It's their journal. So when we were asked okay, are you gonna have an acknowledgements? It was like, well, but it's their journal. Right? Right. And so there were times where you and I would get into the habit of doing things that would normally go in a book and we're like, but this is their journal, so we're not gonna take that space. It's theirs. I love it so much. I am super excited to get this into people's hands and if you are listening to this, the journal's available.

We're not gonna put this out there until people can get it and we'll put the link to get it in the show notes. All right, Al, any last thoughts that you wanna share about this wonderful collaboration?

Allyson Liu: Another thing that I love about the journal is we have an area on pages where you can check once you've completed the task.

And so I love that kind of ownership, like, okay, this is what I'm gonna do today to show others that I'm grateful for them. And then I'm gonna come back and I get to check this box when it's complete so that I'm held accountable for the gratitude that I share with my friends that day.

And I think that that's, that's a fun and easy way to use the journal to kind of, remind yourself of things that you could do. Same with cutting things out and posting them around your house to remind you, we've got a lot of those types of activities that are super easy. They don't require any real effort, but they will keep gratitude front in mind throughout your day.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely, and I'm so glad you mentioned that it's not a huge lift. A lot of these things can be done in five minutes or less.

Allyson Liu: Yep.

Lainie Rowell: I love that you pointed out, we have a Gratitude in Action checkbox on a lot of the pages. If you're like me, lot of joy from checking things off a list like yes I did that.

It's very self-affirming.

Allyson Liu: I am. I am a hundred percent that way.

Lainie Rowell: I know I keep saying this, but I'm just so excited for people to get this and just wanna say one other thing, because I'm flipping through a draft of it that I have. As we're recording this, we're in the very final stages and if you're listening to this, you could buy it right now. But there's so many practices in here, like Dr. Robert A Emmons... There's a noticing the good practice inspired by him. These are not just on a whim we decided to put these things in here. A lot of them are practices that were mentioned in Evolving with Gratitude, but I wasn't able to give a lot of space because in that book I'm talking about the science and I have the stories from the contributors, and I'm trying to be really concise.

And so I really wanted to make this a, you've got the space. This is about you and expressing and experiencing gratitude, so yeah. It's gonna be a good time. I'm looking forward to it and the people who have been sharing on the socials are like, can't wait. Ready to order now.

Allyson Liu: Awesome. I love to hear that.

Lainie Rowell: I know, right? It's so fun. All right, Allyson. I know people are gonna wanna catch up with you and see all the amazing work you're doing, and they might need some help with their own branding, their own content. So, Al, what's the best way for people to reach out to you?

Allyson Liu: My Instagram handle is @AllysonLiuCreative. And my website is AllysonLiu.Com.

Lainie Rowell: I'm gonna put all that in the show notes, my friends, you gotta check her out. She does such great work. I am truly honored to not only call her a bestie, but a partner in this. .

I just wanna take a moment. This journal would not have happened without you. There was no other way this was gonna happen. It, it was something that I had hinted at when Evolving with Gratitude started, but I always knew in my mind that I would not do it without you. This was just something that had to be us together.

And there's so many things that if there was gonna be an acknowledgements, I would go very, very deep into explaining all the things that you did. For example, how long it took just to figure out the fonts. Like, it seems like such a simple thing, but if anyone has done any sort of design work, they know that picking fonts is not. It's not a simple thing.

Allyson Liu: No, but it was super important and I'm really happy with the font selection. I think it speaks to the journal quite well.

Lainie Rowell: I think so too. I absolutely love it and I know that people are gonna love it too. So I hope people will go ahead and click on the links in the show notes to catch up with Allyson on all the spaces. She's one of the hardest working people I know. She wants everyone to be happy with what she does, and I've just never worked with anyone that is so fast at getting things done, but not just fast great stuff. I won't be able to properly gush over you because it's like decades of friendship.

I can't even come to the words. But I just want you to know that I know there was so much heart and soul and creativity that went into this. And I just thank you for that.

Allyson Liu: And I thank you for taking me along on the ride.

Lainie Rowell: Like I said, it wouldn't have happened without you.

All right, friends, I'm gonna put links to all the goodness in the show notes. I hope you grab your copy of Bold Gratitude, the Journal Designed for You and by You with so much love from Allyson and I.

Allyson Liu: Thanks guys.

Lainie Rowell: Thanks for listening.

Bonus Episode - Season 2 #EvolvingWithGratitude Podcast Highlights (January-June)

Shownotes:

Get ready to be filled with joy, hope, and inspiration as you listen to highlights of Season 2 of the pod so far! There are so many takeaways from these #EvolvingWithGratitude guests! The hardest part of producing this episode was picking just one highlight per episode! I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed putting this together.

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠⁠⁠

Episode 62 - Happy Kids, Healthy Relationships, Gainful Employment With Guest David Miyashiro

Shownotes:

In this delightful episode of the pod, we're joined by the innovative and inspiring David Miyashiro. We dive into the keys to creating happy kids, engaged in healthy relationships on a path to gainful employment. David shares his insights on developing vocational identity, exploring diverse careers, and empowering students to find their passions. Join us for an inspiring conversation that will leave you feeling grateful for the incredible work happening in our schools and communities. Let's get ready to spread some positivity and make a difference together!

About Our Guest:

Dr. David Miyashiro is a forward-thinking, award-winning education leader with a 17-year career spent revolutionizing learning approaches, education models, and school district capabilities in Southern California. As a digital pioneer, he has navigated districts into the hi-tech era, delivering numerous innovation “firsts,” for which he has garnered professional honors. Those include Superintendent of the Year and recognition from the White House and U.S. Department of Education as one of the “Top 35 District Leaders in Personalized Learning.” Districts under his leadership have also won awards, such as the California School Boards Association’s Golden Bell Award, the National School Boards Association’s Magna Award for Digital Learning, and the California Distinguished Schools Award.

Website: ⁠cajonvalley.net⁠

Twitter: ⁠@DavidMiyashiro⁠

Instagram: ⁠@miyashirod⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello friends. I am very excited to introduce Dr. David Miyashiro. Now, this is a very special guest for just a myriad of reasons. He is innovative, he is dedicated. There's so many things that I could say about David and I will try and gush as much as possible.

But first I just wanna say welcome David. Thank you for being here.

David Miyashiro: Thank you, Lainie. It's great to be back with you.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, this is so fun for me. Okay, so just to give the listener a little bit of background, if they are not already familiar with you, David is Superintendent of Cajon Valley.

I'm gonna add a little note here. I am a product of Cajon Valley, and I have shared that before with you and I just wanna remind you of that. And you don't have to claim me and depending on the, the context, maybe you, maybe Cajon Valley wants to claim me or not, I don't know.

But I had a great experience in Cajon Valley, so thank you.

David Miyashiro: That's awesome.

Lainie Rowell: You have had many roles as an educator. You are in your 11th year with Cajon Valley as superintendent, you've been a teacher, principal, assistant superintendent. So many amazing roles, and I just wanna give you, David, an opportunity to share a little bit more about yourself, if you would.

David Miyashiro: Sure, yeah. I've had every job almost in the school system on the certificated side. One thing people don't know about me is when I went to college, I wanted to study theater arts and journalism and broadcasting. Which do align with my strengths, interests, and values. But as I was auditioning for things and trying out for, for different roles in theater and broadcast, one of my professors at Cal State Long Beach said, if you wanna make money, you should quit this major, because they'll never be roles for Asians.

And 30 years ago, you know, that was wise advice. So I took that advice and I didn't know what to do with it because the only other job I'd seen was teacher, my mom. And so followed in her footsteps. Probably shouldn't have been a teacher because I'm not a rule follower. I'm not conventional. I question, you know, authority that that's not what principals like in a teacher, especially coming outta university.

But survived it all the way through to where I am now and grateful to be superintendent and our connection... If you remember, you trained our teachers in one-to-one technology using iPads when I was the Assistant Superintendent Encinitas. So to see you evolve from an EdTech guru and digital champion to Evolving with Gratitude is is pretty awesome.

Lainie Rowell: You're very kind. Thank you. And I'm so glad that we've had these connections and I went to Cal State Long Beach was actually where I earned my teaching credential. So we have a lot of crossovers and connections and I'm just honored to know you and maybe it's part of the hometown girl in me, but I'm so happy to see what's happening in Cajon Valley under your leadership.

And I know you're very humble, so I, I will add with your team. I know you have a great team too, and so I really wanna get into that because I find even your vision, as a district, very fascinating to me. Would you, would you share that really quickly.

David Miyashiro: Yeah.

Over the years, we've come down to conversations that led to happy kids, engaged in healthy relationships on a path to gainful employment. That's what our parents, that's what our students, that's what our teachers, that's what our community was asking for. Happy kids. Kids that are self-aware have self-love and self-esteem.

Healthy relationships. All the people in our ecosystem, knowing everyone's story deeply and well, and accepting each other's story. And forming these relationships that would become a network on a kid's path to gain full employment, which includes our world of work curriculum that we developed ourselves here in house, where kids build vocational identity, explore careers across the spectrum, and by the time they start high school, have a laser-like focus on post-secondary learning.

So it's happy kids, healthy relationships on a path to gainful employment.

Lainie Rowell: Well, that makes my heart really happy. And especially that is so in line with, you know, as I'm talking about gratitude, it does tie in with happiness and nurturing those relationships. And I talk about it often in the context of learning and you are too.

And how do we have gainful employment? And I think that's, that's, that's so well-rounded and all-encompassing. I just really love, and I have to say, I don't know that I've come across too many vision statements that actually have the word happy in them.

David Miyashiro: Yeah. We got a lot of pushback from some in the beginning, but happiness is actually scientific in terms of the development of self, which, you know, you wrote about in your book.

But yeah, we had some, some of our teachers in the beginning say, I don't care if the kids are happy, they just need to learn my content and ace the test.

But I think that's a mindset of a lot of educators that grew up through No Child Left Behind is, is our job, is to produce high performing kids on tests.

And here, you know, if you have that mindset, you, you can't work here anymore. We, we find another district that aligns with your personal vision of of As and Bs.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. That's a hard line, but it's important, right? It's, this is what we have established is this is what our community cares about. This is our, this is our promise, if you will, to this, to this community.

When I saw that as the vision, I was like, oh, that makes me happy. Just reading it makes me happy. So I love that, and I think that's such a noble approach to education and just the overall wellbeing and what we can do for our learners.

So, love that. I want to ask you, what does gratitude mean to you, David? And you can take that in whatever direction you want.

David Miyashiro: I think gratitude is, is a state of being and almost a way of life in terms of how we wake up, how we experience today, how we receive and process information.

When I read your book, I had my definition of gratitude changed and I had to think about it differently. In your book, you shared a personal story where you weren't the best receiver of gifts and praise always. And, and it made me feel guilty because I thought, that's me. You know, when I get presents or when I get a Father's Day card, or I'm not very outwardly grateful, I don't give the satisfaction of the giving to my family and my friends, and so I'm now recovering poor receiver and am practicing gratitude and by allowing others to, to give and honor those gifts and those words. So thank you for that personal coaching.

Lainie Rowell: You're very kind. I'm still recovering too. Indebtedness is a struggle.

David Miyashiro: Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: It's a real struggle. And I just wanna say this episode is gonna come out around Father's Day, and we're not that far off of Mother's Day.

David Miyashiro: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: And I have such an interesting relationship with these type of holidays that are meant to be over the top expressions of gratitude. And so I think as fellow recovering, gift receivers fellow, like, how do I cope with indebtedness? I think these days can be tricky and I guess for me, I would rather it be an ongoing appreciation of each other.

David Miyashiro: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: And not this one day that we have to go so over the top. And I, I think it's a lovely idea, but I just, I don't know, I have a complicated relationship with these days.

David Miyashiro: I love that phrase. I'm gonna use that too. That's great. Okay. The recovering and complications. I love it.

Lainie Rowell: We're all working through it.

I love how when you're talking about happy and in relationships with others and then going on to being gainfully employed, and I wonder if you could just kind of talk about maybe where does gratitude fit into that in, in this work that you all are doing? If you wanna tie it to World of Work, just wherever you wanna take this, but just kinda where are you seeing this fit into your world?

David Miyashiro: Yeah. The development, our vision started years ago and recovering from 10 years of chasing test scores during the No Child Left Behind Era, two of my schools when I was in Fullerton School District were low performing and we exited program improvement, which meant that we achieved our federal goals and you know, got the A+ mark in the newspapers. But we watched our kids still drop outta high school, still get pregnant in high school, still go into generational gangs cuz these schools were in the really hard areas to live.

And we thought, what are we doing in the name of federal accountability for our students if it's not changing their life outcomes. And then coming to Encinitas where our kids were reading before they started kindergarten and were teaching them how to read in first grade, it's like, what are, what's going on here?

It was because their standardized curriculum, standardized textbooks, and just a standardized way of things that didn't honor the child, didn't honor their, their strengths, interests, and values, didn't give them an opportunity to grow necessarily. And so the technology revolution that you helped us with there really helped show us what data and assessment could look like differently when it's personalized for kids.

When we start to ask kids about who they are, not just what they can do. And then the last 10 years in Cajon Valley, deep conversations with our students', parents, and community about how they're experiencing school and where it's fulfilling or not fulfilling societal need. And our parents would say, And you know, you know, when you drop our children off at school, we want them to be happy.

We want them to come home and say, I had an amazing day. You know, I played with so-and-so, I did this. And so how do we create experiences that, that create that intentionally. And parents also say, I want my kid to be liked. I want them to have friends. And, and our students would say in middle school, when I start school, I, I hope there's someone to sit with.

I hope that, you know, there are people like me that people that get me. And so the healthy relationships came from that. And from a community standpoint, El Cajon is, is high in opportunity youth, opportunity youth or kids that are age 16 to 24 that are not working and not in school. And to break that cycle of poverty, to break that cycle of outstanding student loan debt we had to think differently about being intentional about middle and high school to make sure kids find a vocational identity and when they make decisions about completing a fafsa, going to a trade school or going to the military here in San Diego, that it was because they know who they are and they're aiming their strength and interest towards something specific.

Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: I'm just trying to soak it in cuz there's so much, when I hear your story and I hear you talking about the No Child Left Behind era and then moving beyond that into really, how do we support kids beyond just test scores? Like how do we as, as your vision says, make them happy, have them in these great relationships gain fully employed. Do you feel like there's a new phase maybe because of the pandemic, I mean, not that that work doesn't continue, but kind of maybe how has, how have you to use a word I love so much? How have you evolved over this very challenging time?

David Miyashiro: Yeah. Before, before the pandemic and, and actually just as part of the last 11 years, I get to meet with the city manager, our mayor. Our police chief, our fire chief, the Chamber of Commerce president, all the city leaders, and I would always sit in awe of our armed services, our military, and our firefighters and police officers, you know, and tell the chiefs, I, I'm just in awe of your work because you put your life on the line every day.

Your service is so much, I think more impactful than ours. The pandemic changed my mindset on that because when school shut down, we were having weekly Zoom meetings with our parents and community and our teachers. And after the first three weeks when people realized, you know what? I don't think we're gonna come back anytime soon, our Zoom calls became therapy sessions of crying in desperation. Our local firefighters and police officers and public service providers had to go to work and they had no place for their kids to go. And so in April of 2020, we brought our union leaders and board together and said, our community public service leaders, the other essential workers, and we're considered essential workers are going to work and they need a place for their kids.

And so we opened our schools in April of 2020 with one classroom of 18 students. And then when people started to get word that, Hey, Cajon Valley's actually opening schools for kids that have parents for essential workers. We put out a survey to the community and 2000 parents said, we need to send our kids to you and you need to take care of them.

And so our employees stepped up by May of 2020 we had about 4,000 students in schools. And by June of 2020, all 28 schools were open. And any parent in the district that wanted to send their children for in-person learning could do so. And there's a story in the New York Times actually about our reopening because between April and June of 2020, we were the only school district in the country that was open.

And we didn't do it to stand out or to get recognized. It was listening to our community and saying, this is what our community is asking for us. They need a place for their children. And that's when we started to think of ourselves not as, we're not educators, we're public servants. We have a public service.

These schools belong to the community and to be good stewards of these schools and classrooms, we need to make them available. And we need to provide care, instruction, and healthy relationships so that our community can continue operating as a society and now I feel so much gratitude for this role.

I do feel that I have a seat at the table when I sit next to the police chief and the fire chief, and city council, and city manager. And we actually do a great service, and I'm so grateful for this job, for this role. People tell me all the time, a superintendent, you know, oh, I, I'm so sorry. It must be so hard. You know, your job must be so difficult. And I just, you know, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be in a leadership role in service. To provide what our community wants and needs, whatever that may be, whatever that next challenge is gonna be. And right now it's happy kids, healthy relationships on a path to gainful employment.

Three years ago, it was opening up during the pandemic when nobody else was doing it. In 2021, we had 28 of our students that were stuck in Afghanistan because of the United States pull out and our kids were visiting their families for the last time. We utilized our resources, opened up a command center, and over the next three months, between August and October, brought all of our students home through special ops and NGOs because the government wasn't helping.

But those are the things that we do in terms of public service. We do whatever our families are asking us to do with the resources we have.

Lainie Rowell: I, I got chills multiple times that you were telling that. Having grown up in San Diego, knowing how the military is such a part of that...

David Miyashiro: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: ...that community and you talking about all of these essential workers and how it's easy to say, oh, well, as educators, we're not really on that kind of frontline, but I love how you're explaining how it became apparent once it was taken away that actually we are this essential service. That we are part of the fabric of this community that makes sure that the, the first responders can go to work because we're taking care of their kids. So, woo, that got me. That got me. Oh, there's so much that you, that you all are doing in Cajon Valley that is just really inspiring and I do hope that people will take a look at all the wonderful things that are going on there.

As you're talking, I'm thinking about, okay, so there was the, the era of, I mean, and we're still in a point where people are emphasizing the testing, but moving past that and really focusing on that vision and just nurturing this whole child, is that a, is that a phrase that you all use in your district whole child or am I, am I throwing something that you, that's not one that you all use?

I can cut this out.

David Miyashiro: Yeah. We use happy kids and healthy relationships on a path to gain employment. And we're very transparent that we have a 5-0 conservative board in a blue state. And so when we start looking at vision, curriculum, assessments, we have to make sure that all of our language is politically neutral.

There is no one Republican or Democrat that's gonna disagree with happy kids, healthy relationships, or gainful employment. These are things that can unify a divided country. I think if we can start leaving the fringes and coming towards a common language and common understanding of what every child needs to experience to thrive.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate that because I do think there are some words and some phrases, and they might even be buzz words that can be somewhat triggering because there is some political affiliation for at least some people's minds, even if it's not necessarily the case. But I think that you working on constantly having that neutral language and being apolitical in that sense is really what brings people together. And I hear you talking about unifying. I've heard you before in, in other times that you've talked, talk about shared goals and there's just this very big sense of community when you speak about what's happening in Cajon Valley.

And I think that is felt even outside of Cajon Valley. I know you're feeling it there, but I think those of us who are watching what's happening, we feel that too. And I think that's just some, I just wanted to say that's something to be really proud of because that building of community is, to me, essential.

I wondered if you're wearing your World of Work shirt. Yeah. Is there anything else you wanted to share about World of Work? Because I know you talked about it briefly, but I just wonder if there's anything else that you wanna add to that.

David Miyashiro: Yeah, so the World of Work actually started at Qualcomm.

Qualcomm's, a giant tech company in San Diego and Ed Hidalgo, who used to work for Qualcomm, created a one day experience there called The World of Work, and he would take at-risk eighth grade students from each district and take them through a one day experience at Qualcomm where they got to try on all the different jobs there.

Not just engineering jobs, but human resources, design, marketing, advertising, corporate social responsibility. And he took the kids through basically a strengths and interest assessment where they started to articulate who they thought they were. I like organizing, I like working on computers.

I like using my hands to build things. I like to use math and science to solve problems. And then he aligned those with the different careers and said, you have a place here at Qualcomm when you graduate from high school. And our kids would leave there like all excited, like, I wanna work here, but the, the idea of every kid has to code, or every kid has to go STEM was demystified by his process because he said, no, we have a lot of people from India that are engineers that are miserable in their jobs because they didn't think about who they were. They just thought about, this is how I'm gonna make money, and money's not the driver for gainful employment. Gainful employment's about what would I do anyways if I didn't even get paid, so, mm-hmm.

Yeah, so that's where it started. And then we took that one day experience and we spent several million to develop a K-12 scope and sequence where every kid could experience a variety of careers every year so that they could have exposure especially in low income communities where they may not have conversations with aerospace or civil engineers or types of work that if we don't intentionally teach them about these careers, they won't ever be exposed to it.

So our first graders, every October, they pitch the city manager on where we should put the next hotel and why we should move the school here because of these demographic patterns. And it's first graders talking this language about civil engineering, which is exciting because kids can't aspire to jobs they don't know exists.

And this is our way of addressing things like equity. We don't call it equity, but it's equity. Right.

Lainie Rowell: Getting to the heart of, we wanna make sure everyone knows they have all the opportunities and not dismissing opportunities because they have some preconceived notion about, well, I would have to do this to go there.

And by the way, Ed from Qualcomm, so brilliant. Like, oh, I'm gonna bring people here and then they'll wanna come work for me later. Like, that's a very, very smart pipeline, right? I wanna make sure people know we have a place for them. It's pretty smart. I like that.

I know I have to let you go pretty soon, but I just wanted to give you the opportunity, you know, Where do you see things going from here in Cajon Valley? You've talked about kind of the evolution and, and maybe looking ahead, what are you hoping to see happen?

David Miyashiro: What we're excited about is there's a lot of energy behind doing education different.

And when people hear our vision, happy kids have the relationships on a path to gainful employment. People just say, that makes so much common sense, you know, we should do that. But then the question is, is how do you measure that? How can you change the accountability system from math, science, reading, which are still important, but measure self-awareness and self-efficacy.

Measure the quality of the relationships, measure vocational identity. So we received 1.2 million from the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative to start building a data system to capture those drivers. And are in the process of securing a Walton Family Foundation to increase that. Lots of philanthropy and research are, are investing in new ways of measurement to show that if we do these things and create conditions where kids are thriving in healthy relationships, they will actually self-actualize.

They will actually find gainful employment. So that's what we're excited about. Building new data systems, changing the way we hold schools accountable, not just in California, but across the country. And there's bipartisan support for that.

Lainie Rowell: Amazing. You are so good at bringing people in, bringing people to the table.

And what I also love about what I see happening in Cajon Valley is that you all are on the forefront of figuring these things out and then you share it with the world. Like World of Work is, is is now all over. Right? That's not just a Cajon Valley thing.

David Miyashiro: Yeah, it's catching on. We had our first World of Work conference in March and 550 people from across the country came together. That were focused on career development and closing the gaps in their workforce, because most states, if not all states, are suffering from the great resignation. Mm-hmm. And people are struggling to find workers in high paying, you know, high demand jobs. So they see this as a solution for workforce, but also a way to make sure that every child can live out their version of the American dream, whatever that may be.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my goodness. I feel like I could talk to you for hours, David. You have so much wisdom and so many programs and just the vision is right there. I know we've said your vision several times, but the Cajon Valley vision is just, something to, to be shared and I hope others will adopt that approach.

And then thank you for also looking into the measurement of like, how do we know if we're actually achieving this? That can be a very difficult thing. So I look forward to seeing how that all plays out. Now, shifting gears, I'm gonna give you the opportunity to give a shout out. Who would you like to show some gratitude to?

David Miyashiro: I would like to shout out Lane, who actually, you know, your name was inspiration for my daughter's name. Her name is Lane.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, no way.

David Miyashiro: It was gonna be Lainie. But then my wife thought I want, when she applies to college or for a job that people won't know that she's a boy or a girl. So Lane is, is gender neutral, which is why, but I wanna shout out my daughter Lane, who's the most amazing 10 year old, and my wife Jill.

I am grateful and they do so many wonderful things for me that I need to be more thankful for.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my goodness. Well that is lovely. And I can, I can say that is a very cool, I like the Lane and sometimes people call me that as my nickname Lane. But I think that's amazing. And so what a lovely shout out and I think you're getting very good at gratitude.

We're in this together, my friend. We're gonna get better at it, right?

David Miyashiro: Yes. If you're listening, you haven't bought Lainie's book, then that, that's a good start for the recovering non-grateful folks in the world.

Lainie Rowell: You're very, very kind. Well, and, and I tell people, I'm like at look at the cover, like it's says Lainie Rowell Evolving with Gratitude, intentionally Lainie on top.

Like, this is me working on it. This is not, this isn't like, I figured it all out. You're welcome. And that's why there's so many contributors in the book. It's like these are people who have great things to share. I need to, to raise them up cuz I'm still learning. Thank you so much. David, what are the best ways for people to, to reach out to you to, to find out more about all the amazing things happening in Cajon Valley.

What's the best way for them to catch up with you?

David Miyashiro: Yeah, Twitter's great. My Twitter handle is @DavidMiyashiro, my first and last name and direct message or follow and would love to connect and collaborate.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. I will put all of your information in the show notes and I really do hope people connect with you. See all the great things you're doing, all the great things happening in Cajon Valley, and I just thank you so much for your time. Your superintendent, where are you all in the school year? We're recording this at the end of May. Do you, do you all have some, some more time with kiddos or are they off?

David Miyashiro: Yeah, two and a half more weeks.

We're just hanging on. Okay. How about, are you, are you in Orange County?

Lainie Rowell: I'm in Huntington Beach and we're in a K-8 district, so believe it or not, my kids still have a month of school left.

David Miyashiro: Wow.

Lainie Rowell: And we don't start until a couple days after Labor Day.

So we're still on a very traditional summer calendar like that so we get to go on vacation the end of August when no one's around.

David Miyashiro: That's awesome.

Lainie Rowell: We get the best deals. Alright, my friend. Thank you so much for being here, and thank you all for listening.

David Miyashiro: Thanks, Lainie.

Episode 61 - When Calling Parents Isn't Your Calling with Guest Crystal Frommert

Shownotes:

Hold on tight as we dive into a mind-blowing episode! We have Crystal Frommert joining us, and she's about to drop some serious knowledge on parent communication. Prepare to have your socks knocked off as Crystal shares her practical and wholehearted approach to parent communication. Plus, discover the transformative power of gratitude as we dive deep into the art of expressing appreciation and uncovering the silver linings in every situation. Get ready to level up your relationships and infuse your life with boundless positivity!

About Our Guest:

Crystal Frommert, M.Ed, has over 20 years of experience as an educator in middle and high school. Crystal has taught math, computer science, and social justice in public, parochial, and international schools. Beyond teaching, she has served as an instructional coach, school board member, adjunct college instructor, technology coordinator, and assistant head of middle school. Crystal is a frequent contributor to Edutopia. She currently teaches middle school math in Houston, where she lives with her family.

Book: When Calling Parents Isn't Your Calling: A teacher's guide to communicating with parents

Website: ⁠www.crystalfrommert.com⁠

Twitter: ⁠@mrs_frommert⁠

Instagram: ⁠@teacherfeatureig⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, my friends. Welcome to the pod. I have a friend of mine, a new friend of mine and that is Crystal Frommert. Crystal, how are you today?

Crystal Frommert: I am doing well my friend, my new friend. Thank you for having me.

Lainie Rowell: We need to give a shout out to Darrin Peppard for connecting us.

Crystal Frommert: Yes, yes. I'm so grateful. And he's, he's a relatively new friend. I've, I've known him maybe for a year and a half now. So I'm really grateful for the people that I've met through, through Darrin, for sure.

Lainie Rowell: So Crystal has been in education for over 20 years. And an educator in middle and high school friends. I think she taught everything, math, computer science, social justice in public, parochial, and international schools. Like not only lots of different subjects, but in lots of different contexts. Is that fair to say?

Crystal Frommert: Yes. Different types of schools, mostly in international schools.

Lainie Rowell: And actually fun little side note that probably no one but me finds interesting is that I actually have been to your school. I got to work with your teachers a few years ago. So again, no one but me cares about that. But I thought that was fun.

And not only does Crystal teach a wide variety of subjects but she plays a lot of different roles.

So she's been an instructional coach, school board member, adjunct college instructor, tech coordinator. Oh my goodness. Y'all are gonna tell, I'm reading her bio because this is too much to keep in my brain.

One of the things I love is that she is a frequent contributor to Edutopia. So I feel a connection with her in that way as well. By the way, people have said that I'm a frequent contributor and Crystal makes me look like a real slouch because she has way more articles in, in like roughly the same amount of time.

So anyways, all of that. Crystal, please tell people more about how awesome you are.

Crystal Frommert: Well, thank you for the intro. Yes, I'm the kind of person who loves to try new things. If there's a new opportunity, I'm sometimes too willing to say yes. To the new opportunity. And that's probably why I've taught so many different subjects and had different roles.

When I was asked to teach a college level course, I was also teaching full-time at the international school as well. That was a very busy semester. So I'm grateful that I'm the kind of person who says yes, but I also, it could get a little overwhelming sometimes too.

Lainie Rowell: I think this might be an occupational hazard that a lot of educators have a hard time saying no.

Crystal Frommert: Right.

Lainie Rowell: Well, one of the things that I have not yet mentioned, and I want to make sure to highlight cause this is very important, is that you have a new book out When Calling Parents Isn't Your Calling.

Super clever title. I almost wanna say it again, especially cuz I just messed up there. Super clever. Oh my gosh, I can't speak. Crystal take it from here. You got the rest of the show, right? You know the questions, I'm just gonna put myself on mute. Tell us about your book When Calling Parents Isn't Your Calling.

Crystal Frommert: And actually the book came from an Edutopia article. My very first Edutopia article that I wrote in middle of 2020. Because of the pandemic, I was at home and I was bored. And so I started writing and that article was about how to connect with parents.

I wrote that because my, my own experience as a teacher when I started out in the early two thousands was that I was nervous and hesitant to talk to parents. I don't think I had enough confidence. I don't think I had the skills, and honestly, I was never really trained on how to communicate effectively with parents.

So I wrote this article for Edutopia. And then Darrin, he loved the article. He helped me to turn that into a book. And oh, you know, fast forward a couple of years later now, it's an actual book called When Calling Parents Isn't You're Calling it is geared towards the teacher who might be a little bit hesitant to talk to parents, or maybe they have talked to parents before and the parents maybe were angry with them, or it wasn't a pleasant experience. And I give a lot of how-tos, it's more of a guidebook a desk reference, if you will, to have it at your desk if there's a difficult situation. Or just some strategies on how to build that partnership.

Because I do believe, and I think most educators also believe that without that partnership, it's really hard for the child to be successful in school. And so that is what the book is about. So I recommend it for anybody who has any kind of hesitancy or any kind of nervousness around talking to parents for sure.

Lainie Rowell: And I have read it cover to cover and five star review already submitted. And I thought it was really helpful. And I hear what you're saying about, We want our learners to be successful and we want them to flourish as much as possible. And so when that home-school relationship is positive and strong, that's such a benefit to the learner and, to us too, right? Really.

Crystal Frommert: Right. Yeah. And, and, and the book goes through by chapter, different scenarios in which you would talk to parents. I mean, I think some of the most common right now are, you know, email. Some teachers who are much younger than me are probably texting and you know, obviously there's the traditional parent conference, there's the phone call, there's parent night.

And, and the book goes through chapter by chapter, all of those different scenarios and how to make those more successful for yourself and how to make them more successful for the family as well.

Lainie Rowell: Okay, so I'll date myself, emailing parents that was a new thing when I started teaching. And...

Crystal Frommert: Me too.

Lainie Rowell: ...we made every mistake we possibly could have and sometimes it's good just to, even if you've been doing this a while, it's good to go back and like, refresh on like, what are the, what are the ways that I could really do this the best possible. I hope everyone gets a chance to check it out. Again, I bought it as soon as Darrin connected us, I was like, Amazon getting it now. Very excited.

Crystal Frommert: Thank you. Thank you for reading it and thank you for the, for the great review as well at Amazon.

And I wrote it because connecting with parents is, you know, it's not something that we love to do in our job and I hope this book will help someone realize, okay, I may not love it.

That's okay, but here's how I can do it better.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And then you might end up loving it once you build those strong relationships. Right. So super practical, wholehearted guide, engaging, just a delightful read. That's, that's only part of my five-star review.

So Crystal, what does gratitude mean to you?

Crystal Frommert: You know, I love that question. I am the kind of person who writes a gratitude journal every morning. And I'm a little bit of a techie, so I do do this on my phone. I know that there's a lot of value in writing down gratitude pages, like by handwriting.

But my handwriting is not the best and so I, I do prefer to type this on my phone, but I do have an app that every single morning I write what I'm grateful for. And I have a teenage daughter as well, who is not always loving the 7:30 AM drive to school. And I do tell her on the ride to school, I tell her, oh, today in my gratitude journal I wrote about this, especially if it has anything to do with her.

And she rolls her eyes a little bit, but I, I think it's helping that she hears that this is a practice of mine and that she hears that often something about her life as part of my gratitude. And so that's how I do gratitude recording in my personal life and then beyond home, at school I do believe that giving gratitude to your students is extremely important as a teacher and given gratitude to your colleagues. No matter if we have a really rough day like right now it's, it's May and we're getting close to the final exam week and we're getting close to summer and the kids are just wild.

And I'm still trying to find things I'm grateful for throughout the day. And I tell the kids thank you, and I express that to them. And so I think that when we do that in our professional lives and in our personal lives, then we're gonna start to see the positive things that actually do exist in our lives.

It's really easy to just see the negative, but when you purposely seek it out and you purposely express gratitude for something, the good things will start to shine above the negative things.

Lainie Rowell: I wanna get to your book and I know you shared a little bit about it, but for me, and I, I hope the listener too, I wanna hear more about how you see this connection between building these positive relationships with families and gratitude.

And you and I have had conversations about this before, I won't pretend that we haven't, but I just wanna, I just wanna like dive deep into that cuz I think that's something that, It's really important and something that you're doing a great job of putting out into the world.

Crystal Frommert: Yeah. I was telling you right before we hit record too, in our, our pre-chat that right now I'm writing a blog post for Steve Barkley and I'm writing it for an audience of parents because my book is an audience for teachers. I am flipping it to how could parents communicate more effectively with teachers. And one of the sections, I'm still in draft mode of the blog, but one of the sections I'm working on is expressing gratitude to the teacher.

And that also goes the other way for the teacher to express gratitude to the parent. One thing I think that it's pretty common in just our culture is that when we write back an email, we say, thank you for reaching out, or thank you for emailing me. I guess it's how we write but really paying attention to that and being more specific about what are you grateful for that this parent has done and vice versa.

What are you grateful for as a parent that the teacher has done? I have the benefit of having really great parents that I work with, I really do. And many of them are just so grateful and so nice and they write little things like, thank you so much for taking the time to go over adding fractions with Sarah.

And that just means so much to me as a teacher that they see that and they're verbalizing that maybe in an email or saying it on the phone. And then to switch it again. I'm also, you know, like I said, a parent. And I try to remember to do this every year. I can't promise I do it every year, but I would send a note of gratitude at the end of the year to my daughter's teachers.

And maybe, maybe that's a gift, but sometimes it's just a handwritten note or it's an email to say, thank you so much for working with my daughter this year. Thank you for helping her to see how much fun science can be or something like that. Right? So finding something specific and I think that goes a really long way in helping someone feel seen and valued.

Lainie Rowell: Hmm. I agree. And I love that you're looking at this from both angles of, yes, as educators, we need to show gratitude to parents and families, which I don't think is necessarily a default. But the other way is really interesting to me too, because, it's a relationship and that's a two way thing.

What is the best to really develop that relationship is for it to be a mutually beneficial we're all seeing the good in each other and we're putting it in lights. We wanna make sure there is no missing this, right?

Cause at the center, between us in this relationship is this, this child.

Crystal Frommert: Right, right. And I, I put a story in the book and I was writing the book primarily during the pandemic years.

Right. I really tried not to focus so much on that part in the book because I wanted the book to be a little more timeless than just the pandemic. But there was a, there was a story that I put in there that I thought was just so meaningful to what it means for a parent to express gratitude to a teacher.

So. I'm not sure how it was in your area, but in my area it was really difficult to go grocery shopping during the pandemic. They would only let in like 10 people at a time. The grocery store shelves were pretty bare. It, it was just a rough time to get food and I was teaching online and one of the parents wrote me an email.

And said, can I go to the grocery store for you and your family because you are online with my child teaching him algebra and I'm gonna run to the local grocery store. Can I pick up some things for you? It was the nicest, I think to this day. It was the nicest thing a parent has ever offered to me.

I ended up declining, like I didn't really want the parent to know my grocery list. Like, yeah, some course light and Twizzlers, no, I'm just kidding. I don't. I don't really, but I didn't really wanna like express like, here's my family's shopping list.

Right? Maybe it would include Coors Light and Twizzlers, who knows? But I ended up declining.

Lainie Rowell: You cannot confirm or deny. Yes.

Crystal Frommert: So I, I ended up declining, but the, the gesture was just so meaningful because she even said in her email, because you are taking your time to teach my child, I wanna take my time to go to the grocery store for you.

And that, that just meant so much. And you know, I've had parents express gratitude in other ways and it doesn't mean a gift necessarily. Yes, I've gotten some nice, very thoughtful, generous gifts, but it doesn't have to be that. A handwritten note or just the word or just an offer to do something just means so much.

And I think the same thing goes around for a teacher that, it doesn't have to be just words of gratitude. You know, I know a teacher who, there was a brand new student at the school and he was really struggling to catch up with the curriculum because the curriculum was just a little bit more rigorous than where he had come from.

And the teacher said, you know, I have some free time on Sunday afternoon. Let's zoom with each other, and I'll just get you caught up on this particular chapter for 45 minutes. That right there shows that the teacher is giving her time showing gratitude for the kid wanting to learn more. And the family was grateful for that too.

So it doesn't have to be written. It can also just be through your actions as well.

Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm. We want kids to be grateful for the opportunity to learn and we need to be grateful. So nothing should be taken for granted. We should be appreciating these things from all the sides.

Is there anything else, top of mind that you're like, I really wanna make this connection to gratitude or just in general that you wanna let people know about?

Crystal Frommert: You know, thank you for asking that. I think that one of the big takeaways from the book is to assume the best of parents, which is difficult sometimes to do because there is this unspoken contention sometimes between, well, the parents just want this and the teachers just want this, and that doesn't have to exist. We can actually just assume the best of each other. And I do tell a story about how we have parent conferences and they're very tightly scheduled every 15 minutes.

And if you miss one, I'm sorry. That's it. You're not gonna get your conference. It's a little harsh, but that's such a tight schedule. And I remember one year a parent just didn't show up at all. No email, no phone call, nothing. And the 15 minute time slot goes by and I still heard nothing. And so five o'clock at the end of the day, I'm exhausted.

I've had dozens of conferences and they walk up to my classroom and my first thought is anger. I'm feeling resentful. My body language is probably not very welcoming. And the parents said, we are so sorry we missed the appointment today. We saw a stray dog that needed to go to the vet and we took the dog to the vet instead of coming to the conference.

And we took care of the dog. Every bit of resentment and anger and fatigue that I had at that moment melted away. Mm-hmm. One, I'm a big dog person. I love dogs and anyone who's gonna stop and help astray dog is like, you shine in my heart. And those parents were like, do you have 15 minutes to meet with me right now?

I know it's five o'clock. I'm so sorry. And of course I'm gonna stay and meet with you. And not just because you saved the dog, but I should not have assumed the worst. Like, oh, these parents just don't care, or they just blew me off and, you know, that was my thought. And that moment changed how I saw situations.

There's another one that, that's not my story, but it's a colleague's story that she was director of a dance team at a high school and this girl on her dance team was picked up 45 minutes to an hour late every single practice. And it was really burdensome to the director because she's like, I gotta get home.

So she finally asked the girl, what's going on? Why? You know, why is your ride late every single time to pick you up? And she said, well, I'm not really supposed to tell you because my family doesn't like to talk about it. But I have a brother who is very ill and my mom has to wait for the caregiver to get there, to take care of him before she can come get me, but we don't really wanna tell people this. Mm-hmm. And the director of the dance team was like, oh, I had no idea. She learned something about the family's culture. She learned about the child's situation. So she just could have so much more compassion and move into a problem solving mode rather than a resentful mode.

And so at that point she worked with, you know, how can we help you arrange, cuz obviously going home an hour late, it's not gonna work. But how can we find a solution to this right? So that's the big message. I think that, that any educator or any parent, anybody can take away is, don't assume the worst, assume the best.

Yes, some people are gonna take advantage of you. That's gonna happen. But you're gonna live a looser, freer life if you just assume the best every time that you can.

Lainie Rowell: A hundred percent. I'm gonna put that out there as one of those lessons I have to keep relearning in my life because I have a tendency to take things very personally.

Someone not showing up for an appointment literally happened today and you know, I had set aside all this time and I was ready to have this meeting and my knee-jerk response is they don't value my time. They don't think this meeting is important. They don't value me. Like those are the things I'm telling myself, and then I have to stop and go.

Okay. This could have nothing to do with me. Mm-hmm. This could be that they have something else going on. I need to assume the best. I need to assume positive intent. I need to assume that they wanted to be here, that they tried to be here, that something interfered .Letting that go oh, that is, that is a huge weight that gets lifted off your shoulders when you stop making it about you. I'm talking to myself.

Crystal Frommert: Yeah. It's hard. I mean, it's, I know it's easier said than done but it's a practice that I I that I try and I fail a lot, but I keep trying.

So, you know, when I say this in the book, and I say this now in this podcast, it's not that I expect myself or anyone else to just instantly snap into, well now I assume positive intent. That can't happen. You have to keep practicing and it has to become a habit.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And I think the habit it's that you shift it, right?

Mm-hmm. It's like, okay, oh, I recognize what's happening here. I'm making this about me. I've told myself a story that is not based in fact. So that to me helps.

One of the things that I appreciate about your approach, Crystal, in this book is that you make it manageable and doable.

It's not this absurd ask of, okay, and now spend 20 hours on the weekend writing love letters to your families. You break down the process in a way that makes it, for me, it feels very manageable and doable.

Crystal Frommert: One big ask, and I know that teachers time is, is very limited. But one thing I recommend for every single teacher, no matter what grade you teach, is to start off the school year with a personalized happy note or welcome note to families.

And that could be sent electronically. Now some, I know that if you're teaching the little kids, sometimes they'll do home visits or they'll make phone calls because they have a smaller roster than a high school teacher with a hundred plus kiddos, right? But what I recommend a teacher do is send a personalized note to every family.

Take the time to find out their names and the honorifics. That's very important. Is it doctor? Is it ms? Is it Mr. Mm-hmm. Being very clear about that because that shows that you took the time to do your homework and you respect who they are and what their identity is, and sending a note to that family saying it is so great to have Lainie in my class.

I've known her for a couple of days now and I noticed that she has this great sense of humor and she really loves playing this particular game we played the other day, something like that. Very short, but it can be pretty specific cuz in a couple of days, you know, you know a little bit about your kiddos.

And one of the best things about this is when you have a, a kiddo that you know is probably not gonna be getting all happy notes, all year. That kid might be the one who's running down the hall or throws a pencil or whatever it is, right? Mm-hmm. Maybe that should be the first email you send. Yeah.

Because you want your very first contact to be positive.

Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm.

Crystal Frommert: So if Daniel is in your class and Daniel is starting to get a little cheeky already, then send an email to Daniel's mom and dad or dad and dad, whoever they are and just say, I am so glad that Daniel's in my class. He has a great sense of humor and he, you know, is very social.

Something like that. I'm looking forward to seeing a parent night and then the next time if Daniel does throw the pencil across the room, then you've already established with his parents that you know him and that you see him for who he is and you like him because that's what parents really deep down wanna know.

Do you like my kid? Mm-hmm. That's, that is really, really important. And I know that one short little email is not gonna solidify that confirmation that you like their kid, but it is definitely an investment into that bank account of, you know, positive relationships. So that is my ask of educators.

Lainie Rowell: Again, I think that's completely manageable and doable.

This is not a every day, but this is a start off on the right foot and it is a huge return on investment. And one of the things that I try and remember is that not every parent had a great experience in school themselves. Maybe they didn't feel seen and valued.

And so when you start off with that, you're now shifting this relationship from, oh, this is gonna be the same old, same old to this parent going, oh wow. Like, I don't think this ever happened for my family when I was in school. This is totally different and it kind of resets the expectation, the dynamic, if you will.

Crystal Frommert: That's a great point. You're right, you're right.

Lainie Rowell: And another thing I just wanna point out, because I think this is a beautiful ask, is that you are saying reach out to every family and that is, not just the ones who raise their hand every time you ask a question and cannot wait to help you with everything.

And those kids are magical and they help our rooms run really, really well. And you're also talking about the kids who, and again, this will also reset with them, right? Because they're like, wait a second, this has never happened. I haven't gotten anything positive home yet. This is a different thing.

Maybe this is gonna be something new. But then also the kids who don't hear their names called very often. Because we do have some kids who can really fly under the radar, and I actually think that's maybe the biggest group of kids that we have. So when you're making this intentional thing to reach out to all of them, that's huge.

That's just so huge. And the fact that you're talking about the authenticity and the specificity is also really, really important because it's not like when two kids are on the playground. Oh, Mrs. Frommert called my family. Oh, she called my family too. What did she say? You know, they'll, they'll sus out pretty quickly if you said the exact same thing.

Kids are good at that. And actually, to be honest, so are families.

Crystal Frommert: So yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. The parents' WhatsApp will go crazy and say, oh, we all got the copy pasted email. You know? Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: And that could actually do more damage than good. So make it, make it specific and authentic and it doesn't take a lot, just a couple little things.

So it's unique and there's things coming along to maybe make that even easier, like, I don't know, ChatGPT maybe could help.

Crystal Frommert: ChatGPT will do that. That's right.

Lainie Rowell: I won't take us down that rabbit hole. But you know, Crystal and I actually have been been doing some writing together and we've got a little idea here.

We're gonna put out into the world in some way, shape, or form. And hopefully that'll be available to the world by the time this comes out. And we'll put it in the show notes because we do think there's some ways that maybe we can leverage still being completely genuine. Genuine gratitude, genuine connections with families.

Little easier on the time.

My friend. Who would you like to give a shout out to?

Crystal Frommert: There are so many educators out there who have shaped who I am as a teacher. I mentioned I don't really mention a lot of names in the book, but I mention people that I've worked with in the book who have taught me little nuggets of wisdom.

Right now I really am following a lot of the work and working closely with Starr Sackstein.

She is an author and she also appears on many podcasts as well. And I've gotten to know her as a friend. And what's great about Starr's work is that she's influencing me in, in the way of maybe shifting away from traditional grading.

And I know that's a whole different podcast conversation to have, but I am really starting to rethink how grading works in my middle school math class. And I'm so grateful for Starr for making me rethink some of those things. I'm also grateful to Todd Whitaker. Todd Whitaker is an author of many, many, many books.

He's brilliant and he took the time to chat with me very early in my writing process through Zoom. We chatted about his book called Dealing with Difficult Parents and he wrote this book in the early two thousands and I wrote to him and it said, Dr. Whitaker, I'm writing a book that is sort of similar to yours.

Could I ask you some questions? Yeah. And he was like, yes. And so there are so many people who have given their time to just, to help me to, to become a writer and to help me become the teacher that I am today. There's too many to list, honestly, that are, that are still shaping who I am.

Lainie Rowell: Well, you mentioned two that I truly appreciate.

I follow both Starr and Todd, and I wanna say something about the fact that you approached an author who wrote a book on the topic you're writing a book on, because I think that intuitively people would be like, oh no, they're not gonna wanna help you. But I think that's a testament not only to Todd Whitaker, but to most authors that I have come across that are actually really happy just to help and get the good stuff out there, not about themselves.

But just, this is the message and if you're gonna put this out, I wanna support you in doing that. And so I think that's something really lovely about educators and authors.

Crystal Frommert: So grateful for that.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And also when you mentioned Starr, I see a real connection between those topics because to me, most of the points of friction between families and educators, has to do with grading. And so we can go to better creating practices. That will lead to better relationships.

Crystal Frommert: I could talk for two hours about I know, but I won't. I won't.

Lainie Rowell: It's a tough one for sure. I think we all have very strong opinions on it.

I do. Star does a beautiful job with this conversation, as does Tom Shimmer, who's also been on this particular podcast. He has a great episode on here. So I echo the, the gratitude to those thought leaders. All right, my friend Crystal, I will put everything in the show notes, but how can people get in touch with you?

Crystal Frommert: Twitter is a great place to start a conversation. That's @mrs_frommert, or if you just search up Frommert, F r o m m e r t that's how you can find me. If you go to Edutopia you can find some of my writing there as well. I'm on LinkedIn. There aren't that many Frommert in the US.

There are many in Germany, but not that many in the US so if you search up Frommert, you're probably gonna find me or one of my cousins, so...

Lainie Rowell: There you go. Alright. I bet they're delightful people too.

Okay, crystal, thank you so much for being here and thank you all for listening.

Crystal Frommert: Well, thank you. Thanks for your time.

I really appreciate it.

Episode 60 - Belonging: A Precondition to Learning with Guest Geoff Cohen

Shownotes:

Get ready to uncover the power of belonging with our incredible guest, Dr. Geoff Cohen. He's got the latest research, and it's showing us that from the moment we're born 'til our final breath, feeling like we belong is absolutely crucial for learning and growing as individuals. Geoff also reveals the one thing that, if it could be bottled up, it would be a billion-dollar drug. So join us as we dig deep into how belonging is the precondition to learning!

About Our Guest:

Geoffrey L. Cohen is a Professor of Psychology and the James G. March Professor of Organizational Studies in Education and Business at Stanford University. He is a social psychologist by training and received his PHD at Stanford and his BA at Cornell.

Professor Cohen’s research examines the processes that shape people’s sense of belonging and self-concept, and the role that these processes play in various social problems.

Book: ⁠BELONGING: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides, by Geoffrey L. Cohen⁠

Website: ⁠geoffreylcohen.com⁠

Twitter: ⁠@GeoffCohen⁠

Instagram: ⁠@geoffrey.cohen.77⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, friends. I have a real treat for you. So much so that I had been taking notes and if you listen to this podcast often, you know, I'm not a note prepper or anything like that. This is a conversational podcast, but I do have someone, this was like a big swing for me. I usually invite people I know because I feel like.

They'll be more likely to say yes, but this is a big swing. I have with me today. Dr. Geoffrey Cohen, and he's given me permission to call him Geoff, so I'm gonna do that.

Is that still okay, Geoff?

Geoff Cohen: That is perfectly, perfectly cool by me.

Lainie Rowell: Okay, thank you. We had a chance to meet in person in New York City about a month ago now at the Learning and the Brain Conference. You were the keynote, but I was a speaker, so I thought, well, maybe if he sees that I'm a speaker here, he'll be more likely to say yes. I don't know if that played into it at all, but all that to say, Geoff, I'm very happy to have you here.

Geoff Cohen: Oh, it's a delight to be here. Thank you for introducing me.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. I'm gonna give you more of a proper introduction and then I'd love for you to tell people more about you.

This is going to be an abbreviated bio because there is a lot to share. P rofessor at Stanford and Geoff is a social psychologist by training, has a PhD from Stanford and BA at Cornell. So very impressive. Already we're in.

And then, Professor Cohen's research examines the processes that shape people's sense of belonging and self-concept and the role that these processes play in various social problems.

Now, I want to point out that he's the author of an incredible book, Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides. Now, I had seen this pop up a bunch of times, but I'm gonna tell you, Geoff, here's what, put me over the top. Add it to the Amazon cart. Purchase now was Greater Goods Editors pick this as one of the most thought-provoking, practical, and inspiring science books of 2022.

And I love my friends at Greater Good Science Center. So that was a huge endorsement I'm in.

Geoff Cohen: Hmm. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Well, as you said, I'm a social psychologist by training. That means I study people in situations. I'm, I'm very interested in how situations affect people's psychology. I'm not a clinical psychologist. Clinical psychologists and personality psychologists tend to focus on kind of the inner dynamics of people.

What I am interested in as a social psychologist is how the everyday situations of our lives shape us in sometimes surprising ways. So that is kind of key to my identity. Also key to my identity, I grew up in New Jersey, so I'm, I'm an east coaster and culturally an east coaster. Born and raised in central Jersey.

And I guess I, I do feel a, a little bit like an outsider living in California, displaced from my East Coast roots. So there is a kind of personal side to the, to the focus on belonging as well.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. Well, I'm looking at your background, which is stunning by the way, are you in Northern California right now?

Geoff Cohen: Well, I took the opportunity to move to New York City. I'm on sabbatical, so New York City is my favorite place on earth and I've never lived in a city, so I took the opportunity to just move here for a few months and, and experience the city. And I just love New York City. And the diversity and the energy of it.

So currently I'm living in New York City, at least for the next few months.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I have to say I asked because I was like, how did you seek out and find an exposed brick living situation in Northern California? That's not terribly common. So...

Geoff Cohen: That's right. You see it on the video. You can see this lovely exposed brick.

This is a true New York apartment, studio apartment that I just kind of lucked into way below market value. A friend of a friend had gotten engaged and she still wanted to hold onto her apartment, so I'm just subletting it from this friend of mine. And it really worked out. It just kind of luckily and I think she's has a bit of an artistic bent, but this is sort of classic New York style studio living.

Lainie Rowell: This is an audio podcast, so I just had to share that with our listeners because they don't get to see it. So I feel a little spoiled right now.

I'm looking at this beautiful background. All right, so I do wanna get into your book that I am so fascinated. You know, I already shared five star review on Amazon. That's one of my love languages is I like to give five star reviews to books that I think are important and add value. And so exceptional, insightful, please go check it out if you, if you haven't already purchased this book.

So Geoff, I'm gonna ask you to do me a favor and start with a, what I would say is a simple, but maybe not an easy question, and just what does gratitude mean to you?

Geoff Cohen: Oh, that's such a great question. I've never been asked that question, but off the cuff I would say a lot of it's being seen. You feel seen by the other person and appreciated. And I think in a lot of ways we kind of go through our lives not feeling fully seen. And as a social psychologist I've always studied how these wonderful qualities and abilities people have often don't come to the surface in situations. They're kind of somehow suppressed by the situation. And so I think gratitude means that you're being seen and recognized for the beauty of who you are and feeling that way. Feeling appreciated is, is I think at, at the core of gratitude.

What do you think, though? You're the expert here on this.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I don't know about expert. I lean to the experts like Dr. Robert Emmons and the social scientist, but I like how you're pointing out the feeling seen as in people are grateful for me.

They see this in me. And then I have so many questions to ask you, oh my gosh, this is gonna be hard to keep this podcast short. So I'm gonna limit my answer. But, I definitely think that's a beautiful part of it. And then also, hopefully we see it in ourselves too, I would say.

And I, I think that might be something that comes up in your work.

Geoff Cohen: Lovely. I love that. Yeah. Being grateful for yourself.

Lainie Rowell: I hope that's the, that's maybe that's the, the ultimate goal, right?

Geoff Cohen: Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's, yeah. That's, that's really well put. And it may not be very different after all, whether you're appreciated by yourself or by others.

It's kind of all kind of, of a piece, I think.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and I think maybe one thing to overcome in both situations is negativity bias. That's something that happens to come up a lot when I'm talking to people about Gratitude is, you know, we see all the, the not great things exponentially more than we see the great things.

So if we can try and train our brains to see all the good in others and ourselves, I think that leads to a lot more pleasant existence.

Geoff Cohen: I, I agree. I have a good friend of mine who said that, you know, I think he said that there's two enemies to happiness. He was just simplifying. He was a fellow graduate student and one is the negativity bias.

We're just kind of wired to see the negative and we've kind of evolved that way in, for instance, research on loss aversion, the, the potential for a loss losing something looms much larger and feels to us as if it would be much more powerful than the pleasure we, we get from a gain of equivalent magnitude.

And that's just one example of many that we're kinda constantly going through life feeling and fearing the potential for loss and that that can kind of get in the way of seeing the wonder and beauty in others and in our environment and in ourselves and in our experience.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. So it's effort, but it's worth the effort, right?

Geoff Cohen: Yeah. It's worth, yeah. And it's work. It is work, yeah. You know, meditation helps research and social psychology helps these strategies ranging from self-affirmation or practicing random acts of kindness. Sarah Allgeier's work on just kind of making time to express gratitude for others. Making it kind of intentional, making your, your life intentional around these goals.

It can be really helpful.

Lainie Rowell: Those were some great examples of how gratitude can be practiced in our lives. And I wanna get to talking about your book because I'm fangirling, I'm gonna nerd out as much as I can. I wanna first ask you a somewhat general question and just, what do you see as the connection between gratitude and belonging.

Geoff Cohen: That's an interesting question.

Let's play with that a little bit. Well, I think belonging is in part a sense that we get and a reality that we experience in which we are fully accepted for who we are and we're part of a larger whole part of a larger group, but we're still ourselves and we feel like ourself has a sort of vital role to play in the group.

And we care about the group, and the group cares about us. It's kind of like being at home or being in a good family, that sense of belonging. So I think gratitude fits into that because I will feel like I belong if I feel like other people in my group are grateful for my presence and grateful for what I have to offer.

And that may be kind of a key element of that feeling of belonging. I do a lot of research in educational context, when a teacher says to a student, I really appreciate your presence in this classroom and what you had to offer today, the student feels seen.

The teacher's expressing some gratitude that the student feels seen and is likely to feel a much stronger sense of belonging, at least in that moment. So I would say that that Gratitude is about mattering to someone else, being seen for who we are. And belonging is all about feeling accepted for who we are.

Lainie Rowell: I hear you teasing out the fully accepted and like we belong in this group, but also we play a vital role. So it's appreciating the commonality, but also the uniqueness, if I'm getting that right.

Geoff Cohen: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, and that's such a good point. It's not just, I think about being accepted, it's about having a vital role, as you say.

It's about having something to contribute. I matter to the group. Without me, the group isn't fully itself. I think that this sort of dovetails into the scientific research on purpose and eudemonic wellbeing that shows that one of the best things for us as human beings is to have a sense of purpose that's larger than ourselves. Something, a social project or other people that, that we're committed to. Could be a charity, volunteer organization, could be our family, could be our kids, could be anything but something bigger than ourselves to which we are committed, and that turns out to be a huge predictor of a better and more healthy life.

Having that sense of purpose, it's like if you could put purpose, that sense of purpose in a bottle, it'd be a billion dollar drug. Because having it, you know the reasons are pretty compelling down to the level of our genes is actually really a healthful, healthful thing to have a sense of purpose down to our level of genes.

I'm thinking of research by Barb Frederickson and Steve Cole showing that among people who have a sense of purpose that's either measured or manipulated, the genes responsible for bodily inflammation are less likely to be active. So even down to that level. So I think what you're saying is that belonging, is in part, mattering to the group, not just feeling accepted to it.

And, and I'm kind of adding to that, this idea that, yeah, purpose is part of this. Having a sense of purpose to the larger whole.

Lainie Rowell: I love that word mattering and I a hundred percent agree about purpose. And I appreciate you bringing up the physiological benefits, right? So often we think about how do we do these things that help us feel happier. We tend to think about the mental health benefits, but there's actually physical health benefits. Yeah. Which I think is kind of remarkable that that's how connected it all is.

Geoff Cohen: It really does seem to be the case.

The researchers that I know who've done this, some of whom are friends of mine, say they didn't really go into it thinking that the mind would have such a powerful effect on the body. That a sense of purpose, for instance would matter down to your genome. Mm-hmm. But they, that this is what they found.

And it's been pretty well replicated. It seems as though as a human species, we are let's say wired to be part of a larger whole. We're wired to connect with others and to work together with others for common purpose. Almost all purposes that that matter are social purposes and we've evolved to have that, and there's many stories you could tell as to why. One is, as Matt Lieberman, a neuroscientist argues and Naomi Eisenberg argue is that as human beings out in the wild are very vulnerable to predation and physical injury. We don't really do well on our own. We really need other people to survive and to thrive.

And so evolutionarily our physiology and our central nervous system have probably adapted to the importance of connection and working together. And that's probably why it's, it's very beneficial physiologically and in terms of our health to have those connections. But it's also very, very devastating when we don't for prolonged periods of time.

And that's one of the sad things about the era we're in, is that so many people are just chronically lonely. And the people who are most at risk these days, which, you know, being a parent myself I'm very concerned with is loneliness. Young adults the amount, the degree of loneliness is, is rising.

And even teens today, they spend less time with friends in person. And so there's devastating effects to not having that sense of connection. That, on the flip side is, is the bad news part of this?

Lainie Rowell: Well, let's talk about some of the good news, not to push away the bad. We have to acknowledge the bad.

Because your work does say, well, here's some things we can do. And there's so much greatness in your book, we can focus more on K-12 cuz the majority of our listeners, save my mom, are probably gonna be K-12 educators.

So, I wonder if you could share some of how we can, as educators really cultivate a sense of belonging for all of our students.

Geoff Cohen: Yeah. Well, to back up just a little bit I would say that the research of the 21st century has really shown the importance of belonging from cradle to the grave.

And in an educational context that means for kids to learn and to grow intellectually, they need that sense of belonging and, and I do think having watched my kids go through, K12 public school and having visited many public schools that we understand that and appreciate that much more at the primary school level, ages K through 3.

There's a lot of attention to helping students to feel connected and like they belong in the classroom. I know that it is not uniform across all schools, but there is a kind of philosophy that pedagogy that really values the importance of creating classrooms where kids belong in the early years.

But what research in the 21st century has really made clear is that that just persists through adolescents and then through adulthood. And in order to learn, in order to grow, we need a sense of connection. It's a kind of precondition to growth. Otherwise if we don't, if we feel like under threat in the classroom or we feel like we don't fully belong, our minds are really not in a good state to receive new information and to assimilate it and to grow and to learn and to challenge ourselves.

So that I think is really key, that belonging isn't just a byproduct or consequence of success, it's a precondition for it. And that's the basic message. You really do need it. At least at some minimal level. And if kids don't fully feel like they fit in, they feel like they're outsiders that will generally be antithetical to learning.

And I say generally just because I also know at the same time that being an outsider, feeling different is also a source of intellectual growth itself, treated the right way. But I think the sort of overarching message here is that belonging is sort of like soil for growth. So how do you create a classroom where kids feel nurtured, feel like they belong?

It breaks down into sending three messages and also creating the reality of these three ideas. One is you are seen, which we were talking about earlier, the second is you have potential to grow, to contribute to a larger mission, and the third is, you're not alone here. We're in it together. We're gonna learn together, we're gonna overcome adversity together.

So those three messages, if you can send those messages and create the reality in your classroom. Then you're golden. Then you're golden. The trick is, is that oftentimes we think we've created this reality for our kids, when in fact, from their subjective point of view, that's not what they're living out or experiencing.

And so a lot of the research that I feel like I'm more of a curator for in this field of social psychology just underscores how so many factors can chip away at that sense of belonging, if it's not constantly being reinforced and worked at and that includes negative stereotypes, includes sort of human biases.

So it's a challenge, but on the whole if we can create that reality and send those three messages that can be hugely beneficial for kids. And the re's a whole suite of strategies for doing that. There's a whole suite of strategies for doing that now that are backed up by the science.

Lainie Rowell: Thank you for taking a step back and talking about belonging being the pre-condition for learning and growing. I do think that is essential to point out. I'm just so excited I jumped ahead. We have talked about that idea of feeling seen not just in education but cradle to grave, that's a great way to put it. Our whole lives, we want these things and what I was wondering is could you talk about the idea of, "you have potential" and maybe some specific examples of how that might look in a classroom. And I do wanna add a note. I'm very sensitive to the point that you made so clearly about, you know, in the earlier years in elementary, especially just given the organization of elementary where we have one teacher of teaching multiple subjects, and so that naturally tends to lend itself, I would think more to belonging because these kids are with us all day.

I still think we have to be very, very much worried about the kids who don't hear their names very often because they fly under the radar, the kids who are getting a lot of negative attention cuz they're making some poor choices. There's all sorts of things that are going on even in a self-contained classroom.

But as you pointed out, when we get onto secondary years where we have kids jumping between five, six, maybe more classrooms, that sense of belonging can be even harder to cultivate.

Geoff Cohen: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: And I wanna point out one thing that you do really, really well in the book. Well, there's a lot of things, but I like how you talk about not assuming what someone else is thinking or feeling.

It's such a important, basic thing, right? That we can think a child feels like they belong. That doesn't make it so.

Geoff Cohen: Absolutely. And. I mean, we experience this in our day-to-day lives where you feel comfortable. Then it turns out afterwards you discovered that other people sharing that situation with you weren't, and I think that's a really key lesson that you're highlighting for the classroom.

And just to kind of give one quick example of that the work by Claude Steele, Josh Aarons, and Steve Spencer, and so many others on stereotype threat exemplifies that idea. Right, and they show that for members of negatively stereotype groups such as students of color in school, women in stem, the fact that we live in a society where negative stereotypes are pervasive, make the classroom subjectively very different and often more threatening for them.

And to make a long story short, with their research, what they show is that an everyday ritual, the standardized test. For let's say white students in the classroom. That's just a kind of an ordinary ritual. Yeah. It might be a little stressful. I might be worried about my abilities being evaluated, but for members of negatively stereotype groups such as African Americans, Latino Americans, Native Americans, that test is more freighted with threat because there is this possibility in my mind that if I do poorly, it could be used to validate this negative stereotype that's out there in the classroom and in the wider world about my group. And so it makes the test a psychologically altogether different experience for me as a minority group member than it is for a white student. There's sort of a kind of greater intensity and variety of threat that come to bear when I'm taking that test.

So for a teacher who gives out a test, they might be thinking, this is just regular test, but from the subjective point of view of the student, that might be true for some students, but for others it may not be. And one very difficult challenge to being an educator today is that students are coming from such a wide range of backgrounds and groups that there's such a wide range of sensitivities of which we can never be fully aware.

And so to create a classroom where all feel like they belong is a fine art.

Lainie Rowell: One of the things you point out in your beautiful book is sometimes we just need to ask people, right? Rather than assuming we know how people are gonna feel about things asking and how can we make this a valuable experience?

How can we make this a less, less of a threatening experience?

Geoff Cohen: Yeah, that's right. I just wanna make two points. One is that even though there is this way in which classrooms can be experienced so differently if we're wise to that as educators, we can kind of better address the sort of wide range of sensitivities and create classrooms that are conducive to all kids' sense of belonging.

And to give one example of this. We did a study many years ago. This was with Claude Steele and Lee Ross and David Jaeger, where we were looking at how teachers give critical feedback to kids in their classroom. And I'm gonna sort of simplify the story here, but what we found was that when black students get critical feedback from a white teacher, they're more likely to think that I might have something to do with bias against them or against their group than white students. And this is an example of stereotype threat. This idea that when I'm in a certain situation where I know the stereotype could be used against me, it, it's just natural to wonder if the stereotype is, is being applied, so as a minority student, getting that critical feedback from a white teacher, I'm understandably worried. And apprehensive about the possibility that this feedback might have nothing to do with the quality of my work and be more of an indication of the teacher's bias against me. So from the first person point of view of the student that feedback interaction is more freighted for a kid who's contending with a negative stereotype than it is for a kid who's not.

So what can you do about it? Well, one way, if you kind of understand that, you can kind of equate the subjective playing field as a teacher. And one way to do that in this situation is to say upfront, before you give the criticism I'm giving you, let's just be clear here, I am giving you this critical feedback because I have high standards and I believe in your potential to reach them.

So what I'm doing there is I'm disambiguating the intention, but behind the feedback and almost kind of inverting its meaning so that now you know that the critical nature of the feedback that I'm giving you is actually an affirmation of my belief in your potential. And what we found in numerous studies is that that pretty much closes the gap.

The racial gap in response to feedback. For instance, in one study, the number of black children who revise their essay after getting feedback from their teacher jumped from 17% in a control condition to 71% among those who got that note. So that's one point I would make. That's just an example of how yeah, we can kind of change the situation, the way we give feedback to create a more equitably experienced classroom.

The second point I would make is just the value of perspective getting. This is a term from Nick Epley and his colleagues. This idea that the best way to find out how people are experiencing a situation is to ask them. And you can kind of look at the research, I think in social psychology and the social sciences more generally, especially in qualitative studies as exercise in perspective getting, just kind of find out, ask people you know, in a safe environment how they're experiencing a classroom.

Or if there's a problem, like a kid's misbehaving, take them to the side and in a sort of non-judgmental way, inquire. But also the research that Claude and others have done on stereotype threat is an example of perspective getting, you're trying to understand the experience, that first person experience of being in a school situation.

And rather than assume you know it, as we too often do, we kind of have a hubris as human beings, you can ask people for it and there's no substitute for open communication and pretty much just asking good questions and listening to the answers, which is just getting harder to do in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

And given the stressors and challenges that I know so many teachers experience, I know it's hard, but it gives us a great leverage, gives us great leverage if we really understand how our classroom is being experienced. And it takes some courage to kind of inquire because sometimes the news isn't as happy as you would hope it would be.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, I'm soaking it in and taking lots of notes. One personal struggle, and this is actually where it might tie back to gratitude, is that I want to overwhelm with the positive, I want them to know that I see all the good in them, but I get hesitant about that criticism because I don't want them to think I'm just seeing the negative. So I guess my strategy would be to give a lot of authentic praise, not just vapid praise, but authentic praise.

I think what would help me give that critical feedback is, like you said, couching it in the I see you have potential and that's why I wanna give you this feedback, cuz I know you can get there. I think that's a game changer. I think that really helps people like me because I think there's all sorts of spectrum on that, right?

Like some teachers who are ready to jump on the, you could be doing this, this, and this because they care and they want their kids to improve, but the kids don't know that that's where that's coming from. So you have to explicitly say it.

Geoff Cohen: That's right. You have to explicitly say, and I wanna kind of call out one thing that you said that's very important, which is it has to be authentic.

It can't just be lip service. I'm just saying this. Right. And so what that means, I think, is that it, it can take many forms that, that message I believe in. You can take so many forms, it could take the form that I gave where you're just expressing high standards and a belief in the student's potential to meet them.

It could take the form of expressing to the student what you really appreciated in an essay or their work or finding sort of things to be grateful about them that you think if they cultivated, could really help them to achieve their academic dreams. So it can take many forms. And I think what's really key is that it'd be authentic because people hate the research suggests this is worked by Harry Reese and others. Like the one thing that really makes people feel connected is that feeling mutual responsiveness. I feel like you're seeing me as an individual, not just applying a recipe. Right? And so a lot of this is about mindset and creating classrooms where Teachers genuinely have that mindset that, you know, I really do believe in you, and it's coming across day in, day out in word and indeed.

And there's so many ways to do that. Another just kind of quick example is just to call out this work by Yuri Treeseman and Claude Steele on the power of honors classrooms. So one of the best ways it turns out to help all students, especially those who are coming from under-resourced backgrounds achieve is to enroll them in honors classrooms, ironically.

Accelerate rather than remediate. But you need sort of good scaffolds and supports there for them to kind of reach the higher standard. But an abundance of research, including some pretty rigorous research by Sarah Cohodes shows that when students from underprivileged backgrounds are put in an environment where they're being asked to achieve a higher standard, and they feel like they are selected to be part of an elite group of students whose potential is recognized, they actually do better and they often meet that standard.

Yuri Treeseman's research to suggests this. There's a wonderful old movie about a famous teacher, Jaime Escalante, who kind of did this in East LA putting all his East LA largely immigrant Mexican kids into an honors calculus class and getting incredible results that movie is about 90% true, and it's been documented in a book by Jay Matthews as well.

This is another approach in which we can kind of weave this message of you have potential into our day-to-day interactions in an authentic way that's kind of continually reinforced.

Lainie Rowell: I'm gonna encourage the listener to maybe even hit pause right now and to think back on someone in their life who has given them that message of you have potential. Because if I go back and I think about some critical, sliding door moments in my life, often there was someone there seeing something in me that I didn't even see in myself. And I think that's hugely important. And not just to be on brand, but to go back to gratitude.

Take the moment to pause and notice who in your past has done it. Pay attention to who's doing it now, they're models to you and they help you do it for other people, in my opinion. So I wanna give you an opportunity. Now, Geoff, you've talked about two of the messages of belongings that I heard you speak about at the conference and I wanna give you the opportunity for the third. So we talked about you are seen, you have potential, and I wondered if you had a story or an example of you are not alone and how that has played out in a classroom.

Geoff Cohen: I've been sort of thinking of this, that, you know, the problems that we face as people can be very, very different at different stages in our lives, different eras, but the solution seems always to be the same, which is we kind of figure it out together.

I think that one of the key messages of belonging is that sense that I got people in my corner. I'm not alone. The metaphor I use is that when you're with people, you feel part of a larger group, it's like a kind of psychological perch, and you feel stronger because the problems, though they remain, they kind of loom less large and they seem more surmountable from that perch. And I think a lot of the research suggests that when we feel that sense of, of connectedness, we feel stronger, we're able to overcome challenges more constructively, and we, we persist, we persist even through adversity. So to give one example of this, I mean, there, there's so many, but in, in the classroom, one of the things that often happens for kids from marginalized backgrounds is that they feel alone.

They feel alone in school, especially in schools where they're in the minority and they feel like they're maybe not welcome there. So, kids from underrepresented groups or first generation students Yuri Treeseman observed African-American college students and he observed that when they were struggling in math, they often spent hours alone toiling away at the problem sets in his calculus course, he just was sort of engaged in some observational research, whereas other students, the white students and the Asian students worked together to figure them out. And so that's why he partly created this program that was not only honorific, but involved a lot of group study where people were working together to solve problems together, solve the problem set, and they were kind of structured group study sessions. But what this does is when you're working together in a group, you get two pieces of information. First, you learn how to do the problems. If you're stuck, you don't perseverate with the wrong strategy. You get a little feedback from somebody else who knows how to deal with it.

So that's the first bit of information you get. The second bit of information you get is that you're not alone here. Everyone's struggling with the material. It's not something unique to you or people like you, it, it's about the nature of growth, that it takes effort and an involved struggle always. And when you're in a group, you kind of get that social proof that, okay we're all in this together, we're all struggling. So it's not just something about me, it's not just something about my group.

To give an example of a strategy that can be really helpful here, some work by Greg Walton and David Jaeger and myself has shown that if you can give first year students, minority students, first generation students, or students from disadvantaged background information says, Hey, guess what? As you're going through the college transition, it's very normal at times to feel like you don't belong. It takes some time as well to find your niche. So what we did is to send this message to first generation students in various ways, but to simplify the study we shared stories with them from senior students at their school, and those stories just conveyed to the younger students that, Hey, you know, I, I had first coming into this college. I, there were long periods of time when I felt alone and when I didn't really know what I was doing or who I could reach out to, but that's normal.

And then the second bit of information conveyed by the stories is that with time, things got better. If I kind of used some strategies knocked on professor's doors. Put myself out there, maybe joined a study group, that things over time got better and we found that giving kids that that information in their first year of college had these large and long range benefits.

For example, it halved the achievement gap between black students and their white peers over their four years of college, even though it was just a one hour experience in their first year. And then years and years later, researched by Shannon Brady found that those students who got that message at that kind of key transition, they were just set on a better trajectory so that years later they reported more satisfying careers and even better wellbeing and health. So the power of that message, you're not alone helps people to kind of overcome these challenges that they might feel otherwise alone in facing. And that's just, that's just one example.

And I don't wanna overclaim here too, I don't wanna overclaim here. There's a nice new study by Greg Walton and his colleagues showing that that intervention that I just described, that that really works best in environments, in colleges where there really is the opportunity to belong. If you're in an environment where, even if I feel like I belong, the professors won't answer my emails or open their doors, then it's not gonna work.

These right kind of messages work best in situations and in institutions where it's kind of like a ladder, like I just kind of get up on that first rung and then I'm on the second and third rung, but the rungs need to be there. So that's an example of just this sort of power of feeling, Hey, I'm not alone here.

There's other people like me and it's normal. It's normal to feel the ways that I do. And research suggested that those are two of the most important messages people can experience that, that message that, Hey, I'm normal. And this get better, this too will pass.

Lainie Rowell: Those are great messages. I think I would probably wanna hear that every day, maybe on the hour.

Geoff Cohen: Thanks.

Lainie Rowell: Like you're saying, and that's great messages that we can think about at these really pivotal transitional times. Thinking of an elementary student going to middle school, a middle school student going to high school.

We can have the older students say like, Hey, this is how I felt and I know you're going to get through this and it's gonna be fine. You're normal. It's gonna get better. I love it.

I did wanna share one example of when you were talking about the you're not alone and learning how to do the problem together. Everyone is struggling. One of the best examples I've ever seen was a middle school teacher who he put kids together and they might have self-selected as far as who they worked with, but the task was to create video tutorials showing how to solve math problems.

And when you're going to the level of creating a video tutorial on how to solve a math problem, you have to break that down at every step and be able to explain it really clearly, not missing any steps, being so specific. And I've always loved that activity for a variety of reasons, the metacognition and so many other things that are happening as this process is going on. They're learning that other kids are struggling too, and they're working through it together.

I love what you're saying, that there's more than one way to do these things. Here's the big thing. The big message is you're not alone. And then there's a lot of different ways you can do it.

Geoff Cohen: And there's a lot of different ways you can convey it in so many ways.

In so many ways. And going back to what you were saying earlier, just kind of perspective getting there's no, there's no solution that's gonna work for everyone, but insofar as you can, if you can ask students how things are going and what would be helpful, that can be really helpful.

I would just do a call out also for a new study by Scott Carrell and Michal Kurlaender, two professors of economics, and I'm gonna really simplify, make a long story short, but they were interested in helping struggling students do better in college, especially first generation college students and students from underrepresented, underserved groups ethnic groups.

And the first thing they did was just perspective game. They just sat down with the students and asked, if you could wave a magic wand, what would make your college experience better? And there were two answers that the students said. One was more faculty interaction, we just wanna kind of get to know the faculty better.

And the second was more information on how we can improve. Hmm. And that was it. Kind of obvious, but that's what they wanted. And it was under-recognized because then they did a study where they implemented these two recommendations from the students. They had instructors of courses, college courses, large college courses, send timely emails to their students, basically conveying this message, Hey, I'm around for office hours and if you wanna get better, here's some strategies for doing so.

And the messages were tailored so that if you're a C student, you got some sort of concrete feedback on how you could improve your performance. If you were getting As then you didn't really get that, but just kind of got reinforcement for the job you were doing so far. And what they found is that this had remarkable benefits, large benefits for students from under-resourced backgrounds. So ethnic minority students their performance I think, improved by about 1.0 grade points on average in the class, which is a just remarkable effect size. And so this comes from inquiring with students and then, and then making these small tactical changes to your classroom that meet the express needs of, of the students. And I love that study because it shows it's, it's really not, it doesn't necessarily take a radical reform, though of course systemic change is, is often is very important. But sometimes it's, it's some of the most obvious things, but it has to be the right things.

And my mom says people don't change. I actually think people do change. The reason we think people don't change is because we're often using the same wrong strategy over and over again. It's like using the wrong key to open the door over and over again. And a lot of times it's, we just need that right key.

And the way you find the right key is to, to ask people, okay, what's, what's your key here? And then to provide it. And that study really gives a wonderful example of that.

Lainie Rowell: And when you're asking for the feedback, when you're doing that perspective getting and saying, what is it that you need?

And I love how you mentioned earlier, in a non-judgmental, I just need to know. The actually putting it into action. When you ask people what would you like and you do it, you also kind of wanna do it in a way that they know it's because you're listening to them.

A lot of times as a parent of school-aged kids there's feedback forms. What could we do better? We never see if any of that stuff goes into action. Yeah. Because unless we're literally on campus or in some way having direct access to the change, we don't even know what's happened.

Geoff Cohen: Exactly. You have to feel, as it goes back to mutual responsiveness, that Harry Reese idea and Avi Kluger, who is this kind of researcher on high quality listening. The ingredients of feeling like you're listened to, one is: yeah, first people ask you for your opinion. You're not shut down.

Second, they expand on it. Oh, oh, you mean you want more faculty engagement? Okay, well maybe we could do this by introducing these, these reforms. And so there's an expansion on what's said, and then the third dovetails exactly what what you're saying. You feel like what you said is then being used and implemented.

So some change is created, and I think those three elements of high quality listening apply to how to create belonging and so many institutions and contexts that people really wanna feel like I'm not just, I'm not just being asked a question and my answer being forgotten. My thoughts and my perspective are now being acted upon.

And that that can be so powerful when it happens.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. We care enough to listen, but we also care enough to put it into action.

Geoff Cohen: Yeah, that's right. And by way applies to parenting as well, especially teenagers.

Lainie Rowell: Do you have teenagers right now?

Geoff Cohen: I do. I do. Yeah, I do. And I, I really believe that so much about parenting, especially once kids become teenagers, is, is listening for so many reasons. But the most important one is that you convey that you're always available. So no matter what the problem is, they feel comfortable coming to you.

Yes. And that's, that's really what's key. If they don't feel listened to, if they don't feel seen, they won't come to you. And that means that the problems that they experience will go unseen by you, which we know is not a good thing. You wanna be involved, but also send that message, I'm available. I wanna hear, I wanna hear what's going on.

Lainie Rowell: I've traveled for work, my kids, both of their whole lives and I remember someone saying, well, it's gonna be harder on you when you're away when they're young, it'll be worse for them when you're away and they're older. You need to be available and around. Try and be home as much as possible once they hit the teen years. I know I gotta let you go here. Is there anyone you wanna show some gratitude to?

Geoff Cohen: Well, It's really hard. I am just so grateful to so, so many people right. There's so many hands lifting us up on that psychological perch. I really wouldn't know where to begin. I think I would just cite these general, wonderful categories of people in our lives that if you're lucky, you have mentors. I've been so fortunate to have two or three that have been really influential to me. Friends, my family, and my students, my students, graduate students, college students, undergrads. I think these people really are like hands, we're hands that lift one another up. And I'm just so grateful for all those people in my life.

I feel so blessed by that.

Lainie Rowell: Well, that was well said. And the last thing I wanna ask you before I let you go is how can people connect with you after the show? I will put it in the show notes. I will make sure to link to the book in the show notes because if people have not already gotten your book, they should.

And so what's the best way to reach you?

Geoff Cohen: Three. One is my website, Geoffrey L. Cohen, just my name GeoffreyLCohen.com. There's an opportunity to send an email through that platform. Also I'm on Twitter and on Instagram and those are good places to, to find me and reach out.

Lainie Rowell: All right. I am so grateful for your time. Thank you very much, Geoff, and thank you all for listening.

Geoff Cohen: Thank you, Lainie.

Episode 59 - Unapologetic Leadership with Guest Marcus Belin

Shownotes:

Join us as we dive into the world of Unapologetic Leadership with Dr. Marcus Belin. Discover how Marcus and his team have embraced positivity by finding what's good in the last 24. You will feel the excitement as if you're the one running around the school, interviewing students about their wins, from acing a math test to winning a championship game. But it's not just about the kids—Marcus reveals how cultivating gratitude benefits adults too. You won't want to miss this!

About Our Guest:

Dr. Marcus Belin serves as the Principal of Huntley High School, President of Illinois Principals Association, and was recently awarded the 2021 National Association of Secondary School Principals Digital Principal of the Year and was named to the Class of 2021 ASCD International Emerging Leader. Dr. Belin is a motivational speaker and host of the podcast Unapologetic Leadership. He is passionate about creating learning environments that foster social-emotional support for kids, leveraging the integration of technology to expose kids to the world around them, motivating educators, and challenging the status quo of education. He is an alum of Bradley University, where he received his bachelor’s and master’s degrees and National Louis University for his doctorate. Dr. Belin is the husband of an amazing wife, Monique, and a father to 3 beautiful children, who keep life exciting and active.

Website: ⁠drmarcusbelin.com⁠

Twitter: ⁠@marcusjbelin⁠

Instagram: ⁠@drmarcusbelin⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] All right, my friends, Dr. Marcus Belin said it's time to rock and roll, so we're gonna do this. I am so excited to welcome you, Marcus. Thank you so much for being here.

Marcus Belin: Yeah, thanks Lainie for having me on the show. I've been excited. I've been waiting on this moment, so thank you.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, you're so kind. Well, me too.

And we actually had a chance to see each other in Chicago. Back in February, it was a very, like ships passing in the night moment and I saw you and I'm like, oh, I know him so I had to quickly grab you and say hello. Hopefully you didn't feel physically accosted, but I did wanna grab you and say hello.

Marcus Belin: No, it's awesome. I mean, we spent so much time being behind the screen virtually. That when you finally see people, you kinda like, How do I approach this person?

Okay, cool. I'm gonna just go after 'em. And you did that, so I embrace it. I'm good with that.

Lainie Rowell: Well, thank you. And we have a shared project. We have both written chapters for Because of a Teacher. So yeah, I feel like we're part of that franchise, if you will. I don't know, but for our friend George Couros who curated those amazing books.

So honored to be a part of that.

Marcus Belin: Yeah, shout out.

Lainie Rowell: Always gotta give the shout out. So, okay. I'm going to do my best to be professional and give you a formal introduction, Dr. Belin, and you will please jump in and add all the extra things. This is an impressive bio. So here we go. Dr. Marcus Belin is a current principal. Friends, he's actually a principal who is on the second to last day of school. Wow. I mean, thank you. Thank you. Truly honored that you're taking this time. I know you got a million things. Also, NASSP National Board Member, Past President of the Illinois Principals Association, ASCD Emerging Leader.

I mean, principal of the year, there's so many things. Podcast host, speaker, keynote, or, okay. I, I could go on and on. Marcus, I'm gonna let you take it from here. What else do we need to know about you?

Marcus Belin: Oh my goodness. I know people ask me all the time, like, do you sleep?

I, I actually do sleep. And I don't do what I do for young people for accolades. Yes, some of that stuff comes and the opportunities are there, and I'm so appreciative of the people that have kind of put me in a position to to be able to hear all of this about me. But it's just been a humbling experience.

As, as you stated, like, starting a podcast happened during the pandemic. It was like a pandemic project. It was one of those things where you just, you got bored in the house and huge shout out to Adam Welcome, who just, he called me one day and he was like, you just gotta start it. Here's how you do it.

Go do it. I'll call you tomorrow and see how it went.

Lainie Rowell: That's a good friend. That's a good friend.

Marcus Belin: I did. He's, he's, and, and when the accountability is there, like I did it and it, his people tell me all the time, there's people who are in education who were not in educated like, Hey, I heard your podcast, like you're not even in education.

They're like, yeah, but I just love listening to the story so Unapologetic Leadership is, it's out there wherever you get your podcast. Always looking for people to be on the show, but just using it as a laid back platform to be able to share the work of educators in the work that we do and to hopefully push the envelope and move some things forward in the field of education.

So in the field of education, leadership, all of that good stuff. The only thing that I don't have on my bio, that...

Lainie Rowell: I know what you're gonna say.

Marcus Belin: ...I'm working on. What do you think it is?

Lainie Rowell: Because it was something I think I bothered you about when we were in person. You got a book coming, right?

Marcus Belin: Yeah. I got a book coming. I got, this summer is I have a bunch of ideas that when I'm sitting in the cafeteria with kids, like every day in my building is content, right? Like every thing that I've done just being a principal, that's always content. Cause there's learning that comes from it, especially reflection that comes from the work that happens every day.

I reflect every night. When I get home I'm like, okay, what, what happened today? What can I do better? What did I learn? And a lot of those stories that are, are really shaping and shaping me into the leader I've become. And so really focusing on my journey. Kind of being a fifth generation educator and being from a family full of people who have been in education from various levels.

And then really kind of moving through this journey myself, I've been in education now for 13 years. This is year 13. 11 of those years have been in administration. I taught fifth and sixth grade social studies for two years. I was a part of a I was a founding teacher of a startup charter school.

I was a founding administrator of a dean of students of a charter high school. Moved into public education, became a principal. And at 29, right? Who would've thought right at 29? So yeah, the, the list just kind of goes on and the opportunities have presented itself, but it's all for the joy of the job.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and I think for me, a lot of the things feed each other. So you're a very reflective person. Why not turn that into a book? Why not do the podcast and get that stuff out there? And then hopefully it helps others. I know what you do does help others. Hopefully what I do helps others. And it all kind of, to me, it feeds each other. It makes me excited for the work. Like, oh, I get to have this conversation with Marcus today. This is gonna be so fun. I can't wait to hear what he has to share and have this conversation. So I think it is time, but it's time well worth it.

Marcus Belin: Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited. I'm excited.

Lainie Rowell: All right. Let's dig in. I have the very intense first question, but the good news is there's no right or wrong answer to it. So, I just wanted to get from your perspective, and people ask me, I even had a guest turn it around on me the other day. Well, what does gratitude mean to you?

And I'm like, okay. Today it means, because it does change pretty much from day to day. There's a general understanding of it. But just kind of maybe what's hitting you right now as far as what are you thinking about, what does gratitude mean to you at this moment in time?

Marcus Belin: Well, it's interesting that you say that because at graduation, which was last weekend, I graduated 700 young people.

I know I just saw your face. I have a student population of just about 3000 and I graduated 700 of them. And to open it up, I really talked about gratitude being really a, a positive emotion and a mindset that carries a sense of appreciation. Appreciation for really the good things in life.

One of the biggest things that we have focused on this year in my building is being intentional about finding the positive. And so some of the ways we've done that with connecting with kids and connecting with my staff and even my community we've done what's good in the last 24. And what's good in the last 24 is literally we create a video.

I have a student that films with one of my math teachers whose energy is just as crazy and and hype as mine. We literally run around the school on Friday mornings for about 30 minutes, just asking kids like, what was good this week? What was good in your last 24 hours? And it really, forces them to focus on like, man, what was good?

Like, oh, I passed a math test yesterday. Or, oh, I'm ready for this test that's getting ready to come up. Or last night we won our regional championship game. It's all of the things that can happen. I got a lot of sleep last night, right? Like there's a lot of positives, the small, the large things.

But what comes from that is an understanding of gratitude. It's really the act of focusing on being thankful. I think there's oftentimes, especially working with teenagers, and like I said, I got 3000 students. Working with teenagers, there's a lot of privilege that comes along with being a teenager cuz they don't, they don't know, right?

Like they, they have the technology, they have the resources and even if they don't, they tend to find them. But really helping kids understand. Why it's important to be thankful. And I think in turn what that does is it helps adults because our goal is to teach them. And so we have to actively cultivate gratitude in our lives.

And that's ultimately what happens here, and that's what helps me on a day-to-day. So gratitude becomes a natural daily focus.

Lainie Rowell: I love that. I'm picturing you all running around asking the students the questions and that's a great visual, also a great way to start the day. Right? Like, that's gotta make you feel good too.

Marcus Belin: Yeah. Well, I actually don't run. I know this is a podcast so people won't see, but like there's a hoverboard that sits over in the corner of my office. I I do roll around my building on the hoverboard.

Lainie Rowell: You are joking me. Friends, I am seeing the hoverboard right now. That is, amazing.

I don't think I've ever, ever heard of a principal hover boarding around school. That's pretty amazing.

Marcus Belin: It's called administrative efficiency.

Lainie Rowell: That's awesome. I know that hoverboard, my son has that exact hoverboard, I think. Oh, that is so cool. Yeah. Okay, well hover boarding around to start your day. What a great way.

Well, I know you're big on culture and climate. And I'd really love for you to just share kind of what are some of the things that you're thinking about. It can be specific to this time of year. You could maybe tease some of the things you're going to share in this book.

And did we have a release date for this book?

Marcus Belin: No, not yet. I'm not that far. Lainie, I, I, I, I sense the pressure and I know that you're gonna continue to drop this. So I'm gonna feel the pressure all throughout this podcast and because it's out there for the listeners and knowing your platform and your, your base, I know I'm gonna get a little bit more pressure, so it's on.

Lainie Rowell: It's a commitment device. It's a commitment device. I find if I say things out loud to people, especially when I know it's being recorded and can be played back to me in perpetuity, like, okay, I better, better do it. So yes, in a friendly, caring way, which other people have done for me, that's where that comes from.

Marcus Belin: Yeah. Yeah. So I guess now in the moment, right and even focusing on

now that we're at the end of the year, like this is probably my most reflective time. It is, it's one where like I'm exhausted, right? Most school leaders are, all educators, right? No. No matter what capacity they serve, it's all relative, but like I'm exhausted. And I always tell people it's, it's good to be exhausted at the end of the year because that means you put in work throughout the year.

You put in work day in and day out. We all get, many of us get sleep at night, maybe not as much as we should, but we at least get some level of sleep to be able to make it each day. And now we are entering a very reflective moment in time. And so when people are like, Hey, you get two months or three months off in the summer, first I laugh at them and second off I think about it as like, no, I just enter the next phase of the job. And the next phase of the job is that reflection piece that allows me to determine what things I wanna change, determine how did I grow as a leader. And, and one of the things that I hope to put in my book is just that reflective act, just how I just talked about gratitude.

Mm-hmm. Making it a daily act in our lives. Reflection should be probably up there with thinking about the positive and thinking about the gratitude that we have, because reflection is going to allow us to think of the things and ask ourselves the intentional questions that are gonna help us grow.

And if we fail to have the reflective moments, we ultimately risk repeating a lot of the mistakes that we've made. And some of those mistakes could intentionally or unintentionally do damage to kind of the ethos around us in education, right. When I walk in this building, my mindset has to be different than it was yesterday.

And when I leave this building, my mindset has to be different than it was because I also have a family to go home to. And I have to be able to compartmentalize and say, I need to think about this a little bit later. But as long as I give myself the grace and also find the moments to be grateful I think that is, that's key.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And. By the way, I love that you have pictures of your family on your website cuz it was so nice. I prob... oh look, there, they're friends. I wish, this is one of those times where, I wish this was a video podcast, but they're all along the wall in his office too, so That's very lovely. And, it's something that's aspirational for me because my family is so important to me.

Mm-hmm. But it's. But I am not as good at some at leading with, I'm a mom, I'm a wife, all of that. But I love that they were on your, your website, beautiful family, and, and hopefully, even though Principaling is a 24/ 7/ 365 job essentially, I'm hoping you're gonna get some break to, to relax and enjoy that time with them.

Marcus Belin: Oh, I definitely plan on it. My kids are in cheerleading. I have two competitive cheerleaders. And then I have a son who is in Park District Soccer and soon to be in Park District Basketball on Sunday mornings at eight in the morning. But my five, they're five, seven, and nine, so they definitely keep life interesting.

And they're my wife who is the manager of all of our lives. Huge hats off to her. I just, I make, I make life interesting. They make life even more interesting and she somehow manages to keep it all together.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my goodness. Not to bird walk too much, but five, seven, and nine. I didn't do competitive cheerleading till I was in high school.

Marcus Belin: Oh yeah. They've been in it for a little bit.

Lainie Rowell: A little bit. They've been alive for a little bit.

Marcus Belin: There's a lot of tumbling that goes on in my house, back flips off, off the couch, on the bed tumble tracks. I got it all.

Lainie Rowell: Wow. That sounds like a very fun and active house.

Marcus Belin: Tell me about it.

Lainie Rowell: I, I would need a lot of sleep to recover.

Well. I wanna give you an opportunity. I know you talked a little bit about your podcast earlier, but is the book also going to be named Unapologetic Leadership? I'm really pushing and I, okay, I'm gonna take that back. I retract the question. I retract...

Marcus Belin: no, no, no, no. Don't retract it. No, don't retract it. I have like three or four different titles that is on that is on there.

It depends on the direction of how much of the journey I talk about versus how much of the, the role of a leader I talk about. It may potentially turn into, let me get book one out there, and then naturally gravitate towards book two. Because one of the things that happens to me, I, I see writing books... I know this is about to be an analogy that some people are gonna be like, wait, what?

I see books like getting tattoos, right? Like, you get one and you just have that urge like, I really like this. I want to go get another one. For me, it's like I read this great book, like, okay, cool, I wanna go read another one. Or I wanna be able to say very soon, hopefully I wrote this book. It was great. I wanna write another one because I'll know the process.

I, right now I just, I literally just need to jump to have that faithful jump of like, this is gonna be a great process.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And that's such a wise way to enter it because I feel like with my first book, which thankfully I had Kristy Andre and Lauren Steinman with me for Evolving Learner I had no idea what I was doing and had some really bad writing habits.

And in hindsight, if I had done some things a little bit different that could have been a faster and more enjoyable process. So, yeah. It can be enjoyable. Now I enjoy it. We'll see how many more there are.

Marcus Belin: We'll see if there's some people like ChatGPT will maybe give a basis of like a thought, like, Hey, take this thought and help me.

Right? Like be a crutch for me. My entire book will not be written by ChatGPT I don't think any of it will, cuz I think I have a a lot to be able to share with those who decide they want to read it.

Lainie Rowell: I think that it'll be really interesting to see how... you opened the door. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk about it a little bit because I think it's kind of fascinating and I hear some real pushback.

Mm-hmm. But ultimately, I wouldn't be happy with a book that didn't have my tone and voice.

Marcus Belin: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: So, to me, I would have to be so intentional in how I use, and I, I think it can be done. I think it can be done so well, and I think it can actually in the end, create a better product. As long as we're super intentional, which I know if you were to do it would be, but super intentional about like, don't lose me cause mm-hmm. I like to write in a way that people feel like they're just having a conversation with me.

Marcus Belin: I, I will say that I think some of the best books that I've read have come from the people who are truly just this is how it is. I'm a, this is how it is kind of person, right? Like my podcast is that like it's just a laid back.

We just rolling with it. I don't do a ton of editing. I just want people to know like this is how it is. If we focus our lives on striving for the most perfect product, we will ultimately always fail because one, there is no such thing as perfect and two you spend so much time focusing on the perfect that you actually forget what the message just needs to be conveyed to the people who read it, right?

Yeah. It'll be perfect to the people that need to hear it. So yeah, that's, that's my philosophy on it. So I hope that that'll be my driving force.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Alright, my friend, I don't think we've had a chance to talk about this yet, and I know I'm gonna be really sensitive to your time.

Second to last day of school. Thank you so much for taking this time. Yeah, but I don't think we've explicitly defined what does Unapologetic leadership mean? I have an idea of what it means, but I'd love if you shared for you how you came to that being the name of your podcast and an important part of your journey.

Marcus Belin: Yeah, so I, I've had a unique I would say unique to me, but I guess unique to the process about how people come into education. For me, I always knew I wanted to be an educator. Like I said, to begin, I was fifth generation educator, but I got into education and it was funny cuz this was actually asked of me today.

It was like, do you miss the classroom? I'm gonna be honest, I don't miss the classroom because my classroom is my school, right? It's just 3000 students. There's learning going on everywhere all the time. And I know that sounds cliche to some but I taught for two years and fifth and sixth grade social studies before I was offered the opportunity to move into an administrator and be a dean and educate kids with a different perspective.

I could be real good at teaching fifth and sixth grade social studies, or I can be real. Good at teaching kids life lessons through mistakes that they have made and mistakes that I've made or just general life. And so I found joy in that. And I was a dean at 23. I became a principal at 29, and where I became principal here at Huntley they took a chance on me and there were teachers who had been teaching here 32 years like I was born when you started teaching. You know what I mean? Like that, that's, it's hard to say, but like, I value them in my building. And so I had to, I was faced when I moved in here with the test of the normal, right? There are people who are just gonna test me like, are you really ready for this?

Can you do this? Whether it was coming from parents or whether it was coming from students or, or or my staff. They wanted to make sure that I was going to be able to stand my ground, right. I made some decisions that were in the best interest of kids and there were some decisions that I made whether it be to programs or processes or things that we do or the way that we do things that were a little more unique. I always told kids I'm a kids principal, right? Like I work for 3000 people and those are my kids. And then I work for my staff, right? And then I work for the people who pay taxes and the district. Mm-hmm. But kids first. And the unapologetic part about it is, is that my leadership will never be predicated upon making the adults happy before I make the kids happy.

Because we have to create safe learning environments for our kids, we have to create spaces in which our staff and the adults that work in our building who help run the building can be able to pour into kids. And we have to create all of that, but ultimately, if kids are at the center of our decision making, why should we apologize for the decisions that we make for them with the best interest?

Why should we apologize for that? And so that was where Unapologetic Leadership came from. Because I don't apologize for disrupting the status quo of education for the sake of creating that safe learning environment or just that great learning experience that kids will have. And that ultimately has changed the culture here.

And it's, it's, it's my guiding is one of my guiding principles.

Lainie Rowell: I think often we can let the adult issues get in the way. Mm-hmm. But sometimes they're not even as big a issues as we think they are. We're just in habits, we're in routines, and when we start to rethink things. The outcome is often not just the best for kids.

Mm-hmm. But best for adults too. So I love that. Unapologetic Leadership. I love it. All right, my friend. I am gonna be conscious of the time, and I wanna start with the wind down so I can give you an opportunity to give a shout out to someone. For those who know this podcast, you know, I am notoriously bad at holding people to just one.

So feel free to give more than one. Also don't feel like obligated to give more than one. But was that like a sigh of relief? Did I see like

Marcus Belin: Yeah, I, I just feel, I know you said conscious of time. I just don't know how much because I, I will tell you I figuratively I walk around with a cup like this, this, this cup of if you got water to pour in here, if you got something coming from the, well, I'm coming to grab some, whether I'm learning, I'm getting ready to drink, I'm getting ready to drink, right?

There are so many people who have poured into me from the time that I started on my journey who have believed in me, who have Who have challenged me, some people who have legitimately forced and pushed me and said, you have to do this. I'm gonna keep knocking at the door. I will send you a text every day until I hear something different.

Right? Like, first, it's, first, it's my mom my grandmother, she she passed away in April of 2020. On the day I actually defended my dissertation cuz she was like, I wanna see you through this process. And she did. And then my mom, who is an educator, she, you can only imagine with her being in education still to this day, just what our conversations are like on the phone.

We just, we think we have all of the answers to solving the world's problems when it comes to education. The key word is we think. My wife is an assistant principal. She'll be an assistant principal this coming school year. She's been in education as an instructional coach helping teachers.

And, and my kids who I get to learn from to understand, like, I will never make a decision for the kids in my building that I wouldn't be okay with for my own kids. Right? Yeah. And so shout out to them and just holding me accountable every day to the work that I do and being able to come home and be a dad but also be a great principal for great kids and great.

Great school leaders. And when I say school leaders, that's everybody. That's my custodians, my yellow limo drivers, my kitchen chefs I, my paras, I mean all, all of it. Teachers, everybody, right? My secretaries, everybody who makes my building run every day. And then outside my network I got a very big PLN.

Adam Welcome checks in on me regularly. George Couros. Jimmy Cassis my NASSP family, right? I, man, I, I could name a bunch of people and I'll probably forget some people, so I'm gonna just stop right there. My IPA family they believed in me and I am not where I am right now because I missed the calling.

I am where I am right now because I hit the calling. I believe I am in the season that I need to be in. I'm walking in that season just as proud as I can be. But I also know that there's a lot of people that have supported me and that, that are going to utilize me as that beacon of light in, in the field of education that has become so politicized.

And some places it's become so dark and some places it's become it's become a place where people expect everything and all things for kids all the time. And it's just not humanly possible. And so I think the, the, the burden has been shifted to the, to education in really a negative way. And there needs to be some more light to shine amongst amongst the great work that is happening in schools across this nation.

And I'm just one. Right. I'm just one person that's like, I got my flashlight ready to say I'm, I'm, I'm stepping up to the call and I'll do it at Huntley. And I want other people to do it in their buildings, and I want people who aspire to get into the field of education, to do it in their classrooms and hopefully in their buildings and school leaders and so on.

So I'm gonna get off my soapbox. You asked me to give some shout outs, but like, I can go on and on because I think there is, there's a lot of good in this work that we do and we, we have to dig that out of, of the places that it's been so.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate that. That was a lovely soapbox to be on. And, and thank you for being that light.

I really appreciate the work that you're doing, the great things you're doing on your campus and beyond your campus. And so I thank you to you, thank you to your family for sharing you with us. And so I also heard a thread of that you appreciate people holding you accountable. So I feel really validated that me just like harpin on when is, your book coming is like, yeah, a good thing and you're not mad at me, so yay.

Marcus Belin: No I'm not, I'm not like it, it is. Every, everything's a sign. Like there's always something. Again, in the reflective moment, I will ask myself the question, like, why haven't you done this yet? Like, look at all these people who are pushing you. I, I, I'm excited about the journey, so keep, keep doing it. It was the same thing that like people did when I was working on my dissertation.

Yeah. And I had told myself, like, when I was done with my dissertation, like, I'm gonna continue, like when I see people post on social media, like, Hey, working on my dissertation, getting ready to defend or having trouble with this, it's like I may not even know them, I will stop my scrolling, shoot them a, a quick inbox message like, yo, keep going. Don't give up. And for those people who finally do it, right, like it's a I don't know you, but I'm just saying congratulations cause I know what the process is like. And so people are pushing me to do stuff. I, I, ultimately, one of the biggest pillars and foundation of, of your podcast, right, and, and of gratitude, is just being grateful.

And I am grateful for the opportunity to not only be pushed by people, but to have the ability to push others.

Lainie Rowell: Yes, I am grateful that you have that belief in the potential and the capabilities of others. And yes, when I, when I push you, it's just out of knowing all that you're able to do too. So...

Marcus Belin: I love it. I love it. I love it.

Lainie Rowell: All right, my friend. I wanna make sure people know how to get ahold of you. So please, what's the best, I know you're on Twitter. What are all the socials Yeah. That you like to be on your website? Spill it.

Marcus Belin: Oh my goodness. Well, the website is DrMarcusBelin.com. Instagram, @DrMarcusBelin. That's the other side. I, I do have another one that is, is more, more of the personal lifestyle stuff in that house, more of the stuff where it's just a lot of content. A lot of what I've been doing personally, I've been out speaking and really getting into the keynote world cuz there's not a lot of people with stories to be able to share.

And I actually love talking to people. So I've just really gotten into that in the past couple of years. So that's been an exciting journey. People can find me, like I say, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn. Really if you go to the website, DrMarcusBelin.com, you can, you can find all of ways to connect with me directly.

And yeah, just wanna be able to connect with people so when people hear like, how can we connect with you? Like, please do, please connect, because I think there's so much that I can learn from you. And so much that I hope that you can learn from me. And that's how we, that's how we make this web a little bit thicker, right?

That's how we make the pipeline a little bit stronger is by constantly pouring into it with our connections and our networks.

Lainie Rowell: Love that. I am gonna make sure to put all of the ways to contact you in the show notes. So friends, if you wanna actually be able to touch on the button and go straight to Marcus on Twitter, just look in the show notes.

If you wanna go straight to Instagram, show notes, website, all of it, and the podcast. We'll all be in the show notes. And then just one more little loving push, once the book comes out, I will come back and update the show notes for that.

Marcus Belin: Yep, yep, yep.

Lainie Rowell: I had to, I'm sorry.

Marcus Belin: I can't wait for that. I can't wait for that update.

Yes.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate you so much. Thank you for this time, especially during such a hectic time of the year. I hope you have a great end of the school year and then onto all the other things that you get to do as a principal and just again, thank you for your time. Thank you all for listening.

Marcus Belin: Yes, thanks for having me on the show, Lainie. I appreciate it.

Lainie Rowell: My pleasure. Thanks, friends.

Episode 58 - Unlocking Unlimited Potential with Guest Brandon Beck

Shownotes:

Get ready for a paw-some episode with the charismatic Dr. Brandon Beck. He spills the beans on his furry friend Peaches and how she became the coolest classroom companion ever. Plus, Dr. Beck shares the secret sauce to unlocking your unlimited potential. Get ready, because this episode is filled with stories, purpose, and a whole lot of wagging tails! Don't miss out on the fun, fur-real!

About Our Guest:

Dr. Brandon Beck is a National Board Certified Teacher, Speaker, Results coach, and Author of "Unlocking Unlimited Potential." Brandon speaks to Teachers, School Leaders, Students, Athletes, and Coaches about the ultimate goal for ALL educators…to unlock unlimited potential in all whom you serve. He is also the host of the "Unlocking Unlimited Potential Stories Show. He also serves as an adjunct professor, a consultant, Results Coach, an editor and reviewer for AASA Journal of Scholarship & Practice.

Website: ⁠BrandonBeckEDU.com⁠

Twitter: ⁠@BrandonBeckEDU⁠

Instagram: ⁠@BrandonBeckEDU⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, my friends. I have Dr. Brandon Beck with me today. Hi Brandon. How are you?

Brandon Beck: I'm good. How are you?

Lainie Rowell: Good. You're a podcaster? Maybe you notice this? My voice gets really high at certain points, and I, I really would like to change that. I need to get like a voice modulator or something in here.

But anyways.

Brandon Beck: You either have to start high or start low or somewhere in the middle. It's very challenging.

Lainie Rowell: It is. All I know is that I don't have the radio voice that you do, but I'm very happy that you're here. So thanks for being here, Brandon. And I wanna make sure we get started with people knowing a little bit about you.

And so I'm gonna do a quick little intro, and then you're gonna tell us even more wonderful things about you. Is that a deal?

Brandon Beck: Deal. Let's do it.

Lainie Rowell: Okay, so Dr. Brandon Beck is a classroom teacher, speaker, author, and coach. That is the most concise way I can say what I wanna tell you about Brandon, but there's so much more.

I mean, he's a nationally board certified teacher. There's like so much, and I, I won't do it justice. So Brandon, please tell us all the wonderful.

Brandon Beck: Oh God, it's it's, it is wonderful to be on this, this show. I know I've had you on my podcast not too long ago.

And you know, for me, I'm a, I'm in Westchester County, New York, so I'm outside New York City, probably about 25 miles and probably one of the most expensive areas to live in the world. And so it's a wildly dynamic population of people as you go within like a couple miles of each other, just a really diverse area.

And I work in a school district that I've been, I've been a fifth grade teacher for 16 years of my 18 year teaching career because I love it. And I also got into a dual language program as a monolingual, which is a story within itself and just fell in love with the language side of things, even like completely connected dissertation work.

That I was doing to that area to reinforce and learn more because I knew it was an area that I needed to grow and it was an area that I wasn't as confident in. And that lack of confidence in my education of having a national board certification, working towards a doctorate, doing all this work, and you know, to me that didn't seem like it was enough.

And it made me think. Well, why do people feel unprepared? Why do people feel ready? What is it about self-efficacy? And so in a nutshell, that's kind of led me through to writing a book called Unlocking Unlimited Potential. And that happened during covid, and that turned into a really crazy side of my career because I am still a professional soccer coach. And have a professional soccer coaching business, and it all came from not having time to go on to soccer fields and dusting off that work from the dissertation, looking at it in a different way. Connecting experiences, stories, movies, other books, other great people, great authors, and putting it together into a system and format and workshops and speaking and keynotes and leadership and speaking to teachers and athletes and coaches and everybody that is out there, you know in the, the leadership field and, and talking about what it makes to, to build that collective efficacy and that self-efficacy. So, It's a really long-winded response.

Lainie Rowell: Well here's what I took away from it. I do know some of your story already cuz we're friends and we've known each other, but here's what I took away from that story.

It's like, okay, COVID happened. It freed up a little bit of your time. You decided to take on a bunch of stuff. And then as we have gone back to being able to get back on soccer fields and do all these things, you just kept going with everything. Does that sound about right? Like nothing has?

Brandon Beck: Yeah, pretty much.

You know, I gotta say I didn't really get into the speaking and, and workshop side of things until about 15 years into my career because of the, the amount of my soccer business that would take over my, my life, my wife, almost going on to 13 years ago she decided and we decided that the best thing for us to do was to have her take care of our children.

And my wife stayed home and she hasn't been back to work. And like I said, I live in one of the most expensive places in the world and I'm a public school teacher and I hustle like crazy because I have a family to feed. I have, you know, kids with dreams and goals and things that I want them to be able to accomplish and not be able to accomplish because I was a teacher or I wasn't able to, you know, to, to do more.

It's unfortunate that it's like that. I know being that it's, we happen to be recording this during teacher appreciation week and you know, it makes you reflect a bit on, you know, that piece. And I listen to a podcast about gratitude, right? I'm really grateful for the opportunity that I get to go to school every single day and bring my dog.

That is the single greatest thing that I happen to, to have. I have a dog named Peaches. I rescued her four years ago. I rescued her four years ago with the idea of bringing her into school because I read a Time for Kids' Magazine to my fifth grade students about these dogs in a program called Mutt-i-grees that go into schools and they're part of a social emotional learning curriculum.

And that curriculum is connected to Yale University's School for the 21st Century. And Marc Brackett is in the school for social-emotional learning across the street. You know, it's, it's literally one of the greatest things that's happened in my career was listening to my students say that question, why not? Dr. Beck, why can't we have a dog in class? And I was like, yeah. Right. Come on man. Gimme a break.

Lainie Rowell: Well, you made it happen and that does not surprise me. And your, I don't know if you're comfortable with the term brand, but your, the way you present the Unlocking Unlimited Potential and how you're always talking about individual efficacy, collective efficacy, you get so much done.

It's amazing. It's also quite helpful to hear that it's hard even for you, that there's a lot, right? It's a lot.

Brandon Beck: Yeah. I mean, absolutely. I mean, it's been tough. I mean, I have a small business and I had to, I had to keep it alive with, you know, the people that I run it with during the pandemic, and I don't know about you, but you can't play soccer unless you're on soccer fields and there were no soccer fields to go to, so playing in your backyard on a virtual screen wasn't cutting it for everybody, and it was challenging. And really, one of the hardest things that I ever went through as someone who runs the business was Covid. Yeah. And seeing people go down and, and having, you know, people who, you know, just uprooted and moved out and went to different places. And, you know, you talk about this podcast being about gratitude, man, I'm just, I'm just glad to be alive with every single breath that I take because we lost good people during that time. And, you know, finding whatever joy it takes, if it's a crazy idea to bring a dog to school. And it works and it does because I'm living proof of it and it is absolutely miraculous what I see. You know, the connections, the kids that come up and pet her together, the kids that come up and pet her next to me when I'm walking in the hallway, the teachers that say hello to my dog before they say hello to me.

When I find myself in the hallway, actually, like talking for my dog, like, they're like, Hey, how's it going, Peaches? And I'm actually answering like she's good, you know? I know we have a problem, but a good problem. And Yeah, I just also happen to be a part of a really great school and I've had an incredible career in this school cause I've been there this entire time with incredible staff and I'm part of a unique school.

It's a fifth grade school only. It's one of the only schools like us in New York state. And there's 17 fifth grade classes in it. So it's about 450 kids and it's all in one building. So they go from a three, four to a fifth grade and then to a sixth, seven, eight. So it's like it's an island. I always say it's an island because I sometimes won't even see them for years to come.

And when we take this dog around the school, because the students created this, this whole thing cuz they created this Kid's Helping Pause program. They DIY donated dog toys. They did all this crazy stuff. Now, we started a show where we go from class to class to and schools. We went to the high school, fifth graders got on stage, they were speaking, they were like TED talking these 10th graders with a dog sitting on the stage.

And it was really incredible because I don't really get a chance to talk about this dog part as much because I've always been in that place of, ah, There's so much here that a book needs to come out, and I know it will.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah.

Brandon Beck: But I, when I just don't know if I'm ready to become the dog guy yet.

Lainie Rowell: I think you have plenty of other things going on that no one's gonna just simmer it down to the dog guy, but...

Brandon Beck: I just think it's a good thing and it works. I have to say it's in my experience, you know, maybe it's just my dog, but it's been incredible and we're adding more dogs. We've written a bunch of grants to fund.

I wanna personally get funding for the training for the teacher to have the dog. So that the teacher, as soon as they get the dog, they can take her to a training right away and get, get the dog going cuz it's expensive. Mm-hmm. You know, I, I went all in, you know, I got a right away, got a trainer, I brought my kids to the trainer.

I wanted her from day one to know what it was like to be around dogs. Cause I had no idea what I was doing. I never had a dog before either. That was the other little thing. I was like, now I'm gonna get a dog.

Lainie Rowell: Wait, this is your first dog. Is your classroom dog?

Brandon Beck: Yeah, it's my first dog.

Lainie Rowell: Is the one that is like with you 24 /7.

Brandon Beck: Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: Your first dog ever is...

Brandon Beck: you know, before what we did is we started watching dogs for Guiding Eyes, for the blind. And what they do is they take little eight week old pups and you take them first out of the kennel, like the first experience that they ever get, like outside of being away from their mother.

And you take two or three of them at a time. They come to your house. They, you know, they use your whole house as a restroom and then they basically go back after four days and you and your family are like, we're good. That was a lot of work. They were crazy. And we put 'em back and we're good and we, we had our puppy fix and then read that Time for Kids Magazine and that's it.

That's what happened.

Lainie Rowell: That's amazing. I love that. Random story. I remember when I was teaching second grade and I told one of the parents, I'm like, oh, I'm getting a puppy. And they're like, you're getting a puppy. Oh, I'd take a newborn again over a puppy. I guess it's, you know, helpful that newborns aren't like running around the house.

Brandon Beck: It's funny, It's funny you say this. Once again, I am also very grateful to be able to have children and after we had the dog, we had been going back and forth about trying for, for number three and after that I was like, I'm good. I could totally do another kid.

And now I have a, you know, two, almost three year old. And my wife and I were sitting at the beach. She was about eight months pregnant and our two kids were running in the ocean. They didn't need any supervision. And we were in beach chairs, just chilling. And we're like, this is great. And we look at each other and I see her and I say, it's not gonna be like this for a while, is it?

And we just laughed. So it hasn't, I'm in shadow phase right now with a two year old.

Lainie Rowell: That's funny. Well, I mean, you're doing so much. I do know, cause you and I have talked about this before, that gratitude means a lot to you and I hear it as you're talking about it. I also am just gonna throw this out there, this quote, I saw it on Instagram, Mark and Angel, I don't know if you follow them.

But this really resonated with me and I, I wanna get your thoughts. The quote is, "being positive doesn't mean ignoring the negative, being positive means overcoming the negative, and there's a big difference between the two."

And so as I hear you, I hear you sharing the things that are challenging, but to me what I see in you and the work that you put out there is this overcoming the negative. It's not that it's not there, we're acknowledging it, but that overcoming, it's a big deal to me, let's celebrate that.

Brandon Beck: Oh my God. That's literally the foundation of all the work that I get to do and it's so true, you know? There's so many times, and I think the, I guess the best way to say it is anybody like yourself, anybody who's a writer, anybody who takes the time to write, if you're a blogger, posting, you know, even on Instagram, whatever it is, influencer you're writing.

And you're reflecting and you're, you're putting it out there because it is valuable to others. It really is. It's education. People should keep, you know, they should post a lot more about education, I'll put it that way. It's, you know, for me it's, it's using, it's seeing those challenges, but being able to write allows you the opportunity to really, you know, to practice that gratitude A and also B, it also gives you the opportunity to, to really reflect and I think for me, I, I've always been about a lot of different stories and a lot of the stories that I have have always led me to places where I thought I wasn't enough and worked as hard as I possibly could to, you know, to earn what I deserved in terms of what made me feel better. And that always made me think and think deeply about what makes people tick, what makes people, you know, and then digging more into that and then into that whole self-efficacy side, because the root of my work was always in how do you feel? How do you feel about your preparation? How do you feel about, you know, your work? How do you feel about what you're doing?

Because that's literally the core of it all. Because if you don't have joy in the journey, if you don't have the fire is lit and it's, and it's flowing because I'm not gonna ignore the fact that every single day, I don't go through moments in my life where I limit myself. We all do. We all do. When we step on the gas pedal and we go past the steep speed limit and we see the speed limit sign, we slow down.

That's a limit. We have limits everywhere we go in life, and I think sometimes we believe that we're gonna go through life without them. And that we see other people out there. We're always comparing ourselves to pictures and images and videos and things that people write, and things that people do and, and forget that that is also part of a vision.

I think that that is also is critical and the work that I do and I get to do with athletes, with coaches, with teachers, with school leaders. Has been incredible because it comes from that place. You know, I talk about three things. I talk about your story, your why, and your purpose. And those three things right there are the core of how you get yourself to unlock that unlimited potential in yourself and in others.

Because we have to empower others by utilizing stories that's culturally responsive. That's growth mindset, that's social emotional learning. That's everything. And our why has to be clear in everything because the kids are always gonna ask why. In fact, they should ask why seven times? Because if you ask why seven times, you really get to the root of something good, and we also need to know why.

And if we know why we're doing what we're doing. We have to remind ourselves of it. We have to be grateful for it. We have to, you know, that's where that, that gratitude list, that journaling, that gratitude journaling, it all comes in because you're reminding yourself of it. And then we have to be clear in our purpose.

And, and by really empowering those three parts, that's the work that I get to do. I work with athletes in, in college athletes. I've had schools that I work with now that are contacting me and I'm working with captains. I'm working with the captains cuz they don't really understand that leadership, how that perspective is.

The coaches, the technical, the tactical, they work the leadership, but they never really have the time to have a, some other third point perspective to check in with them. And so, That's been incredible to see and, and have the opportunity to work in that capacity too, because it was just kinds of, puts together all the, the pieces of everything and I think it's all about putting together all the pieces of all the things that you love and being clear and all that.

Lainie Rowell: Listening to you share your story and your why and your purpose is that you have just such a wide range of experiences and the things that you're doing every day are in such different spaces. I know there's through lines for sure, but being the teacher, being the coach, being the speaker, being the writer, being the podcaster, I mean so many different spaces and with different people.

I love that when you share things, you share them authentically and the things you share are very actionable. And I wanna give you an opportunity, if you're up for it, to share some of these things that you have in your book that you, and I know you have guests on your podcast, but you share wisdom there too, so it doesn't have to be specific to gratitude, but just something that you wanna give to people as some, some actionable things that they can use to unlock their unlimited potential. What would you wanna share? And I did not give you a heads up on this question, but I think you're locked and loaded with this one.

Brandon Beck: Locked and loaded. You know, one thing I actually include in my, in my book, in one of the action steps is I talk about the story of Michael Phelps and how Michael Phelps had ADHD and he had a fifth grade teacher who told him he would never amount to anything and nearly, you know, left the school.

Michael Phelps' mom she was a principal at the time. She realized that when he would go to swim practice, he would be so focused for six to eight hours straight. Realized how staying in his lane was really something that was effective. And I, we all know the story of Michael Phelps and, you know, the most decorated Olympian and it's amazing because one of the things, he's very big into mindset coaching and he had a coach for mindset and his, he had his list and he talked about keeping his, you know, himself mentally strong, his mental health. And I just thought it was important to know that everybody, that he does a gratitude list as he's, you know, one of the best athletes in the world.

And I think that that's important to remind ourselves that we can't forget how hard those athletes work out there or those teachers or those people in business or anybody who's anywhere who works really hard, right? We can't forget cuz you don't see what goes on behind the scenes. And so I think that that's, I I, that to me is, I'm gonna keep that simple.

I've already talked about, you know, I personally, I definitely start every day as much as I can. With, you know, two sentences, speech to text in my phone. You know, it's May 5th, blah, blah, blah, boom. Grateful for this, grateful for this, and then all of a sudden I'll start writing and sometimes that'll turn into content for me that I'll use later on.

Or sometimes it'll turn into something that I'll put in my newsletter that I'll send out to, to you know, my subscribers, because I love to provide free, helpful tips and resources as much as I possibly can, as I reflect, because I just put it out there because if it helps one person. It's helpful to me, and I'm not trying to own anything.

I'm just trying to share so that we can continue to keep going forward in the journey.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate that. I think that's the best mindset you can be in when it comes to putting content out there is that I'm, I'm putting the best stuff out in the world because I want it to help people that I think that that really does...

it's almost like a pay it forward kind of mindset, but it definitely is empowering and it helps us to kind of hone in on what our message is and what our, you know, like you said, your story, your why, your purpose. Like that's us constantly revisiting that and, and, and growing with it. Evolving with it.

You mentioned Michael Phelps and I just posted on Instagram. It, it's gone viral in a bunch of places, but Michael J. Fox talking about gratitude and it kind of reminded me of this very famous quote. It's been kind of attributed to a bunch of different people, but I go to Brother David Steindl-Rast and its, "happiness is not what makes us grateful. It's gratefulness that makes us happy."

And again, going back to that, this is about overcoming. And I am sure people could say that Michael J. Fox has had a wonderful life. I mean, he's a wealthy man, well-known actor. But he's been battling Parkinson's for 30 years and it's not easy.

And if you hear him talk about his journey, it's remarkable that he is so optimistic. He just did an interview and he said, "with gratitude optimism is sustainable". And when I hear you talking about unlocking unlimited potential and you're doing all of these things, it's not because it's easy, it's not because everything is sunshine and roses and bunnies being chased through fields or anything like that.

The work is hard. It's hard.

Brandon Beck: Yeah. And you know what, it's, it's rewarding. Mm-hmm. You know, the more, I mean, I act, one thing is I still do is I still actively coach a high school team. I have a very, very strong high school soccer program. And I love it, and it gets harder and harder every year, but it's one of those things that I'm not trying to push it out of the way yet because it's not in a position that I need to do that yet. But what happens is it becomes for, you know, for the, the, the kind of future that I know that I'm, I'm going in and then, and what I want to be able to continue and what I see of, of this work is it's evolving in a way that it's happening because of these certain things that have happened and the challenges and how we've kind of faced them as a family and how we've faced them you know, in our organizations it's, it's shaped a, a way forward and it's a unique way forward. But I think that's what really is, you know, it's funny because I didn't go to get school administration.

I went from being a teacher and I went and got my doctorate. And everybody was in there and was like, oh, you're gonna become a principal. You're gonna become a superintendent. And I was like, I'm, I'm actually not. And they were like, what do you mean? What do you mean? I'm like, well, you know, this is, well I do this, like I'm a, you know, I have a soccer business.

And I started explaining what I, what I was doing, and it made me realize that. I'm more passionate about running that administration side through sport. Mm. And I'm, and I, because I am leading, I'm out there, I have 25 coaches, we've expanded rapidly. We're, you know, across a, a wide range, probably about 4,200 total members in our organization.

So it's a, it's a pretty big deal. And I'm out there putting out lesson plans. Putting out coaches, going to fields, seeing them. I'm an instructor for the United States Soccer Federation, so coaching education has always been my background. So, as well as all of the other education. But what my point is, is I think we just kind of, I, I think that a lot of these things sometimes that come naturally to us, they come through our passions, and I think I've always led passion first.

And I, and I've always felt that that's a good way to end up on your feet.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Oh, I know you have so much more wisdom to share, but believe it or not, we're actually running out of time, and I believe you have a sleeping toddler somewhere.

Brandon Beck: Yeah, she, she might run, she might jump out of a crib and run down at some point, but she, we'll be all right.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. I wanna make sure and give you time for your shout outs. And then tell us how we can reach out to you.

I mean, I know how to reach out to you, but tell our listeners.

Brandon Beck: Absolutely. All right. I'll give a shout out. I'll give a shout out to my man, Darrin Peppard. Cause that's just my guy. He's my brother from another mother.

Just an absolute amazing, incredible dude. I, I know this isn't gonna be on video, but I, I actually have his book right here.

Lainie Rowell: I got it too.

Brandon Beck: Yeah, I did. Let's do,, after this we're doing a picture.

Lainie Rowell: There we go. There we go. I'm like, look in my bookshelf right now where I know it's, I know it's close.

Oh, I can see it from here. Okay. We'll get it and we'll do the picture

Brandon Beck: Absolutely. To my, we did a Jeep wave this morning. So Darrin and I, we've we discovered each other through the, the book journey and we we both connected and started a coaching results coaching program and. Basically what it is, is, you know, we have, we have a large group and we have a mastermind and we have a we have individual coaching clients.

But what's been a crazy and so rewarding about it has been the fact that the, the, there's always three of us on the call, so it's always myself, Darrin, and the person we're coaching, and it's always great for the three of us to kind of triangulate. Yeah. And it's always, it's been really, you know, I, a lot of the other coaching I do is usually one-on-one or in a small group by myself, so it's always awesome to be in the same room with an amazing coach.

So just shout out to, to Darrin.

Lainie Rowell: To Dr. Pep.

Brandon Beck: It's Pep Rally.

Lainie Rowell: I know, right? There's so many things we can do with that name. We love him. Love his name. Okay, I'm gonna grab my book in a minute, but in the meantime, please tell people it will be in the show notes. Of course, this is not my first rodeo.

I know to put this in the show notes, but please, Dr. Beck, how should people reach out to you?

Brandon Beck: Yeah, absolutely. I keep it real simple. Everything is @BrandonBeckEDU, and also my website is BrandonBeckEDU.com.

Lainie Rowell: Very good. Well my friend, thank you so much for being here. It is always a joy chatting with you and I'm looking forward to sharing this episode with our listeners.

So thanks again. I'm I wanna make sure I'll put everything in the show notes so people can reach out to you. And again, just thank you for your time.

Brandon Beck: Thank you.

Lainie Rowell: Thanks everyone for listening.

Episode 57 - Positively Thankful Living with Guest Nikki Jones

Shownotes:

Get ready as Nikki Jones drops some gratitude knowledge that will have you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Tune in to hear how shifting your perspective can make a tough year a little brighter, and get some practical tips for incorporating gratitude into your daily life. It's time to savor the good and spread some appreciation like confetti. Don't miss it!

About Our Guest:

Nikki Jones is a creative and tech-savvy educator with a passion for all things pink and gratitude! With 16 years of experience in education, Nikki has taught 1st and 3rd grade and currently serves as an instructional technology coach. As a mom to two young boys, aged 3 and 7, she brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to both her personal and professional life. Nikki's love for STEAM and EdTech is evident in everything she does, whether she's working with students or collaborating with fellow educators.

Twitter: ⁠@mrsjones72812⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Welcome friends. I have a very special friend here. I have Nikki Jones. Hi Nikki. How are you?

Nikki Jones: Hi, Lainie. I'm so excited to be here. It is a nice sunny day in Virginia and I'm just happy to chat with you.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I'm so happy you're having a nice sunny day. I'm not gonna complain, but I'm here in Southern California and it is a bit overcast, but you know what that's nice too so...

Nikki Jones: As a photographer, like let's find, let's find the perspective here as a photographer, overcast is the best for taking photos.

Lainie Rowell: Hundred percent, hundred percent.

Nikki Jones: I'm also acknowledging the, the sun right now because we are about to be hit with rain and like a complete washout the next five days. Yes. So I'm acknowledging that positive right now. We have some sun.

Lainie Rowell: I know and I do love that you said that about photography. You know, they say it's good luck when it rains on your wedding day, well it rained on our wedding day and we have the most beautiful pictures. Cause luckily it only sprinkled for a little bit, but then it was overcast and the pictures look amazing and so...

Nikki Jones: Exactly.

Lainie Rowell: See look at you already pointing out the the good. All the good. It's so funny, Nikki, cuz I feel like as I was getting all excited and , yay, I get to talk to Nikki today. I was like, I don't actually think we've talked live before, but it feels like we have because you post these amazing videos and we've connected on the socials and so I'm just kind of laughing that I'm like, help my brain.

Nikki Jones: I have to like just comment about this because it's so funny and my husband doesn't understand it. Because I'll be like, oh, I'm gonna meet with my friend Lainie today, And he's like who's Lainie? And I'm like, oh yeah, we met on Twitter.

And he's like, "I don't get that". So I think if you're not in the education space, it's such a hard concept to understand. But I feel like I've connected with you and we're long lost friends, right? Yeah. We've been friends forever. But again, we've connected just on social back and forth. And then, you know, I got involved with your book and obsessed with it. So I'm posting my recommendations, just to share the love, but I feel like we're, you know, kindred souls.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And Nikki, I feel so comfortable with you. I came straight from workout. I had such a lovely experience. I got to present at Learning and the Brain in New York over the weekend, and so I'm a little off my normal routine and I was just like, you know what?

I think Nikki is just such a sweet person she is gonna forgive me for showing up, sweaty and a mess.

Nikki Jones: You look amazing. I wouldn't have noticed, but I am, I'm here for it all.

Lainie Rowell: You're so sweet. Okay, so I need to give you a somewhat proper introduction. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this and then Nikki, please jump in with all your magic.

You're so amazing. Don't be shy. So first off, I just want people to know that Nikki is the mom of two boys. #BoyMom She's been in education for 16 years. She's taught first, third, currently serving as an instructional technology coach, and that's just scratching the surface.

Nikki, what else do you wanna tell us?

Nikki Jones: I think those are the big things that sum me up. I was originally born in western New York. I went to a SUNY school and I got a degree in education, just like 25 of my other friends and everybody else. So I originally moved to Virginia to pursue a job in education and I always thought I wanted to teach kindergarten.

So I have, my New York certification is birth through two (2nd grade), and I've never taught kindergarten. So I started out teaching first grade and I fell in love with it. Got this amazing school. And I was at a school that really supported technology in the classroom and I was constantly using it.

So my admin was like, will you take this position and I, I kept telling her, no thank you. Like I'm so happy in a first grade classroom. I'm doing my thing. And then, I don't know, she just kept pestering me about it. So I became the instructional technology coach at that former school and I fell in love with it.

I feel like I had a job that I didn't even know I wanted, and I started presenting. So I presented at FETC and at VSTE and some other local conferences and really just fell into this space of coaching and supporting others and inspiring others. And it just kind of became my niche. And then I got pregnant with our first baby Grayson and I was commuting and I was just like, I can't do this, right?

I can't commute 45 minutes with a newborn at home. It's not realistic. So I searched for a new job and instructional technology coaches are kind of hard to come by, right? There's only one of 'em in our building. So I got hired at a brand new school that was opening. It was a STEAM school. And blessed her heart.

So Kathy noticed she took a chance on me. I was six months pregnant due on the third day of school. I had never taught third grade and she was like, sure, I'll hire you. I dunno what she was thinking, but I fell in love with third grade and I just learned their independence and I had so much fun. And again, I was just using so much technology in my classroom.

I was presented with the offer, would you take instructional technology coach here? And it took a lot for me to say yes, because I loved my team and I loved my classroom. And this little bubble that I had created and was in. But I feel like I had this calling, this bigger purpose to make an impact on, on a larger scale and that I could do that as an instructional technology coach.

So for the past three years, that's what I've been doing and doing lots of presenting and a lot of these things I feel like kind of took the back burner as I was a new mom and that was my big focus. I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, and family is so important to me.

So now I'm just kind of figuring out how to weave these things kind of all together and still be a very present mom, but also continue to make an impact in this space.

Lainie Rowell: One of the things that you said, "a job I didn't even know I wanted."

I can say that for so many of the roles that I have held in my __ years of education, I don't wanna say the exact number too many times, it just makes me feel old, but it's, it's really interesting that there are so many ways we can have an impact in education and to not even know that these roles existed and then land in one.

You're like, wow, this is really amazing. I get to support kids and my peers, and I think that's a real blessing. So I'm so happy that you found that.

Nikki Jones: Right? All of those different paths that we take and something you didn't necessarily dream of growing up and writing a book and having a podcast and doing all these things, but your path led you there and you're like, this is where I belong.

And just to add onto that one little piece, so I've been out on medical leave since November until just recently, a couple of weeks ago. And I loved being at home, right? If I could win the lottery and go be any place, I would do it. But as soon as I came back, I was like, if I have to be somewhere earning a paycheck, this is where I need to be.

This brings me so much joy supporting students and supporting educators, and really just coaching and being in this role. I'm so happy being here.

Lainie Rowell: One other thing I wanted to highlight as you were sharing a bit about yourself is you are such a proud mom, and I'm conscious of this that I compartmentalize my life a little bit now, partly because my kids are a little older and they have basically asked this of me... "Mom, don't put me on Instagram." Okay, fine. They're of the age where it's now a conversation. It's not an automatic that they're gonna go on the socials and I appreciate them advocating for themselves.

But I love how your family is at the forefront, and you bring that into all that you do, and I think that's a really lovely thing to do.

Nikki Jones: I think that's just such a big part of who I am is being a wife and being a mom and family is so important to me that I want everybody to know that that's a big piece of me. And I think sometimes in education we think of teachers as these people that like live in the closet, right? If you see them out at a grocery store, they're like, what are you doing here?

You don't belong here. You're just a teacher, right? Teachers belong in school. So I think it's so important that we show those other pieces of us and those other parts, and as we talk about with students and with our peers, building relationships. I don't know how many times I've connected with people on socials or on Twitter, because I'm also a mom.

Right? That piece, the technology is great. That's there, the coaching is there, but I've made some really great friends just because we are moms or just because we do share a similar background or similar role in education. So I think that's really cool

Lainie Rowell: And in different stages of being a mom, there's times where you're like, I really need someone else who's going through this at this exact moment to talk me through and to help me through. Because not every moment of parenting is magical. There's definite challenges. It's joy and it's fulfilling, but it's not always, it's not always...

Nikki Jones: I love that you say that.

Cause right now I have a seven-year-old and a four-year-old, and they love each other dearly and they are like ride or die for each other. But the instigation that goes on in my house right now before we leave and when we get home, I don't, I don't, I just don't even know what to do with them right now.

And yesterday I was like, I'm throwing at my hands and I'm walking into another room like y'all brawl it out. I don't know what to do. So if anybody out there listening has tips for a four and seven year old in how to get the instigation to stop, hit me up because I am at patience end.

Lainie Rowell: I wish I had words of wisdom, but I just have given myself the grace to, to do the best that I can and to sometimes step away and, and trust that you've given them the foundation to work it out on their own.

And I, I have found that a good amount of times, not every time is a win, but a good amount of times, no one's injured and everyone comes out on the other end okay.

Nikki Jones: Woo. I'm gonna use that like mantra in my head today when we are like hustling to get dinner and get everything unpacked and ready for baseball practice and out the door by 5:15 PM I'm going to say you are doing the best that you can. It is okay. It's okay.

Lainie Rowell: You're doing amazing. To that end, I wanna keep conscious of our time because you do have a lot on your plate. You are a very busy woman, and I would love for you to share what gratitude means to you. I invite all guests to open this up as wide as they want to take it personal or professional?

I just wanna reiterate that here. Nikki, what does it mean to you?

Nikki Jones: So I think gratitude is really the act of recognizing and acknowledging those good things and it's about that attitude, right? That "I get to" attitude. I'm talking about this evening when I'm going home and I know my boys are going to be at each other.

They're going to be instigating each other. And that perspective shift refocusing and say, I get to be their mom. I get to come home to these two wild boys and I get to be responsible for them and take them to practice and create these experiences for them and how lucky I am for that.

So I think gratitude is about just refocusing, re-looking at things to find the good. And to be honest, we've had a year Lainie. It's been over a year where if I fast forwarded you through all of the things that have happened in the year, we have had a rough, tough year.

But I think the only thing that has kept me sane is having that mentality of gratitude, finding the positive. And really, I love the word from your book savoring, and I don't know whose podcast it was, but one of your podcasts I was listening to and the word notice came up. So I have the word notice just on sticky notes around.

And I think that's so important to really slow down and notice slow down and savor those things. And having just the perspective change instead of getting frustrated in that moment, take a deep breath and figure out what the good is. I also think gratitude, this is one last piece is about sharing that appreciation.

Sometimes I'm, I'm really good at feeling internally grateful and I do a lot of be internally grateful and I'm thinking it in my head and I'm feeling it in my heart. It, it's all within my being, but I'm really trying to work on that speaking it out loud piece.

Lainie Rowell: I think that word notice, first of all, I just wanna touch on that.

I'm such a linear person sometimes it's embarrassing, but you know that word notice obviously it's an important word and I'm so glad you, you highlighted it. It's been mentioned by a number of guests and it does happen to be the first step in gratitude if you look at Dr. Hussong out of University of North Carolina, when she talks about the notice, think, feel, and do for the four steps of gratitude.

And so I think it's important and I find it to be one of those things that I still need to relearn over and over again. I didn't write a book about gratitude because I figured it all out. I wrote the book I needed to read and I need to keep reminding myself to notice the things. Cause I don't know about you, Nikki, but I tend to be a what's next person?

Okay, check this off my list. What's next? What's next? What's next? And when I'm doing that, I'm stepping away from what's happening. And I'm not noticing, I'm not as present. And so I don't know if you can relate to that, but that's one thing.

Nikki Jones: Yes, I can definitely relate to that. And then, Brian Martin, we have that connection one of the things that he says is, "Be where your feet are". And I love that quote because I think you're so right. There's oftentimes, I'm making a to-do list or, you know, I've just recently gone back to work and this, this really was resonating with me on that Sunday before we were going back to school.

We had just got back from the beach. I had 1,001 things to do. I'm like making mental notes. This is what I have to do for our Airbnb. This is what I have to do, like to get ready for the week. This is what I have to do for school. This is what I have to do to get my boys ready. This is our schedule. This is where we need to be at what time, this is what we're going to cook.

And I'm at Easter breakfast worrying about all of these things and thinking linearly, putting them on my to-do list, getting ready to check them out. And my boys are so enamored. There is an Easter bunny in a costume at IHOP and I am just constantly needing to, you know, my brain is thinking about all of these things.

So I'm just hearing that quote in my head, "be where your feet are", all of that is not important right now, just be present in this. And that's something that I really have worked a lot on doing as a mom. After school, I usually try to, four o'clock, I am done. I am out until my boys go to bed.

They are my focus, my family is my focus. So I'm usually pretty good at that. But I feel in those moments of being overwhelmed and kind of making those lists, it's really easy to lose sight of that gratitude or stop noticing the things that are right in front of us that we need to be acknowledging and appreciating.

Lainie Rowell: I have to give a shout out to my son. There is no one I have seen on this planet that is better at noticing than my son. He will have something to eat and he will light up and he will go, "Wow. That is amazing. That is so delicious." And his vocabulary is better than mine. Not even joking.

He'll just go off talking about how delicious... he savoring and he savors everything. It's truly remarkable. I am looking through his eyes to try and see things. I've heard people say, look through the eyes of a three-year-old, in my case, even my nine-year-old. But I don't know, I'm just throwing that out there, that that's one way I connect as a mom to how it's helped me experience and express gratitude.

Nikki Jones: I think that's an important way that we can look at gratitude if we have young kids or if we are around young kids, they are so good at being joyful and seeing the gratitude. And so Reagan is our four year old and he's actually apraxic. So he does not have a lot of language development, but he is a bundle of sunshine.

He is constantly smiling and happy and he seeks out to make other people happy. So we were out on a walk and I was busy noticing all of the things I wanted to notice. You know, I was using my senses and noticing, he was noticing all the people going by us and he was saying, hi, how are you? And then his classic response, if you ask him how he is, he says, Happy.

And it's so funny how many people it catches off guard because he truly is just happy. He is such a joyful little and he gets happy about seeing everything, but people really make him happy and he really likes to make other people happy. So I think that's so sweet. Thinking from a child's perspective and our seven year old, he's really good at vocalizing that appreciation.

And something from your book, over the summer I was reading. And I was doing a lot of the, say it out loud and making a big deal about those pieces that I'm grateful for. And just that modeling for him was so huge and the language that he developed from that or his ability to, to find gratitude or to find a happiness or joyfulness in a hard place is really something special that he has too.

Lainie Rowell: So taking it back to what you said earlier when you were talking about your definition of gratitude, and I don't wanna put words into your mouth, so please correct me if I got this wrong, but you were talking about how an important part of gratitude is sharing it, right? Not only experiencing and having the feelings and having this kind of internal process happening, but actually putting it out to others.

And so, when you're modeling it, and when you're saying it out loud, you are potentially sharing it directly with the person that you're wanting to express the gratitude to, but you're also modeling it to your littles and they're catching onto that, and that's making an impact on how they experience and express gratitude as well.

Nikki Jones: Yes. So one thing that we also like to do with the boys is, so Reagan is like really loves a firetruck, recycling truck. And we know the firemen, we know their names, we know their shifts, we know everything about them. We know the recycling, same thing. So we've really tried to instill in them. I feel like my love language is like giving gifts.

I love giving gifts. I love giving words of affirmation. So at the fire station we go, we just show up with watermelon and brownies and cake and we make sure we tell them how much we appreciate them. Thank you for your service. We know you're away from your family for a long time. And we've talked to the boys a lot about that.

Same thing with the recycling men, and those are guys that maybe are not as appreciated. So we kind of go out of our way to make them feel appreciated. And we talk about what hard work they're doing and what can we do? So we've had all different ideas and I usually let the boys kind of pick, you know, like if we're gonna buy them something or make them something.

So it was cold winter January and Grayson was like, let's make them hot chocolate and bring them brownies. I was like, dude, like whatever you wanna do, we will make them hot chocolate and brownies. And do you know how happy they were to have brownies and hot chocolate from two Beautiful, you know, little kids.

So I think that's one way is just giving gifts. And for me, I love to do that too. So in my coaching role, if somebody I noticed something that they've done or they've gone out of their way, gone above and beyond, worked with me, just made me smile in some way. I actually just have a basket of little notes, note cards and stickers, and I like to just, write a little quick note or I actually like to record myself doing a flip note.

So flip, which is formally Flipgrid, I usually just record. Hey, thanks so much. I really appreciate that you did blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Print out the QR code on like a cute little Canva thing, or put it in a note, give 'em a sticker. And it's just these little things that I want people to know how much I appreciate them, and I want my boys to see that and have that modeled for them.

And then just, you know, you, you know more about this than me, but that, that wellbeing piece, when we take the time to do that, you feel so much better. And I remember last year, so we got these bucket filler things at school and to be honest, we kind of rolled our eyes. Don't tell my former principal, but we were like the bucket filler....

This is so old, we sort of grumbled about it. And then one day I was having a really crummy day. I feel like I spilled my coffee. My first lesson got canceled. Who knows? Something blew up. It was just one of those days. And I walked by the lounge and I saw these little heart sticky notes.

I was like, fine, I will fill your buckets. And I went in there, in the grumpiest mood and I scribbled my first note. And then I stood there and probably scribbled, I don't know how many more. And I walked out and I was like, Oh, I'm not so grumpy anymore. So that, that piece I think is really important to highlight too, that when we are feeling grateful and expressing that gratitude it, it does something for us.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate some people don't like this phrase, fake it till you make it, but it actually is true that even if you're not feeling it in that moment, just going through that motions of it. Is, and I know you did it with intention and it was authentic and sincere, but kind of forcing yourself to do it, even though it wasn't like your instinct at the moment.

You're like, I'm just, no, you know what? Something's telling me to do this, so I'm gonna just do this and see if it works. And it totally worked. I love that. So I really appreciate, Nikki, that you have shared personal and professional examples. I mean, so thoughtful to think about the firefighters in your local area and those who work on recycling. And there's so many people in our community that do just. So many things and they have to make sacrifices.

Like you said, the firefighters are away from their family. I happen to live in a neighborhood that it's like every other door is a fire person. They're all firefighters in my neighborhood, so I am very aware there's actual carpool situations that are dependent on whose significant other is on shift and things like that.

So I'm very aware of that and it's so thoughtful to bring them the brownies and the hot chocolate when it's cold outside. I love all this empathy for what the recipient is living. And then, okay, how can I bring them something that will bring them joy showing my gratitude?

So I think that's lovely. And then I also wanna. Touch on what you said about professionally in your role. Could you just really quickly explain what Flip formally known as Flipgrid is all about? Because I really love this example you're giving of how, and, and this is again why I feel like I know you so well, is cuz you're so good at having this presence through video that not everyone gets the chance to experience. So could you just really briefly share a little bit about Flip and what that is for the people who don't know?

Nikki Jones: And then I have one more really cool idea with Flip too. So Flip formally, Flipgrid is a video platform. They have been around for over 10 years now, and it's kind of grown and changed basically in the most simplest form.

You can literally download the app. And press the record button. There are lots of other cool camera features, so there's like lenses and filters and stickers and gifs or gifs, however you say it, that you can add on. And then you can just save your video and share it in any way that you want. So I could share a link, I can download it, I can share a QR code.

And this is something that I really like to do, especially when I'm connecting with people online, right? Because I've become really familiar by being connected on video and you feel like you kind of know somebody. So that's actually how I shared about your book a couple of different times.

So Flip is one of the big things that we use to show gratitude. You can just record a simple, quick message. But one of the things that we actually started doing in our home to practice gratitude is every night I asked the boys, "What was the best part of your day?" What was the favorite part of your day?

And we would just talk about it before bed. So this is just like a very simple thing. But then I started thinking like, I wanna remember all of the things that they're grateful for and all of the things that they're saying, but in the hustle and bustle of nighttime, like I don't have a journal. We're trying to get to bed.

I want it to be just authentic conversation. I don't want it to feel like it's scripted. So I was thinking, and one night I was like, I'm just gonna make a Flip. Like I just made a topic. And every night before bed they record a video so it can be a video with their face, it can be just a sound video.

So it's just their voice. They can also add pictures. I'm a photographer and a mom, the amount of pictures that I have on my phone is embarrassing. I don't even know how my phone still functions, but here we are. So they love to just make these videos and I have, I think right now over 400 videos of the past, whatever, 200 some days that we've been doing it, that every night they share the best part of their day. And how cool is that going to be to go back and look at kind of like a gratitude jar, a gratitude journal. It's just digitally and it's a different media, I guess, that works right now for the season of life that our family is in.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate that because I think that you do have to think about how do we make this accessible? And so you've made this digital, and I love how you called it a digital gratitude jar /gratitude journal, and the same concept applies is that you're being really intentional and thinking through the notice, think, feel, do. And you're also capturing it in a way that you can go back when things are difficult and watch that video and just be like, oh, you know, last year at this time this was happening.

And that was such a great moment, and I think that's a really lovely way to capture it. And to me, you're removing the barrier of it might take more time to write, or again, you said the season of our lives, and so it just feels very natural and authentic to just say, okay, and you're giving them so much choice, which I truly appreciate.

You're basically universally designing their gratitude experience every night.

Nikki Jones: 100% Yes, exactly. It's just such a cool thing. And like you said, they love to scroll through the videos and watch the videos and just seeing their face light up or them talk about, then, you know, they'll go off on a whole story of, of what happened if they just have a little snippet of it.

And it's also cool, like you can add video clips too. So this weekend we were in the outer banks and Grayson's favorite part of his day was we went to an arboretum, and there's a huge pond, and he caught a bunch of turtles, like with his bare hands. He is our nature guy. There is nothing he is afraid of.

He is all about getting dirty, getting his hands on reptiles, he's gonna be like a herpetologist or biologist. He's gonna do something cool. Snakes, he loves it all. So the favorite part of his day was touching these turtles. So he knows so much about, and he's so familiar with the platform. He was like, mommy, just, just gimme it.

I was like, okay, so I just give him my phone, right? It's right on my phone. And he's adding the pictures. He's adding a turtle emoji or a turtle gif, and then he uploads a video just right from my phone of him actually catching the turtle and you know, the narration of our family behind it.

So that's a really cool way for him to go back. And see what a fun experience that was and have that saved. I feel like we have all these pictures and videos on our phone, but to have them really curated in a place and created where we can go back to them and look at 'em and you know, during hard times or good times, just appreciate that special moment.

Lainie Rowell: And that word curation means a lot to me because I do feel like with the ease of capturing things on our phone, we sometimes capture so much that we actually never go back and look at anything cuz it's too overwhelming. Like 20 pictures that I took in 30 seconds and it's, I can't even handle it. So that curating as you go, I think is really important.

Now, I hope this doesn't come across as self-serving, but I'm working on my next project with Allyson Liu, and we're creating an interactive gratitude journal, and I feel like this conversation we're having is very affirming for me because one of the things I wanted out of the journal is I wanted to universally design it, and so the practices can actually take place in the journal if you want, but we specifically say at the beginning, if you don't feel like writing it, pull out your phone and record it. Pull out a device, you can do it in so many different ways. We're trying to focus on what's the purpose of the practice, and then giving the multiple means for actually doing the practice.

So you can do it in the journal, and I think a lot of people will choose to do it in the journal.

Nikki Jones: Right.

Lainie Rowell: But some people are going to want to, and it's gonna be contextual. So it could be like, today I actually feel like writing it out. Other days I might feel like recording it and so you're making my heart happy again.

I hope that doesn't self-serving, but...

Nikki Jones: no, that's not self-serving at all. I think that's really important. And you know, as educators we think about that. It doesn't matter how our students learn the content or show that they've mastered the content, we wanna know that they're, they're learning it, they're mastering it.

Right? So you don't necessarily care how we're showing that we're grateful or expressing gratitude. It's just that it's happening. And I think those seasons of life in the, the best intentions would, I love to sit down with a gratitude journal every day and, and make that work. Sure. Realistically, though I know that that's, that's not me right now.

So I know that I can put it on my phone and I just have a notepad on my phone. It's nothing fancy, but I have a notepad on my phone for myself where I go through and I really try to be intentional and I would love to do it in the morning and like really think about it. But for me right now where I am is that when I'm in that moment of really feeling something throughout the day where I have that gratitude and I feel like it's something I want to remember, I just pull out my phone, I pull out this notepad, and I try to type a couple of sentences about it.

I've tried the thing like where you do 10 things every morning and I feel like I'm writing the same things. So for me, I wanna remember more. Like I'm not just grateful today for my family and my husband and my mom, like, I wanna know about this experience. I am really grateful today that I work with a staff that is so welcoming and inclusive and embracing technology.

I wanna know what specifically happened when I go back to that piece.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, Nikki, you're so inspiring and again, you're, you're making me feel really good cuz this interactive journal that we're designing, it's meant to get people past that monotony of okay, list your three things.

And so there's tons of different activities. The journal is coming.

Nikki Jones: Wait, is there a date I need to know?

Lainie Rowell: I mean, not yet. Not yet. In fact, Nikki, you're the first time I think I've ever mentioned this on the podcast. I don't think I've said it before, but yeah, it's in the process.

Nikki Jones: I need to know the pre-order date when that comes out.

Lainie Rowell: You're so sweet. And I wanna give you credit, it's been watching you and others and how they do things in their own way. And again, it's like we say with Universal Design for Learning firm goals, flexible means like we know what we're trying to do.

We're trying to experience express gratitude, that's going to nurture relationships, improve wellbeing, and activate learning. That's our firm goals and how people do that should really be up to them and let them have some voice and choice and it's gonna be contextual. And so I'm super excited about this project.

I'm really excited to hear your thoughts on it. And again, thank you, it's watching you and other people who've taken to Evolving with Gratitude and made me see, oh, well that's a way you could do it. And so offering those choices and giving people the option to choose their own path, right?

So we don't have to be so rigid.

Nikki Jones: I love that. I love all that.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my goodness. This conversation... so fast. But I wanna make sure and give you time for your shout out.

Nikki Jones: So I feel like this is such a hard question, and I've listened to all your podcasts, and just narrowing it down to one person is really hard.

So I feel like I have a tribe of people and they know who they are that I'm so, so grateful for, and I really try to express daily to the people that I love most. But I have to give a shout out to my mom. She is the most amazing human. She actually takes care of our boys when I am at work and this lady does everything with unconditional love and I don't have to ask her to do these extra things, but during the week, my week is crazy.

She will just change my laundry, do my laundry. We've left dishes in the sink. She does the dishes. She takes care of our dogs without asking for anything. She doesn't want an accolade. She doesn't want a pat on the back. She just wants to do whatever she can to make our life better and easier for her grandkids and my husband and I, and.

I'm just so appreciative and like I kind of mentioned, we've had a year, my husband was sick and he was in the hospital for a while. Both of our boys got sick. I had emergency surgery. I was completely out of commission. She was our taxi driver. I mean, she was there. She lives about 45 minutes from us.

She was there driving my kids to school every single day back from school, driving me to physical therapy, driving me to target, to pick up whatever we needed. Without a single complaint, and she actually last year was diagnosed with breast cancer, like all of this through her own things. She was just there for us, and I know, I don't tell her enough how much I appreciate her and all of the support that she provides for us and the lifestyle that she's allowed us to live and, and have, you know, our boys being taken care of.

We're really blessed to have. She's there for them when, when we're not home, you know, she is the one that is there and she'll stay late. She'll get there early. She'll spend overnight, she'll make dinner. All of the things. I am so, so, so grateful for her and, and the things that she gives up to be there for us.

And I just love her so much. So I could not do it without the village that I have, but especially my mom. So her name is Kim. She is the most remarkable person that I know, and she's like my best friend too. I mean, I am on the phone with her daily actually. Anymore. She just wants to talk to the boys. Like if I call, she's like, oh, where's Grayson?

Like, wait, I'm your kid. So she's getting my big huge gratitude shout out.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, Kim, thank you for all you do for Nikki and her family and what a lovely shout out.

Nikki, make sure and tell people how they can catch you on the socials or whatever way you want people to connect with you.

Nikki Jones: So Twitter, I am super active on Twitter. I love being connected with other educators, other moms, other gratitude followers, other Lainie followers. That is the best place to find me. So I'm @mrsjones72812 on Twitter. Like I said, I'm super active there and I love sharing, but I also love borrowing ideas from others.

So if you're doing cool things, follow me, tweet me. I'm super happy to be connected to you.

Lainie Rowell: And you share a lot of amazing stuff on Twitter so I encourage people to go check it out and make sure and soak in and savor as we say. All the amazing that is Nikki Jones. So Nikki thank you so much for being here and I'm just so grateful for this time because like I said, you're so good at having this online presence and with the videos and with everything you share.

Honestly, if someone said Lainie, have you talked with her live before? I would not have a hundred percent been confident one way or the other because I just feel like we've gotten to know each other through the magic of technology.

Nikki Jones: Yeah. I think that's such a cool thing to be connected with other people and to just really learn and grow.

Right. I've learned so much from you. I'm so grateful for you. I've loved reading your book, following you. I go back to your book and thumb through it and look at all my highlights and ideas and the podcast. This is such a special place where I continue to get connected with other really awesome people.

So I love, I love that I'm just here for it all.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I appreciate that and I never, ever forget that. I'm very proud of what I wrote and Evolving with Gratitude. But what took that book from good to great was the contributors and all the guests on this podcast is what makes it great, and that includes you, Nikki.

So thank you for being here, and thank you all for listening.

Episode 56 - Being an Experience Expert with Guest Amy Mathews-Perez

Shownotes:

In this episode of the pod, Dr. Amy Mathews-Perez shares her unique perspective on gratitude and let's just say it's not all rainbows and unicorns (although those are pretty cool too!). For her, gratitude is about being grateful for every opportunity to learn and grow, even in the face of challenges and mistakes. From learning what to do to what not to do, every opportunity is a chance to evolve and improve. Discover the power of gratitude in personal and professional growth in this short and sweet podcast episode.

"Life is short, but our influence is never-ending so let's be our best & make the best of every interaction, situation and opportunity."
-Dr. Amy Mathews-Perez

About Our Guest:

Dr. Amy Mathews-Perez is a Texas native with over 30 years of experience serving public education. She has held various roles in the field including GENED Teacher, SLP, Diagnostician, SPED Supervisor, Principal, Assistant Principal, and Director of Special Education. Currently, Dr. Mathews-Perez is serving as a Director of Special Programs. Her passions include communication, authenticity, and laughter, and she finds her greatest fulfillment in using these qualities to inspire and empower others. As a lifelong learner, she considers herself an "Experience Expert" and is constantly seeking to learn and grow. Dr. Mathews-Perez is also an aspiring author and speaker, using her talents to connect with others, share stories, and highlight the best in those around her.

Twitter: ⁠@drgrowtoknow⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello friends, we have Dr. Amy Mathews-Perez with us. Hello, Amy, may I call you Amy on air?

Amy Mathews-Perez: Of course. Yes, please do. How are you doing Lainie?

Lainie Rowell: I'm doing so great, especially now that I get to talk to you.

We've been connected on the socials, but this is our first live conversation and I'm super excited about it. So Amy, I'm gonna tell people a little bit about you and then I'm gonna toss the ball to you and ask you to fill in the blanks. So your current role, and by the way, you're in Waco, Texas...

Amy Mathews-Perez: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: I have a lot of my love to Texas. I have so many friends in Texas. In fact, I don't think you're the first person living in Texas that I've talked to today, and I live in California. So Dr. Amy Matthews Perez is Director of Special Programs in Robinson ISD.

She wears a lot of hats my friends, I mean, she's in her 30th year of public education and she has done it all. I dare to say, Amy, I'm gonna let you take it in just a minute, but you have definitely done everything from gen ed teacher, SLP, diagnostician, special ed supervisor, principal, assistant principal, director of special, I mean, it's a long list.

And so that's kind of a lot of a listing of job titles. And you're much more than that. So I wanna give you an opportunity, what did I miss there, Amy?

Amy Mathews-Perez: Well, you didn't miss a lot, but you're right. It's been three decades as someone described it the other day, which makes me feel exceptionally old.

But I do have a funny story in listening to you list those job titles. When I got my doctorate degree, I was honored to do the speech for the National Junior Honor Society in the district in which I was working. One of my very best friends had a daughter in the audience that was getting inducted, so they introduced me and you know, went through my Vita and et cetera, et cetera.

I did my speech. It ended, yada, yada, yada. And then in speaking with one of my best friend's daughters, she said that the young lady next to her, now keep in mind, Lainie, this is junior high, where they're honest. The young lady next to her said, sounds to me like this lady can't keep a job. What is she gonna have to teach us?

And I just thought that was so funny because it's all about perspective, right? To that girl, I've just been job hopping when in reality it's just been advancement and just, just meeting my needs. Really just starting as a general ed teacher and I knew I was gonna work with students with special needs when I was in fifth grade, lainie a long time. I didn't know how, and I didn't know where, but I knew that's what I was gonna do. And then my senior year in college for my undergrad was at North Texas State. And I decide I was getting my teaching degree and I decided, oh, no, no, no, no. I took a phonetics course and I fell in love.

And I was like, no, I need to be a speech pathologist. I talked for a living anyway, so let's, let's make it official. So I called my parents. I'm the youngest of six, and I said, guess what? I know what I wanna do. And they're like, tell us all about it. Which I did. It was a master's degree, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And they said, we are so excited, you can do whatever you wanna do. And I was like, really? That's awesome. They said, yeah, as soon as you graduate and get a job. Yeah, you do whatever you want to, sweet girl. So, so, yes, I've, I've held lots and lots of positions, but I've always followed my heart. Yeah. So that's okay with me.

I've always followed my heart.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I can relate with that because I would've never guessed, especially in early college, that I would've become a teacher. But it was actually an interest in going into special ed. By the way, I love how you said middle schoolers are really honest, cuz that's a very honest way of saying that. And I live with one and our lives are full of honesty.

But, I love that. And I think it's not that you can't hold a job. It's that you go, like you said, where your heart takes you. I think that's really important and I think that's something to be valued and honored and supported.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Yeah, and I appreciate that. And it doesn't always jive with what society, and you can't, our listeners can't see my fingers, expect you to do.

Right. When I went from a director to a principal position and then from principal back to director, a lot of people thought, Ooh, you know, people are gonna have their own opinions and perspectives and you know what the the saying is, that's none of my business I'm gonna do what my heart tells me to do, and I'm gonna do the job and the work that fulfills me the most.

Yeah. I loved being a principal. It, we were a successful campus, but special education is where I get fulfilled. That's what makes my heart full and happy and all the, all the good things. So yes, I've always just followed my heart when it's come to my profession.

Lainie Rowell: Mm. You said one of my favorite words, fulfilling. I love that word. I feel like it's very inclusive of a lot of different things and not that it's always easy, right? But fulfilling is, is really special. So I have to tell you, Amy, I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine, someone whose opinion I value tremendously, and I'm not gonna say his name because I don't know if he'll be comfortable with me sharing this comment, but he said, Lainie I to your podcast, and when you go to ask your first question, I'm anxious for the guest because it's such a big question.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: What does gratitude mean to you? Mm-hmm And I said, dear friend, I give them this question in advance and I hope that they know that it is no right or wrong answer and so I'm just saying that because if there are other listeners that feel like this is an ambush, not that my friend thought that, but if there's other listeners concerned about the wellbeing of the guests, I do want you to know, I do give a heads up and want you to feel comfortable that there's no right or wrong answers.

So I just wanna hear from your heart, what does gratitude mean to.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Awesome. No, I, I definitely appreciated the heads up cuz it means a lot. And I know we only have so long on our podcast, so I did try to pair it down, but for me, gratitude means being present in the moment, in as many moments as you can, right?

We're all human, but also gratitude means seeing the benefit of every experience and embracing it as an opportunity to grow. So sometimes you grow from hard experiences. Sometimes you grow from positive experiences. I personally consider myself an experience expert because I learn from all of my experiences.

But I know a lot of people in a lot of places hear the word gratitude and they think, oh, hearts, rainbows, flowers, love, kumbaya. That's not what it is for me. It is a gratefulness of the opportunity to learn and the more challenging, the better. Now, the learning might not be quick. The learning might be delayed for a long time, but I'm always grateful for the, for the opportunity to learn because that's how I continue to grow. And I continue to evolve not only as a person, but in my practices and in my thoughts and in my beliefs. I seek out opportunities to grow. That's what Gratitude is for me. It's being present and having the perspective of, okay, what can I learn from this?

And sometimes, let's be honest, Lainie, I'm learning what not to do. Or I'm learning about a mistake I made, and that's okay too because it's an opportunity to learn. So that, so that's what gratitude is to me.

Lainie Rowell: I heard you say learning might be delayed, ongoing. I would maybe add recurring.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: Because I find there are lessons that I need to relearn over and over in my life. And like you, I have had a variety of experiences, not only in my life, but even within my career. And sometimes I need to relearn lessons in a new context. And so maybe I...

Amy Mathews-Perez: absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: ...I understood how to handle this situation in that context, but now I'm in a different context with different people and there's just so many variables that are potentially different.

I have to really be thoughtful about that and, and embrace the learning.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: Which to me, someone who has had as many opportunities to hold as many positions as you have, you clearly are an experiences expert in learning.

Amy Mathews-Perez: I do. I do love to learn. I mean, I know it's what us educators say, we're lifelong learners, but I really, I really do love to learn and I really do seek out, okay, what can I gain from this experience?

And not only just for me, but if I can put my finger on what I learned and then share it with someone, that's awesome. Cause I definitely don't want learning to stop with me. I want learning to flow through me. And if I can prevent someone from going through a bad experience or prevent them from having something negative happen because of what happened to me, that's awesome.

But I'm all about learning and that's what gratitude is to me. To me, gratitude is an attitude. I do like some rhyming. I do. I might say I'm a rapper, but we won't go there. But gratitude is an attitude that makes learning an option. That's kind of where my brain goes when I think about gratitude.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And I heard you, as you were describing what it means to you, talking about that being present in as many moments as possible and appreciating even when it's not always maybe what you were hoping it would be.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right.

Lainie Rowell: It's another opportunity to learn.

Amy Mathews-Perez: And being a leader, there are lots of opportunities to learn and I am always the one that's willing to fail first, because I think in leadership, you have to be willing to be honest and say you don't know everything.

And I always say that I, I'll never claim that I know everything, but I know where to find the answers, right? But as part of leadership, you have to have gratitude, and I think gratitude is completely different than praise. I think praise is something like ,"Good job, Ted". Whereas gratitude is very specific and intentional and it makes the connection between what that person offered and you. So what did I gain from what you did? So a better example might be, "Ted, thanks for being so organized and on top of things that really helps keep me organized." So instead of just "Good job, Ted". I think praise versus gratitude makes a huge difference. And you can't give gratitude unless you're paying attention.

Right. You get to know people and have relationships with people. You figure out and get to know what they value because that's how you communicate it to them. Some people like a note. Some people like a social media acknowledgement. Some people just want a smile or a pat on the back or a kind comment in front of someone else.

You have to have relationships in order to make gratitude effective in my opinion.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. You opened a door and I'm gonna walk through it and you can tell me...

Amy Mathews-Perez: okay.

Lainie Rowell: ...how you feel about it. So if you look at the literature on praise, I'm talking about research on praise. Mm-hmm. It is actually the way you're describing gratitude, but what I think has happened, cause I've gotten pushback when I use the word praise, even though I'm referring to it in how they speak about it in research on how does it impact business relationships, romantic relationships, learning relationships, all of that. But I think what's happened over time is the word praise has been given a new meaning in the way that people use it. Does that make sense?

Amy Mathews-Perez: Uhhuh.

Lainie Rowell: So I have a, a more of a classical opinion of that word praise, but I think that because it's been used in like the example, you gave of pretty empty praise.

It's just like, "good job". It's nice, don't get me wrong, but there's not a lot of specificity, authenticity. There's not enough to it, for it to be meaningful. And so for me, I would consider praise a form of gratitude, but I really am honing in on how you're saying it's the, the use of the word praise has kind of evolved over time and some people have a negative connotation to it. I totally get that.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right. And you can even give specific praise. You and, and again, all this is obviously kept to my opinion, you know, I can say, "Mary, thanks for being so organized". Well, that's great, but in, I'm, I'm giving her praise for that.

But in my, what I call my Amy brain, okay, it's not better than anybody else's brain. It's not worse. It's just very, very unique. I call it my Amy brain. But in my Amy brain, to really express the gratitude that I wanna express, I'm gonna connect it back to what that person offered, how it benefited me, because I wanna circle back and follow up and help them understand, I'm not just saying, you did a good job, but you positively impacted me. And this is how.

Lainie Rowell: I love that. That reminds me of the Jeremy Adam Smith definition of the best thank yous. Acknowledging the intention, the cost, and the value. And I think that's what I'm hearing you describe is, I wanna take it to that next level and really make the connection of how I see this interpersonal thing happening.

Is that fair to say? I don't wanna put words in your mouth.

Amy Mathews-Perez: No, that's absolutely right. And, and along those lines, I also work really hard to empower other people with my gratitude because there are so many people that don't realize what their strengths are. They don't realize that what they're offering is benefiting me and possibly the situation or you know, lots of things.

And they might not realize that. I want to highlight that so they can start to have maybe a little bit more confidence and possibly say, oh, I do have something to offer. I do have something that's benefiting the big picture instead of just, I don't wanna take that for granted because when people do that for me, it means a lot.

It means a whole lot. So I definitely wanna do that for, for others. Also, I wanna be sure that I can empower them through gratitude to let them know some of the awesome things they have to offer.

Lainie Rowell: I think it has a very profound effect on the relationship.

When you're talking about, I see you and this is, I value you, I honor you, I see all these things and it's come up a a couple times on this show that sometimes you show gratitude to someone for something and they're completely taken aback. "What do you mean? You see that in me?" And I think that's a really lovely thing too, is when we acknowledge something that we feel is maybe even very obvious about someone else that never even occurred to them is one of their strengths.

And so I think that's a really thoughtful way to approach gratitude. I know you are huge into gratitude, so I wanna give you an opportunity to share even more ways that you experience and express gratitude. I'm gonna open it up pretty widely, let you take it where you wanna...

Amy Mathews-Perez: Sure.

Lainie Rowell: ...cause I know you have some specific thoughts on this.

Amy Mathews-Perez: I do. So working in as the director of special programs, there are six programs that I work with, but the biggest one, if I could say that, is special education. And so when a lot of people hear that term, they have an emotional response to that.

And special education in public schools is hard. There's no getting around that. It is hard. I'll show gratitude for the challenges that come with the job, and there are a lot of them, but I only wanna talk about a few, you know, the challenge of meeting the needs of diverse learners.

That's, that's hard work, but it's very gratifying. And when I talk about diverse learners, I'm not just talking about students, I'm also talking about staff because. Teachers, paraprofessionals, campus district administration, everybody's a learner. So I find I'm very grateful for that challenge when I'm successful with that challenge.

And I'm grateful when I'm not successful. But again, that's a little bit of a delayed gratitude. But another challenge with special education is compliance. With all of the laws. And that's something else that people think of when they hear special education. They think legal paperwork. But I'm grateful for that because, well, I'm not grateful that the laws change, but they do.

And if they're evolving to better serve the students and families, that's great. But there are, you know, there are local, there are state, there are federal laws. And that's a challenge not only to stay aware of what they are, but to be able to communicate those to all of the stakeholders in the process.

And in that way, I'm grateful to serve as somewhat of an advocate for students and teachers and parents. So I'm grateful for that opportunity because it's, like I said, special ed is hard, and if I can make it easier for other people, easier to understand, easier to take action, then I'm grateful for that opportunity.

For sure.

Lainie Rowell: That is a huge gift. I appreciate it when you are including adults as learners cuz we are all learning, we're all evolving and it's a very core belief of mine that we have to remove as many barriers as we can. And I have a visceral reaction to the word advocate because I think we should all be advocates for our learners.

Right, right. Again, kids and adults so I will say that I have a habit of designing learning experiences that would be ideal for me. That is a, a default that I have to often overcome is like, Ooh, I could do this. But then I have to think about, okay, well what are the, what are the multiple means I'm offering to meet the needs of everyone.

And I have a strong belief that even though not every child or adult is identified with learning differences, I do believe we all have learning differences and that it's very much contextual and it could have to do with what happened five minutes ago.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right.

Lainie Rowell: What happened five weeks ago, five years ago.

I mean, there's so many things that are coming into play of, okay, well this is where I am in this situation at the moment. Mm-hmm. And so I appreciate it when I am given opportunities to make choices based on what's gonna fit my needs in this context best.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right, and, and one thing that's kind of a broken record of mine is there are no special education students in our district.

They're only students because in my, again, my very humble opinion, everyone is special. All the kids and all the staff, we're all special. We all have things that we either require because of physical issues, you know, like food allergies or illness. Then we also have things that we prefer. Like I don't want tomatoes on my burger.

I don't like tomatoes. They're not finished in the middle. Does that make me special? Yes, it does, because I want my burger, my special way, right? So we're all special, and I'm not trivializing special education, but we're all special and we all want what we want and need what we need. So let's make that happen for everybody. And I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to perpetuate that and model that.

That, that's kind of one of the things I talk about a lot. And when I do training and speaking, I work really, really hard to do it in different ways. And most importantly, most importantly is engage your listener. And get them to participate in the learning.

And I always, always, always say, you have to ask me questions. I would rather you ask me the same question 15 times than guess once, because when you guess we don't know what we're gonna get. So please, please, please. I love play. You know, interact through, play, through music, through silliness, through jokes, and I can tell you my favorite joke, but if you ever come to one of my presentations, you're gonna hear it again.

But here you go. Just for you, Lainie, and your listeners, my favorite joke in the whole wide world is, what does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Lainie Rowell: I don't know. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Amy Mathews-Perez: Synonym rolls.

Did I mention that I'm a speech path and I'm a word nerd. I love me some language stuff, but yeah, that's my favorite. That's my favorite.

Lainie Rowell: Word play is a good deal. I wanna touch on something you said... you're talking about, I want you to be asking questions.

I don't remember where I heard this tip years ago, but it was when you pause for questions, you don't say, "Do you have any questions?", or "Does anyone have any questions?" Instead, "What questions do you have?

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right.

Lainie Rowell: I know there are questions out there, so I wanna frame that in a way that invites the questions rather than framing it in a way, "Are you asking a question cuz you didn't get it?"

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right, no, absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: It's a small, but when you were saying that, I was like, oh, I, I know she does this.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Absolutely.

And you know what else I do, Lainie, is I refer to other people that have asked other questions. Because I can anticipate what the questions are gonna be.

And I'll say, you know, I was speaking with someone the other day and their question was, and I see the, the heads and the audience nodding Yes. So I anticipate their questions so that they don't have to feel like they literally have to ask. But again, I want it to be a fun atmosphere where we can be silly.

And sometimes I'll make mistakes on purpose just to let them say, what, what, what? That doesn't make sense. And I'm like, okay. Well, let's talk about why that doesn't make sense, because sometimes that's the best learning mode also, again, grateful for the opportunity to help people learn and facilitate, you know, maybe their passion, maybe helping them align their energy and their efforts into what action they wanna take.

That that's kind of what I'm always grateful for those opportunities.

Lainie Rowell: So helpful and I think that's where we can leverage the unique and dynamic interests and gifts of our learners, again, of all ages.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: And find ways to leverage that to what are some ways that we could actually do some good in the world, that pro-social learning, like I'm grateful for athletics, like I'm grateful for sports. I love to play sports well. Mm-hmm. Can you do a sports clinic? It's like a service learning project for some younger kids or, you know, I am a big foodie. I love to eat and I'd love to help our food services people with maybe a garden on campus or with composting or even if there's ways to, test out menu items that would fall within the very strict guidelines of food services.

But you know what I mean?

Amy Mathews-Perez: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: I think there's all these opportunities to bring in these unique and dynamic interests and strengths to leverage it. And I think that's what makes the learning really authentic and also has that undercurrent, has that framing of gratitude, if you will.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Absolutely. Absolutely. I love to learn. I love to teach, and I love to have fun, and I love to laugh and I love to empower people. So anytime somebody needs somebody to stand up and do the talk and then walk the walk, I'm, I'm the girl. Bring it on. Let's make it happen.

Lainie Rowell: I hear you ready. Now, believe it or not, we are approaching the end of our time. It always goes way too fast and I know that.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Oh my goodness.

Lainie Rowell: I know, it's just bananas how fast it goes, but I wanna give you an opportunity for any last quick tips you have for teachers, coaches, and /or administrators.

Amy Mathews-Perez: I want to remind people to see the able, not the label. Whether that label is special education, GT, English language learner, whatever that label is. And even on adults, if it's, you know, temper tantrum, Tammy, don't see her label.

See what she's able to do. But when it comes to gratitude, I kind of think of it in a way of and I had to look this term up, let's be honest cuz I couldn't think of it. Frequency bias. Have you heard of that? So what, when you notice something or you're looking for something, you tend to see more and more of it and there's a much more official name, but I'm going with frequency bias and I feel like that can evolve with gratitude. If you start to look for it and hone in on it, you are gonna notice it everywhere. And the other thing that popped into my head, Lainie. What comes first, the blessings or the gratitude, and I think that's up to each individual, but I, I think that's important to know that you can have gratitude for lots of things without them being major life changing blessings.

You know, I'm, I'm grateful that we had a little bit of rain today. I'm also grateful that we had some sunshine today. So it's, it's super important to me that we find the gratitude and we seek the gratitude. And the more often we seek it, the more often we're gonna see it because of that frequency bias thing.

And then the other thing I really like to practice is remembering that our point of view drives what we do. So our point of view drives what we do. And if we have a point of view of gratefulness and awareness then those are the things we're gonna see and that we're gonna naturally gonna practice more and more.

Lainie Rowell: I a hundred percent agree. I think it might've been my therapist who said, we see what we look for.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: When you go looking for it, you will find it.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Right. Just like when you buy a new car, you think you're the only one with a black wagoneer, and you're like, what? Why does everybody have the same car as me?

What's this about? And I, I believe the same thing can happen with gratitude.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And so when you were talking about the blessings, You know what comes first, blessings or gratitude? I think when you look for the blessings, you'll find the gratitude and also. When you're grateful, you realize how many blessings you already had.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Absolutely. I could not have said it better. That's excellent.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, I'm pretty sure you already said it better, but you're very kind. You have given us so much wisdom and so many strategies. I really appreciate your time, Amy. I wanna make sure and give you time to do your shout out.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Well, the obvious shout out, which I've heard on quite a few of your podcasts is my spouse. I have a wonderful, loving, supportive husband who is phenomenal.

But I was also thinking in the context of what you and I are doing. So when I think about podcasting and Twitter, I have to give a shout out to Sarah Pedrotti cuz she introduced me to Twitter. I don't know how long ago, wait till my Twitter anniversary thing pops up. I'm gonna say 10 years, but I could be totally wrong.

So shout out to Sarah and then podcast world, I have to give a shout out to Brian Martin because he was the first podcast to have me as a guest. You know, just little ol me. I don't, I don't have any books published yet. I don't have a website yet. I'm not doing a lot of speaking engagements yet, but I am driven to make a difference in the world.

So shout out to Brian Martin for being brave enough to have me as a guest on his podcast.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I'm gonna echo that shout out to Brian Martin. He is one of my favorite people and we've been on each other's podcast, so listeners, I don't have his episode number off the top of my head, but he's been on Evolving with Gratitude. You should check it out. And you should also go listen to Amy on his podcast.

I wanna say, you know, bringing it back to, we were talking about that like specific authentic gratitude to people. I think we often risk showing it the least to the people we're closest to. And you mentioned gratitude to your spouse, and I think that's so important.

And again, I know not everyone loves the phrase praise, but when I think of that praise to correction ratio, I think of my spouse and how I really need to be so careful to be overwhelming showing gratitude for all the wonderful things that he does. Be much more strategic about, do I need to give him this feedback?

Is this something that is actually going to make our marriage better, or is this something that I'm just feeling in the moment? Maybe I should wait on it. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's so easy to point out the negative, with that negativity bias.

Amy Mathews-Perez: It's also so easy to take things for granted. I work really, really hard at not doing that. But again, it's that awareness and the perspective. And you said strategic, and that is something that I was just chatting with him about, about a week or so ago, how he's taught me, again, showing him gratitude for teaching me how to be more strategic in certain areas of what I do.

So it's an awareness and I never, ever, ever wanna take him or anyone that I'm close to, family, friends for granted. So it's the awareness and the perspective and what am I learning? And once I learn something and have that lesson, I want to show gratitude for gaining that from that person.

Lainie Rowell: Lovely way to end. But we're not actually a hundred percent done though, because we need to hear about how people can connect to you. And I wanna just give you a shout out for that mindset and that frequent use as you were describing, where you are in your journey of "yet" that constant use of the word "yet". And you're already doing amazing things. You're already having a huge impact. I can't wait to see how you're gonna put that out to an even bigger audience. That impact is already happening and I'm excited to see what is yet to come.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Well, you're very kind.

Thank you so much, Lainie. I appreciate that. They can reach me at Twitter. It's probably the best way to reach me @DrAmyMP @drgrowto know. And now that we've had this conversation, you understand where that name came from. My initials are AMP and I've gone round and round and round.

I was called AMP for a long time. And, but let me tell you, there are a lot of Twitter people out there with those initials, so I had to figure out something. But it's @DrAmyMP @drgrowtoknow. So if you wanna reach out, that's the fastest way to reach me.

Lainie Rowell: Perfect. I'm gonna put that in the show notes so people can, can have quick access to that. Amy, thank you for this opportunity to chat. So happy that we get to share your thinking with the world and people should definitely connect with you to continue to learn from you.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Well, Lainie, I have to tell you. So, so grateful for the opportunity. I know you have a wait list of people to chat with, so the fact that you took time to chat with me, and I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful because I follow what you do and the impact you're making is huge and it's one grateful moment at a time.

So I'm just. Just really honored to be a part of that journey, so thank you so much.

Lainie Rowell: We're gonna get in a gratitude loop here. I just wanna say, a little behind the scenes, I send guests a form and I ask them to tell me about themselves.

And just so the listener knows I'm asking for their headshot and all these things just to make it really easy. I have a little comment section that's optional. You almost brought me to tears with this beautiful message that you put in there and it was, it was just so heartwarming and special to me. You made me feel seen, known, heard, and valued.

But it was just like, oh my gosh, right there she's taking this little opportunity. I give you a little box, it says comment optional. And you took that opportunity to, to show me some, some gratitude and I just wanna thank you for that. So I. I we're gonna have to stop the Gratitude loop because I feel like you and I are one of those people that we'll just go round and round on this, but just again, Amy, thank you for being here.

And to our listeners, thank you for being here too.

Amy Mathews-Perez: Thanks everybody.

Episode 55 - Yes! Your Child Can with Guest Victoria Waller

Shownotes:

Hey there, podcast fam! Are you ready for an episode packed with positivity and empowering, practical advice? We've got the one and only Dr. Victoria Waller joining us, and she's all about being strengths based! If you're a parent or caregiver of a child with learning differences, you won't want to miss this engaging and fun-filled conversation. Trust me, as both an educator and a parent, I recommend tuning in and joining us on this journey!

About Our Guest:

Victoria E. Waller, Ed.D. holds a B.S in Education from Wayne State University, an M.Ed., as a certified reading specialist, and an Ed.D. focusing on reading and learning differences, from the University of Cincinnati. Dr. Waller has been awarded the University of Cincinnati’s Distinguished Alumna College of Education Award, was one of three finalists for the L.A. Music Center’s Bravo Award for Outstanding Teaching, and was named the Local Hero in the L.A. Times for her Printer Pal Program, connecting students with nursing home occupants. She was the creator of the Disney Busy Bags for Travel on Planes and Cars for Disney/Hyperion Books and has created backpacks and toys for M&M Mars, Inc.

Book: Yes! Your Child Can: Creating Success for Children with Learning Differences

Website: ⁠drvictoriawaller.com⁠

Instagram: ⁠@drvictoriawaller⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, friends. Welcome to the pod. I am very excited to have Dr. Victoria Waller with us. Am I allowed to call you Dr. Vicky?

Dr. Victoria Waller: No. Call me Vicky. It's okay, just Vicky.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I feel like for people who have gone to get that advanced degree, they always earned the doctor, but I will take you up on that informality.

Hello Vicky. Welcome to the podcast.

Dr. Victoria Waller: I am so excited to be here. I can't even tell you because usually podcasters have read my book, which is lovely, but I've read your book and I've literally been crying for days. It's so important. gratitude and what you say. It's just, it's, it's the most important thing that I think I can say about every aspect of my life. I started with my parents and I went all the way to where I was now. And I have a whole list of, I have gratitude for all of this and you're right, you say, when you experience it, we create more happiness in our lives and lives of others.

And I think every word you said was just amazing and all the articles by other people, so. I'm gonna compliment you.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, you're too kind. Well, I rushed to read your book. I read it in, I think. 30 hours-ish because I couldn't put it down. And I had so many notes, so many highlights, and I'm really excited to share where our work comes together because I feel like there's a ton of connections between gratitude and your work.

I'm gonna do a very quick introduction and then, Vicky, I would love it if you jumped in and said more about what you do. So Dr. Victoria Waller is an educational therapist with a doctorate in education and learning differences. She is the author of the best selling book. I'm gonna slow down for that... bestselling book, Yes, Your Child Can, Creating Success for Children With Learning Differences.

It is also a finalist in the best book for 2022, the Forward Indies Reviews. We'll talk about that, I hope. I mean your, I'm just gonna talk straight to you right now, Vicky. Your bio is long, impressive and you have such an array of work that you've done and so I don't even know how to capture that all and still trying to keep this a relatively 30 minute podcast, but would you please tell people some more wonderful things about you that you really wanna make sure they know?

Dr. Victoria Waller: Well, I think I have to say, over 40 years I've been teaching and working with children with learning differences. And if you notice that word, I never say, even 40 years ago, I never said disabled children. They were so smart. I always found them smart and interesting . And I thought, they're not disabled.

Okay, they have differences. Maybe they have a little attention issues. Maybe they can't spell, maybe they can't write. But I never said that word, dyslexia. I just don't use those words because I know, because I've taught thousands of children. They're the geniuses of our time. Like Anderson Cooper, Richard Branson, Simone Biles, the astronaut, Scott Kelly, and so many more.

And I believe every child can learn and become successful and happy. If we diagnose them early, we get them help when they need it, and we use their strengths and passions to teach them. You know, parents come into me now I do ED therapy. I was in a school for 40 years and now I do ED therapy.

I always did a little, but now I do it, and parents immediately come in and tell me everything that's wrong with their child and I say, oh, what are they good at? And there's quiet. Because the parents are so focused on what their child can't do. This one child came and I said to him after, what do you like?

And he said, oh, I love sharks and whales. Now, the mother never said that to me. Well, I so happened to know the biggest shark expert in the world, Chris Fallows. I met him on a trip, and of course he communicates with my students and this child interviewed Chris and he interviewed the man in Maine who was a lobster fisherman and he got caught in a whale's mouth.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, wow.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Yes. Oh, it's fantastic. It's on the internet, and I called this man and I said, can my student interview you? It was so fascinating listening to this man. Tell us how he's a lobster fisherman.

He goes down with his baskets and he gets, he still does that. Many people just put baskets down. He goes down and all of a sudden it was dark. He knew it wasn't a shark because there were no teeth, right? Feel that they leaned, so he knew it was a whale. He lost his mouth piece. So he knew I have to get that, or for sure I'm gonna die anyway.

I can't even believe in like 10 seconds all this went through his mind. He felt around, put it back in his mouth. Then the whale opened his mouth and spit him out. This child dictated questions he wanted to ask him. We did a Zoom with. He read them and I had the mother sitting there. The mother was in shock.

He can't read. Well, he read because he knew exactly what he wanted to ask the man, and he knew what he told me to write down. I typed it in big letters. I try to connect kids and get their passions and their strengths, and I've done this since I've started teaching.

And we did a group of seven boys, and they were so brilliant and they loved writing scripts, and they wrote a script about the Hamburglar who was in McDonald's years ago. He came and he stole McDonald's. So I called McDonald's. I said, we've written the script. Can we film at McDonald's? And they said, yes at 5:00 AM.

Because they opened at 7:00 AM nowadays, they'd never let you do that. And I went with the boys and some moms and we filmed them with a movie camera. It was one of the first things that I did was amazing.

And I said, what was the most important part of this day? And I'm like, glowing, what? Are you kidding? We got McDonald's fries at 7:00 AM.

Lainie Rowell: I mean, they're not wrong. That is pretty amazing. There's just so many connections and you know, you and I have communicated back and forth before, but this is our first live conversation and I just have to tell you, there's so many things that you do and your perspective and your approach that resonate with me.

So first of all, I was a psychology major. I ended up going into education because I did my hours at a non-public school helping a student with learning differences. And this child was just so special. He just totally had my heart.

And I really loved working with kids and just like you said, he was so interesting to me and I was like, oh my gosh, this kid has so much to share and he needs the opportunities to do that. And so that was actually why I became an educator. I was gonna go into special ed.

Years, years down the road I worked for Apple and would do professional learning for them on how we could universally design our lessons and bring technology into this. And so I constantly, as I'm reading your book, which is so inspiring, so informative, as I'm reading your book, I'm hearing about all these ways that you're engaging, you're inviting them into the learning.

You are giving them all these different opportunities to access the content and all these different ways to show what they know and are able to do. And I just think that's something that every child deserves.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Well, the thing about the book is.. I have, every A D H D book, every learning disability book, and you open them up and there's a picture of a brain. Every parent I've ever met buys every single book.

They open it up, they see that, and they close the book. My book is a step by step for parents, for teachers, for educators. It's just a journey.

First of all, He's gonna snap out of it. She's gonna snap. They're not snapping out of it. You have to do something. Yeah. You know, what do you do? What's the testing about?

Parents come to me and they're like, freaked. My child has to go to a brain doctor. Well, that's a neuropsychologist to test them. Nowadays you can go a pediatrician who does the testing and that's on insurance. The testing you do with a neuropsychologist is very expensive. Okay.

IEPs at schools, I have been around those meetings. Those teachers and educators are phenomenal. Mm-hmm. You need to find out what are the passions of strength in my child and how can we get to teach them getting past the fear medication. I am not a medical doctor. I mean, 40 years ago, 45 years ago, there was Ritalin.

Now there's all kinds. One of my students she takes a little medicine. It's liquid. I didn't even ask what it was. Okay. She's totally changed. She was inattentive. You know, we never seem to find the inattentive children because they're quiet, but the ones I seem to get all the time are the inattentive who they say, oh, they'll snap out of it.

So my book takes you on a step. What do you do? How do you hire the right person? It doesn't have to be somebody with a doctorate. I'm met a girl the other day she's 32, and she said, my second grade teacher, Took me all through college. I went, what? She said, yeah. She was just a brilliant woman, but she liked teaching little kids.

But she started with me and she could do all the math and all of that in high school. She took her all the way through. It's getting the help, hiring the right person. I just talked to one of the moms. I hadn't talked to her in years. I wanted to check up on her son, who's brilliant and fabulous, and she had come to me and said, I've interviewed 26 therapists and I don't like any of them.

And I thought, oh, this is gonna be a good one. Right? I mean, 26, that's the most anybody's ever said to me. And of course I totally hit it off with the child. He's brilliant. You know, when people kept saying, oh, he can't do this, he can't sit still, he's not smart. These children are smart. Yep. And you need a team to help you, whether it's a therapist, whether it's a teacher that can help after school. I find better than parents helping the kids. Kids don't do as well when the parent tries to teach them.

Lainie Rowell: Oh no. I think we all learned that during Covid. Even those of us who are educators learned that and no disrespect to those who homeschool.

I have so much respect for you if you homeschool. That is just not for me. If you can do that, I think you're possibly up for sainthood. That's a gift if you can teach your own kids.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Well, it's funny during Covid, one of my students made himself an alien.

So on the camera he was an alien. And another person who was working with him called me and said, I can't stand it. It's so stupid. Doesn't it bother you? I said, well, not really because it's his voice and he's reading with me and he's responding. You know, so he's an an alien.

I wrote it up in the New York Times, even printed it, I said, during Covid, I taught an alien to read because I did. But my book is that step by step journey and the parents who follow it and find the strengths of their children, the passions...

And my book tells about all of it very simple terms. Do this, do this. And it's funny because the Quill Driver Press, the people who published the book and there was a woman who was the editor, and at the end of every chapter, she made these blue boxes. And it's what to remember and I loved it because you know, you read a book and then you go, oh, where did it say that?

At the end of the chapter, it's the blue box that tells you exactly what the chapter is about. Everybody along the way talking about gratitude. I just, I read your book and I went from my whole life with my parents saying I was never the smartest kid in class, but I was the one doing plays.

Vicky would do the plays and write the plays and I was the youngest of three sisters, and the sisters were, they were 18 and out of the house and I was 10 so mother says, I grew like topsy. I just grew. Who knew? She didn't pay very much attention, but they always said, oh, you can do it.

They always said that to me. And then my whole life it's been people that I've met, and I'll just do this quickly, the professors at the universities all the people that I contact for my student. There's not a person that I contacted, very famous people, the head of Disney, Michael Eisner he got me into every single...

In the eighties and nineties, Disney was really hot and I'm in LA and they would have all these fantastic openings and all my kids. We were the first ones on Splash Mountain and somebody said, but what happened if it broke? I said, well, no. You know, the people at Disney, the actual people who worked there were on, you know, it was gonna open in two weeks, but we were the first kids You know, Secret Service, the head of the Secret Service for Clinton.

I met his wife on a plane and when she told me what he did, it was like, okay. But he arranged my students here when I was doing ed therapy to get a challenge coin. A challenge Coin is given by a president to people in the Secret Service and they slip it to them. And the head of the Secret Service said to me of, of Clinton, of course, he would tell me nothing about anything that went on with Bill Clinton. I said, you won't even tell me a little story. No, Vicky...

Lainie Rowell: You're fishing. It's so funny.

Dr. Victoria Waller: No, of course. But he was wonderful and they gave, I have two kids that got a challenge coin, but it's a Secret Service challenge going so it's like even better than the president's one cuz so few are given.

And my children who work really hard and he set up so that a Secret Service agent gave the child the Secret Service going. It was amazing. The head of Google, I met him on a trip and he had kids and I went over and said, oh, what do you kids like to read? I always chit chat with people and we were in Australia.

I said, where are you from? And he said, mountain View, California. And I'm going Mountain View. One of my students, Google, he's obsessed with Google. This was 20 years ago. He is president of Google paris now. We've been in contact for 10 years. We flew to Google and the student and his father and I did. The three of us, we spent the day at Google. He was then the vice president of Google. We spent the day with. And it was funny cuz at the end my student was eight and he just loved everything about Google. This was when it was really starting. And he, I said, what was the best thing about the day?

And I'm like, flying cuz he interviewed the Vice President Sebastian. And he said, in every room there is a big, huge bowl of candy. You can eat all the candy you wanted all day. And he kept stuffing them in my pockets and stop giving him sugar. And he said, well, Vicky, what was your best thing?

I said, are you kidding? Number one, you could bring your pet to work. I love my Labradors. Okay, you can bring your dog to work and if you work there, you take your laundry in the morning and, and when you leave, they have the laundry finished. I said, I'm working there. That's like the best thing I've ever heard.

Lainie Rowell: It's very, very smart. Yes. And I'm a Google Certified Innovator. I was brought in in Santa Monica. And I've done things for Google at the DC office, but I've never been to Mountain View, which of course is the flagship. So I have serious envy that you got to do that because that is the best Google campus to be at.

Dr. Victoria Waller: This seven year old boy could cook. He could cook, we could go into the, and he couldn't read the recipe. I read the recipe, but we, he'd tell me what he wanted to make and we go into the kitchen. But he could taste something and say it needs a quarter more of salt.

And that'll do. And he's still a cook to this day. He's 17. Loves cooking.

Lainie Rowell: What a pallet. That's amazing.

Dr. Victoria Waller: And Google, their lunchroom has 25 different countries that you can pick and, and this, he was so funny. He said, can I keep going back? I said, go, go and taste all the foods from all over the countries.

Chris Fallows, the shark expert, the principal from Crossroads School who said, every report I wrote, she kept saying, this is a book. This is a book. And that's how it went. My publisher, Quill Driver, forward reviews. I'm now a finalist. That's so far unbelievable for book of the year, 2022. And somebody said, oh, well, oh, maybe you'll win.

I said, I, I mean, yes, that'd be nice to win, but that is so far fetched. I'm a finalist. Yeah, that's amazing. How many people can I get to, to, to tell them that their children are smart? You have to do my step by step and your child will succeed. But if you don't and you keep putting it off or saying, oh, he'll step out.

They're not going to snap out of it.

Lainie Rowell: I love that your, your book is a tribute. It honors. All of these people that you've been able to help and the people who you've worked with who've helped these people and the families and the everyone that coming together to support these learners, it's just a lovely tribute to what's possible.

I mean, your title, Yes! Your Child Can that really sums it up. It's yes, every child can, right. We're so blessed as educators to have so many of our fellow educators who have that mentality. It's, it's pretty rare, but but there are some who don't always get that.

So your message is important. It's, it's important for everyone to understand. Everyone can, all of our learners are capable. We can hold them all to high standards. It's how we help them get there that's different.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Yes, and I think it does start with, of course you have to have a teacher who understands, but it starts with parents saying, oh, Maybe there is not a problem, but maybe there's something. The parents will come, oh, he is lazy.

They're not lazy. They just have a different way of thinking. And if you get them help, whether it's getting, a tutor to help them after school, a teacher that they love, like that girl, a teacher that they love that wants to help them, and if they need medication and I have to tell you, so. It used to be, oh, if you give them medication, they're gonna become a drug addict.

Guess what I have to tell you, after over 40 years, let's say they need medication and you don't give it to them. You don't get them help. You don't listen to what people are saying and you think, oh, they'll snap out of it. When they're 14, 15, and 16, they're gonna start self-medicating with bad things because they keep saying, but everybody says I'm smart and I can't do anything.

They have no confidence. What you want and your whole thing with the gratitude... we create more happiness in our lives and lives of others. And it's not happy people who are grateful, it's grateful people who are happy. That's in my room right now. What you said in your book, I mean, just was over the, the mountains and hills.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, you're so sweet. Well, like I said, I think we're sisters in that we really see how wonderful everyone is in their own special way.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: And we see that as an asset and not as a deficit. And so I think that your work is so important.

And I love that you keep coming back to learning differences. And you keep saying it's not a disability, it's about uncovering what the abilities are. And I just think that even if you. You know, health, exercise, eating, like there is no one way that's gonna work for everyone. And as soon as we start to appreciate that variability, that's when we can see it as opportunities instead of, okay, well now we have to do this.

It's like we're all different and I just wanna say something really quickly. The inattentive, this was a big learning thing for me early on in my career because I had a master teacher who said to me, Okay. There might be kids who are driving you crazy and there might be kids who are making your days.

Be careful you don't miss the ones who are just flying under the radar.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: Watch out for them because they might be in the most need. And I think about that in respect to gratitude. If you think about how often a child hears their name said out loud in a classroom, we've got the kids who are doing the things that we're hoping they do, so they get the praise. And then we have the kids who are maybe challenging us and they're getting the corrections. Obviously we wanna work on that. Upping the praise for everyone so that everyone is hearing their name in a positive way. And that really sometimes I think is the hardest for the inattentive kids.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Yes, yes, yes, for sure.

Because what happens is they go under the radio. It's funny, I even said to one of my students, the teacher I went to visit the class and they were on the floor and she was talking about whales. This child knew everything about whales and he sat in the back of the room, he was inattentive, and later I said to him, I can't believe it.

You didn't raise your hand. You're the one who knows more than the teacher on whales. And he said, You know what, the three kids in the front row always have their hand up and she always chooses the same ones. He said, what do I have to talk for? So the ones that are inattentive are the ones that teachers think, oh, they're not smart.

They don't talk. And the funny thing is the child who loved the whales and sharks, you know, I said, what do you like when I started talking to him after, and I have clay, I have all kinds of things here. And he made me the whale that the man, the man was caught in and he had feet coming out of the mouth.

So not only could he to make it, but he's clever. It was just amazing. And the mother said, oh yeah, he's always building and always ma, that was to her negative. Well, everybody does that. No, everybody isn't created like he is. And it's just interesting that I tend to see more of the kids that are inattentive because the parents just think they're lazy and they'll snap out of it and they're not paying attention.

And as soon as I give that list in my book about does your child not reply when you call them 14 times, but all kids do that now because they're on their computers or something, whatever. But my book is giving you a list. This is what to look for. What are these doctors?

What is a neuropsychologist? What is an IEP at a school? I have to tell you, the testing they do at public schools is as good as the $7,000 neuropsychologist, they're all trained, they're brilliant, and it's free. And then they have the writeup for the teachers to work with him, or they'll say, get somebody out of school to help your child.

It's very important, the team that you choose to work with your child. I can't stand when a parent says, well, he's lazy because I haven't found any student who's lazy, especially the inattentive ones. They're just quiet, but they're always into something, they love something that they do. I found it so interesting the different, they like sharks, they like whales. Like the one who like Google. He was obsessed with Google.

Lainie Rowell: I see it from the teacher perspective and I try and correct myself because I know what's happening deep down, my brain knows, but there's part of me that takes it real personal and I just go, I'm not engaging them. They don't find me interesting and I make it, which I think humans have a tendency to do, I make it about myself, and what I really need to think about is, okay, well what could I be doing differently to bring the gifts that this child has into our learning community and making sure that everyone has a voice.

I think there's a lot more ways to even do this now. You know, you mentioned technology and I love how you give examples in your book of ways that we can use technology to remove the barriers and help learners with what we're trying to accomplish.

Dr. Victoria Waller: It's funny, I had a student, third grade boy and everybody had to do a report and his report was supposed to be on strawberries, and he came to me and I went, what? The teacher gave him strawberries. And I thought, okay, I don't even like strawberries. I'm a raspberry person, but I went, wait a minute, you know everything there is to know about rollercoasters. His grandmother lives in Cedar Point in Ohio, which is the biggest rollercoaster park.

So he's been going there all the time and he knows all about them. So I said, let's write a letter to the teacher and ask if you to could do it. And he went up and he said, could I do it on roller coasters instead of strawberries. And I'm now calling her my wonderful teacher. She said, of course. You have no idea. He built a rollercoaster. I don't know how he did it cuz he was really good at math. When he went to Cedar Point, he interviewed the president because I called ahead of time and asked if the president would do me a favor.

I'm always asking people for favors. And he said, sure. And he interviewed him and he took notes the whole time. It was unbelievable. Just a little thing. It's a little hard for a mom or dad to ask the teacher to change something. But if your child could do it, or if you have an ed therapist or a tutor, maybe the tutor could say, you know, he knows everything about sharks. Could he write it on sharks? Most teachers will say, sure.

Lainie Rowell: To the wonderful teacher, I don't know what the standard was, but obviously she had the wisdom to go, okay, well the standard isn't, he needs to know about strawberries.

It was probably a writing standard so she goes, oh, well the writing standard is still covered if he talks about roller coasters, and that is, such a brilliant understanding of teaching and learning is if you can get to the point where you really focus on, okay, what's the standard?

And then give that flexibility. Universal Design for Learning we say firm goals, flexible means the flexible means is what is so important. And your book is so good at making this accessible for parents. I wanna make sure and get this out here because I think if your child needs additional support and you've gotta advocate for your child, and you've gotta get a team together to advocate for your child, that is incredibly complicated, incredibly overwhelming for a family that might already be overwhelmed in a number of other ways.

And I really appreciate it in your book, that you made it very accessible for non-educators to understand how this system works and to really leverage the resources that are actually available and sometimes even free, and take advantage of those things. And here's how to make it make sense to yourself.

And here's how to ask for help and who to ask for help. And then there's one more thing that I wanna say, cuz there's so many spots where I'm just like, oh, this resonates with me. I know we can talk for hours.

Dr. Victoria Waller: I took notes on your book and it's some of the things you said, I'm just sticking them up on my wall.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, you're so sweet. One of the things that I really connected with is you are bold in asking for people to come in and make the connection with learners, and I think that is a testament that actually a lot of people are happy to do that. Schools are not an easy place to be invited into. But there are services out there. I mean, you got fortunate that you were on the plane with the wife and...

Dr. Victoria Waller: Well, I talk to everybody, that's what I do.

Lainie Rowell: You talk to everybody and that is very, very helpful. But, you know, there are services out there. When I was in the classroom I would use Skype in the Classroom and it was a network where I could find experts and have them video conference in to be interviewed.

There are all these people, a Minecraft engineer could be video conferencing in and talking about their process, how they design, troubleshoot. So many experts out there that would be happy to donate a little time and we just have to make that connection. And so I love that you're encouraging kids to have the agency to be like, I care about roller coasters.

I wanna do this. Can I research this? And when teachers know about those interests, they can actually start to bring the experts in. And it's not as hard as you would think.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Zoom makes the world right here. It's amazing. You know, I didn't even know who Joey Chestnut was. During Covid I had these two kids and they love... Joey Chestnut is the one that goes to Nathan's and eats 5,000 hotdogs at July 4th.

That's the guy who has the record. Oh my goodness. Well, we interviewed him. It was a hoot and nowadays you look on Google. In fact, it's funny How to Be a Perfect Person is one of my favorite books. Very old book. Stephen Manis is the author and I had to call him cuz I read that with every child cuz can anybody really be perfect?

It's such a funny book, short. The kids like it, but it's. So I look him up on Google, right? And it doesn't say anything. Then it says wife. So then I look up his wife and it has her phone number. So I call and he calls me back and he says, how did you get my phone number? It's not listed. I said, no, but it said your wife's name.

So I just called her, left a message saying, give this to your husband. But people, because of Zoom, they're just so easy about, okay, I have 10 minutes on this. Now Chris Fallow is the biggest shark expert in the world. Chris is now on tour and he's coming back in May, and I have a student who's really into sharks, so he's gonna do a Zoom with him.

Now. We just did, this is the new one. Do you know who Mr. Doodles is?

Lainie Rowell: Oh, I feel like I do. Yes. I, and always seen him on Instagram. Yeah,

Dr. Victoria Waller: he doodles his house. Okay. So I wrote a letter. And the funny thing is the person that's his media person used to be a teacher. Oh, okay. So my letter saying I'm a teacher with these kids with learning differences, he wrote me back immediately.

Now we videoed the children asking the questions and he replied, cuz it's London. He replied to their questions on a video. It wasn't, he didn't see them. And they didn't see him. They saw it at the. Because they saw...

Lainie Rowell: But that's a beautiful workaround for the time zone challenge because we've got kids in school for six hours and you gave a pro tip earlier that I wanna highlight because this is critical.

We can ask them to come in via Zoom or Skype or however you wanna do it, and it's so generous of them to give a little bit of time and to honor that time, you need the kids to come prepared with questions, and you did this, and so I wanna make sure that teachers know to do this too, because I have failed at this.

I did it one time where I didn't have the kids have their questions fully prepared. Well, they had written them, but I hadn't vetted them. And the kids were so nervous to ask the questions that one kid would ask the question and the other kid who's ready to go was so nervous they weren't listening to the first kid's questions, and they asked the exact same question and I was like, oh my gosh, I feel so bad.

So from then on, I vetted the questions just to make sure we didn't have redundancy, that we were making good use of the person's time. And now we have tools like Flip, formally called Flipgrid, where we can even do it asynchronously with the video responses. I love that we can just even email videos back and forth.

I mean, whatever it is, we can find easy ways to do that. You're doing it in such smart ways. I just wanted to point out that I thought that was really clever.

I could talk to you for hours, but I gotta let you go. Now. One thing I love about this episode is that you basically answered all of my questions without me even asking them. So I thank you for that. You just were so good at sharing and I never even had to explicitly say like, what does this mean to you?

So I love that you made my job as a host very, very easy. I thank you for that. I do wanna make sure, I'm gonna put this in the show notes as I always do, but I wanna make sure you have a chance to tell people how to reach out to you.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Well, either on Instagram or you can do my email it's drvictoriawaller@gmail.com. That's an easiest way, or on my website at Dr. Victoria Waller, and it says, contact her, but I think it's easy to just do it directly to me.

If you have questions or anything, I'm happy to answer.

Lainie Rowell: All right. And I will be sure to, in the show notes, put a link to the book.

Dr. Victoria Waller: I'm so happy. My publisher has been wonderful to me and I have this social media person. Let me tell you something. I didn't even know what a social media person was when this all started, but her name is Julie Hoffman. Honest to goodness she's young and she's brilliant. Yeah, and we just were like almost like sisters. It's funny, the people, even you, I could be friends with you. I said that to my husband.

I said, I've done like almost 40 podcasts. I said, I love every single person that I've been on a podcast. He said, oh my gosh. I said, I know, but he said, well, cuz you're like-minded. That's why. But I haven't found anybody that I'd say, oh, I didn't like that so much. It's just, they're educators and it's people who wanna help children how can it be bad.

Right?

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. We are same team, trying to make sure that everyone has every opportunity to live life to the fullest. Have that fulfilling successful life. So well, Vicky, this has been a real joy. I am super grateful for this time with you. You gave a ton of shoutouts and I am excited to release this episode out into the world.

Thank you for the work that you're doing, and I hope I get to chat with you again real soon.

Dr. Victoria Waller: Oh no, absolutely. Thank you so much and I love your book. You're, they should buy your book.

Lainie Rowell: They can buy both of our books. How about that? I'm a fan of both books and I really do hope people grab yours.

So thanks everyone for listening.

Episode 54 - Being In Tune with All Feelings with Guest Natasha Nurse

Shownotes:

Are you ready to learn how being in tune with your feelings can turn you into a change agent? Join Tasha Nurse in this inspiring episode as she shares her insights on the power of gratitude. Tasha also reveals how gratefulness plays a crucial role in developing important life skills such as perseverance, resilience, and effective communication. Get ready to be uplifted and enlightened after listening to Tasha's episode.

About Our Guest:

Natasha Nurse is a 6th grade science teacher in Long Beach, New York. She truly enjoys being a facilitator of learning! Throughout her 19 years as an educator, she has had the opportunity to teach grades 3-5, and was an instructional coach, who worked alongside amazing teachers. She also donates her time as a Long Beach Housing Authority Commissioner, giving back to the community she grew up in and loves!

Twitter: ⁠@natasha_nurse⁠  

Instagram: ⁠@tnurselb⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount⁠

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Well, hello my friends. I have been looking forward to this conversation. Tasha nurse, thank you for being here.

Tasha Nurse: I am so excited to be here, Lainie. Thank you so much for inviting me.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I have to give a shout out to the person that connected us, Lauren Kaufman, who I dare say a bestie for both of us.

Tasha Nurse: She is indeed a bestie, very, very close friend. One of my dear best friends that one of my confidants. My go-to.

Lainie Rowell: She is that person to, a lot of us, and she is so special. She's just such an inspiring educator leader. I'm so grateful. She was in Evolving with gratitude. She has a lovely story in there and just so honored she's been on the podcast and then, just the friendship that never stops giving because she introduced me to you.

And so, yes, now we're here we are.

Tasha Nurse: We were trying to find a book for a mentor program and she said, Tasha, you have to, to connect with Lainie. She said, it's an amazing book. And her, her advice is always like the best advice I knew once she said it, like, I'm gonna hit the ground running. I need to find out more about this book.

So there it goes. We connected you and I, and I work closely with Christine LaMarca. We collaboratively run the mentor program. She's such an amazing person, teacher, educator groundbreaker she's that, that person with all those qualities. But this is a book that we've been using and working with the teachers with, and we are, we're loving the book.

It's applicable to today's world and it's something so needed. Especially in our real field of education.

Lainie Rowell: You're so kind. Well, I am just very grateful that you're helping spread the message of gratitude in our learning communities, and I wanna make sure people know a little bit more about you.

It's gonna be a pretty brief intro, but I want you to add to it because there's. So many layers of wonderful to you, Tasha. And so I, I don't want you to be shy. Please, please, please tell everyone more cuz I, you're obviously an educator. You are so passionate about learning and mentorship and I know you're working on your admin credentials, so that's exciting.

Maybe you'll tell us more about that. But you're just doing so many wonderful things. And again, I'm not doing you justice, but please just tell us a little bit more about you.

Tasha Nurse: I'd be happy to. This makes my 19th year teaching. I worked in the elementary world Oh, wow. For over 10 years as a, a fourth grade teacher, fifth grade teacher.

And then I entered the world of instructional coaching and that's how I connected with Lauren Kaufman and Christine LaMarca and I was able to, you know, be a part of something so amazing as working alongside other teachers for three years. I taught virtually for a year under Dr. Paul Romanelli.

Amazing, amazing, transformational leader who is now the superintendent in West Iceland School District. I am now teaching sixth grade physics and chemistry in the Long Beach Middle School. So I get to work alongside sixth graders and they are absolutely amazing.

Lainie Rowell: They are. I've taught sixth grade and I don't think I'm that funny, but they would give me some courtesy laughs from time to time and I appreciated that they got my dry, odd humor.

Tasha Nurse: Lainie, they're the absolute, absolute best. So that's led me to take my next step looking into, going into administration. I'm excited about that because once you step out the classroom and you get the opportunity, you know, after learning so much and learning from teachers and working alongside teachers, you get to bring all those, those tips and tools and, and tricks with you back into the classroom.

And I tried everything. I got messy. I cleaned it up. It, it was my research ground. Now I'm ready soon to step back out and, and see what there is out there for me.

Lainie Rowell: I really like how you framed moving into a leadership role because unfortunately, the way that our system has been set up and in a lot of places still unfortunately, is set up, is that teaching is a very siloed situation.

You go in and you do your work and if you're lucky, like I've been, you get amazing teachers to either co-teach with or be on a team with, and you get to share your practice that way. But it's still kind of limited. You know, PLCs are great. I know you do instructional coaching, there's so many great ways, but until there is someone who is not having their own rostered kids. We need that capacity, right? And so that's why I love these roles. Obviously I loved being in the classroom, but I have found so much passion in what I do. Where I get to step into classrooms, work side by side with teachers, still get to work with kids, but I get to kind of cross pollinate and see what's happening in other places, and then share it where it should be shared, you know?

Cause not everything is right for every situation, but, oh, you know, I saw this in that school and maybe it would be good here. You could try it.

Tasha Nurse: We're all learners. We're learners from life and the way I see it is that each and every day that I wake, I have an opportunity to learn something new.

And being in the, the Long Beach Middle School, this is my second year, but I've learned so much Lainie from the colleagues that I work alongside, from my co-teacher, Mrs. Cindy LaPenna. I've learned so much from using a special education lens.

Just amazing colleagues. From the team that I work alongside very closely and tightly Ms. Rabner, Mr. Gallopini. I have to give another shout out to Ms. Espinet, Miss Grace Parisi. So these are all people that I collaborate with that I look to and honestly, I show gratitude. I show gratitude because I get an opportunity to wake up and think even though things are not perfect, I'm going to be learning something from them that's going to make me better.

Lainie Rowell: Tasha it does not surprise me. You out the gate are, "here are some of my shout outs". That does not surprise me about you at all cause you are so all about gratitude. I do wanna make one quick programming note that when you say Long Beach, you mean Long Beach, New York.

Tasha Nurse: There's only one. Not the Long Beach, California.

Lainie Rowell: Wait a minute. I live like... if I had a really good arm, I could almost throw a rock from Huntington Beach and hit Long Beach . There's a few cities in the way, but

Tasha Nurse: I have to tell you, Lainie, it's funny because people, you know, the first thing they say is it Long Beach, California? And we have someone named DJ and he creates these amazing sweatshirts that.

Not Long Beach, California, but Long Beach, New York.

Lainie Rowell: So, yeah, I mean it's, so, I just wanna make sure quick programming note friends, this is a, you know, west coast, east coast conversation. I'm here in southern California. Tasha is in Long Beach, New York, which is also a great Long Beach. Some of my favorite people live there.

Well, Tasha, you've already opened up to the gratitude piece, which does not surprise me. I would like to give you the opportunity to answer the question, what does gratitude mean to you?

Tasha Nurse: It's something that I've always reflected. But I never knew I was fully practicing it until I became more intentional and purposeful. So, so gratitude to me is about purposely and intentionally choosing my time and the things that I choose to focus on and just show appreciation. Sometimes I think people get so caught up in, well, you can't always show gratitude.

You can't always be thankful. You know, there are things that are gonna come your way, obstacles, disturbances, difficulties, and sometimes gratitude just doesn't work. But I've been around that corner before and it's all about perspective and how you deal with things that come your way and really changing your mindset.

And people will probably say, Natasha, you're always smiling, Tasha, you're always happy. But I choose to do those things and that's because I connect it to being grateful.

Lainie Rowell: I really appreciate you saying you choose to do it because what we know, what the social scientists tell us is that 10% of our happiness comes from our circumstances. 50% comes from genetics. You know, this is kind of what we inherit, but 40% of it is within our control. That's very empowering. And I just wanna throw in that Dr. Mark Brackett, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel, we're recording this in late March, but I just wanted to share because it was International Day of Happiness and when you think about the definition of happiness, I connect it with gratitude obviously. But he put it out here and I'm just gonna, I'm not trying to put you on the spot.

This isn't a gotcha moment, but I just wondered what you thought about this, cuz he says, " what if happiness was defined as a feeling of deep satisfaction and joy with all emotions?" Now, here's a contrasting definition of happiness, "a high energy, positive emotion associated with success or attainment" and I made the connection to that. I had to pull it up because as you were talking, I was like, oh, this is resonating with what Marc was talking about. You have choice and even if it is something bad, you're not trying to say, well, that's not bad, or, you're not blowing it off.

You're just choosing to be okay with all the emotions. Is that fair to say? I don't wanna put words into your mouth.

Tasha Nurse: I think I was sort of speaking to that. You have to embrace all the emotions. And again, it's not about you're being just happy-go-lucky, but tears, you know, is, is a type of emotion or feeling when, when you're you, you're crying.

And that could be you showing gratitude for something. I think gratitude is about being in tune with your feelings. Because if you're not in tune with your feelings, how are you going to help someone else? How are you going to build someone else up? How are you going to be that change agent?

I think of Dr. King and I think he was someone who really showed gratitude, but did it in a way where he was an advocate for others, but changing things in a way where gratitude is something he embraced and wanted others to embrace, and it ends up becoming this deep feeling that involves all of the emotions. If I'm making sense here. And there's so many other great leaders out there besides him. But, he always spoke about the importance of being grateful and the importance of bringing others in so that they can experience that no matter what walk of life they come from.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate that connection, that Dr. King and other leaders are not dismissing the horrible, the terrible, the trauma, the devastating things that have happened, but talking about here's how we go forward. I think sometimes I worry, and maybe I talk about it too much either when I'm speaking or on this podcast, but I don't want people to associate gratitude with, oh, it's sunshine and rainbows and chasing bunnies through the field all the time, and we're never ...like the full.

Experience is important, and how boring would it be if we didn't have these other emotions? They might not be pleasant, and we don't wanna live in them all the time for certain, but we wanna embrace all the feelings. They tell us things and, and they're important.

Tasha Nurse: And imagine working with students. I work with sixth grade students. I see the sixth, seventh, and eighth grade students. And, in order to really understand them and to get to the them to move to that next. , you have to show gratitude yourself and then show them how to show gratitude because at that age, they're so impressionable.

They're so impressionable, they're looking to fit in, and they don't understand what gratitude means. They don't really understand what "thank you" means. So, me being that role model in the classroom and outside of the classroom, I have to show it. And when they see me showing, , we discuss it and talk about it.

And those students, they gravitate to you. They won't ever forget you. Even when they leave the next year, they're coming back and still showing how grateful they are. For having that experience with you the year before.

Lainie Rowell: They're seeing you live it for sure. And as someone who lives with a sixth grader, my daughter, I have completely witnessed the feeling one way, one moment, and feeling something else the next moment. And really trying very hard to validate all the emotions, because it's already bad enough when you're having an emotion that you don't wanna have at that particular time, like when you'd like to get out of it.

But when someone else just says, "oh, you don't need to feel sad." "Oh, that's not a big deal." I mean, all they're feeling now is whatever they were feeling plus alone and so I think that's really great that you're doing this with sixth graders, and I know you're doing this with your peers and you're so good on social media too.

How do you see this manifesting in your district?

Tasha Nurse: We just had our mentor meeting yesterday, Christine LaMarca and I, and we had our assistant superintendent, Dr. Ostroff she presented the profile of a graduate, and that was really, really an important meeting. We've sat together and discussed the profile of a graduate before, but it was nice really to sit with mentors and mentees and really look at what makes a student, what makes a graduate be a successful graduate?

Dr. Ostroff really focused on the importance of certain skills that make a student successful. Not only in school, but beyond. And we went over the puzzle pieces and this was created by my district.

And it was amazing because when I sat with the group that I was working alongside, we talked about perseverance and resilience, and I thought about it and I said, in order for students to work hard, in order for students to solve conflicts that they have, in order for students to be open-minded, in order for students to be creative problem solvers, in order for students to be effective communicators and show that independence and be comfortable with critical thinking as well comfortable using technology, it all starts with really understanding themsleves and looking at what things they're good at. And that's where gratefulness comes in.

I believe that tightly tied in with perseverance and resilience.

Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm.

Tasha Nurse: There's no way Lainie, you're going to tell me that a student will continue to work their hardest and persevere or never give up if they don't understand their why.

And they don't understand why being grateful is so important and how they got to where they're at. I think so many times students pass through grades and teachers do their best. I work alongside amazing teachers and all the buildings within our district, but it's so hard with time constraints.

It's so hard. You give 3000% and you want those students to leave you feeling like, you know, you did your job. But so many times, even curriculum, making sure that we teach curriculum and, and we do our best with that, but so many times thinking about how we can teach students to persevere and be resilient starts with helping them to see what things they're good at.

And that ties in with gratitude. You know, we're talking about 21st century learning skills and getting students ready, Lainie. For the world that's outside of the four walls we teach in and it makes us really think, are we preparing them with the necessary life skills to be successful?

If you can't teach students to understand what failure is and embrace it so you can get better and be successful, and along the way tie gratitude in and, and the importance of gratefulness of experiencing that failure to make you better, you would've never had Apple or Google or all these big monster companies that are out there doing big things.

Lainie Rowell: The research is very clear that having that grateful disposition is going to build your resilience, give you that perseverance. And one thing I was thinking about as you were talking, and you're so good at sharing, this is how we want kids to be grateful for their strengths.

And then I'm also hearing you say, we as teachers, are doing our best to spotlight what kids do well. And I think if we had both of those things and if we could get, you know, family partnerships to, to reinforce that as well, that would be amazing. And I think there's a lot of families already doing that, but just imagine the experience of a learner who it's asset based from their own stance, it's asset based from every educator around them, it's asset based from their family. I mean, this isn't a everyone gets a trophy kind of thing. It's really with authenticity and specificity saying, here is where you are really excelling.

This is what you are so great at. It can be academic. It can be behavioral, but really highlighting those things and making them understand that they do have good things, because our negativity bias is always gonna be in the way. So whatever feedback we give as a teacher, that's gonna stand out in their head.

We have to try and give five or six positives to try and like, this is what's going well. So I really appreciate you focusing on, not just as educators, we have to be asset based, but the actually teaching kids to be asset based in their own view of themselves.

Tasha Nurse: It's important that we think long term and beyond, right where we're at. And the students, they're hungry for it. They want that attention. I had a little boy, student and I won't give the date, time, or anything like that, but he's been through so much and he has come such a long way and I stopped him and I said to him, this was in the cafeteria, I said, "I wanna tell you something". And he goes, "What, Miss nurse?" I said, "I am so excited with the work that you're doing", and I made sure to be purposeful and intentional and name it. I said, "you have improved in showing up to my class and showing up, participating. You have improved and making sure you're checking in with me".

And in my way, that was me showing my gratefulness that he's acknowledging how important it is to make those changes and his face lit up. He said, "Me, am I doing that now?" So now he's going to be reflecting on what I said and he's gonna hold on to that. And when times get rough and things don't go the way he wants, my goal is that he digs in deep, he pulls out that emotion, that feeling that I shared with him and that he uses to persevere and to show that resilience when tough times come. Students, they love, they rely on you so much.

Lainie Rowell: They do. And I think it's bold to show gratitude. I think sometimes people think of gratitude as a more passive thing.

I actually think it's a really bold thing to put that out there and tell other people what you're seeing in 'em. Especially when, like you just said, they don't see it in themselves. "Oh, am I doing that?" "Wait, you see that?" That's really powerful. I got the goosies.

Tasha Nurse: A lot of times, your newer teachers wonder how do you get students to buy in?

You get them to buy in by showing how grateful you are to them.

Lainie Rowell: Yes.

Tasha Nurse: Even during the most difficult times. You have to make sure that you keep students in order. But they need to know that they're a part of a family. They need to know that you love and care about them, and you have to show gratefulness and name it.

And when you name it, that sticks with students. They don't ever forget it. Out of all the 19 years of me teaching, I remember all of my students and I remember them because I led with love, I led with gratefulness.

And it's funny how your book, Evolving with Gratitude, I think people really need to understand the definition of gratitude and it's important to have these conversations and to define what it is so that you can see that, that you might just be doing this already, and if you're not, how can you be more purposeful and intentional?

Lainie Rowell: Or you might be doing it, but how can you take it even just to the next level? Because you've been so crystal clear through this whole conversation about that specificity, that authenticity. I'm not just saying, "Hey, good job", and I don't want that to come off negative, like, good job is a bad thing, but that's not going to be as impactful as " Thank you for showing up. And I don't mean just physically. I mean, I see you involved in the conversations. I see you raising your hand, you are showing up in every way, and that is all important. Thank you for doing that." And that's profoundly different than good job to me. It is.

Tasha Nurse: I'm gonna tell you, we've new teachers coming in, and we're losing teachers, I guess if you're looking at the United States, but for our new teachers coming in, I think sharing with them and, and teaching them about gratitude. And this is just not to highlight your book, but it was profound for me after reading your book to really understand...

Lainie Rowell: check is in the mail.

Tasha Nurse: I have to and Lauren knows, because we were in her pool talking about this, and I think they need to understand it for themselves and why they came into wanting to teach students.

It is not only about the curriculum. The curriculum is something that we don't, we don't touch first. The relationships come first, and gratitude is right there in the center.. And if we teach it to students in a way where they understand it, they're going to carry that with them from year to year until they enter the real world outside of the four walls that we teach in.

Lainie Rowell: I love your work with the mentor program and I have to tell you a funny little story. I might end up cutting this out, but this, this just happened. No one trying to figure out what school I was at, cuz I'm not trying to embarrass anyone. But it was just kind of a, a really laugh out loud moment that this group and I had.

So I'm talking about the praise to correction ratio. I know some people don't like the word "praise". That is what the research, the literature calls it when you're giving specific, authentic, positive feedback. And I said, "I was taught six to one six positives to every negative."

People who listen to the show often have heard me say this before. You can call that aspirational. Four to one, five to one, whatever it is. And then I flip to another slide and I've got a quote from the Gottman's who study relationship longevity and all that, what makes a successful couple?

And the quote is something to the effect of the most successful relationships aren't the ones that point out what's wrong. They're the ones that most often point out what's right in the other person. And I'm butchering the quote... tasha, I have to tell you, it was hilarious. They're pulling out their phones, taking pictures, and I'm like, y'all, I'm gonna give you the slides.

And then someone's like, no, I'm texting my husband right now. And I'm like, you're missing the point. You're missing the point. I love you. And that's hilarious and I hope your husband gets a huge kick out of that. But the point is, you first have to do, cuz I had, I had just said, you know, the best way to change someone else's behavior is to change your own behavior first.

And that's not to be emotionally manipulative. That's because you have to, like you've already been talking about, you have to model it. You have to be that to other people. And then they're going to see it, it's gonna resonate with them.

But I just had to share that cause that just happened and I was just rolling on the ground. Everyone started laughing cause she wasn't the only one. Everyone who had pulled their phone out was doing the exact same thing, significant other, check this out.

Tasha Nurse: I love that story.

Lainie Rowell: I'm like, I feel like there's a bit of irony here because you're basically telling them they're not doing it and then you should be nicer to me.

Alright, my friend. I know I need to let you get on with your day, so I'm gonna go ahead and ask you to, you've already given a lot of shoutouts, but is there anyone else that you wanna add?

Tasha Nurse: I'm so grateful to my building principal, Lorie Beard my assistant principal, Keith Biesma. Just all of the administrators that have given me opportunities that sometimes, I don't know, I felt like I, I didn't deserve.

I'm always one of those people that would be so tough on myself. And then I learned to stop and be in the moment and really reflect on the things I do for other people. You know what I mean? And, and why I do it for other people, because it makes me feel good. And the more I give, the better I feel.

So I looked at it that way. No more negativity. If I'm giving of my time and I'm helping, then guess what? This works for me and I deserve to be where I'm at.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Oh, you're awesome. I always love a shout out to admins because I have had so many amazing mentors who have done just so much to help me take that next step when I was afraid to see things in me that I didn't see in myself.

And so I, I always love an admin shout.

Tasha Nurse: And Lainie, this is the last one. I could never forget this person, Sandy Schneider, that was the person who hired me my first year teaching. Her husband was my science teacher. I adore her. She has always been a mentor to me and a special person. And she's one of the reasons along with Dr. Romanelli, and Lauren, of course, and Christine LaMarca, why I'm in the, the admin program now. So shout out.

Lainie Rowell: I have thoroughly enjoyed this and I know people are gonna wanna connect with you. I will put it in the show notes, as I do, but I would love it if you would also just out loud say, how would you like people to connect with you?

Tasha Nurse: Oh, Twitter. I love Twitter, so please.

Lainie Rowell: That was no hesitation... Twitter, hit me up on Twitter. Okay. So what is your handle on Twitter? I know it, but just say it out loud.

Tasha Nurse: @Natasha_Nurse

Lainie Rowell: I mean, there you go. That's perfect. I will make sure and put that all in the show notes cause I know people are gonna wanna catch up with you.

Thank you so much Tasha, for being here. I appreciate you and ironically I'm probably not good enough at showing it, but I really truly appreciate how you are so passionate, so inspiring. I have been really happy with how this message has resonated with people. But if it's not for other people amplifying the message along, along with us, then that message doesn't really go anywhere.

And so I'm super grateful to the contributors in the book and to you and to all those who are helping to spread this message of how gratitude can improve relationships, wellbeing and also activate learning. So thank you for being in this with us.

Tasha Nurse: And thank you so much for having me, Lainie.

I appreciate and I'm grateful for you.

Lainie Rowell: Thank you. And thank you all for listening.

Episode 53 - Being Present in My Life With Guest Alfonso Mendoza Jr.

Shownotes:

In this episode, we'll dive deep into Fonz's recent trip to Mexico and explore the lessons he has learned about happiness, fulfillment, and the never-ending quest for more. It's a thought-provoking conversation that's sure to leave you with a new perspective on life. So grab your headphones and get ready to join us on this educational journey with Alfonso Mendoza Jr.!

About Our Guest:

Alfonso Mendoza Jr., a passionate educator with over a decade of experience, holds a Masters in Educational Technology and is in his third year of doctoral studies. With the aim of providing engaging and effective learning experiences, Mr. Mendoza has served as the district Instructional Technologist for six years now, equipping teachers with tech tools to enhance student learning. His commitment to education does not end there; for the last six years, he actively participates on many social media platforms sharing his expertise through podcasts, blogs, and other education-related posts.

Website: ⁠www.myedtech.life⁠

Twitter: ⁠@MyEdTechLife⁠

Instagram: ⁠@MyEdTechLife⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of ⁠⁠Evolving Learner⁠⁠ and a contributing author of ⁠⁠Because of a Teacher⁠⁠. Her latest book, ⁠⁠Evolving with Gratitude⁠⁠, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠⁠.

Twitter - ⁠⁠@LainieRowell ⁠⁠

Instagram - ⁠⁠@LainieRowell⁠⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠⁠Purchase here!⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello my friends, and welcome to another edition of Evolving with Gratitude. I don't think I've ever done it that way . I'm trying to figure out new ways to start this podcast. So I have

Alfonso Mendoza, Jr.

with us and I am so grateful for him. Hi, Fonz.

How are you?

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: I am doing great. I am very excited, and thank you so much for the invitation. For me, this is a big thing. You know, I know I'm rambling a little bit, but usually as a podcaster I'm never on the other side or on the receiving end of questions, so it's always exciting to be on this side.

Lainie Rowell: It's fun, isn't it? And I feel like when there's podcasters, you're on each other's shows and it's a way of kind of turning the tables. I always feel like I talk too much no matter what, but I always love being a podcast host cuz that's when I get to ask the questions and hear about other people and all the great things they're doing.

And speaking of which, I'm gonna do a very short introduction and then Fonz... I'm allowed to call you Fonz, right? Are we good enough friends?

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Absolutely, yes!.

Lainie Rowell: And then Fonz, I'm gonna ask you to fill in the blanks and tell him all the other amazing things you wanna share. Alfonso Mendoza, Jr. Is a passionate educator.

And I mean, y'all, he is all over the place. If you are on the socials, I think you probably have seen Fonz. My Ed Tech Life is how you might know him. He is all about providing energizing and effective learning experiences. He is energetic himself, he brings the energy himself.

And so I'm super excited for that energy to be here today. That was an insufficient, I'm terrible introductions. Just everyone knows this if they listen to the show. But Fonz, please tell us more about all the greatness that you bring to us.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yes, absolutely. Thank you again for having me. And like I said, I am a huge fan of the show, but a little bit more about myself.

This is my 16th year in education. I am so excited about the route. It was a little fork in the road moment where education was not my first choice, but I fell into it and have absolutely fallen in love with it, where 16 years later I am still here and even working on my doctoral studies to give back to this profession that has given so much to me.

And so that's where the passion comes from for doing my podcast called My Ed Tech Life. That is where the passion comes from for helping educators create amazing learning experiences, bringing that energy to the classroom and also being able to impact students at a bigger level at the district level.

That's really the mission and vision of really myself. And, and I know I put that for the show as My Ed Tech Life, but really it's just connecting educators and creators one show at a time and just moving the education needle forward and always trying to be I guess very active in seeing what is new great practices what can be improved.

And obviously for myself too, always learning from other amazing educators. And podcasters and education thought -leaders like yourself and many of the others that are in the education space. So that's pretty much me in a nutshell, and definitely real passionate about ed tech and of course just being on all socials and sharing stuff out.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, see, there's that energy. I'm gonna go run a marathon now. That's perfect. Well, I mean, we're gonna finish here and then I'll go run the marathon . Okay. Everyone who knows me knows, I'm kidding. I'm not gonna run a marathon, but I do feel amped and I'm so happy. Thank you for sharing all that Fonz.

And now I'm going to ask you the most important first question, which is, what does Gratitude mean to you.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Ooh, gratitude. You know, Lainie for myself, gratitude is something that is very important to me in my daily life and for my wife and I we are a family of faith. We go to church, we believe in Jesus Christ.

And for myself and my wife is just really meditating and God's word and really being grateful for what we have, knowing where it comes from. And that really fills our hearts with joy, fills our hearts with gratitude and really helps us see that in any situation, to always be thankful for what we have.

And I know it sounds very, kind of like, oh my gosh. In any situation, it's been a learning experience for us both being a married couple, but the fact that I have a wonderful support like my wife to be able to be by my side as we kind of go through life together, it has been just an amazing experience.

So for myself being grateful is number one in placing everything our faith in God. Knowing that again, everything that we do have comes from God and recognizing and helping others also as well that may need help because that's the, the pureness of our heart is always to help lift others. And if you know me or even get to know me, I am one of those that will do anything just to help in any situation.

I will go out of my way. To help to answer any questions and sometimes, you know, I will definitely put everything aside to focus on what it is that I need to help with. And you know, a lot of people say, well, you give too much of yourself. But I was like, I don't know any better. You know, for me it's just that gratitude that I love helping people in any situation, whether they're good or bad, and lifting them up, seeing them succeed. To me, that's just the most important and above all, it's not even about me many times. Like sometimes it's like, well, don't you want credit or anything? You know what? I'm okay.

Like if there's something that I may be able to do to help somebody else out and help them have that moment where they shine because they're doing most of the work and I'm just kind of here to help support, that's really all that matters to me. So really it's just being thankful for what I have for our blessings.

Just wanted to throw this in there too. Living in the area that I live, I live so close to the border here in Mexico, and actually we have a home in Mexico. So living here in the US and then going into Mexico, it's two different worlds. And sometimes your heart gets in check when you may be kind of like, oh man, I wish things were different here and I wish my job this and my job that.

But then when we go visit our family and visit our home over there and you see people that are working and they're working long hours Lainie, because over there it's not like here, you know, eight to five, you know, and then your shift is done. You're talking about like seven to seven or seven to nine, and they're doing that six days a week.

But because they have that need, and I think to myself they cherish their job so much because it's what they have. And that kind of puts me in check too, to say, you know what? No matter how hard my day was over here, whether it was just, you know, for whatever reason, let me be grateful for what I have, because things could be very, very different and it could be a very different situation.

So I know that was a little long-winded, but that was really what was in my heart, to share.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, I'm so glad. Yeah. Speak from your heart. That was wonderful. There was so many thoughts I was having as you were sharing that, which was lovely. I always go back to brother David Steindal-Rast has a quote, "Happiness is not what makes us grateful. It's gratefulness that makes us happy". I think that's important because what I hear you talking about when you're talking about having gratitude, even in the difficult times, having gratitude people who don't have a lot and being grateful for a job that they have so that they can work to provide.

We tend to think that the more we have, the happier we'll be, then we can be grateful for it. But it's really not so. You're kind of always chasing them more, more, more. So to have that appreciation for what you have and also seeing that appreciation in other people. I do find that there are times where I'm in a situation and I'm not grateful for the situation in the moment, but as I've become a more grateful person, I'm able to shift out of those unpleasant feelings or disappointment or whatever's going on quicker, and then I'm also able to be reflective and look back and go, you know what, I didn't like that when it was happening, but now I know why it needed to happen and I can learn from it.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah. And that's one thing that recently over spring break, we have our honey-do list and so we had to do a little bit of upkeep on our house.

And when I say going into Mexico, it's about 45 minutes away from where I live here in, in Texas. And so we just cross over and it's a border town. But you know, for those couple days that we were going over there, it just really dawned on me that sometimes, like you said, were always chasing that more and more.

Yet when I was observing and I was just watching everybody, cuz sometimes like I just kind of people watch and observe... the way they work and they work so hard and they're dedicated to their jobs, and then the simple lifestyle that they live, I'm like, wow.

You know, and, and they're happy with that, I mean, it's enough for them because they're like, you know, I have a job. I'm able to provide. And although it may not be a whole lot, they just seem to make the most with the least. And here it's almost like we can't even make the most with the most that we have sometimes because we're chasing that next big thing and that next big thing.

And it never ends because it's always like, I want more and more. It was a real check for my heart, and I talked to my wife and I said, honey, I'm sorry if at any time I had ever seemed ungrateful or, or maybe sometimes when I come home and I may feel like, you know, it's time for me to look for something else or anything else. I'm sorry.

I said, this has been a great lesson in appreciating what we have and realizing that it's not as bad as one thinks, and it was just a really big check in my heart this week. And so coming back to work, I just feel so refreshed and I just feel like I have a new outlook on things and it's just kind of taking that one day at a time, that experience.

So it, it was something very interesting this week for sure.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. It's funny, as you were talking, I recently listened to... are you familiar with Jay Shetty?

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, the former monk turned storyteller. He's a New York Times bestselling author. He's got a new book out. But I was thinking about him because, former Monk, he did live in a monastery.

I don't know the language properly, but he lived as a monk for three years and he was on Dax Shepherd's Armchair Expert podcast. That's what I was listening to recently. He has his own podcast On Purpose, but I was listening to him on Dax being interviewed and Dax is like, gosh, what was that like being in a monastery?

You don't have a lot, you sleep on the floor. And Jay is like, you also don't worry a lot. The way he talked about just coming to some peace. He did such a beautiful job of talking about the way that you can be really present in life when you're not distracted by all of these things.

So it was really lovely. Just kind of made me think of it as, as you were talking about you go and you see people having you know, these disadvantages, but it's also a simpler life and that can bring some advantages.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah, and I think what you said, that really resonates with me. You said, being present and that's something that's kind of been coming up a lot in a lot of other podcasts that I've been hearing and even some of the guests that I've had is just be present.

And right now I'm like maybe I need to take a little mental note of that too, as this week was a lot about being present and being present in myself and of course being present and checking myself in my heart and then of course being present with my wife. And those things are, are very important that sometimes you just need to take a step back.

I know we get so caught up with the excitement of what we do and of course, you know, wanting to bring our best to people on social media and helping them, because that's what we're all about. And sometimes we just kind of forget to just be present for ourselves and be present for those immediately around us.

So thank you for sharing that.

Lainie Rowell: It's like a constant struggle for me. Yeah. And I mean, maybe you could relate to this, is that when you are in education, we have this profound role to help the future generations and I love what I do so much, I look forward to Mondays and I know not everyone does and there's a lot of stress and I, I totally get that, but I have to stop myself from working on weekends cause I love what I do so much, but I have to make sure I'm not taking that passion for that and ignoring what I really need to be focusing on, my family. I only get so much time with them during the week. I get more time with them on the weekends.

I need to really appreciate, like, oh, this is my family time. I'm gonna lean into this. It's a constant reminder for myself. That's all I'm saying. It's one of the many lessons I need to learn over and over again.

Be present. Don't be thinking about what you'll do tomorrow or next week.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate you sharing your faith. That's come up here on this show. I don't think there's been any religion identified where gratitude isn't a fundamental principle.

How else would you say you are experiencing and expressing gratitude? It can definitely be tied to your faith. It can be tied to work, family.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah, well actually, I work with some amazing people that I get to day in and day out, go into schools and you know, we work with parents.

We're doing a lot of parent sessions. During these last couple of weeks and so it's just been great to get to know my colleagues a little bit better now that we're working continually for the last month we've been doing parent sessions and now it's just so tight. Now we get to know each other.

We get to converse a little bit more about our families and just really help each other out in situations where sometimes it's like, Hey, can you help me with this? And you know, things that are unexpected, but you're building those real relationships and even just friendships. So that I'm really thankful for.

But also just in my personal life, like I said, just really thankful for my parents. I've learned so much from them being an only child. I know we had Zanrda Joe who is on here, and I know she's the youngest. But I guess being the youngest too, but the only child too, I can kind of relate.

I was probably that one kid that was a little extra just because mom and dad really did their best. But just really reflecting a, a lot this week with them and visiting with them. My dad's gonna be 87 this year, so thank goodness for that. And he still Lainie, he still goes to work. He works half a day, but he still goes to work and that's, I think what's helped, helped him.

Just keep going and keep him like his mental capacity. I mean, he is just bight. And my mom too, just being able to visit with them and just reminisce a little bit about my childhood. And I think that also brings me back to that point of being very grateful because growing up here, my parents coming up finding the American dream, you know, really for them, I think that's such a great example that they've given me and the work ethic.

And so this whole last week has been just great in that reflection piece and point, but also giving back. As far as the podcast is concerned, it's really bringing people on that I can share the amazing things that they're doing to inspire other educators or educators that are coming into the scene.

Future educators, anybody, just to get 'em excited about the amazing things that are coming into education. And so for me it's just like I said, giving back to this community because it's given me so much, it's provided so much for me. So how can I not wanna give back?

And again, that's really my way of practicing gratitude each and every day. It's how can I get better to help others get better? How can I get better at helping others be better? And just providing, even if it's just an ear, if it's a shoulder, if it's just to help lift you up the what can I do for you this day to make your day change?

And sometimes it's just that one small little gesture that can go a long way. And that's, to me the amazing part that, you know, I've learned real quick as an educator. These little seeds that you plant, sometimes you don't see the fruit of it till many years later on. And so I'm hoping that what I've been able to do and contribute in any which way, shape, or form that fruit someday will be ripe.

And one day I'll just get to see like, hey, wow, look at the little impact that I was able to make in helping somebody, you know, just have a better day. Have a better week or just something along in the future that's they say like, Hey, if it wasn't for you doing this, you know, this would've never happened.

So always looking out for those opportunities to just help people out. .

Lainie Rowell: Well, and you definitely do that. I love that you have these experiences that are happening in your district, but you're also having these experiences outside of your district, for educators who are in the social spaces, whatever ones they are, whether it be Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, whatever it is, but to make those connections.

I often say that one of my ways to combat the comparison hangover, which is not to say that I never suffer from comparison hangover, but I minimize it by really focusing my social media use on going to learn, going to share, and going to show gratitude. And I really feel like you and I might be kindred spirits on that because I feel like when I look at your social media, that's a lot of what I see is that you're there to learn to share and to lift others up.

That's a form of gratitude to me.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Absolutely. And like I said, I think that's been the biggest thing for me, Lainie, since starting the podcast. I, it, I mean, honestly, I mean, it's called My Ed Tech L ife, but sometimes we don't even talk tech lately we have just because of course we know AI Chat GPT all that good stuff.

But a lot of times, I'll even bring guests on that sometimes they're a little unexpected or people may not know of. And you know, I've had a wonderful guest friend, Darius, Johnson. He was on the show and he was talking about the work that he does you know, to help the youth. And there was no tech involved at all, but he was just sharing his story.

And I, I think that for myself being able to have a platform where somebody might be able to share their story, where they might not have an opportunity or maybe somebody it doesn't seek quite maybe that, that one little thing that they do have that can make a difference. I think for me, I, that's my way too, of also just showing that gratitude of, you know what, one day somebody took a chance on me.

Yeah. Like, I'm definitely gonna take a chance on you and I wanna give that back also.

Lainie Rowell: Hundred percent. I did not mean to not include the podcast in that. To me it's my gateway to get into your podcast is through the socials, but absolutely, you are amplifying those voices, sharing those stories.

I am a fan and a listener of your podcast, and I do appreciate that it's whatever needs to be talked about. Mm-hmm. and if it's ed tech, that's a great. We've all been focused on Chat GPT. You and I were even talking about it before, cause it was down today and I was suffering withdrawal because there was a moment where creativity block was hitting me and I knew that Chat GPT could help me out of it.

I do appreciate that you have that very full picture of how do we give the best in education and that's what you're bringing.

I do want to make sure and give you an opportunity to give a shout out and then I would like this to be a drinking game where we say My Ed Tech Life enough times that they know exactly what your podcast is. So we're gonna say it a few more times before we sign off and then you can give them your social handles and all that.

Turn this into My Ed Tech Life drinking game. No, I'm just kidding. If you don't drink, that's fine. I was talking about lemonade anyways. Alright, fonz, who would you, you've already given some shoutouts cuz this is just your nature, but is there anyone else you'd like to give a shout out to?

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah. Well actually I, again, I'm gonna repeat the shout out because again, it was just reflecting on this and, and I was on another podcast with my friend Elijah also, and, and at the end we kind of reflected a little bit and I said, you know what? I would love to do a show with maybe like our spouses on there too, as well as educators, because I wanna shout out probably, my number one supporter, which is my wife, Angelica, who from day one has always been there behind everything that I've been able to do. I mean, she's sacrificed I wanna say so much because going from my master's and now working on my doctoral studies, a lot of times we don't have Saturdays or Sundays cuz I'm working on all of those and she has been such a trooper. You know, sometimes when I say, Hey, I would love to do this, she's like, no, no, no, you can better.

So sometimes I'll think 10 x and she's like, no, no, no, no. You need to take it to the next level. And she's there. So I definitely wanna give her a shout out on Angelica Mendoza, thank you so much for all of your support, all of the love that you give me, and the fact that you're there side by side in everything that we do.

And every accomplishment that I have been able to do is just as much hers as it is mine because she's there by my side supporting. So I wanna give her this special shout out today.

Lainie Rowell: You are good about this. Let me just say cuz I listened to your podcast. I was listening to the episode with Melissa Summerford and she was giving a lot of shout outs to her spouse, and then you were like, let's take a moment and really give the shout out to the spouses because we know as educators that spouses are there to support us and they know we don't work from eight to three...

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: Monday through Friday, and have summer's off. They know that's not actually the deal. And that we give a lot of time because we love what we do and so that shout out to your wife and to all the spouses, all the partners, all the loved ones, all the people, everybody who support for sure, for sure.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yes. Yes. And like you said, it, all the loved ones because, you know, it really takes a lot, you know, sometimes because we're consumed with our work, and obviously, you know, if you're doing additional studies and all of that stuff, it really takes some time.

But yeah, I don't any loved one out there to ever feel that, that what you do is not helping. It really does. Oh, it does. So I just, I wanna give everybody a shout out there.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. That's a great message. We all have to remember to give them the thank yous too. Now you are working full-time.

Yes. Weekly podcast. It's weekly, right?

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah. I actually, I moved from once every two weeks. To once every week, and now I'm doing about three shows a week now.

Lainie Rowell: Okay. Now I cannot keep up with that. I cannot keep up with that. My queue of podcasts is bananas. I have so many podcasts that I listen to, so please forgive me.

I do listen, I'm not always good at knowing the frequency of releasing, but geez, three times a week and you're doing your doctoral program.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yes. Yes, exactly. So, like I said, my wife is a trooper, but I've been able to find that work life podcast balance and we still get to do what we need to do.

But yeah, like I told you, it's like my wife, she's like, you know, if you've got the time to do it, and she has seen, you know, the, the good that has come from it. I always tell her and I always feel this. I tell her, honey, I, I'm just one show away from something big, just one show away.

And even though that hasn't happened yet, the great things that have happened, most importantly to me, Lainie, have been the connections. Just the fact that I get to connect with somebody like you and I'm just so excited and fanboying that I get to be here on your show because I have seen the list of guests that you have, and I'm just, the fact that you invited me really.

Like, I was like, okay, yes, thankful. And then you get to be on my podcast too, and then we get to chat it up like this and take it to a whole different level too, as well. And so I'm just excited for that and you know, so she's been great and, but yeah, I now, I'm doing Mondays, Tuesdays, and Saturday mornings, and so we'll see where that goes. But again, to me the most important thing has been the connections and most the content. Yeah. Bringing it out to educators teachers, administrators, anybody that needs to hear just a little knowledge nugget from all our guests. I mean, I'm just excited that they can sprinkle that on to what they already do.

Great. And, you know, help them in one way, shape, or form.

Lainie Rowell: Well, you are doing great big things already and I'm super excited for you in your doctoral program and amping up the podcast. I mean, my goodness, I cannot keep up, but keep it coming cuz it's all great stuff and I imagine, I'm just gonna throw a thought out there that these things feed each other.

Like we were talking earlier and I said something about being more present and you're like, oh, I've been hearing that a lot. And so I kind of feel like when we do this work where, you know, you're podcasting, you're writing, you're on the socials, we start to see things rise to the top and that helps us go to the next level realizing what's really important.

So that's for me. I'm not trying to put that on you. But I was just wondered if maybe that that was kinda something you were feeling too.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah, no, exactly. Like with everything that I, I do with all the guests and even right now being able to reflect with some of the things that you've said, it's like, Oh wow.

Okay. I need to go back and I, I keep that in my little think bank here, and then I'll do some notes and then just kind of reflect on those things. And I think that's so important that we need to do and find some time to do though, is also is just that self-reflection and reflecting on the week things that were said, done, things that you heard and just kind of, you know, write it down and, see okay, where was this coming from? What is the root of this? Can this be fixed? Or, Hey, you know what? I need to give a shout out to somebody. Or, Hey, I need to give a thanks to somebody. And it's very important that we do that for sure. And like you said, as we talk, I'm picking up so many things too, and, and obviously with all our guests, I know this goes for you too.

I mean, but we reflect on those things and it's like, oh my gosh, okay. You're just digesting those things slowly and then meditating on what was said, and then it's like, Okay. Yeah. Let's, let's, let's, let's grow with this.

Lainie Rowell: And I'm as present as I can be. Hopefully I'm doing a good job.

I'm always like, as a podcaster, you're always also trying to make sure like, oh, I don't take five hours of their time cuz I could talk to this person forever and all those things. But I love to go back and listen to episode. I cringe when I talk, but I love hearing what the guests say because I get to hear it in a different way than when we were live in the conversation.

And I'm wanting to be fully there with them and like, how can I help amplify their story?

Fonz you are just a joy to talk to. I'm super excited I get to be on your podcast. This is gonna be super fun. I wanna make sure you go ahead and let people know how they can connect with you. I will put it all in the show notes, but go ahead and give it out loud too.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Yeah, absolutely everybody, you can go ahead and find me on all socials. @MyEdTechLife on all socials, and then you can visit our website, which is myedtech.life, where you can check out all our 185 episodes as of today. This is 185 episodes that we have. And like I always say, go back and listen to those episodes.

Find some amazing educators and teachers that you definitely glean some knowledge nuggets from. Sprinkle 'em onto what you already doing great. And that's what we're here for, just to try and help and push education forward and just build that excitement and really talks just topics that need to be talked about that may not be something that's talked about a lot, but you know, that's what we're here for we're here for all of this.

Lainie Rowell: You do a great job with the show. I gotta go double check and make sure. Sometimes I forget to do reviews and then I talk to the person. I'm like, I don't know if I've done the five star review yet. I'm gonna go do it right now. If I haven't, I think I might have, but I'm just gonna double check.

So I'm gonna put all that in the show notes, but thank you for making it super easy. It's basically My Ed Tech Life across the web and the website. MyEdTech.Life, well played. Like that's that's amazing. I think I'll put in the notes, but I think people can remember this. That's awesome. Alright, my friend.

I appreciate you being here. I appreciate everyone listening. Thank you all and have a great day, night, whatever you're at.

Thanks everyone.

Alfonso Mendoza Jr.: Thank you.

Episode 52 - Small Shifts Bring the Biggest Gifts with Guest Suzanne Dailey

Shownotes:

In both her ⁠book⁠ and ⁠podcast⁠, Teach Happier, Suzanne Dailey gives us small yet powerful practices to feel more balanced, content, and aligned. And here on this pod, she shares how gratitude anchors her during both positive and challenging seasons, and how it sustained her during the last few years of her professional and personal life. Plus, discover what we can learn from how planes turn!

About Our Guest:

Suzanne Dailey is an instructional coach in the Central Bucks School District. She teaches model lessons, facilitates professional development sessions, and mentors teachers to be the best for the students in front of them.   She is dedicated to nurturing and developing the whole child and teacher and presents these topics at a local, state and national level.   Suzanne is the author of Teach Happier this School Year: 40 Weeks of Inspiration & Reflection and the host of the popular weekly podcast, Teach Happier.

Website: ⁠suzannedailey.com⁠

Twitter: ⁠@DaileySuzanne⁠

Instagram: ⁠@TeachHappier⁠

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠.

Twitter - ⁠@LainieRowell ⁠

Instagram - ⁠@LainieRowell⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠Purchase here! ⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, friends. I am very happy right now and I am very intentional in using that word. I am always happy to have guests on the show, but this word is very appropriate for my friend Suzanne Daley. Hi Suzanne.

Suzanne Dailey: Hi Lainie. Thanks for having me. .

Lainie Rowell: Oh, I am honored to have you. I feel like we're now book sisters in a way.

Is that fair to say?

Suzanne Dailey: Well, I did say if my book had a sister, it would be your book. Yes.

Lainie Rowell: I will take that. And so your book that just came out at the time of this recording, it's only been out for a couple months, right?

Suzanne Dailey: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: And so it's a brand new book. Teach Happier This School Year, 40 Weeks of Inspiration and Reflection.

And I am so excited for this book. I've read it, I've reviewed it. Five star review. That's my love language. Amazon reviews are my love language. I think , at least in the expression of and I just want you to be able to talk about that. I'm gonna say really quickly. Suzanne is an instructional coach in the Central Bucks School District.

She teaches model lessons, facilitates professional learning mentors teachers, she is just about so many, many things, and I won't do it justice. So, Suzanne, please fill in all the wonderful things that you do.

Suzanne Dailey: Oh, what a nice introduction. Thanks, Lainie. So, yes, just as you said, I am a teacher. I am an instructional coach right now.

So I get to work alongside about 600 of the best elementary colleagues on this planet. And we get to co-teach and co-plan and, and help each other just be the best that we can for the students in front of us and like you said, other accomplishments professionally. The book just came out, Teach Happier, and that's a compliment to the weekly podcast, Teach Happier.

And so those are my professional achievements, but the person behind all of that is I'm a mom and I'm a wife and a really good friend and all those other roles that, that we play as well. And so just kind of honoring both of those roles is in, in all those capacities, right? As teachers, but also the person behind all of those important roles as well.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And I just have to add, as a listener of your podcast, you are also a great neighbor and you have great neighbors. Like I am so jealous of your neighborhood when you talk about all the fun things that you all do. So I just had to put that out there.

Suzanne Dailey: Well, thank, was it the neighborhood cocktail exchange?

Was that it? That was a good one. Right?

Lainie Rowell: There were a few things that sounded like a great hang and I mean, I love living in Southern California, but your neighborhood in Philly sounds like a pretty great place to be.

Suzanne Dailey: Oh, thank you. Yes, we're right outside of Philadelphia. Yeah, in beautiful Doylestown which is in Bucks County.

So lots of history and beautiful landscape. But as we said before we started recording, it is cold here right now. But lots of energy with the Eagles, I don't know when this will air, but the Super Bowl is this upcoming weekend. So people are frantic right now. ?

Lainie Rowell: Yes. That fate will have been determined by the time this comes out.

You know, I'm just gonna put it out there, whoever the listener wants to win, I'm rooting for that person too.

Suzanne Dailey: Me too. Me too. Same thing.

Lainie Rowell: Let's start off with my, my first question that I am a creature of habit and always have to ask, what does gratitude mean to you, Suzanne?

Suzanne Dailey: So gratitude is what anchors me when things are really going well and I'm in a really positive season like I am right now, thankfully. But gratitude is what also sustains me during really hard seasons and the last few years of my. You know, professional life has been hard, certainly with, with Covid, but personally there's been a lot of loss and a lot of challenges and gratitude that that daily practice of gratitude is what kept me moving through that season in the healthiest way possible.

It's my number one virtue, and when I took that, I know you talk about it in your book, Lainie, the (VIA) Character Strength Survey, gratitude was number one for me.

Lainie Rowell: I could see that as soon as we became friends, I knew you were gonna be one of my gratitude mentors, one of my gratitude sisters. And I love that you have a whole week dedicated to gratitude in the book.

Like I call it your Gratitude Week, the the week eight. Is that fair to say?

Suzanne Dailey: It is, yes.

Lainie Rowell: And so I really appreciate, I mean, I have this thing pretty much, you know, post-it noted and

Suzanne Dailey: Look at those post-its

Lainie Rowell: and underlines to within. I mean, it would be better to just. Underline the things I don't need to highlight. I don't know , , but I don't even know that that would be possible cuz it's all really, really good and really full of substance and wisdom here.

And so, you know, when I saw that it was the 40 weeks and I'm like, oh, that's cool. Five to 10 minutes a week that'll be really, that'll be not necessarily easy, but that'll be really light and refreshing. But it's also really substantial and really heartwarming and really thought provoking. And that's not an easy thing to do. You know that saying, I would've written a shorter book, but I didn't have time. You had to really distill it down to get to this wisdom where you're just a page or a few pages and then an activity.

Suzanne Dailey: Thank you for saying that Lainie. I often say in the podcast, we don't need to be overwhelmed like we are actually looking to be underwhelmed oftentimes, right? And so we're just too busy in our personal and professional lives to do a 180 degree anything we're looking for, just those really small two degree shifts. And so that, that was the goal of the book is to just give little pieces that mimic a school year so that we can just feel aligned and content and as balanced as realistically possible given the time of the school year.

Cuz that makes a difference .

Lainie Rowell: It does, it does. And that's a, a brilliant thing about the book. Now I binged it, I'll confess, like I got my copy and I just read it in like two days, but it is intentionally designed to go over the school year, which is very, very thoughtful. I'm really glad you mentioned the 2%.

This is not a spoiler, I don't think, but can you tell people who haven't read the book what you mean by the 2%? Cuz I thought that was brilliant and you circle and spiral back to it at the appropriate times to remind us of that. So what does that mean, the 2%?

Suzanne Dailey: Sure. So one of the things that we say throughout the book is that small shifts bring big gifts, and very few of us have the capacity to, to do, you know, a very intense makeover.

But what we do have the capacity for with our limited time and energy are really small, two degree shifts. And so in the book I say, if you think about a plane that takes off. Every few minutes that plane shifts two degrees, two degrees, two degrees, that plane will end up in an entirely different location.

And so it's not about a big grand sweeping gesture. It's small intentional shifts, consistently practiced over time, and that is what brings permanent positive change, which should really be shoulders down for all of us because no matter if we've been teaching two years or 32 years, we have limited energy and time to, to be able to do that for ourselves.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And there is something that you said about the 2%, and even just explaining it there, it's not the intensity. James Clear... we have basically the same quote.

Suzanne Dailey: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: I pulled it from him being in a podcast. I think he pulled it directly from his book. But that idea of consistency over intensity and how important that is.

A lot of people think the big, like, oh, I'm gonna crush this and it's like, well just do those little things every day and it is a huge difference in the end.

Suzanne Dailey: Yep. It's not one big intense workout. It's 30 minutes every day. Right. , that's what gives you long change.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. Well, I would love to open this up for you to just talk about the ways that you experience and express gratitude in your life, which I know it's your top character strength.

This is no pressure here, but, I do wanna say... I mean, I really did highlight a ton out of this chapter, and I love this line. "The happiness derived from any experience may be minimized or maximized depending on how much attention you pay to it." I really leaned into the idea of savoring when I wrote the book and I was learning about all these different type of gratitude practices, cuz journaling is amazing, but it is not the only gratitude practice out there.

And so I, I just love that cuz for me, savoring has been a really powerful takeaway from the research of the book. So what's, what's top of experience and expressing for you.

Suzanne Dailey: Well, I love that you pulled that quote because it works for positive and negative things, right? Any experience is minimized or maximized depending on the attention we give it.

So we could be in a faculty meeting and you're thinking, oh no, that one's gonna ask that question. I know, and I know and I know it. And then that person asks that frustrating question, and then we get to decide, in that moment, are we going to keep talking about that person through the day? "Can you believe Suzanne asked the question?"

Right? And if I decide to focus on that, that's what my brain's gonna think about. That's gonna impact my thoughts, my actions, my language. And if I decide to focus on what's right or what's going well, that's going to impact my thoughts, language, and actions in a much healthier way. And so we all have to move through our days every single day.

Why wouldn't we choose to move through them scanning and looking for the good? And so, I mean, I remember oprah talking about gratitude journals in like 1999, and I started journaling in 1999 and because I've been doing that for so long, it's just, this is how I see the world so. As I move through my day Lainie, I'm always thinking what's going in my happy book or gratitude book?

And I'm constantly scanning for it. And then I recognize when it happens. When you held up your book and showed all the post-its, I'm like, that's going in my gratitude book tonight, , right? And so I, I recognize it. I name it in my head. It makes me savor this moment even more. And then when I recall it later tonight, there's a good chance it's going to stay in my long-term memory.

You know, we think we're gonna buy a car and we're like, Ooh, those new Broncos look fun. What do we see all the time? We see those new Broncos out there, right? Yeah. It's what we're training our brain to see. And so if I have to see things with my eyes and hear things with my ears, I much would rather them be of the positive nature and and maximize those things in my day.

I understand there's gonna be hard things too, but I get to decide what I get to focus on, and that's really, really empower.

Lainie Rowell: I appreciate you pointing out both sides of that, the positive and the negative, and it actually reminded me of I'm, I'm guessing you might be a listener of Lori Santos, the Happiness Lab.

Suzanne Dailey: Yes, ma'am.

Lainie Rowell: Is that fair to say? Okay. I just. I mean...

Suzanne Dailey: She would be our cousin.

Lainie Rowell: Ok. Fair enough. I'll take that. I'll take that. I've heard her reference the second arrow, and I think it's from a Buddhist parable . And it talks about like the first arrow is the bad stuff.

But the second arrow is your reaction to it, where you're just, you know, perseverating on it or I can't let this go. And so, like you said, it's like maybe someone says something not kind to you. Well, that's the first arrow, and then you just, you just hold onto that and let it ruin the rest of your day.

And that's what you're paying attention to. That's the second arrow. And so that was just something I was thinking about, like, Gotta pay attention to those second arrows. We want good stuff to keep coming back to us and we wanna savor that, but we have to be careful about what we're paying attention to.

Suzanne Dailey: And we get to check ourselves. And that's, yeah, that's a really empowering thing to know. We have the ability to do.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and I think there was another thing I'm pulling again, I just, I pretty much highlighted the whole book, but one of the things that was at the very beginning of the gratitude chapter was "the world isn't inherently positive or negative, it's neutral".

I know you've talked about it in the book. I think I talk about it in my book, you know, Yes, there are some things that we are given mm-hmm. , but we still have a lot of control over how we handle and interact and, you know, ultimately control our happiness. And so that's very empowering.

Suzanne Dailey: It is. Right? It's outer facts. Yeah. But it's our inner attitude. And that equation is brilliant to me because there's some of those outer facts I can't change, I can't impact, I can't wish it away. I can't. Right. That's the reality. And my inner attitude allows me to determine how I'm going to move through that, whether it's, again, a positive season of life or more of a negative or heavier season, because that's just the price of admission, right? Yeah. of life. None of us get, get away with it without having those experiences. For sure.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. That's the full, that's the full human experience. It's not all meant to be, you know, sunshine, roses and chasing bunnies through fields, as Mandy Froehlich would say.

Suzanne Dailey: Right. And that's the thing too with, with the gratitude practice is it's really easy to write things on really good days, right? But it's more important, in my opinion, to find those good things on the real hard days. I, I remember my mom passed away last June and we had the beautiful gift to be with her when she passed, but Lainie I wrote in my gratitude book that night, you know, she passed in the morning and I had to find something from what, what really was the worst day of my life. I had to find the good, and that's hard work, but I think it's some of the most important work that we can do because that's what will really sustain us during hard times.

Lainie Rowell: I agree. And I appreciate you sharing about your mom here. Yeah. And in the book, and I'm so sorry for your loss, and I just, I can imagine that was the worst day of your life

Suzanne Dailey: mm-hmm

Lainie Rowell: and for you to be able to dig deep and, and, and tell me if this resonates with you. But for me, part of it is just knowing about social and emotional contagion and knowing that even if I'm not in a space to do it for myself, I probably need to do it for those who are around me, because it's gonna impact them too.

Suzanne Dailey: Absolutely. And so I teach students a lot of positive psychology. We, we get it in there and, and you made me think of a lesson that I taught them, and it's called, You Are Not a Strawberry. I don't know if you heard that podcast episode, but we talk about if when you're, you're in a container of strawberries and there's that moldy strawberry.

And then what happens to all the strawberries around it, right? They get moldy. And so we use that as a metaphor of what can we do to, you know, good news is you're not a strawberry. You're not stuck in a, you know, a plastic pint , yes. Move yourself and surround yourself with good people who are going to be green flags for you and who are going to help you scan for the good and sustain that good and to, to help you recognize what's going right in your life.

Again, that's all within us and that's a really wonderful reality that is now backed in neuroscience and positive psychology. It's, it's wonderful that science can now prove some of this.

Lainie Rowell: I know. It is really nice. I feel like it's the heart and the science, you know, nurturing the minds and the hearts. And so that's really lovely. And I wanna say just I feel like you and I can probably both relate to this, that sometimes, especially when people are not in a great place, they sometimes wanna come at those of us who are trying to move into positive spaces.

Suzanne Dailey: Mm-hmm. .

Lainie Rowell: And there's a, there's a phrase that I think is actually still pretty young in social sciences called toxic positivity. And I, I don't think there's actually consensus a hundred percent on this, but I think we're, from reading your book, I think where you and I land on this, and I want you to get in there with more nuance and however you wanna take this, but I think what we wanna do is not deny people their feeling.

Not tell them they cannot feel that way. It's really more about, I'm gonna do my best for myself. I'm here to help you if you want it, but I'm not gonna force something on you because it's making me uncomfortable how you're feeling. And so that's kind of where I am landing on it. It's, I almost say it like simply between the difference of like positive vibes and positive vibes only.

So positive vibes only is saying like, you're never allowed to be sad. I think it's okay to say positive vibes, like I want that.

Suzanne Dailey: Sure. Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: But it's just when you add that word only, that's when you're dictating to people like you're not allowed to feel your feelings, and that's when I think it gets real dangerous.

Suzanne Dailey: Absolutely. Yep. We can always say to ourselves and to each other, this is hard, and here's our next right thing together. Right? Mm-hmm. , I'm on the other side of the door waiting for you when you need something, but just to acknowledge people need to be, I don't know. They, they just need validation. Like, yes, thank you for saying that this is really hard.

And the worst thing I think we can say to someone who's struggling is nothing. And that oftentimes has to do with our own comfort. And we're not going to say the wrong thing. Saying nothing is the only wrong thing we can say. Mm-hmm . We've gotta show up for our people, acknowledge what's hard, and then let them know that we are there as they move through that season.

Lainie Rowell: I agree with that. I think that saying something is the hardest thing because you worry it's gonna be the wrong thing. It's gonna upset them more. But that's really worrying about how you're going to be a part of that. And if you can take yourself out of that and say like, no, I'm just gonna do the thing I think is right and follow their lead as far as what I should do.

Suzanne Dailey: The best text I think we could send someone, Lainie is "no need to respond, just want you to know I'm thinking about you." That's it. No one will ever be anything but touched and comforted by that.

Lainie Rowell: That is brilliant advice. There's so much wisdom in that. I sometimes do that when I'm sending someone a text message, just thanking them for something. So it kind of goes both ways. Like it might be something cuz like you're worried about them, but you don't need to respond.

I'm not putting this on you because sometimes that's how it feels like, okay, now I have to respond and now something's been put on me.

Suzanne Dailey: Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: But if I send something really positive to someone, I don't want them to feel like they need to reciprocate. And I have some people, and I don't know if you ever get into this, Suzanne, but I have some people that we get into gratitude loops where we just can't stop, but keep saying nice things to each other, which is.

I mean like a champagne problem, but at the same time it's...

Suzanne Dailey: It's tiring.

Lainie Rowell: It's tiring. I'm not trying to put more on you. I'm trying to just let you know this one thing. Hey, I just want you to know that you are important in my life. I don't mean to interrupt your day. Don't need to respond. Just want you to know I'm thinking about you.

Kind of like you said, when you know, no need to respond, just want, you know, I'm thinking.

Suzanne Dailey: And in our jobs are so peopley. Right? And so I'm in 15 elementary schools and so I just use my little reminders app on my phone and if I think of somebody or hear something, I just put their name in my reminders app and then that's going to signal to me to, to send a text just like that.

No need to respond. Little red heart sent. You know?

Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm. That's a very generous thing to do. A very thoughtful and generous thing to do. I don't need anything back.

Suzanne Dailey: And gentle. It's gentle. There's no expectation. I just love you and you're gonna know it .

Lainie Rowell: So obviously this is a huge part of your world and that's a great tip.

The phone reminders to kind of just make sure, cuz we can all get very, very busy in our day. I'm a big phone reminder person. Do you have any other suggestions or any other practices that you'd like people to know?

Suzanne Dailey: Well, there's something I've been trying, it's not automatic yet, but I'm really trying because it's still a little clunky.

So Shawn Achor said, you know, after you figure out your character strength, right? So find out what you're really good at. So according to that survey, it's gratitude. And then he invites us to use that strength in a different way. And so what I've been trying to do, and it's not automatic yet, is when I introduce people, I try to, instead of saying like, Hey, Lainie, this is my friend Kristen. Hey Kristen, this is Lainie. I'm so thankful for Lainie because she makes gratitude accessible for others. Lainie, this is Kristen. I'm grateful for her because she makes me laugh more than anybody. Right? And so you just get to validate and strengthen your relationship because you're sharing very overtly and clearly what you appreciate and what you're grateful for in that person. So I'm really trying to do that when I introduce colleagues with one another or maybe somebody from my personal life to my professional life, and it really just automatically strengthens the interaction and deepens it and authenticates it a little bit more when I remember to do it.

Lainie Rowell: I think there's a lot of benefits to that. One, I'm guessing you are getting a hit of the happiness chemicals, thinking about how much you appreciate this person for this and that person for that. The person who's getting complimented, who's being acknowledged is going. "Huh, I didn't even know they saw that in me. That's like amazing. I feel so seen and heard and known and valued." And then you're also giving the other person who may also be getting hit of those happiness chemicals, cuz they might feel like, well that was lovely and, and then it's coming to me too.

But they see a more real reason to connect with that person besides just, we have someone in common. Does that resonate?

Suzanne Dailey: Yes. And then, the conversation you kind of bypass all that. What do you do? What do you like? You just kind of get to the real stuff quicker, which is really wonderful too.

Lainie Rowell: That is a great conversation starter. I love that. And you're putting it on the table, like here's what y'all need to know about the person you're lucky enough to get to talk to right now, this blessing that you're about to talk to.

Suzanne Dailey: Exactly.

Lainie Rowell: This is what's amazing about them. So you're welcome, and,

Suzanne Dailey: and now I'll leave you two to talk.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And now I'm going to pour some drinks for someone else or... That's a really beautiful practice. That's win, win, win, right? Like everyone's, everyone's doing really well in that, so I think that's beautiful. Okay, so this has gone by really, really quickly. Okay. We still have a, we still have another question and I wanna make sure you, you get to tell people how to connect to you and all that fun stuff, but I, as I knew it would, it's going by fast and I wanna give you this opportunity to share a shout out.

Suzanne Dailey: I thank you so much for doing that. My shout out and I am honored to be able to, to say her name out loud is, is to my mom Beverly Elaine Only. She, she's hearing me somehow right now. Just. She made the conditions in our home. Just gratitude was the most important virtue in our, in our home growing up.

And so she moved through her life seeing nothing but the good in people and finding the good in situations, even though they were really, really hard. And because of that gift, I'm able to do the same and teach that to my own children and my students. And so gratitude, shout out, could only go to Beverly Only.

Lainie Rowell: Beverly, I am sad. I did not get to meet you, but I am very grateful that you gave us Suzanne.

Suzanne Dailey: Thank you.

Lainie Rowell: We're very lucky to have her. Alright, Suzanne, any last tips, anything about the book that you wanna share that you wanna make sure people know?

Suzanne Dailey: You did such a nice job, Lainie.

Thank you for your celebrations and endorsements, but yep, it's, it's really quick, like five minutes a week is the intention, a little story, a little positive psychology shift for us to be invited to try. So it might be a shift in language, thoughts, or action. There's places in the book for us to write and reflect and it's really just to kind of reclaim who we are.

The, the person behind the teacher, the person behind the administrator, whatever our important role is in education and to just get ourselves, we like to say in a healthy head space and heart space for ourselves, our families, and our students. So you can find more information on my website, which is suzannedaley.com. Podcast is called Teach Happier, and we can connect in lots of different ways on social media.

Everything is @TeachHappier, tried to make it easy.

Lainie Rowell: And you did. And I don't know if we've said this yet, but the podcast is also bite size.

Suzanne Dailey: It's bite size. Of course. It's, that's all we can handle.

Lainie Rowell: So the typical show is about five minutes, five, six minutes.

Suzanne Dailey: About five to six minutes, yeah. Yeah, ish.

Lainie Rowell: And I think that's really lovely cuz even for those of us who, well, I don't really have a short commute cuz a lot of times my commute's getting on a plane. But, I can, you know, drop the kids off at school and actually listen to it on the way back before I even get to head off to work.

And so it's very lovely. And so that's another, another good thing to binge when you're wanting just a real nice hit of some happiness chemicals.

Suzanne Dailey: Thank you. Yeah, they drop on Sunday nights when we get our Sunday scaries, but most friends will listen on the way to work on Monday to start the week off as, as healthy as rationally possible.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. And you say rational optimism a lot in the book and I appreciate that as well. Kind of going back to what we were talking about with this buzzword lately of toxic positivity, I think Shawn Achor likes to say there's. All positivity is good. And so that's why I think we, we worry about that phrasing a little bit, but I know what people are getting at and so I appreciate that you honor where people are.

Again, that texting with no need to respond is just so generous, so thoughtful, so gentle. I think that's a great kind of just strategy in general. Not just to do with texting, but with anything. Right?

Suzanne Dailey: Sure.

Lainie Rowell: That's really lovely.

Suzanne Dailey: Oh, thank you. I'm glad you liked that.

Lainie Rowell: It was all great. This is an awesome episode. I can't wait for people to hear it, and I'm gonna make sure you already shared all your ways to connect, which is amazing. People need to be listening to the podcast. Grab the book if they haven't, I'll put all the links in the, in the show notes and people can connect with you if they're not already.

Suzanne Dailey: Thank you, Lainie. I'm so proud to be your book sister. Thank you.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I am so grateful to you, my friend. Have a wonderful rest of the day, and thank you all for listening.

Suzanne Dailey: Thank you.

Episode 51 - Identifying Your Superpowers with Guest Stacey Ross Cohen

Shownotes:

Dive into this convo where Stacey Ross Cohen spills the tea on the importance of personal branding and how kids can discover their superpower so they can slay college admissions, snag that dream job or internship, and live their best lives. Get ready to be inspired to stretch beyond your comfort zone and learn how her new book, Brand Up: The Ultimate Playbook for College & Career Success in the Digital World, can empower each of us to tap into our unique talents and bring our A-game to any situation.

About Our Guest:

Stacey Ross Cohen is an award-winning brand professional who earned her stripes on Madison Avenue and major television networks before launching Co-Communications. A TEDX speaker, Stacey is an author (Brand Up) and contributor at prominent media outlets (Entrepreneur, Huff Post, Thrive Global). Stacey has been recognized as PRSA practitioner of the Year, City & State NY/Power 100, and Forbes Enterprise. She holds an MBA from Fordham University and Media/Technology certificate from NYU Leonard Stern School of Business.

Website: ⁠cocommunications.com⁠; ⁠brandupbook.com⁠

Instagram: ⁠@staceyrosscohen⁠

Twitter: ⁠@StaceyRossCohen⁠  

Stacey's book Brand Up: The Ultimate Playbook for College & Career Success (Post Hill Press/Simon & Schuster) is out!

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at ⁠linktr.ee/lainierowell⁠.

Twitter - ⁠@LainieRowell ⁠

Instagram - ⁠@LainieRowell⁠

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! ⁠Purchase here! ⁠

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! ⁠bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Well, hello friends. I gotta tell you. I had trouble falling asleep last night. I am so excited to talk to my friend, Stacey Cohen. Stacey, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Oh, thank you. Talk about Gratitude. I am so grateful to be here with you Lainie, and I know we're gonna have a great conversation.

Lainie Rowell: I know we are. You're one of my new favorite people. We've only known each other for a little bit of time, but I feel like we're lifelong friends.

Stacey Ross Cohen: 100%. 100%.

Lainie Rowell: Well, let me tell our listeners a little bit about you, and I want you to really jump in and highlight some of the things that I will be insufficient in covering. Stacey Ross Cohen is an award-winning brand professional.

She's worked on Madison Avenue, she's worked for major television networks, and this was all before launching Co -Communications. Now, friends, that's not all, she's also a TEDx speaker and the brilliant author of the book Brand Up, which I'm gonna make sure we talk about because I got a sneak peek and it's amazing.

So, Stacey, that was insufficient. Please fill in the blanks.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Oh, you're too kind. So I, I think first of all, you did an amazing job talking about me. I'm definitely a multi-dimensional person and also I've had my own business for 25 years and really was a very short stint in corporate.

I worked at CBS, I worked at a big ad agency, but entrepreneurship was always in my DNA. As a matter of fact, I started my first business when I was 14.

Lainie Rowell: Oh wow.

Stacey Ross Cohen: So a lot of the clients that we work with, yes they're bigger brands, but also love to work with startup companies and also helping individuals develop their personal brand and become subject matter experts, thought leaders in, you know, in their particular fields.

And in terms of the work that Co -Communications does, anything that falls under the marketing umbrella. So I would say largely a lot of that, public relations, social media, content development, but we also build websites, logos and direct mail advertising. There's some things that we don't do in-house that we partner with others, search engine marketing, SEO, video production.

But otherwise we are everything marketing. And just being a woman in business, probably one of the first things that I did because a lot of people say, you know, how, why? You know, did you start your own business? Were you nervous? Those are typical questions that I'll get, especially from women that are considering starting their own business.

And I guess because I also grew up with entrepreneurial fam, you know, parents and seeing them start businesses, it just came so natural to me. But one of the first things I did at the same time, starting co communications is I joined a women's group. And you know, I think one of the things I'm most passionate about is helping women in business.

You know, have their own businesses and also women professionals. And I really attribute that to the success of my agency because again, not only did I join the organization, it was called, it was an association of women business owners. Not only did I join, but then I jumped on their board of directors and that's where my first influx of clients came from.

But the meaningful relationships and you know, my superpower, I guess you could say is, is building relationships and connecting people and this really does have to do with, with Gratitude, it's like, the act of service, the act of helping others and, and not having an agenda, right?

Not saying, well, if I do this for you, you'll do it for me. That is so not where I come from it's from a genuine place of, of wanting to help.

Lainie Rowell: And I can attest to this because from the moment, and maybe we should explain how we came to know each other.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes, I would, I would love that.

Lainie Rowell: Because my background is education and the listeners are predominantly educators and my mom and they might be wondering, how did our paths cross? And it's that you wrote this amazing book that is actually about empowering youth in their post k12. I mean, not just during post k12, but preparing them for success and for wellbeing. And I love this book so much. I still don't know how you came to find me, but I'll take it and I'm real happy about it.

Stacey Ross Cohen: I feel that maybe we were LinkedIn...

Lainie Rowell: Oh yeah.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Like first connections. Yeah. I think we were first connections and then when it came time to figure out. ...and I was very selective, like, who do I want to endorse this book? And yeah, I have like some heavy hitters and, and I'm so fortunate, like Barbara Corcoran, as you know, I got an endorsement from her, which is on the cover of the book, but I've wanted, I wanted people that, that really resonated with the topic.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah.

Stacey Ross Cohen: And also were just in sync with the messaging that the book... In the value that the book is bringing to to high school students. And then I was like, I, I need to get in touch with Lainie. And I knew you didn't like, really know me that well, but I was like, you know, let me just give, give a choice.

I was like, Hey, I have this book. I probably sent you like a synopsis on the book. Would you be willing to give me an endorsement? So that's how our beautiful relationship started.

Lainie Rowell: I still remember opening that email and the first one got caught in my heavily aggressive filter and thank you for following up.

And then I was like, oh my gosh. Not only did she ask me, she wanted to do it enough that she actually followed up, I love this woman. Of course I'll read her book. And I fell in love with you as I was reading the book, cuz you know, you have such a beautiful, engaging way of writing and I felt like I was getting to know you through it.

And then we ended up actually connecting afterwards and talking live like we're doing now. So it has just a complete highlight of the year for me to get to know you

Stacey Ross Cohen: And for me too. And I am counting down the days until you come to New York.

Lainie Rowell: I will be there end of April. I'm so excited.

Stacey Ross Cohen: I'm also hoping because I'm gonna need my Lainie fix, so I'm hoping to do, you know through the book launch tour and appearing at Barnes and Nobles and some independent bookstores. And I'm definitely planning on, on doing a California stop, so I know we'll be seeing each other after our first live meeting in April.

Lainie Rowell: Well now I'm just flooded with happiness chemicals cuz I am so grateful that I get to see you in person.

I know for sure in April. And then if I get to see you again, that is definitely something to be grateful for. And I just wanna make a quick connection because some people who are listening, know me really well, like my mom and some don't and so...

Stacey Ross Cohen: Hi mom. Hi.

Lainie Rowell: Exactly. So some people might be wondering like, well, wait, how did Lainie, who has been talking so much about Gratitude for the last few years, how did she end up getting connected with someone who's writing a book on branding and how to help high school kids in their post K12 continued success and I see the connection right away. I do have a long history of promoting the positive use of social media, which is not something that has always been embraced by educators and what I love about even just the internet in general is the great democratization that it creates. And so one of the most beautiful things, there's too many, I have a very nice review that I will share parts of, but one of the things that I just fell in love with, with this, and it's not just about going to college.

It's about what are we gonna do to be college and career ready and the way that it just opens up the world to everyone. And I think especially in the last so many years with all the scandals about getting into college, there is this idea that the way to get into college is to write a check and what I love about your book, and I want you to be able to talk about it, we're going to get into the Gratitude questions, but if you wanna give a, a quick little bit about this, that it doesn't matter, your zip code, learning differences.

Be really strength-based and focus on what you're good at and your passions. And I, I could just go on and on, I found it so empowering and as the mother of a 12 year old and a nine-year-old, I've already started thinking about post K-12 and so...

Stacey Ross Cohen: Well, I love what you just said because this book and this is really important to me... This book is not just for the kids that want to go to the Ivy League schools. This book levels the playing field for all kids. So it's for kids that may want to go into a trade like hairdressing or carpentry or the kid that, like myself at age 14, you know, I started my first business, they have that entrepreneurial spirit and maybe they created an Etsy store in high school and maybe have the intention to go to school at some point, but they're, at the height of their success so want to continue that route. And the interesting thing about the book... there is a large component about branding and figuring out, what is your superpower?

A lot of people don't like the word personal branding. I just wanna put that out there because personal branding is, it's not about me, me, me. It's about what is your value to others? So it doesn't matter if it's a college admissions officer that's looking at the application and they've got a hard job, and on average the college admission officer is spending max 10 minutes per applicant.

So how do you stand out? It's the same thing if you're interviewing for an internship or a job, it's like, why should someone choose you? What value are you bringing to them? But there's also a lot of essential life skills that I include in the book. There is actually a chapter in entrepreneurship.

There's a chapter on LinkedIn. I feel that every 16 year old should be on LinkedIn. There's a chapter on networking. You know, the sooner you build that networking muscle, look, my kids are like a little bit more than a decade older than you. I have two girls in their twenties. They're finally starting to listen to me.

I always told them...

Lainie Rowell: wait, there's light at the end of the tunnel. My kids might listen to me.

Stacey Ross Cohen: There is. There totally is. I used to say to them, Look, it's like you're both two very bright girls, but it's not just what you know. It's also who you know in this world. So networking is really key. The sooner we can get kids comfortable with networking, and this doesn't mean like sending someone a text, but, but face-to-face networking, you know, the more prepared they will be for college and ultimately, their career.

There's templates on what to write, like, how to say thank you for an exploratory interview or for an interview with a college admissions officer. So it's really important life skills. There's even a chapter on empathy. On doing good. That's my last chapter.

Lainie Rowell: I mean, you couldn't segue us better to gratitude because you're talking about all these life skills and you talk about how important, and you even said this earlier, one of your essential pieces of your work is building relationships, and I think that the kids and the adults, for that matter, who are going to be successful now and tomorrow and into the foreseeable future are those who prioritize relattionships.

Understand how important it is to effectively communicate and to be grateful. I hear that in you, which is why we're just sisters at heart, right?

Stacey Ross Cohen: A hundred, a hundred percent.

Lainie Rowell: I wanna put this out there and we're friends, but you're not paying me to say this. I am well into adulthood, well into my career, and I got tips from reading it. So I know your target audience is teenagers, but is it fair to say that there's something for pretty much everyone?

Stacey Ross Cohen: Interesting that you say that. And I know we're gonna get to see the gratitude component, but my dream is to get this book in every high school across the country, but I'll bring it a step further and then to get it translated into 20 more languages, because I feel that this needs to also, and there are some very progressive schools out there, as, as both you and I know, but I just feel that these are important life skills. But the interesting thing about the book is that yes, this book could be for a 50 year old mom that her time taking care of her kids, but was formerly a lawyer and wants to get back into the workforce.

How does she reinvent herself? And as a matter of fact, the publisher is so happy with the initial you know, pre-selling stage of the book.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, yeah, already number one new release.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yeah. Yeah. We're already talking about 2024 coming out with a book, and there'll be a lot, just a lot of reframing, but for college students and early career. I could write a book for real estate agents.

Yeah. So it's kind of like Brand Up as the umbrella, like chicken soup. Type of, you know, hierarchy.

Lainie Rowell: Now I see everything through a lens of gratitude, so this is me, but I think you're with me on this, that you can make the connection to gratitude as well so before we dive into even more specific connections about gratitude and your work, I would love it if you could just give us a quick, this is what gratitude means to me...

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You know, I love this question and I probably don't have just one answer. One of my favorite songs, oh my God. And, and I forget who does it, "always be humble and kind".

Lainie Rowell: Yes. Tim McGraw? I think that is Tim McGraw.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes. Yes, yes. Tim McGraw.

Yes. That song speaks so to my heart and soul, and we've had a lot of conversations about relationships. Gratitude to me, helps to connect with others and build relationships of trust and mutual respect. And to me, my life is all about my relationships and their sacred.

It's about feeling thankful for what you have, even if it's just the little things. And, and I also think it allows us to focus on the positive things in our life. You know, it's so easy to just draw out the negative things that happen in our lives, and negative things are going to happen.

But if we can focus more on the positive things. But I also think it's acknowledging the people in our lives. It's acknowledging them who have gone out of a way to help us and and just show them appreciation and do not take things for granted. As a matter of fact, I think we have to practice gratitude on a daily basis.

I feel like it should become a routine, right?

Lainie Rowell: Yeah.

Stacey Ross Cohen: There isn't a day that I am not grateful or express my gratitude. And, and also I think there's a lot of benefits to gratitude, and you probably know the statistics better than me, but I know that gratitude it's linked to health benefits and mental health, emotional and, I think people that don't live a life of gratitude, they're missing the meaning of life.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, I totally agree. , And , yes, I talk about the benefits a lot and sometimes I'll say, oh, the health benefits, and people assume, I mean, just mental health, but it's actually physical health as well.

There have been studies, the gold standard of research, control groups and everything. Not to say that gratitude's gonna cure cancer, but they report less pain, they recover quicker. There's all these benefits.

You are gratitude personified to me. I am so happy to have you on this podcast. And I wanna get to the second question because I... , can you all tell, I'm trying to be a task master here because I could talk to Stacey for hours. And I'm really trying to keep this a 30 minute podcast, but I wanna make the connection to your work.

And we've talked a little bit about that already, but I wanna know if you wanna dig into any more specific, but you can also talk about your personal life as well, but like, what does this look like for maybe a high school student? You've mentioned the thank you notes after an interview or things like that.

One of the things you said in your book is college admissions officers and employers for that matter, are looking at what people bring into their culture. It's more than just knowledge and skills.

It's really like, okay, this person is coming into our culture, "what are they bringing?" What are you hoping people know about you as far as experiencing and expressing gratitude?

Stacey Ross Cohen: It's interesting because I'm running an agency for 25 years and there have been people that of course come and go.

But I also have what I consider my lifers. I have a lot of people that have worked at the agency for 10 years plus. So matter of fact, my first hire, I hired her as an intern when I first started out. She is still with me. She left for a little while. And then, and this has happened with a lot of my people that, that they've left and they see, wow, I think I like the culture at Co -Communications and I think it's because there is a culture of gratitude that I've established for the company. I truly appreciate everybody's efforts, and I also acknowledge. I also believe in empowering people, especially, I have a lot of women that work for me.

I have, two men. I find, you know, some of the women that have worked with me throughout the years, some of them lack confidence and if someone lacks confidence, showing them gratitude and playing to their talents and strengths will just make them feel good about themselves. Let them stretch outta their comfort levels and just, just do better work for our clients.

It's really this beautiful confluence of that it's coming from a genuine place for me, and I will always say to them, take chances. I want to stretch, I wanna grow people. I have two mantras and every one of my staff knows this. I always say to them, I don't wanna hear the words, "I can't."

And then along with that, and you'll love this, I always say, "I want you to be problem solvers, not problem spotters", because it's so easy to find a problem and just, say, oh, I tried to email this person 10 times and they didn't respond. Okay, well you tell me some other things that you can do. Maybe there's another person that you can reach out to, maybe you can send them something physical in the mail that will really pop up and grab their attention.

Not only do I thank my staff endlessly like even during Covid, a perfect example, and, you know, I, I have no ego.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, when you said the Tim McGraw humble and kind like that is you.

Stacey Ross Cohen: And it's you too. So during Covid, and I could tell a lot of the parents, they have young kids and I'm sure, look, it's like my kids, they were recent college grads, but it was even tough with them and everybody moved in, but it was particularly more challenging. How do you manage work and you have young kids and the whole online thing, especially at first it was not working and the moms really, were so stretched.

So then I just came up with an idea, you know what, I'm going to send everyone a covid survival kit. And just little things like that make a difference. And these things just pop into my head like this last Thanksgiving, you know, Thanksgiving should be every day. And I was just thinking, I wanna do just a little something for my staff and I spoke to Jess, who is my business partner. I'm like, what do you think about the idea of let's just send everyone an Amazon gift card.

Boom. Like it's just a hundred dollars, you know? Thank you for all your hard work, you know, just little things like that. It makes all the difference in the world, right?

Lainie Rowell: It really does. And there's the love languages, drill it down a little bit further, but with gratitude, at least what I think of as the three big buckets, is words, gifts, and connections.

Those three things I see you doing all the time. We know that some people maybe they prefer gifts or they prefer words like words of affirmation. But I think we can be really thoughtful in doing all the things. So you've already talked about it, right? You've talked about how you're doing all three of those things because you're giving time, you're amplifying people, you're giving them words of encouragement and affirmation.

And then now gifts. This is just who you are. It's so your everyday life.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes, yes, yes. And thank you for that. But, but I have to tell you even another example is with the book, you know, the iteration before this book was actually, and it was all but written for one chapter.

When I spoke to a new publisher, I said, you know, I have this book for parents to help them navigate their kids through college admissions, and I'm also working on a companion book for teens, and he did not have interest in the first book. He's like, let's do the companion book for teens, and it just poured out of my mouth.

I'm like, that's great because I really, in my heart, I love youth organizations. One of my clients for 18 years, Boys and Girls Club, I'm gonna reach out to the Boys and Girls Clubs of America and other youth organizations like the Y and I wanna donate books, and not just give books, but also I wanted to teach them to fish.

Lainie Rowell: And I have to say and I'm not trying to bring it back to me, but just to give an explicit example of how I saw this, is that you forwarded me an opportunity that I will tell you halfway down I was like, oh, they're not gonna be interested in me. And then I was like, No, Stacey sent this to me. I'm gonna keep reading. And then I looked and everything that was required, I was more than competent at. And I was like, I'm doing this. Thank you, Stacey.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yay. And you stretched out of your own comfort zone. And, I want to help create tomorrow's leaders, let's say, through, through this book. And so they need all these essential life skills to be able to get there. And a lot of it is not necessarily coming from the parents or the schools. But the other thing is that these youth that are feeling lost or, or, or, you know, lacking confidence.

Those are the ones that it's my gift to them, it's my act of service because how lucky am I to, to have this opportunity to publish a book? Do you know what I mean? And it's, it's just like, if I could change, one kid's life, it would be meaningful, but I wanna change millions of kids' lives.

Lainie Rowell: I have no doubt you will. And I wanna circle back to something you said earlier about branding isn't about me, me, me and kind of my take on it and you've even helped me kind of solidify this in my mind is... cuz like you said, some pushback about branding and I'm like, no, this is about highlighting your gifts and how you can be of service to other people.

This is not a me, me, me. I want to be a famous YouTuber or anything like that. Which by the way, there's nothing wrong with if you do wanna be a famous YouTuber.

Stacey Ross Cohen: No, no, absolutely not.

Lainie Rowell: But I think that that's what sometimes. Someone of my age, my generation, our mind goes to is like, they just want to be famous.

Well, well, I think it's more than that. Even if they actually said that, I would dig deeper because I think if they're musical, maybe it's that they're passionate about music and they wanna share their gift with other people. If they're passionate about cooking, they wanna share that gift with people. So to me, when I see these kids on the socials doing a heck of a better job than I am about getting my stuff out there I go, oh my gosh, I'm so happy they're sharing that because they have so much to offer.

So I'm, I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful that you are bringing this message straight to the teens, but also that this message is fully applicable. I think everyone should read the book. I'm just in love with the book.

Stacey Ross Cohen: There's a physical copy on it's way to you, but, just to get back to what you just said, I love it because yeah, that's my obstacle to overcome because a lot of people don't like the word personal branding, but it really is what it is.

And look, my agency, we work on branding products or services. Not to commoditize, and that's what the issue is, commoditize a human being, that's like the pushback that I'll get. The same principles apply to, whether it's a product or a service. It's like, why should I choose you? So when you're at the supermarket debating between a laundry detergent, it's like you're thinking about, well, this is better for the environment. It's like what the value is. And to me, personal branding is not a luxury. It's not what the Kardashians like, that's, that's not it. It's a requirement because decisions are based on social media, online presence, digital footprint. I tell kids at an early age, Google is the new resume and people are gonna Google you and they better like what they say.

Lainie Rowell: This is great news in the way of democratization and if you have any way to get to a device, get to a library and log on. If you have your own personal device, this is a great message and great news filled with hope for again just leveling the playing field. And so I'm so excited for this.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes. Also, like, I love what you said before, these influencers can also gain something for it because as they're posting and I know you're like, wow, look at this post.

And it doesn't always have to be these gorgeous photos of them on the red carpet. Right? It could also be I am so grateful to my followers. As a gift for all of you, please download my 10 tips for blah, blah, blah.

Do you know what I mean?

Lainie Rowell: I do, and you mentioned this earlier, it's not transactional. I think there's a fine line there and it's not transactional, but I think that the people who do really well, as influencers in the social space are very authentic.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: Or at least very good at coming off as authentic in their appreciation of this community that they have cultivated. And it's, well thank you for liking and following, and here's what I wanna give back to you in not a transactional way. What I observe of the most successful ones they're genuinely caring about the stuff they're doing it, and it even could be for something silly or funny, but they feel like they're bringing joy to people and they just are so happy you're helping 'em put it out there.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Yes. And that to me is the essence of gratitude. I love what you just said. It's bringing joy to people brings joy right back to you.

Lainie Rowell: Yep. Exactly. Exactly. Oh my goodness. Okay. Well, I know I have to be sensitive to your time, so I'm gonna ask you to do two more things. So first off, would you please give your own shout out.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Well, I would have to say with my book coming out in about 10 days, it would have to be my whole team of amazing people that are supporting the book. My husband, my two daughters my book publisher, the contributors. People like yourself that gave me testimonials. I have so much gratitude for those people, without a doubt.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, well, let me just tell you. Endorsements, blurbs Amazon reviews, whatever you wanna call it, that is one of my love languages. I get so much joy amplifying how great something is, and I would never do a five star review for something I didn't actually love. I know people hear me talk about how I do five star reviews a lot, and it's not that I'm just handing them out like candy.

I only do it when it's something that I believe in because once you attach your name to it, you're saying, I agree with this. And so when I read your book, I was like, oh yeah, she went the way that I was hoping she would go. I am so happy. And again, I learned stuff, so I'm very, very happy that I had that opportunity.

Okay. Last thing and then I know I'm watching the clock, y'all I'm a taskmaster. I'm sorry. But this is very important because people are gonna wanna connect with you. So Stacey, what are the best ways for people to connect? I'm gonna guess LinkedIn's in there and maybe some other social media, and I will put a link to the book in the show notes.

Stacey Ross Cohen: Oh, I so appreciate that. I would say actually Instagram, s t a c e y, Ross Cohen. So it's @StaceyRossCohen.

Lainie Rowell: I'm gonna make sure that's in the show notes as well. So if you're like me and you like to just be able to touch on or click on things, go right to the show notes right now. It's gonna be a lot easier than trying to remember.

I'm not very good at processing things that I hear, so I like to be able to just go right to those link. It's gonna be in the show notes.

And it always sounds a little funny when I use the word grateful cuz it's pretty high in rotation, in my vocabulary. But it really is a gift you're giving, allowing everyone this opportunity to be not only successful, it's wellbeing. It's actually a fulfilling life.

Not just what some people would traditionally think of as successful. To me, successful is a fulfilling life in service of others that brings you joy, right? And that to me is what you're offering. And I hope people are are ready for that amazon click. The book link will be in the show notes too.

Stacey Ross Cohen: I just wanna express my Gratitude to you because. It's so powerful. What you are doing is so powerful, spreading the word of, of Gratitude and not everybody really understands like what Gratitude is and what the benefits are. So, I love what you're doing.

Lainie Rowell: You're so kind, and it's been the most joyous journey of my learning life and just my life in general, to be honest.

So I'm so happy to share it with you and everyone listening and anyone reading the book, and I'm gonna let you go. But Stacey, thank you so much for your time. I can't wait to get this out to everyone,

Stacey Ross Cohen: And I so appreciate you.

Lainie Rowell: Thanks for listening.

Stacey Ross Cohen: You are the best.

Lainie Rowell: See, we're gonna just get caught in a gratitude loop here.

Stacey Ross Cohen: I know. You know, I know. That's so, that is so funny. I love it.

Episode 50 - Narrating the Beauty You Notice with Guest Paige Couros

Shownotes:

In addition to making my cheeks hurt from a serious case of the giggles, Paige Couros delights us with her wisdom and strategies for raising grateful kids. She also shares the importance of appreciating the hopes and dreams of yesterday that are now our reality. We get a cameo from Kallea and Marino Couros and stayed tuned to the very end for some bonus content!

About Our Guest:

Paige Couros is an experienced elementary educator and an innovative entrepreneur. Passionate about teaching and learning, Paige amplifies the voices of educators around the world as a leader of IMPress, a publishing company. The mother of three amazing young kids, Paige shares inspiring ways to promote learning through play on Instagram @teach.me.mom

You can also connect with Paige on Twitter using @PaigeCouros and Instagram @PaigeCouros.

Website: linktr.ee/teach.me.mom

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at linktr.ee/lainierowell.

Twitter - @LainieRowell 

Instagram - @LainieRowell

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! Purchase here! 

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: Oh my friends, I've already been laughing so much that my cheeks hurt. I'm so happy I have Paige Couros here. Hi Paige.

Paige Couros: Hello.

Lainie Rowell: I'm so happy you're here.

Paige Couros: Well, I'm glad that you pushed me to come on because I've never done podcasts before.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I'm gonna say yes, I pushed because you are one of lovely friends who I invited before there even was a podcast, and I think this will be about episode 50. I love you. This is not a slam. This is a mere, thank you for coming and I would've had you here sooner if our schedule's permitted, but I'm, I'll take you whenever I can get you .

Paige Couros: Just so it just so happened I had to have a baby and, and things like that, you know?

Lainie Rowell: I mean, I knew you were gonna play the baby card. Fine. You birthed a human. I get it.

Paige Couros: What, like it's hard, like yeah.

Lainie Rowell: You created life. I get it. And you've done it three times, which is more than me. So mad props to you. Thank you for populating the world.

Paige Couros: Well, you know, I heard the other day that three is the most stressful amount of children we have , so.

Lainie Rowell: Well, that's a lovely read. Where can our listeners find that article?

Paige Couros: I was like, oh, awesome. Cool. All right. Thank you for that. I should have read that before.

Lainie Rowell: I mean, I guess that's supposed to make everyone else with children happy.

It's just not pleasing for you. Sorry about that. Well, your are three are angels. So I think maybe you're getting a little bit of a pass on that. Well, actually what it is is that you're just an incredible mom. So I think, I think it's not as much for you.

Paige Couros: I I appreciate that. Well, and you are the nicest, sweetest person to my children.

So they love you. They, I'm sure they're like listening at the door because they,

Lainie Rowell: I'm hoping they'll come in for a cameo at the end, cuz I wanna, I wanna see my friends.

Paige Couros: Yes. Well, and I have to tell you, Lainie is like the nicest person ever. She was in Florida and she came, she was like, well, do you wanna come meet?

And I had all the, I just had the two with me at the time, and she's like, well,

Lainie Rowell: one was in your belly.

Paige Couros: Yes, that's true. He's just a little easier to take care of in there anyway. And she's like, oh, I'll meet you at a trampoline park. So Lainie without her two children volunteered to meet me at a trampoline park.

So that is a good friend.

Lainie Rowell: It was fun. It was fun.

Paige Couros: You didn't even have your kids. That's so nice. .

Lainie Rowell: I mean, it was a little bit liberating that I didn't have my kids .

Paige Couros: That's true.

Lainie Rowell: I did not have my kids to worry about. But no, it was so fun and I wanted it to be, I mean, you were pretty pregnant and your kids are amazing and I wanna go have fun with all of us.

You know, all of us have fun. So that was a great time.

Paige Couros: Yeah, I think jumping at that point was not doctor recommended, so I'm glad you were helping out.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. I don't know if I had to fish a child out of the plastic ball pit, but if, if that was necessary. I don't remember honestly, but if that was necessary, that should not have been you doing this.

Although you probably still would in a safe way. So, okay. I'm sorry. We're gonna, we're just gonna chat forever because I love you so much. But I wanna do a proper introduction so people know who you are besides George Couros' wife. Because there's a lot more to you, but you are very much in the background making magic happen.

And until people like me are obnoxious and say, no, you have to be on my podcast. No, you have to be in the book. Like, you're, you're really...

Paige Couros: Well, no, I appreciate it. Cuz I would never ask and I would never put myself out there to do that. So when you say do it, and I say, okay, for Lainie, of course I

Lainie Rowell: would.

Yes. I appreciate that.

So Paige Couros is an experienced elementary educator and an innovative entrepreneur. She is super passionate about teaching and learning. Paige amplifies the voices of educators around the world as a leader of IMpress Publishing.

Paige Couros: Mm-hmm. I do.

Lainie Rowell: That's a little bit of it.

Paige Couros: Yeah. One, one day George came home and he said, "Guess what? We're gonna start a publishing company and you're gonna run it" and I said, "cool". Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: Well, Evolving With Gratitude is with IMpress, and I have not had a bad experience with any publisher, so I don't want this to come off that way, but, I just really, really adored working with you. I mean, first of all, you're just like this amazing person, but also you were just so encouraging and responsive and like, I'm an insecure writer. Like when I put stuff down, I, I need to know like, is this, is this making any sense?

Paige Couros: You know what, even the most, the most secure people, need that because it, everyone is like, this resonates with me. Does this resonate with you? Like it's, it's totally a bringing a baby into the world is, is a book, right? It's, this is, it's a vulnerable thing. Here are my ideas. Like them please. Like, you know, it's, it's, it's a hard thing to do. So props to you for doing it because it's, it's not an easy thing. I I have not done it.

I have a book in mind, I think about it all the time, but I have not pulled the trigger on anything.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I'll be first in line to buy that book. It would be amazing.

Paige Couros: Well, thank you. I always appreciate your support too.

Lainie Rowell: And a book is a, a little bit like birthing a baby. Unfortunately, books don't come with big eyes that you get lost in . So you have to, you have to hope people are nice about it, even if they don't think it's cute.

Paige Couros: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's true. That is, I never thought of it that way, but that's very true.

Lainie Rowell: Well, and I just always think about what does George say like, You'd rather get feedback during the process rather than the, when the books put to bed, like, you can't do anything.

Paige Couros: No, you can't do anything after. So we, yeah, we give feedback privately so you don't get feedback publicly because that's...

Lainie Rowell: Thank you.

Paige Couros: Yeah. That's the important part. Yes. And so in our company what happens is I read the books ahead of time and when I read them, I try and read them as two people. I read them as myself as a teacher who would take ideas and say, oh, this is fantastic.

Let's run with it. But I also read as this one teacher that I taught with who she told me once that she couldn't have Pinterest because she lived alone and that was not safe. So , she just, no concept of...

Lainie Rowell: Wow. I don't, I don't catch that correlation...

Paige Couros: i, yeah. And like, you know, had every worksheet printed off to the end of the year, so I have to, when I think of it, I think of both sides and like, would this push me?

To be a better teacher as both teachers, because that's important. Cuz that's the gamut you're gonna get when you are putting a book out. Right? And I think that's important and it's, it's something that I enjoy doing cuz I'm like, ooh. Would she try it, would she do that? You know...

Lainie Rowell: That's amazing. That's a hot tip.

I'm gonna keep that in my brain for next time I'm writing something cuz that's, that's really smart because I mean, you write the books that you need to read is, I think, a, a kind of a common thing. But you should write the books that everyone needs to read.

Paige Couros: Well, and, and like, you know, just on a topic, some people may be willing to try, but it's, George always says some speakers are like a, a cold shower and some are like a warm bath.

It's like you kind of have to bridge the gap between both. You have to like, push someone to do things that they're not ready to do and still give a little bit of like, but you got this. Yeah. Like, you, you can do it. You can do it. So it's, it's a, it's a tightrope. You have to walk. So you do that very well.

You do, you use stories and ideas and so I loved, I loved reading your book and I got to read it way ahead of everyone else. So...

Lainie Rowell: The best part was you're in it. And so I want people to read your story. It's so lovely. And. I really would love to read a book that you would write because you bring this perspective as a parent and an educator that is really refreshing.

I don't, I'm not gonna describe it well, but it's just, I think that you have this brightness and this light where, It's that you acknowledge that it's hard, but you're also like, but we got this. Just like you said, the cold shower and the warm bath. That's, that's how you approach from what I see.

Parenting and teaching and so,

Paige Couros: and some days it's just all cold shower, believe me, .

Lainie Rowell: I know. And if, if people are not already following you on Instagram, they should de definitely catch that handle. Which one is that handle, because there's two of them.

Paige Couros: It's @teach.me.mom. And so it's basically it's all play and activity ideas that I do with my kids.

I think we've done every science experiment there ever was. And my kids just love to do fun things and learn and so I love to create things and that's like the way that I can be creative. I love to create activities. My two and a half year old came up to me this morning and she goes, mom, I need an activity.

Lainie Rowell: I love everything you put on Insta, but I feel like, it's not a, Hey, this is how it should be done. I've got it all figured out. You're just like, Hey, I figured something out. This is fun. You should try it if you want. And then you have some real fun with some reels in there.

Paige Couros: Oh, yeah, yeah. So it's come for the activity, stay for the insanity. It's like the reels are the behind the scenes of my personality. The thing about the Instagram, the reason why I started it was because I have been a work from home mom since we started. And so I had to find creative ways to keep my children busy because I do have meetings with authors and do certain things. So I was figuring out all these ways to keep my kids busy and keep them not on screens and entertained in a way that I felt was enriching and that I could play with them.

Cuz I cannot, I cannot sit and play, pretend for hours. I just can't. It's like too much of my brain width to keep up, be like, well, what did that baby say? And who, who's baby is this? And like, what did Elsa do? And like, it's too much. So I set up a lot of activities and sensory play for them to do, and it worked so well.

And so I started sharing it on Instagram saying like, try this. It will save with sanity. Please believe me. So,

Lainie Rowell: I mean, it's, it's awesome. Okay. I wanna make sure and put that handle in the show notes along with your other, handle, all your handles, all the ways that people can connect with you. Cuz you're, you're a great time and you bring me a lot of joy when we're talking like this.

But also when I get to see you on the gram, You're just so fun, my friend.

Paige Couros: I make things like not anticipating that anyone sees them and then when people are like, oh, I saw your video, I was like, Ugh. Right.

Lainie Rowell: No. We're all here for it. We're all loving it. Yeah. Okay. I gotta get to my first question cuz I feel like I, I could just talk to you for hours.

I know.

Paige Couros: And people will be like I've lost interest in this.

Lainie Rowell: No, no. Anything you say I think is interesting, but I will get to that first question. What does gratitude mean to you?

Paige Couros: Okay, so I was thinking a lot about this because gratitude to me is, well, I think it's showing appreciation and kindness for the things that you have, but it's also saying, you know, these were once my hopes and dreams and now they're a reality.

Think about when they were my hopes and dreams and how badly I wanted them. Right? I always wanted to have kids, and so on the days that they're driving me crazy, which is, you know, that happens all the time. It's like, but remember when these are my hopes and dreams and I have to go back to that and think like how grateful I am that I have accomplished what I have accomplished.

And gratitude sits with me like that. And also being thankful for the small, like sometimes monotonous things that, that happened because. We can be grateful for the big things like, you have a nice house. You can think about those big things, but it's the little things that make your day to day.

You know, things that you're gonna miss when they're gone are things that we should be grateful for. Like my children never, ever, ever let me go anywhere without them, but one day, one day I will be in the bathroom by myself and I might be sad.

Lainie Rowell: I know, I know. It's exactly like you say. And I find that when they're young, they make sure you know how much they need you and they still need you when they're older, but they're much better at hiding it. And so,

Paige Couros: Yes, and it's not, it's not like in your face like, you know, our two year old at two in the morning where she busts open our double doors, it's Gia.

Lainie Rowell: I'm here. You're welcome.

Paige Couros: Not, not like I needed a drink of water. I'm scared. Whatever. It's like I know you've missed me.

Lainie Rowell: She's not wrong. She's not wrong. She's a good time. Oh my goodness. I think that's so lovely. I really think that's a wise perspective when you can be like, my hopes and dreams of yesterday are my reality today, and I want to savor this because it will go faster than I think.

And so I think that's really important.

Paige Couros: Yeah, and, and you know, when we think about how we yearned for it and do we appreciate it, right? Because sometimes we don't, and that's okay. And I think we can live in a place where we are frustrated and appreciative at the same time.

They don't have to necessarily be mutually exclusive because sometimes you can be really frustrated, but you love that thing so much, right? . It's even when you're in the classroom and you're like, Ugh, like this day was so, so, so, so hard. And then one kid does something and you're like, okay, worth it.

Lainie Rowell: Totally, I can totally think of those times. That is the beauty of being an educator, even though it's hard at times. Maybe even hard most of the time. But those moments...

Paige Couros: I would say most of the time absolutely. And it's funny cuz I'm a very emotional person. Nobody watches sports with me because if someone wins, which they do, cuz it's a competition,

Lainie Rowell: That's typically how that works out.

Paige Couros: I cry because I think of all the work and dedication they've put into it. You cannot watch the Olympics with me. It's terrible.

Lainie Rowell: I'm just imagining a figure skater falling and you're just like on the floor crying.

Paige Couros: It's more like the, the thrill of victory. Like, George and I were watching the World Cup one time and I literally fell asleep for like three quarters of it.

I woke up and they, they won. I'm balling.

Lainie Rowell: Oh. Like tears of joy. Like you're so happy for the victor. That's so funny.

Paige Couros: People are like, oh, I can't watch sports with you. But the kids in my class would laugh too, because when people would like figure something out, just tears, just, that's my go-to reaction.

And so one kid was trying to tie his shoes one time and he, he's like, I figured it out. And I just, like, one kid turned around and was like, she's gonna do it.

Like such a hard day. Like I think I had had to do like a take down in the hallway cuz a kid was running, and there was just so much going on that day. And then at the end of the day, this kid learned to tie his shoes and it was all fine.

It was like, okay. Let's, let's be grateful for the one thing.

Lainie Rowell: That's the mic drop moment. Let's everyone head home. Turn the lights out. We're good.

Paige Couros: We're good. That's it. That's all. It's 1:00 PM but let's go. We're out.

Lainie Rowell: These are the things that make it worthwhile, so we take those wins for sure.

Okay, you talk in the book about how you are teaching your very littles. To have gratitude and I so appreciate the gift of the story in the book because, we know that our kids are not born grateful. This is something we have to cultivate over time. And even Kallea is in the like very cusp of like starting to be able to reliably show gratitude.

I'm talking from a developmental perspective. She's a grateful kid. I'm just saying like from the age range of...

Paige Couros: She's only six. Yeah, exactly.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. So you've got three that are in the early, early stages of developing that grateful disposition and you're just doing so much wonderful stuff.

And I wondered if you wanted to share, it could be something you said in the book or just anything you wanna share.

Paige Couros: Modeling it is what I said in the book, but it, it's, it's so true. Sometimes if you see something and it makes you happy or it's something that you really appreciate, it's, it's important to stop and say it out loud because your kids see that and hear that, and they're like, oh, okay.

Or, if I really appreciate something, I'll, I'll say it, I'll try and remember to say it, but like to stop everything. You know, as parents and teachers, we're rushing. We're, we're on the go all the time.

There's something to do. There's always something to do. But to like stop in that moment and really take the time and be like, you know, there's a beautiful sunset. There's a few things in this world that make me more happy than like, that orange, pink, beautiful sunset. Right? Kallea's like that too now she, she's like, "mom, you gotta see the sunset". Right? And we take a moment and we look at it and it's a way to like, when the day is crazy to calm down and enjoy something together. But it's also realizing that there's things are around us that we can be thankful for all the time. And it's not necessarily things cause kids get caught up in that too, right?

Toys that we got. And it's not always people, but it could just be a feeling, right? Like I feel like relaxed and calm. That feels good, right? So just taking the time to appreciate that and, and saying thank you, you know, thank you Mother Nature for this beautiful sunset,

And Georgia, who's only two and a half she's wild, but she, she will take a second and like say, thanks mommy for doing that. Which is not something that most... Kallea didn't do that at two and a half. So it's beautiful to see that kind of rubbing off on her.

And she maybe doesn't fully always understand, but she knows to say if she, she feels something she knows to say it.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. I love how you're narrating the gratitude for the beauty, you're narrating the beauty you notice, and I think that's so important. If you think about at this young age that they're at, everything's kind of wonderful and amazing.

And so they're kinda in constant awe and wonder. And so, it's nice for them to see us have that awe and wonder too. And to actually articulate it in a way helps them, I think, come up with the language. I think that's really important and I love the way that you bring your special fun character into it and how you make it really big.

And you have some fun with that if you wanna tell people about that.

Paige Couros: Well, yeah, like, like, you know, I just, I'll get really like over overzealous about things. George will tell you I basically just never stop talking. So , that's why our kids have such good vocabularies is cuz I just never stop talking. But the, the thing is that, if I appreciate a good cup of coffee in the morning when your children have woken you up at 6:00 AM.

I'll just like, like say, oh, this is the best, and like really blow it up like, oh, this is so good because. Really kids need to see, like, it just almost feels like an exaggeration, but it's not. It's just you're really showing them how it feels because they have big emotions. Kids have really big emotions.

Lainie Rowell: So true.

Paige Couros: But they, they don't know how to verbalize them, right?

Lainie Rowell: Mm-hmm.

Paige Couros: But even just like showing it like they scream, they are excited. They do, they do things like that all the time, but that's them with their big feelings and if you can show them how to label it, it's helpful. Right. .

Lainie Rowell: A hundred percent. I think that's a great way of saying it. You are helping them to label the, the gratitude that they're having and you're modeling it, you're narrating it, you're doing like these think out louds and it's like you're just inviting them into it. I think that's really special.

Paige Couros: And for me it's a good way because I'm feeling it too and I'm saying it, and I'm, you know, being sometimes over the top with it, but, I do feel that way so it's good to express that. Right.

It's like I have a favorite ice cream. And if the kids indulge me and say, we can go to Mummy's favorite ice cream place, I'm always like, this is the best. You know, cuz it's like, I appreciate they have ones that they're, that are their favorite and I have ones that are my favorite.

So. . I always appreciate that.

Lainie Rowell: Well, and that's a great positive reinforcement for being considerate of others cuz that's, that's another thing we're not born with.

Paige Couros: Yes. And they still get ice cream, so it's it'ss goods.

Lainie Rowell: It's a win-win for sure. Alright my friend. I know I gotta let you go here. Maybe we'll get a cameo from some littles in a little bit but I wanna make sure and give you a chance to share anything else that you wanna share and to give your shout.

Paige Couros: Yeah. Well, I think I, I definitely think I, he does not get enough credit because George, I'm very, very thankful and grateful for George for all that he does and who he is, because he does make me who I am in, in certain ways because I am not the kind of person that I'm an extrovert, but I'm not the kind of person that would go and do things and try new things and he always encourages me to try new things and, you know, he'll push and it's not in a, in an unloving way, but he like, he's like, Nope, you're gonna do this and you're gonna enjoy it, so you're gonna do it. He knows. And so I so appreciate his his personality and the way that he cares for us as a family because he does not get enough credit for all that he does, and it looks like I'm doing a lot for our family, but he does a lot. It's the opposite. He does a lot behind the scenes and he gives me a lot of advice and good things. And then and then I get to like be with the kids all day and stuff.

But he is a big part of our family and an important person in my life that makes me who I am. And so I appreciate him greatly and probably don't say it enough. And people don't say it enough to him because they assume that people say it all the time.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. He has helped me tremendously.

He has helped so many, I've, I've tried to like pass things on to him because I, I know that people just assume he knows. And so when I read a book and someone's quoting him, I'm like, George, you're in this book. It's funny, authors don't always tell people when they've quoted someone else. And so it's like he doesn't even know when he is in books sometimes.

I really like how you said that kind of professionally you do a little bit more behind the scenes mm-hmm. and then with the family, you know, he does more behind the scenes, so is like you're both contributing. It's just a matter of the visibility is, you know, to the outside world is a little bit different and so,

Paige Couros: And it's important for me to say to the kids, oh, thank you very much for doing this for us.

Because they see that it, it's not just me, like they think, oh, mommy's taking us for ice cream. You know what I mean? Like it's all the good things that I get to take credit for sometimes, but it's like, no, it was Daddy's idea to go to Gatorland or whatever. Right.

Lainie Rowell: And I would say for those who have listened to, like I said, I think this is the 50th episode, if you've listened to all the episodes, hopefully, you know how much love there is for George. It could potentially be a drinking game for listeners of this podcast, how many times has George Couros' name been said?

And again, you are such a powerful force in this journey for Evolving with Gratitude, but it's more behind the scenes. And so I'm just so happy that you came on here to share your brilliance. And I get like the warm fuzzies talking to you cuz you're just such a joy. And I know that everyone's gonna love listening to your stories and everything that you shared today.

So I thank you for, for getting on your, did you say your first podcast. Yeah, I win number one. Yes. I had to make it about me. Did you like that? But this is just proving my point again, making it about me that you are so good at amplifying the voices of others and shining the light on others and I just appreciate you. I see it and I appreciate it. I know other people see it too, so.

Paige Couros: Well, and I appreciate you too because people who talk to you feel good and isn't that the best indicator of a person's heart and how they feel is when you leave a conversation with someone and you feel good.

Lainie Rowell: Yes oh, that's the best. And you're like, I don't want that conversation to end, or I can't wait to talk to them again. That's how I always feel. And I feel like when I'm texting with you, I'm always like, okay, I feel like I need to let her go, but I kind of still wanna keep talking to her. And you're just so, you're so responsive in text messages. I know. I have to stop or you'll just, you'll. You know, staying with me.

Paige Couros: And your meme game is strong. Like, I mean, the meme game is, is very important because in the middle of the day when I haven't talked to an adult all day long, and then I get, I get just the most perfect meme. It's like, it's the best.

Lainie Rowell: I mean, if there's a sixth love language, for me it would be memes, I love them so much.

I, I feel like it's the third level, right? Like in a text, there's obviously text, then there's emojis and then there's memes. That third level is where you can really let it all out. Like that's just the, that's just the true, these are the emotions I'm feeling right now.

Paige Couros: And when you find one that's like maybe someone might not really know, like, you know, you use like kind of an obscure meme and they get it, you're like, okay, you are my people.

You're my people.

Lainie Rowell: That's why we're friends. By the way, your, your meme game is strong too. We're both good with the, the GIFs back and forth. One of these days we'll have to do like a challenge where we're not allowed to use any text and it's one day of only GIFs.

Paige Couros: That would just be the conversation if you looked at George and I's text history.

Lainie Rowell: That's amazing. Inside info folks. You heard it here.

Paige Couros: Exactly. Well, do you want me to grab the kids?

Lainie Rowell: I do. If we can, that would be great. Before we try and get some cameos in here, just let us know what's the best. Well let us know. I know how to get ahold of you. Let the listeners know how they can reach out for your wonderfulness.

Paige Couros: Well they can on Twitter, I'm @PaigeCouros and on Instagram you can follow my play account @teach me.mom, and Facebook is just my name. Paige Couros. But most of the stuff that I post on @Teach.Me.Mom is like activities and stuff. So if you have little ones, come join me there. That's awesome. And then we also have an Instagram account for IMpress. It's just IMpress.lp and you can come see our books there.

We have a website and stuff. And then if you're interested in writing, you can get some ideas and reach out.

Lainie Rowell: And I highly recommend writing for IMpress. This has been the most joyful experience of my professional life. So...

Paige Couros: well, and you're, you're so passionate about your topic, so we're appreciative of having you because that's what, that's the goal, right?

Yeah. That's, that's the good stuff.

Lainie Rowell: You wanna love what you're writing about cuz you should be with a book for a long time. That's the hope. You wanna love it. All right, let's see if we can get some cameos in here.

Paige Couros: I'll get the children.

Lainie Rowell: Sounds good.

Paige Couros: Can you hear us?

Lainie Rowell: Yes.

Paige Couros: Okay. There we go. We've got Mr. Marino here.

Lainie Rowell: Hi, Marino. Oh, Kallea, that was such a sweet kiss. What a good big sister!

Paige Couros: She is the best big sister.

That's amazing. How are you, sweet girl?

Kallea Couros: Good. How are you, Lainie?

Lainie Rowell: I'm doing so well. Thank you. I'm even better now that I get to see all of you. Where's Georgia? She's a hard pass?

Paige Couros: She's done her podcast career. She was on George's and she's like, mom, I'm, I'm good.

Lainie Rowell: I know. I was just gonna say, well, Kallea's, you've been on your dad's, right?

Kallea Couros: Mm-hmm.

Lainie Rowell: Like a while ago, but yeah, Georgia just did it. Yes. And so I'm just gonna point out that today, Kallea, was your mom's first podcast. And this is your second.

Paige Couros: Yeah. This is your second. Yeah. And would be Georgia's second. I've only beat Marino who is 5 months old.

Lainie Rowell: Well,technically now you're tied.

Paige Couros: Exactly.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my, those of those are the sweetest faces. We're, we'll get Georgia on here next time. That's fine.

Paige Couros: He, he is the happiest, isn't he?

Kallea Couros: Yeah.

Paige Couros: He's just sunshine All he is. Sunshine all day long.

Lainie Rowell: When I see the pictures of him on Insta, it's like there's a brightness around him. I know that you're in Florida and it's bright outside, but he is just like, he is just light.

Paige Couros: Isn't he? And he just makes us smile, doesn't he Sweetie. And Kallea is the best, the best big sister.

Lainie Rowell: Now that you're the oldest, two younger siblings, is that fun?

Kallea Couros: Yeah

Lainie Rowell: What's your favorite thing about being the oldest?

Kallea Couros: I get to do things that they don't have, that they don't get to do.

Paige Couros: Yeah, you get to stay up like a little bit later or things like that. Right? Yeah.

Kallea Couros: Usually when Gia, when Gia is g oing to sleep, I'm usually watching Fuller House or something like that.

Paige Couros: Or you get to listen to a book on,

Kallea Couros: yeah.

Paige Couros: On your yo player or something. Lucky fun.

Lainie Rowell: I mean, that's a great deal. You'll be all the firsts, right?

Paige Couros: I was the baby, so I remember my brothers getting to watch tv and I would have, I'd like be in my room and I'd listen.

Lucky to be the oldest, isn't it?

Kallea Couros: Yeah. And is lucky to be the littlest cause you can't do things.

Paige Couros: Oh yeah. You get, you get spoiled a bit as the baby, don't you?

Lainie Rowell: You do. You do. Do we not call him MJ? I thought we were gonna call him MJ.

Paige Couros: We call him MJ.

We call him Mr. Blue. Cause he's got those big blue eyes.

Lainie Rowell: I didn't even know I could have a blue eyed boy. And you got one too.

Paige Couros: Yes. And George always says, but I'm Greek. I'm like, my mom is Norwegian.

Lainie Rowell: It's possible. I think was, there was a biology lesson in science that was teach how this work. I am rusty on that. I'm not able that off.

Well, what are you gonna do today Kallea? Anything fun?

Kallea Couros: I get to do kids hair today and I'm the mom.

Paige Couros: Yeah. She wanted to do a swap day where she gets to be the mom and I'm the kid, so tomorrow's the day.

Lainie Rowell: Ooh, that's fun.

Paige Couros: I told her that I only eat three things because that's what she also eats.

I like Coq Au Vin. If you could just prepare that for my lunch.

Lainie Rowell: That's perfect.

Paige Couros: Maybe a filet mignon or steak frites for dinner. I don't know...

Lainie Rowell: Perfect

Paige Couros: Lobster bisque.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, okay. These are all real easy to whip up Kallea. No worries. You're gonna nail this on the first try. It'll take about five minutes.

Paige Couros: Lainie and I are talking about gratitude. Is there something that you feel in this moment you feel very grateful for?

Kallea Couros: That I get to play with Marino.

Lainie Rowell: You're so grateful for your brother. Oh, and you get to play with him. That's pretty fun.

Kallea Couros: Tickle, tickle.

Lainie Rowell: You get to tickle him too.

That's amazing. I love that. Aww. I'm so glad I got to see you, Kallea and Marino. I'm hoping to give you an in-person hug here pretty soon.

Paige Couros: Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. She can even maybe come, come right to the house and chill by the pool for a bit.

Lainie Rowell: I mean, if that's allowed, I would love that. Absolutely.

Oh, that is a great hug, sweet girl.

Paige Couros: he's doing it.

He like grips her hard. He loves her.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, that's so awesome. Okay. I better let you guys go, but thank you for the cameo. Thank you for popping by.

Kallea Couros: Anytime.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, okay. You guys have a great day and I'll talk to you soon.

Paige Couros: Thank you, Lainie. We'll talk to you soon.

Lainie Rowell: And now for a little bonus content. Paige sent me a voice memo and I wanted to add it to the episode. And so some more wisdom from Paige. Take it away, Paige.

Paige Couros: There's something that I so wish I would've said cuz I was actually doing it today.

And if you can really trick your mind into doing it, it's a powerful way to experience gratitude. So this is what happened. We had a good start to the day, and then it all went downhill. And I had a child who had a meltdown and just everybody's falling apart. Nobody will nap.

Everything's wrong. And then the final straw is somebody not naming names. Drew on my brand new Lululemon pants with whiteboard marker. And as a teacher, you know, whiteboard marker does not really come out of clothes like at all. So brand new and I think they're ruined. So anyways, I, I stop myself and I was like, okay, we gotta do this today.

Today is the day we do this. So what I do is I pretend that I'm an old lady. like, my kids have gone to college or they've moved out, they have families of their own, and all I want is to go back for one day and be with my littles because it was so precious and it went by so quickly and you know, so anyways, I pretend that I am myself and coming back for my one day, and this is my one day, to snuggle them and love on them and be grateful for them. And it really helps you turn around the day. And if you can just hold that in your mind for like 10 minutes and just let yourself pretend it, it like makes you grateful for them being here, the stage that they're at. And whiteboard marker on your new pants.

It's such a good lesson and it's so good for gratitude. It's a beautiful thing.

Episode 49 - Vulnerability Can Be Our Greatest Strength with Guest Debbie Tannenbaum

Shownotes:

If there is one thing that we can all agree on it might be that technology has a way of humbling us! With empathy and compassion, Debbie Tannenbaum works with her peers to find purpose-driven ways to use technology to improve teaching and learning without overwhelming kids or adults. Together, we can focus on removing barriers and celebrating the opportunities!

About Our Guest:

An educator with over twenty years of experience, Debbie Tannenbaum works each and every day to “transform” learning using technology. During her time in education, she has served  both as a classroom teacher in various grades and as an elementary technology coach. Outside of the classroom, Debbie promotes using technology tools to amplify student learning in her work as an educational technology consultant, author, blogger and speaker. You can connect with Debbie at TannenbaumTech.com .

Book: TRANSFORM: Techy Notes to Make Learning Sticky 

Website: tannenbaumtech.com

Twitter: @TannenbaumTech Instagram: @TannenbaumTech

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at linktr.ee/lainierowell.

Twitter - @LainieRowell 

Instagram - @LainieRowell

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! Purchase here! 

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello, my friends. I have Debbie Tannenbaum. Debbie is an educator of over 20 years, so lots of experience. Every single day she's working in classrooms, she's working with kids, she's working with adults.

She's transforming learning through the use of technology, and I'm gonna let her tell more because I know she has a variety of experiences and she's got a really fun role right now. So Debbie, why don't you tell us all about, and you're an author by the way, we have to make sure and get that in. So hopefully you'll chat about that.

But tell us more about what makes you so cool.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Thank you. Cool introduction. So I am an elementary- we were called school-based technology specialists. Essentially that means I'm an elementary school tech coach. This year I'm in a new school and I get to work with kids pre-K all the way to sixth grade.

I love my pre-Ks, they're so cute. And I get to help teachers learn ways to integrate technology in ways that empower our students and really amplify learning. So I love that part of my job. I really get to show teachers ways that they can use technology in those transformative ways. So I talk to my teachers a lot about what's something that they could do a little bit differently.

And really focusing on how the technology can give them those opportunities that they might not have without them. In addition to that, I get to teach a few classes on the master schedule and I get to do all the stuff you get to do when you're in schools on a daily basis. Some things that we're not gonna talk about cuz they're kind of bad words in education right now. Starts with a T.

But I've been really lucky over the past six years I've been able to work in this role in the elementary school setting and it's really changed my life. I guess like seven, seven years now, I joined Twitter and became a connected educator.

And being a connected educator changed everything. I started getting connected. I started meeting people like you and others that we have in common, and started blogging. On February 1st, I hit my four year blogging anniversary.

Lainie Rowell: Aw.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Which was really weird. I was presenting a T C E A and all of a sudden I was like, wait, it's February 1st.

I've been blogging for four years. Like, really kind of crazy. But because of blogging, I ended up doing a lot of writing, and at the end of 2019, I was doing a Twitter chat, the LeadLAP chat, the Lead Like a Pirate chat, and Jay Billy was doing it and he's like, what could you do if you could do anything?

And I was like, I wanna write a book. And like many of us, I know you have the same feeling and ended up having a pandemic book baby. And I wrote my book during 2020. And then it, it came out on my birthday in 2021.

Lainie Rowell: That was a fun story. I heard you tell that.

So you were on George Couros' podcast? What?

Dennie Tannenbaum: Yes.

Lainie Rowell: Maybe. Well, like right around when the book came out, wasn't it?

Dennie Tannenbaum: Yeah. Right around when the book came out.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. So that's always fun cuz George is one of my favorites, so I'm glad you got to be on his podcast to launch that.

Dennie Tannenbaum: My book is really about my story. It talks about how when I first started teaching, you know, we were kind of teaching behind closed doors and how I kind of fell in love with using technology to engage my learners.

And how I kind of have re-looked at how we can use technology with education. Talks about amplifying our learning, really building on that creativity. And what does it mean to create. I spend, I do a lot with my learners using Project Zeros, thinking routines, and with the adults I work with I really feel like they help scaffold thinking.

And so it, the book talks about that and the work that I've done, finding health technology tools can really amplify that work, but talks about other ways of looking at creation. In addition, the book talks about nurturing student agency. One of the things I'm probably the most passionate about is when I became a tech coach, I had no idea what I was doing with my young learners.

I felt like I was playing Whack-a-Mole , and I was really lucky to have some experiences that have helped me to learn and grow and really build that up. And so that's something I present on often on how to empower our youngest scholars or our littles to create. And the book kind of talks about the beginning of that journey, how I started teaching, the more icons, how I built in more, you know, agency with video and the language I'm using.

And then the rest of the book is kind of a social media journey in a lot of ways. It talks about how, as an educator, you can transform with tech seeking connections outside of your school, finding that PLN. Offering your voice and then it kind of finishes talking about reaching beyond your expectations and how you can maximize learning's, impact to transform.

Like most of us who write education books is an acronym and each one stands for one of the chapters. But something I'm really proud of, I'm really glad that I got the opportunity to work on, I met my publisher through Twitter, so, and you've been on Darren's podcast so you know Darren and so, been really wonderful.

I've gotten the chance to contribute to a few books too, which was, which has been really nice. But right now I'm really trying to focus on providing the people I work with, both at my school and outside of my school resources to really help them with the technology. Making it simple. Yeah. Far too often people get overwhelmed by what they think integrating technology is, and I'm sure you can relate to this.

And they're like, it's too hard. I can't do it all. Well, I'm just trying to make it simple. You know? What are we trying to get our kids to do? We wanna give our kids choices. What's a program you can use that has choice embedded? Mm-hmm. If we wanna get our kids talking about math more, what can we use to do that?

And really kind of finding that match. I've really been focusing on in the past year because far too often... I think it's that mental mindset that I'm not good at tech, but when you ask them why it's too big to even be into tackle. So that's what I've really been working on. In addition to speaking at conferences and continuing to blog and just really loving the whole journey.

If you had told me even five years ago I'd be doing all these things, I would have thought it was crazy.

Lainie Rowell: Well, I share what you say about social media and how it's connected all of us and how powerful it is. It's like you say how some people get really overwhelmed with technology, just even with social media, we get overwhelmed and so sometimes people are hesitant to step in.

But I really appreciate your perspective on, think about the problem you're trying to solve. Yeah. And could you do it through this and not a let's put the tech first.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Never.

Lainie Rowell: It's always, well, what's our goal? And how could we use technology to remove barriers, to amplify voices, to be creative and empower our learners, give them more agencies.

So I'm on board with all that.

Dennie Tannenbaum: It's just so funny cuz I was just a T C E A and when I do sessions, I don't ever do them about a tech tool specifically. I do them about a topic and then show how the tech tools fold in. And somebody came up to me and they were like, I like your sessions because you do that.

Mm-hmm. . And you're not just focused on let's learn a hundred reasons why you should use Google Slides or a hundred reasons why you use this or that program. But instead I'm talking pedagogy and then how the tech fits into that. And so I've really been trying to focus on that because I feel like if you do that, it's not as overwhelming.

Lainie Rowell: I hundred percent agree. I think that's such a great strategy and I think about, again, the technology is a great way to remove barriers. I was planning to be a special ed teacher and ended up focusing more on how to use technology to meet the needs of all learners. So you're speaking my language.

And then, you know, with social media, it just became such a learning tool for me, a way to connect with people. And again, I understand people have hesitations, but I don't really see that part of what some people see because I've kind of created a walled garden where I'm pretty strategic about when I go on social media, it's to learn something new from my community.

It's to share something that I've learned that I think others would benefit from. Or it's to express gratitude. And so those are kind of my three reasons to get on social media. And I don't tend to spend a ton of time in my feed. I tend to do more searching than swiping, , scrolling, whatever you wanna say.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Yeah. And I just think about, I've met so many amazing people who've helped me to learn and grow. Obviously, we have George Couros in common, but I'm really involved in the Teach Better Team. I've met every single one of those people through, you know, the, and they're my family through social media.

And just, you know, I go to conferences and you run into, I'm sure you've had the same thing happen. You run into people who you've only ever interacted with online and it's like you've known them forever. Yeah. And I can't imagine not having that because I've learned so much from people who I've met online.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, it's always that surreal thing where I see someone who I know their face and I'm like, have we met in person before? Is this, is this it? Because I'll know them from social media and sometimes I'm trying to figure out if we've actually been in physical space in real life before.

Thank you for sharing so much about yourself, and I'm so excited about all that you do. And now I wanna get to what does gratitude mean to you.

Dennie Tannenbaum: To me, the whole idea of gratitude is something that I feel like has really evolved for me over the past couple of years. There have been times over the past couple of years that were hard and I didn't quite understand why they were hard, but understanding that when things happen, they're happening for a reason and that the celebrations are coming afterwards.

That's what I do every morning. I journal and I journal my celebrations and I always look at it as a way of something that happened, something that's going to happen. But looking at that as an opportunity, I think is really key. And it's something that I probably wouldn't have done earlier in my career because I would've been like, well, this is a problem.

That's a problem. Well, everything that was a problem has led to an opportunity that I could not have expected, you know? And I ended up at a school, my principal introduced me to Twitter, right before I was at that school. I was in a not so great situation. Well, that I guess, downhill or that, you know, that low led me to growing in a way that I could never expected.

You know, I kind of believe that things happen in a reason. And so really appreciating those things, I feel the same way about my husband. You know, this is my second marriage. I'm so grateful every day that I had that first experience so now that I can really, really treasure this and so really just focusing on that and focusing on those types of things I think is really where I've been, you know, sticking with gratitude lately, I've gone through a lot of iterations.

I've done the things where you write three things you're grateful for. Then for after I read your book, I was doing gratitude stories and it really came down to the list, I guess last couple of months I've really been doing the celebrations each day and writing the list of celebrations, and that really feels authentic to me, right.

Lainie Rowell: And I think that's what's so important, right? And that's one of the things I've tried really hard to do in the book and why there's, you know, 20 contributors is like, I don't wanna just say why, I wanna talk about gratitude and why it's important to me and this is how I do it. That's in there a little bit, but I really wanted to focus more on, there's so many ways you could do it and here's how these 20 amazing educators are doing it.

And then I still knew there were way more stories, which is why you're here today, Debbie. And why I keep doing this podcast is because I wanna hear everyone's story. And I think it's a bit contextual and kind of depends on what's happening in our lives right now.

And like you said, are you in a peak or a valley? Where are you right now? And so understanding that there are peaks and valleys that's part of the full human experience. Yeah. And, and knowing you'll get back to that peak.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely. Sometimes I feel like people don't know what to appreciate unless they've had those ups and downs.

And that was one of the reasons that I started sharing my story was because I was thinking about blogging, wasn't sure what to do with it. And somebody said, your story isn't all ups. Mm-hmm. But there are ups and downs and people need to hear that you can have ups and downs and you can still be successful and you can still reach beyond your expectations.

And it requires a lot of growth in order to really have that gratitude and really appreciate those things that are happening. Our brains are preconditioned to be negative, but it's such a much better place to live and to be in. And it's watching when working with the kids and working with the teachers and seeing how, you know, being an educator has never been harder, but being able to help educators is more important than ever.

And I love the fact that I get to do that, help them help their students and learn from them at the same time too. So, it's been really wonderful.

Lainie Rowell: I think it's really lovely when you get to support both adults and kids. I still do that and when I was in a district, that was something that I really enjoyed doing, is getting in there with kids, but also getting opportunities to really collaborate on a much deeper level with my peers.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Well, you know, today I got an experience where I was able to help facilitate one of my teams of teachers trying something new. Well, that's awesome. That makes me really happy because so, so many times our teachers are like, well, if you're teaching the kids, then I don't need to teach the kids.

But these are skills that we all have to have. We're preparing our kids for jobs we don't know what they're gonna look like. We have to also learn these things. It can't just be the kids learn and then you don't. because that leads to a very slippery slope.

Lainie Rowell: I think we wanna be modeling how we evolve as learners. It's not just that we're lifelong learners, which is also essential, but it's that we continue to take these risks and learn.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: That's what we need from our kids and that's what we need to do because everything is changing and we don't wanna be doing, you know, the same things we did yesterday because we did them yesterday.

If we're gonna do it, it better because it was the best thing and there's nothing better today.

Dennie Tannenbaum: And I model to the kids sometimes we'll try something new and it won't work and I'll be like, ok, these things happen. They're gonna happen to you too.

Now we have to troubleshoot. Now we have to figure this out. And I think that that's such an important lesson for the kids to learn. Because if one of the things that I, you know, not that covid was a good thing, right? But during Covid, I found the first time I saw teachers showing that they didn't know everything and learning with their students.

And I think that that's so valuable, and I hope that isn't something that goes away. Things are changing so fast that we have to learn together. To think that we're always gonna stay ahead of everything might not be possible. Technology is changing very quickly. Yeah. You know, and my job is to help make it easier for my teachers, but that doesn't mean that they don't have to learn while their students are learning at the same time.

I want the teachers to learn with my students. And so I've really been promoting that co-teaching model and getting in there and watching them see, well, if I do this lesson, you know, yesterday did a lesson on Desmos.

Well, the teacher I was working with had never seen it before. She's like, oh my goodness. I have all this data. I can see where my kids are. I can see whether my kids understand what a fraction is, what a half is, what a third. She would've never had that if it wasn't for that opportunity that we had had in that co-teaching experience.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And I hear you doing a gradual release of responsibility. So you can go in there and you can model it. They can see the potential with their own kids. Like it's not some like staged scenario. No, this is in your space with your learners and here's how it's gonna go.

And then you can move to the side and more of a co-teach. I'm here for you and, and co-teaching can have a lot of different facets to it. It could be planning together, it could be side by side. It could be, you know, I'll just be here for support as you need me.

So I think that that's something that has traditionally not been in our system of education, it just really hasn't. I mean, hello, Captain Obvious, I know I'm being obvious here, but you know, we've, we've, we've been in a very siloed traditional system for a very long time, and so when we can have these opportunities to teach shoulder to shoulder, that's really special and I think that's the best professional learning that you can pretty much do.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely. And like I'm in a new school this year. The school I had been in before I was at for three years as a tech coach, and I built a lot of relationships and built up those teachers who were willing to trust me to come into their room. Yeah. And so right now, being in a new school this year, I'm just starting to see those inroads.

You know, it's February, but I know that we're gonna be able to continue to build on that. So right now my goal is to get in to show them that it's okay to have somebody else in the room to learn together and then, you know, get that gradual release as we build onto that. I want them to know that me coming in is not evaluative.

I'm there to help them and now the teachers who I've been doing it with regularly, they get that. And when I say, okay, we're signing up for times to do co-teaching this month, they're the first ones to sign up. And so that's great because there's so many things put on teacher's plates. I don't wanna be something on their plate.

And I say to them, if me coming feels like something on your plate, then we need to talk. I'm doing something wrong here.

Lainie Rowell: Right. This is, this is to help and to move us forward. But it's not to overwhelm you or make your life harder.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Right. And there's a lot of technology the teachers are expected to use that might not be creation based and might be more consumption based.

So my job when I get in there is to activate that learning. And so for some of my teachers, that's something new now.

Lainie Rowell: It's awesome that you're in there modeling the use of the technology. I think you're also modeling that risk taking

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: Cause things will go wrong.

And as someone who does this on a very regular basis, I am constantly thrown into someone else's environment. I mean, I now travel with an H D M I cable. I come, I come prepared for everything I can possibly do, but I'm still gonna go into a space where there's gonna be things I cannot control.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: So it's a matter of the technology or the setup is always humbling in a sense, cuz it's always keeping you on your toes. And so you're not just saying you should do this, you're modeling it in every way.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely. Whenever a teacher welcomes me into the room, that's a sign of trust.

I think that's really important because I think it's hard to be an educator that trusts right now and the fact that educators are willing to trust and you've built that relationship, that's really important. And I wanna be able to continue to build on that.

Lainie Rowell: Could you tell us a little bit about what does gratitude look like in your day-to-day in your experience in expressing, you could maybe go in the personal direction or the professional or both, or, you know, you, you've talked a lot about developing relationships. Do you see that fitting into these situations where you're co-teaching?

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely, because for most of the people, at least in the school that I'm in right now, they haven't had a full-time tech coach in a while. So this is a position that's been kind of transient for them due to a variety of circumstances. And so I'm really trying to prove to them that not only am I there, but I'm not going anywhere.

I'm here to work with them and build that trust and I just really view it as this amazing gift because I spent three years in my old school trying to refine what I was doing and best reach my students. I'm in a new environment where I have the opportunity to try things and see whether it's, well, does this really work, or did it just work because I had three years to get it to work. And so it's really been this amazing experience to see the way my teachers are responding, building those relationships, but also seeing that it's taking away some of that overwhelm and giving them a little bit of that fun back in teaching, because to me, when we're using the technology, there's a little aspect of fun there.

And if there isn't, then people aren't gonna probably wanna use it.

Lainie Rowell: What would be the motivation if they're not seeing it do something magical in their room, it's definitely harder to take that risk.

Dennie Tannenbaum: I mean, I know with me back when I first started doing it was because my kids were engaged in a way I had never seen 'em engaged before.

And so really showing them that this is something you can do different. How it's gonna help you as a teacher better inform your instruction, but also how it's gonna help your students better engage. And I think that it's great that I have those opportunities to do that, but also that they're welcoming me in there.

So, I mean, I really try to spend my days starting with talking about those things. I'm grateful for writing them down, but also as my day is going on, looking at my day and saying even if it's something that necessarily I'm not grateful for in the moment, it's something I'm gonna be grateful for afterwards because it's part of that experience.

And jobs, like ours, not everything is going to be at the top of that list of, oh, I can't wait to do to that. But everything is part of that experience of helping our students grow and helping them learn and building that engagement. So understanding that that's all part of the journey.

There would be times where there would be certain things I'd have to do and I'd grumble about it so hard. Well, that's part of the day. It's not the whole day. And sometimes those things that you're not as excited about make you more excited about those other things.

Lainie Rowell: I feel like being an educator you're in a really profound profession. You don't even get to see all of the impact. Right. You're making a difference in a way that you won't fully understand because our, our impact moves on.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: And I really appreciate what you said. I love what I do. I don't love everything I have to do. There's more on like a, you know, that happiness definition from the social scientists, happy in my life, happy with my life. So yes, there are positive emotions a good amount of time, not all the time.

But from a meta cognitive level, I can go, you know, I'm really happy with the impact I get to have, even if I don't love every task I'm gonna have to do in a day or in a week or in a month. Or in a year.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely. And so those are the things that I try to think about when I'm doing things that might not be my preferred activities.

They're part of the process that, one of those things that I do like, you know, if I'm helping a teacher with testing, probably not my favorite thing to do, but then that's part of the relationship building with my teachers. So, you know.

Lainie Rowell: Oh my goodness.

Was that your "T" you were referring to earlier?

Wake up Lainie! Get some coffee. I'm gonna have to come back to that later and think hard about that. But yeah, I hear you.

Dennie Tannenbaum: But, you know, that helps my teachers, that helps my administration and it helps my students. I'm building those relationships with them doing that. And as that continues to build, then maybe we'll be able to, you know, do something else later or maybe collaborate on something else.

And so it's all part of the process and sometimes it's, it's easy to forget that.

Lainie Rowell: I think what makes you a great writer and a great coach, a great teacher, is that you can be really honest about, you know, not everything is perfect. And when I do it, things are gonna sometimes go wrong and that's okay.

I think that that vulnerability and that honesty really resonates with people. Cuz for me, it's hard to watch people who look like they have mastered everything and they feel like they just have figured out the secret to everything. And I'm just like, okay, well I don't think anyone's figured out the secret to everything.

Dennie Tannenbaum: No.

Lainie Rowell: So I kind of don't trust you now and I would rather learn from someone who admits that not everything is perfect. Not everything goes a hundred percent the right way.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely. And I think about earlier in my career, how I was so afraid to be vulnerable and say I didn't know things. And you know, since becoming a connected educator, I'm not afraid.

And I feel like my vulnerability kind of becomes your greatest strength because you're real.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah.

Dennie Tannenbaum: And you know, when I talk to educators and I'm talking about teaching those little kids and they're all whack, I'm playing whack-a-mole. That's a real situation. Most educators are gonna laugh cuz they've dealt with.

Lainie Rowell: Oh yeah.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Just like you talked about, you write books cuz you don't have the answers. I went searching for the answers because I couldn't find them anywhere for how to really engage my littles in a meaningful way and get that agency built. Now I've started to find some of those answers, but do I have all the answers?

No. I just have some things and I'm hoping other people will take my ideas, like I took other people's ideas and build on them. Right. And so I think you. I think that as you're looking at all of that, you have to kind of consider that. Nobody knows everything. And you know, I think a lot of times when people are afraid to learn or say that they know how to do everything it's fear.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah.

Dennie Tannenbaum: And, you know, fear has challenged me to try to do things that I would've never expected. And I wanted to challenge my students and the educators I work with to try things that they wouldn't have expected, because that's how we grow and far too often I see educators saying that they don't wanna do PD, that we have too many PD days.

Well, we're lifelong learners. We've gotta figure out how to make this work in a way that we all can kind of embrace learning. You know, getting that choice in and making educators feel like their opinions matter, I think is super important. Because you know, when you have those, then you're gonna feel more grateful for those experiences.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah. And I think a lot of times part of the reason educators are hesitant to go to professional learning is cuz they don't feel like their opinion's valued and they didn't necessarily get a say. And it's a little bit one size fits all, and it's not always honoring the expertise. I mean, I think we've all heard the example of someone being told you will go to this PD and they've like written a book on it, on the topic.

I do love that with your message about amplifying the knowledge in the room, the creativity, increasing that agency, I think that's really great and I love vulnerability can be your greatest strength.

I think that's so important.

Dennie Tannenbaum: And I just think that we have to try to do some of these things because right now I'm reading a book talking about the different generations of leaders, teacher leaders in our building and how the different generations are all very different.

And I'm looking at that and I'm like, well, how is my PD addressing that? You know, I like to be able to give my participants the time to process things. I don't talk at them the whole time. I'm letting them engage with things. And so as I'm reading this book, kind of self-evaluating and reflecting to see how what I'm doing, you know, kind of matches up to what I'm reading right now.

Because you and I are both Gen Xers. We're from a different generation than some of the teachers that we work with and definitely the students we work with. So it's just been super interesting to kind of think about it in that way too.

Lainie Rowell: Oh yeah, absolutely. I appreciate that empathy. I think that's a great thing for teachers to do when they're designing learning experiences is to get into the, you know, I know I don't know everything about them, but I, I can know some of the places they're coming from and how can I try and make this as relevant as possible to them?

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely.

Lainie Rowell: Okay my friend. I know I need to let you go here. So who would you like to give a shout out to?

Dennie Tannenbaum: I feel like I've listened to your podcast, enough to know that I could do a lot of different people and I think I'm gonna do...

Lainie Rowell: I'm just laughing cause Yes, for those who haven't listened to the podcast very long, as one of our guests previously pointed out that I used to be pretty strict about like, no, it's one person and then you know the wheels have fallen off and I just say go for it.

And I'm totally happy about that. Who could limit gratitude?

Dennie Tannenbaum: I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do one personal and one professional. So the personal one would absolutely be my husband. He has really believed in me in a way that I didn't even know I could believe in myself. And when I said I wanted to, you know, start doing PD and going to conferences, there was never any. "Are you sure?" He was like, you can do this. You're gonna be great. Just really been my biggest cheerleader, my biggest advocate, and I couldn't do any of this without him. We're a blended family and that influence has influenced our kids as well. So I'm really grateful for him every single day because I could not do any of this without him.

And then my professional one, I'm gonna do to a group. I'm gonna...

Lainie Rowell: I knew you were, I knew this was gonna happen. No, that's fine. I love it. I love it. I'm teasing.

Dennie Tannenbaum: I'm gonna do it to my Teach Better family. They've been such a great support network for me. I was blogging for them. I need to get back into doing that.

I'm an ambassador. I'm part of their edupreneur group. And they've just been there to support me in ways and helped me grow in ways that I could have never imagined. So I'm really, really grateful for them as well. And all of the people that I've met through them.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, they are a great group of educators that are really, I mean, they're putting a lot of great stuff out there and they bring people together and you know, Josh Stamper is in the book, he is just one of the best people on this entire planet and...

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely. I got, I've gotten to meet him twice this year, so in person,

Lainie Rowell: Lucky you. I still have only known him through Zoom and text messages and emails and social media.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Well, he was at the Teach Better Conference and then he was at TCEA.

Lainie Rowell: I know. Darn it, one of these days I'm gonna see him in person. But I am so grateful.

We had Rae Hughart on here before, and we've had others from Teach Better.

Dennie Tannenbaum: It's just like their whole mindset has really been what's kind of propelled me forward. That idea that, you know, you're gonna be better today than you know yesterday and better tomorrow than you were today.

That the whole mindset is kind of how I live every day. Like I wanna make sure that I'm giving my best and every day's a growing experience. And it's full of interesting twists and turns as now I have four drivers in my family and you know, I'm looking at colleges for the youngest, but that's all part of the process.

Lainie Rowell: I feel like there's a subtext in Teach Better, it's not that you're not already doing a great job.

Dennie Tannenbaum: Right.

Lainie Rowell: Right. It's just that we can always keep getting better and so...

Dennie Tannenbaum: Absolutely and it's just really been a wonderful addition , to my P L N.

I originally joined Twitter on one Twitter handle. I got hacked and I really built my second Twitter handle being part of the Teach Better team, I wasn't part of it before then. It's really helped me to look beyond just people who are ed tech experts, but educational leaders thought leaders, really looking at it's not just about me learning about tech, but also learning about education and growing as a leader and a coach at the same time. So been a really amazing influence in my life. I let them know that every time I interact with any of 'em.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. And I know people, if they haven't already connected with you, are gonna wanna connect with you.

Thank you for this time now. And how can people keep in touch with you? What's the best way to reach out to you?

Dennie Tannenbaum: So I'm pretty much TannenbaumTech everywhere on Twitter, on Facebook. I'm on Instagram, but I haven't quite mastered the Instagram life yet. And then LinkedIn. I was on TikTok for a little bit, but it's just, I don't know, I can't, it's not my thing yet. And then on my website, so it's pretty easy to find me. My email, debbie@tannenbaumtech.com. So it's pretty easy. I try to keep it pretty consistent, but feel free to reach out to me and, you know, read my book. Read my blog.

And you know, if you see me at a conference, come say,

Lainie Rowell: She's putting tons of great stuff out there. I'm gonna make sure everything she said is in the show notes. Y'all can just tap, click whatever you need to to get straight to her. Debbie, thanks again for your time. I hope you have a great rest of the day, and I hope to see you in person one day.

Dennie Tannenbaum: I know, I, I was hoping I was gonna get out to CUE. It just isn't gonna happen this year, but I look forward to meeting you in person too.

Lainie Rowell: Yep, absolutely. We'll make it happen. All right. Thank you, Debbie for being here, and thank you all for listen.

Episode 48 - Overflowing with a Humble Heart with Guest Zac Bauermaster

Shownotes:

It’s all about P.E.O.P.L.E. and in this episode, Zac Bauermaster reveals his strategies for relieving pressure points for others. He also shares how “little moment walks” help him destress. Plus a shoutout to his family and how their impact guides his vision for his school.

About Our Guest:

Transcript available at LainieRowell.com

About Our Guest:

Zac is an educational leader, author, and speaker passionate about people. He currently serves as principal of Providence Elementary in Lancaster, PA. Zac has the tremendous opportunity to lead teachers, support staff, families, and most importantly, the next generation daily. His greatest joy in education is seeing adults leverage their God-given talents and abilities through inspiring kids to find and use their gifts. Most importantly, Zac is a husband to his wife Carly, and father to three young kids, Olivia, Eliot, and Isaac. Zac is a firm believer in leading his family first.

Website: zacbauermaster.com

Twitter: @ZBauermaster

About Lainie:

Lainie Rowell is an educator, international consultant, podcaster, and TEDx speaker. She is the lead author of Evolving Learner and a contributing author of Because of a Teacher. Her latest book, Evolving with Gratitude, was just released. An experienced teacher and district leader, her expertise includes learner-driven design, community building, online/blended learning, and professional learning. Learn more at linktr.ee/lainierowell.

Twitter - @LainieRowell 

Instagram - @LainieRowell

Evolving with Gratitude, the book, is now available! Purchase here! 

You can also get bulk orders for your staff (10 copies or more) at a discounted price! Just fill out the form linked below and someone will get back to you ASAP! bit.ly/ewgbulkdiscount

Transcript:

Lainie Rowell: [00:00:00] Hello friends. I am so excited to welcome Zach Bauermaster to the show. Hi Zach. How are you today?

Zac Bauermaster: Hi, Lainie. I'm doing well. Thanks for having me.

Lainie Rowell: Thanks for being here. I know it's nighttime for you, afternoon for me. I'm just grateful you made the time. Looking forward to it.

Zac Bauermaster: Certainly. We had a little snow in Pennsylvania this morning.

Not much, but just a little dusting to wake up to today.

Lainie Rowell: Oh, that's fun. I say it's fun cuz I live in Southern California and so that's novel to me. But you might be a little bit like, yeah, we're good.

Zac Bauermaster: We haven't had much snow lately and I really enjoy it, so we'll take whatever we can get.

Lainie Rowell: I had heard it was a, a mild winter back east.

Zach, I am going to do a very quick interview and then I'd love for you to tell us more about yourself. So thank you friends for listening. Zach is an educational leader, author, and speaker who is passionate about people. He currently serves in Pennsylvania and he's the principal of Providence Elementary in Lancaster. So Zach, what else do you want people to know about.

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah, very good. So, I'm proud father to three. I have three young kids, a daughter, 10, Olivia, a daughter, eight Elliot, and a son who's five Isaac.

And I'm married to my high school sweetheart. I'm a firm believer in leading them first. But I certainly love people. I love coaching a lot of youth sports right now. And what's really neat is my new role at Providence Elementary School, it's actually my home district. So I went there.

I had taught there, and then I got into administration and had been away for about five and a half years. But as, as we end up talking about gratitude, you just think about all those people that, along the way that have impacted you and, and just looking back with the grateful heart and thankfulness. So I've had great time, but now I'm back in Solano and it, it's neat to come full circle and just be in the community.

Like as I'm coaching those youth sports, they're the same kids that are in my building at Providence Elementary, where, where I serve as the, the principal.

Lainie Rowell: Well, that is a lovely returning to where it all started and. You sound like a very busy guy.

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah. There's a lot going on. I love, I love the early morning hours when it's quiet and that's when you can really reflect and, and be still

Lainie Rowell: Well, that's funny. In my house, that is not the quiet time because my kids are morning people. My husband and I are not, my kids are up early. So, I'm happy for you that you're probably getting up even earlier . Cause you got so much to do. I don't wanna leave this out cause this is very important.

You have a book that was released actually within weeks of Evolving with Gratitude. So you have Leading with a Humble Heart, a 40 Day Devotional for Leaders. And I hope we'll get to talk about that as we're having this conversation cuz I definitely see connects.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep, definitely.

Lainie Rowell: I did read the book and it was so fun to have something to look forward to sitting down and reflecting and refocusing at the end of each day. It's a lovely read, and like I said, I hope we get to talk about it more as we have this conversation. But let's go ahead and start off with the, the all important. No right or wrong answer question of what does gratitude mean to you?

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah. And as I was thinking about it, I, I thought about that idea of humble heart, and I think gratitude to me is an overflow of a humble heart.

And when I think about the heart, I think of it can be filled with pride. It can be filled with worry and fears, or it can be filled with that humility. And when, when our hearts are filled with humility, that's when our lens is opened up to other people and it's really filled with gratitude. Thinking about the impact people have had on us, thinking about that lens, looking around, how can I have an impact on other people?

I really think it impacts our day-to-day and how we go about interacting with others. So is it coming from an overflow of our heart of humility? And that's what I talk a lot about in my book and as I wrote the book, it was really neat to see. I start the first paragraph of each day as often a story.

And as I was writing the book, I was just filled with gratitude, thinking about the superintendents, thinking about the principles and the mentors in my life that have had an impact on me. I really think it's that lens that we can take each day. Do we take that lens where we can build people up and encourage people and really have that domino effect of gratitude on our school cultures and on our families, or, or do we have that lens where it's a little more prideful filled with worry and fear and we're really looking internally and, and we're only seeing ourselves, which blinds us to everything, all the things to be grateful around us.

Lainie Rowell: I was very drawn to the word humble in your book title. That's an important word to me. And I think that we can be grateful for things that we get to do, but that really important, being humble and realizing all the people around us. And if you're a person of faith, God, what comes into the gifts that you have and who helps you move forward in the things that you get to do.

I love that overflowing, humble heart. That's, that was kind of one of the things that stood out as you were talking there.

Zac Bauermaster: And if I think of Bible verses, I think from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, and just even more than that from the overflow of the heart it's how we act. And and just how, one of my favorite verses is First Thessalonians 5: 18. Well, it leads into it be joyful, always pray, continually give thanks and all circumstances. So no matter what you're going through, just pausing and being like, all right, hey, I'm thankful for this. And, and finding gratitude in those moments, even, even when they're difficult.

I know it's hard and situations are challenging but it's always, it's always good to pause and think about why we're in that situation and how it's shaping our heart and and for things to come in our lives as well.

Lainie Rowell: Yeah, and I think one of the beautiful things that I came to discover as I was doing the deeper dive into gratitude is that it's foundational in every major religion.

You're not going to find a religion that one of the basic tenants isn't gratitude. It is bigger than us and it's so many things that come to us that we have to have an appreciation that we are just a small part of. And so I appreciate that. I am kind of curious, I wasn't planning on asking this, what led you to write, cuz you're, you're at a school that is not a school of faith or is it?

Zac Bauermaster: That's correct. It's a public school.

Lainie Rowell: So I have some admiration. I am always a little bit tentative about bringing my faith into conversations cuz I do a lot of work with public schools.

I do actually a lot of work with private and faith-based schools too. But you know what kind of led you to put this out there in such a beautiful and humble way?

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah, that's a great question. And I think, I love reading leadership books. I love listening to leadership podcasts and, and as I'm reading it and I'm hearing stories, it just all brought me back to some different stories in the Bible and Bible verses and how they relate to leadership. So that's sort of how each day was broken up in the devotional where I would start with a verse and then I would go in and tell a story about that's happened in my life for people around me involving leadership. And then I would bring it back to that verse and just see how they go hand in hand.

I just saw the Bible so relevant in my everyday life and just seeing it and hearing it so much across different platforms when we talk about leader.

Lainie Rowell: I think it's a truly lovely way to, to ground ourselves. I don't know if that's the right wording, but it, it was just really lovely to me to have this very public expression of your faith in the context of leadership.

I really admire that. And I don't think we need to all agree and I respect every religion or if they choose not to be religious, that's fine too. But for me, that's where I find this common thread of gratitude because even if you're not a religious person, you could be a spiritual person and you can still see all the beauty in nature or whatever it is that centers you.

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah. Just finding that encouragement and the, the positivity to like, for ourselves and really build up those people around us.

Lainie Rowell: I would love to hear, and I, I always wanna encourage people to take this question however they wanna go. Personal, professional, or both, but I'd love to hear how you experience and express gratitude kind of in your day to day.

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah. So as, as you said in the introduction, and I, I say it all the time, like it's, it's all about people and the work we do, and I think about an education, whatever we do, that it, that it's all about people. And I really mean that. And I think my job as a principal, and you hear it, you hear it often, when you make a decision, is it in the best interest of the kids?

But I really think that's very important. But my role as a principal is to really take care of the staff and prioritize the staff. So when I think of all, it's all about P.E.O.P.L.E., I use an acronym, then we can break the acronym down a little bit with, with how you see that creating that school culture of gratitude.

With the P, prioritizing people, so making the time to prioritize people, and I think a way to do that. Sometimes we get bogged down by stresses. I talk about relieving pressure points, those things that, you know, we have to get done. So trying to find a time to relieve those pressure points so then you can be where your feet are and then be more present with people.

And then you have that different lens when you're slowing down, you're walking the hall and you see a support staff member just download on their knee, helping a kid, and you're just filled with gratitude, just seeing the work that they do. So I think it definitely slows you down being where your feet are.

And I call 'em little moment walks. I'll take little moment walks when I, when I'm on the phone or there's emails, I'm like, wow, I'm getting pulled into my office a lot today. So I'll step away and go on a little moment walk and I'll specifically have a lens looking for those special little moments that are happening around a school.

One time I got a picture of our school resource officer on his knee tying a first grader's shoe. And those are just a special little moment. Or even there was a kindergartner having a really tough time, destroyed a classroom, throwing some things, and there was the teacher to help them get it back together and pick things up.

So you just walk around with that lens looking for the special moment. So that first part is really making sure we're able to prioritize people.

Lainie Rowell: So tell us more about the acronym.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep, so when you prioritize people and you really get to know them and you see what's going on, it leads into the E with empathy.

So empathizing with people and with empathy, again, you have to slow down. Education's a very hurried profession, and often you hear there's not enough time , but we need to keep people the priority. So when we slow down, we can empathize with them. And I think of it, you listen, so it's important to listen, but you look too.

So you have to be present and you have to observe body language. And that's after you get to know people. So you can tell if somebody's off or not, if they need a little bit of encouragement. And then you look, you listen and you learn to discern their needs. So you learn to discern the needs of others.

It's almost like a form of data. So being aware of that, and then as you empathize it leads into the O and that's observe. So observe the needs and act, and that's where you respond with compassion. So what do people need? So you prioritize them, you empathize 'em, but you don't stop at empathy.

You move into action with that observation and compassion. And then being purposeful. So being purposeful in maintaining the relationships. Craig Rochelle says if you wanna have those relationships, never forget how important it's to work at it every day. You don't just have a relationship and it stops.

You need to make sure you're, you're being intentional and working through it. And then the L and the E are to love people and encourage people and, and I think one of my life words is certainly encourage, like just creating that culture of encouragement to have that domino effect on a school culture.

One thing we did specifically one time to start a year, they just had the word. And it was when Covid was going on. So a lot of people were in masks, but we had the word smile and lowercase letters with a period on the middle of a piece of paper. And everyone took the time to just reflect on those things that make them smile.

So we were in the faculty meeting and they wrote whether it was a family member's name and activity that they liked to do, just the things that make them smile. And then we flipped it over and people walked around and shared a piece of encouragement. Or a kind word or a strength of that person on the back of that paper.

And then the teachers kept that beside their desk all year to really be able to go back to those things that they're grateful for and to, to flip it over and see what people shared about them. And ultimately, like I said, my job as a principal is really to take, take care of the staff. And have them healthy and in a good spot to really take care of those students at the school.

Lainie Rowell: I really appreciate your focus on taking care of everyone on the campus and, you know, you nurture the adults and the kids, but you really make sure those adults are in a place to take care of the kids that they're gonna be with on a regular basis. Cuz the reality is a teacher's gonna be in a classroom with the kids for six hours a day and you can pop in, but you're not going to be in there all the time.

And so making sure that those primary caregivers, if you will, during the day, are in the best position. And so I love that. You know, there's been a few guests that have been on the podcast recently who have talked a lot about teacher burnout and keeping teachers in the profession. And so it sounds like this is something that you have been doing for a long time and that even though we are in a different place than we were when we were all wearing masks every day, or some of the things that we've been through in the last few years, that people has always been a priority for you and it continues to be a priority for you.

You're not losing sight of that.

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah, Covid it didn't create the need to prioritize people. I think it magnified the need to prioritize people, students, and staff. I am in a district too where over 50% of the population is economically disadvantaged and we're in a rural area, so there's a lot of rural poverty.

It's not like where we're in a city where a lot of families have direct access in a close location. So it just. Like I said, magnified the need to prioritize all people within a school district. And I know all schools are different. But keeping the people at, at the center of the decisions that we make.

And a small example, I love crickets in the email inbox. So in the evenings and on weekends, just the quiet inbox. I don't want people feeling the stress of sending emails, oh, they're working and they're not. I know everyone has their own schedule, but really creating a culture where, where people can operate at their absolute best, and that's a healthy.

That's a healthy rhythm at work, and they're a healthy rhythm, taking care of things that they need to in their personal lives as well.

Lainie Rowell: You know, I've been a consultant and I work for Orange County Department of Ed, but I travel around and I have kind of a crazy schedule.

There's not a lot of consistency to it. And so when I'm in these different time zones and things like that, I'm trying to be thoughtful about who am I sending this to and what's it gonna be for them? Because, I don't want them to be feeling like they need to respond to this right away.

So one of my favorite things is just schedule the send. This can go in three hours. It doesn't need to go right now.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep. No schedule sent is it's definitely a huge blessing and benefit for a lot of people because they work at different times, but it's a matter of when other people are receiving it and how they feel in response to receiving that.

Lainie Rowell: I think that's really thoughtful and I, I hear what you say. All schools are different and all schools are also the same and that they need to focus on prioritizing the people. So how Zach does it is one way and that's a great way. And other people can prioritize people doing different things.

So I love that you shared the practices that you did and that piece of paper that they have with the thing that they're grateful for and then on the, the other side of it, the note from their colleague, that's stuff that doesn't take a lot of time, but really means a lot to people.

Zac Bauermaster: And I've seen a lot of people say this and it may even sound cliche at this time, but just being purposeful and let's say you write two notes every morning to a staff member, and I think what's really neat of when you sit down and purposefully write, a note to a staff member, you pause and you really think about them and you think about, you wanna be really specific with that feedback.

Maybe you saw something specific that they did or something they do really well. And then I'm filled with gratitude when I'm thinking about them and the work that they're doing for the kids and for the school and for the school community. And hopefully when they receive that, they're filled with gratitude.

And again, as I talk about that domino effect, but as I talked about, I have three young kids, I'm coaching youth sports, those early mornings. Just being purposeful and finding those times to really be able to be still and to reflect and think about those people in your lives that you're grateful for and that you wanna encourage as well.

Lainie Rowell: Absolutely. There's so much you're doing and it's just really wonderful to see you do this work, and I appreciate you sharing it beyond your campus and writing the book.

I feel like this book, I could sense your gratitude for the process of writing it.

And then for the reaction from people is also probably something that you felt that gratitude for. It's the both ways, right? So when you're talking about your staff, you know, they're hopefully having those happiness chemicals as they're writing the note, and then those who receive it are hopefully getting those happiness chemicals as well.

And so it is that, you know, that domino effect. That prosocial, that social contagion, that emotional contagion, that's all, all right there.

Zac Bauermaster: Even the whole book writing process and you think about when you, you're reaching out to people for endorsers and, and then your book's out just filled with gratitude and the connections that you make and those, and the, the conversations that you have, the things you learn getting on podcasts just like this with you, Lainie, and being able to talk with you.

And oftentimes when I'm on a podcast, sometimes it's a conversation before it or right after it that you really appreciate as well as you're meeting different people and going through the process of writing the book. So I'm. Unbelievable amount of, of gratitude to Jimmy Casas and Jeff Zoul for taking a chance in this book, as I know all their books are in the educational realm, and this had a faith-based approach.

So it, it was just a really cool process to meet with him and share my vision and then to meet with him again and hear him say, Hey, we wanna offer you a contract and move forward. So he's been a, he's been a tremendous blessing to me, and I've learned a lot from him. And I'll tell you what, this is important too, with gratitude. At knowing and learning people's names, like I think Jimmy, Jimmy learns names so well, it's very impressive. So I've tried to take that to really learn names because I think that's a way to get to know people one-on-one and really help them to feel appreciated.

Lainie Rowell: And saying their names correctly. So learning their names and saying it correctly is a big deal. I try to be better about. Okay, so you got your shout out in there to Jimmy and Jeff. But is there anything else you wanna add before I let you get on with your evening?

Zac Bauermaster: So I wanna like recognize my parents and just share some gratefulness for my parents. And I'll say this, we have a really close-knit family. I have two sisters and my mom still makes a Sunday meal Every Sunday. All our families come grandkids, but one day she sent us a text message that had a picture that said this.

It said, "one day, when my children are grown, I hope they still come through that front door without knocking. I hope they head to the kitchen for a snack and slump on the sofa to watch tv. I hope they come in and feel the weight of adulthood leave them for they are home. For my children, my door will always be open" and that's, that's sort of the culture that my parents have created for our family and, and I'm just so grateful for it.

It's what I want to do for my family, but it's also a vision I have for my school that for my students, for my staff. Hey, this building, this door will always be open. So that, that's something that just really stands out to me as I think about gratitude and what I'm grateful for and, and the way I was raised and, and my parents.

Lainie Rowell: That is a beautiful text message. I would print that and frame it. It's so lovely. And, I had a visceral reaction. Especially there's a line. I think it was something to the effect of the weight of adulthood lifted.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep, yep. Correct.

Lainie Rowell: Because that is something so special when you get to go home and be with your parents, your family is that you feel that, and so I love that you not only want that for your children, but the kids on your campus, and even the adults, right?

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah.

Lainie Rowell: That you're, you're there to take care of them, so that's lovely.

Zac Bauermaster: Just giving them that sense of home, that that feeling of belonging, connectedness is just, it's so important.

Lainie Rowell: It really is. And I would love to think that every one of the students everywhere in the world goes home to a family like yours, but we know that they don't. And so to be able to create that space in a school environment where, even if they don't have that best environment at home, they have it here six hours a day, five days a week.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep. Oh, that's exactly right.

Lainie Rowell: Okay my friend. So I will put everything in the show notes for people to connect, but could you out loud, just say the best way for people to connect with you?

Zac Bauermaster: Yep. You can connect with me at zachbauermaster.com. You can connect with me on Twitter @ZBauermaster. Same handle on Instagram as well, but Twitter is really my main platform.

Lainie Rowell: Yes. That's how you and I connected, I'm pretty sure.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep.

Lainie Rowell: If memory serves.

Zac Bauermaster: Yep, that's right.

Lainie Rowell: My mind is not the steel trap it used to be. Alright my friend. I really appreciate your time, especially making your day a bit longer and I wanna get you back to your family so you can enjoy them.

Thank you for all the good you're putting out there and I hope I get a chat with you soon.

Zac Bauermaster: Yeah. Thank you very much Lainie. I appreciate the opportunity to be on your podcast.

Lainie Rowell: It's our pleasure. Thank you all for listen.